July 27, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/27/14

Wack-A-Do Gibberish.

Right wing extremist Stephen Moore, who poses from time to time as an economist, took yet another ride on the wing nut tax cut band wagon.

In a wacky Kansas City Star op-ed paid for by the Heritage Foundation, from which Moore receives payola for pretending to be an economist, the think tank employee wrote a piece that managed to state just about every economic lie the right wing promotes, and then some.

geyser

Trickle down economics in action, gushing wealth to the top while leaving everyone else in a mist.

In fact, the piece so notoriously stated falsehoods that the newspaper’s editorial board printed a correction that accompanied Moore’s article.

Here are just a few of the economist’s debunked statements:

Unemployment is a paid vacation. Moore obviously has never been without a job. He has however been on paid vacation for years being employed as a think tank think wonk on the payroll of the Heritage Foundation.

Tax cuts create jobs. The only comment a statement like that deserves is that it is plain bullshit, which is otherwise known as a right wing talking point.

Increases in the minimum wage result in unemployment. Unfortunately for us all, outrageously excessive wages for people like Moore don’t.

The tax cuts by right wing wack-a-do and current Republican governor of Kansas Sam Brownback will spur growth. This longed-for Kansas “miracle” ostensibly to work through “trickle down” economics, must occur after years of ruination and deprivation which is currently the state of the Kansas economy due largely to the irresponsible tax cuts Brownback forced on that hard pressed state.

brownback

Brownback proves once again that small things come in big heads.

For right wing economists, the way to prosperity is always through ruinous tax cuts that further enrich the already rich, who pay good money to enrich people who write propaganda-saturated articles disguised as op-eds such as what Moore just did in the Kansas City Star.

And, yes, his writing was pure propaganda. Moore is not so dumb as to not realize that advocating for tax cuts regardless of the suffering the cuts are causing should keephim on paid vacation for decades to come.

And just when do the fruits of these destructive tax cuts finally come for the rest of those who lives are being ruthlessly destroyed???.

We’re still waiting, Stevie boy. We’re still waiting.

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/07/25/conservative-medias-favorite-economist-caught-d/200213

http://www.kansascity.com/opinion/opn-columns-blogs/yael-t-abouhalkah/article800237.html

***

Cracker Escapes From Barrel.

I’m referring to Jody Hice, of course.

Who???

Jody Hice. Surely you know Jody Hice?

Well, if you live in the dementedly religious, sexually repressed, hard drinkin’, straight shootin’ South, you know who Hice is.

No, not Rice, Hice. That’s Hice.

He’s the most recent winner of a Republican primary in Georgia who will run for a House seat in November. And since he’s a Republican from Georgia, he’ll undoubtedly win and become another of the gay bashing Tea Party members of that infamous Lower Chamber of Congress.

Hice contends that homosexuality is destroying America.

gay marriage 1

They’re destroying Ameica???
http://www.flickr.com/photos/joseanavas/

Not tax cuts for the rich and income inequality; not notorious job killing trade agreements; not poverty level minimum wages; not Wall Street’s felonious fraud; not excessive compensation for do-nothing CEOs; not tax evasion by disloyal American corporations; and certainly not crooked government in Follyland DC.

None of those conditions are destroying America. Right?

No siree bob says our most recent primary winner. It’s just a bunch of damn gay people what’s causin’ the decline of the whole dang country.

Why if gay people would just start fuckin’ the middle class like good rich folks are doin’, Amerca would be great agin and could afford to start some more wars so as to set people everywhere free from crooked gubmint once and for all.

ga marriage

English: A symbolic marriage cake in favor of allowing gay marriages in Italy not only to heterosexual couples but to lesbian and gay ones as well. Picture by Giovanni Dall’Orto, January 26 2008.  

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Demonstrations_in_favour_of_same-sex_marriages_in_Italy

Yes siree bob. We got to stop gay folks from a gittin hitched and save Amerca.

Praise the Lord.

.

Ya got another winner there, Georgia.

Only in America.

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2014/07/23/foxs-erickson-agrees-that-the-homosexual-moveme/200190

***

Hope And Change. The Final Chapter

The Obama White House, the burial grounds where Hope went to die.

***

Lyin’ Ryan Flyin’

That Ryan fella (Rep. Paul Ryan of WI) is touting another scam to ram down the throats of the needy.

Ryan is runnin’ (for president) you see and after getting blown away in the last election by a right wing president (yes, Barack Obama is a right wing conservative) largely due to an overwhelming minority vote against the Republican candidates, the man from WI figures he better do something, anything to hornswoggle the down and out into believing that he’s on their side.

ryan1

Paul Ryan, still out ‘dere.

But he can’t just say he’s on their side by supporting existing Federal programs.

‘Cause if he did, he’d be hog tied and tossed out of the Republican convention, losing all hope forever and ever of ever being nominated for that august position.

So he’s got to come up with a scam which he hopes to ram down the throats of the poor in order to garner a few more votes for the presidential election.

His recent proposal is just that, a scam. The plan says to his moneybags base, largely the 1%, that he is firmly against Federal assistance to the lesser among us. And then it purports to turn programs over to the states via block grants. Of course, accepting the grants would be voluntary and the states that do accept can pretty much do as they please with the money. Oh, please.

the finger

Cover sheet for the Ryan plan for the poor. Artist: Svetlyana Fucova.

Anybody smell a rat here.

Ryan’s lyin’. Again. His scheme is a last ditch effort to convince people who desperately need help that he, Paul Ryan really cares. About them But his words echo the worn out “compassionate conservative” gambit that George W. Bush dusted off more than a decade ago.

The word has surely gone out the the base to pay no attention. The whole construct is a merely scheme to wangle a few more minority votes than the GOP managed in the last election.

http://mediamatters.org/research/2014/07/24/the-worst-part-of-paul-ryans-poverty-plan-is-ba/200200

***

Unbelievable.

The unbelievable George Will. He’s right for a change. Or should I say “correct.”

You see, sometimes you have a problem and you’re stuck with it. There’s a solution to the problem. You may not like it. But it’s the only solution you have.

Let the kids stay.  With a little help and a little guidance, they’ll become good Americans.

http://mediamatters.org/video/2014/07/27/foxs-george-will-we-should-tell-child-immigrant/200215

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow was proud of his rank
Till it plummeted after his shank
His handicap rose
From his toes to his nose
He had only bad strokes to thank.
.
A woman was trying to rank
The safety of funds in her bank.
She discovered a flaw
A security maw
So big that she sat down and drank.
.
A fellow was proud of his rank
In a foreign affairs think tank.
He took cash from donors
Who were really his owners.
But their money he took to the bank.
.
A fellow was terribly rash
About spending his limited cash
He bought a Ferrari
But soon he was sorry
In a flash he had spent all his stash.
.
A gal was upset by a rash
From a night that left her abash
She fell out of a boat
And so couldn’t gloat
She plunged in coal ash with a splash.
.
A woman had done something rash
Had tonic and gin just a splash
She woke up in a daze
With eyes all a glaze
She had been taken out with the trash.
.
A gal was re-tiling the floor
When she heard a knock on the door
She wasn’t a prude
So she worked in the nude
And rushed to the door to find Pastor Nabore.
.
A fellow demanded the floor
Gave a speech a saint it would bore.
Some listeners would weep
Some just fell asleep
And drowned out the speech with a snore.
.
A teacher was trying to drill
A lesson in voice too shrill
She quit in despair
And pulled out her hair
Went home and uncorked the swill.
.
A teacher was trying to drill
Her students on San Juan Hill
She said Teddy the bear
Ran up on a tear
Won the war then sent us the bill.
.
A fellow who rented a suite
From a gal who was cloyingly sweet
Then made a fast pass
Got a boot in the ass
And hit the concrete on Main Street.
.
A gal who was cloyingly sweet
Sent a titillatingly fiery tweet.
It said “I am ready”
To go hot and steady.”
And I promise I won’t tear the sheet.”
.
A man in a mood for a sweet
Affair with a woman discreet.
Didn’t care ’twas quick
As long as the chick
Didn’t squeal and tell all in a tweet.
.
A fellow was wielding his drill
After taking an energy pill.
He leaned on the bit
With much too much grit
And got hit with a 120 thrill.
 
July 6, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/05/14

Lobby Holds Victory Press Conference.

At a news conference today, Mr. Hobby Lobby, personhood of the famous hobby chain,  expressed his delight at the Supreme Court’s anti-birth control decision. Mr. Lobby stated that although he has never found a need for the product himself, his Roman Catholic religion forbids its use.

Under the Affordable Care Act, Mr. Lobby continued, he would be complicit in committing a mortal sin by providing a forbidden product to employees of his corporation.

hobby lobby

One of Mr. Lobby’s many hobby stores.

Mr. Lobby also expressed his gratitude to five of the Catholics on the Court who voted their religion and handed down the favorable decision.  He was also grateful to the Court for reaffirming his personhood even though he is a corporation.

Asked by a reporter if he was a Catholic in good standing with his Church, Mr. Lobby replied that he doesn’t attend Mass regularly and considers himself a typical religious outlier. In fact, he said, he has never attended Mass even once in his entire personhood.

Nor has he ever gone to confession, received Holy Communion or reaffirmed his faith through the sacrament of Confirmation.

To the astonishment of all who were present at the news conference, Mr. Lobby stated that he had never even been baptized and as a result his immortal soul lies on the precipice of eternal damnation along with the souls of other personhoods regardless of religious affiliation.

He then appealed to Pope Francis to institute a special sacrament of Baptism to remove the stain of original sin from the souls of all personhoods in order to prevent their suffering eternally in the everlasting fires of Hell.

Mr. Lobby also said he hoped the prejudice that exists against Catholics would be relieved by the Court’s decision since many religious groups concur in the opinion. As an example of the extreme bias that Catholics suffer, he pointed to the membership of the Supreme Court itself. Only six of the nine members of the bench are Catholic, a serious condition that must be quickly addressed, according to Mr. Lobby.  He then called upon President Barack Obama to appoint more right wing members of the Church of Rome to the High Court.

Concluding the news conference, Mr. Lobby said he would now require his unmarried female employees to refrain from engaging in the mortal sin of premarital sexual relations. And if any unmarried woman showed up for work pregnant, he would fire her for violating the precepts of his faith. After all, why should a personhood have to pay for health insurance for pregnancy and out of wedlock childbirth that violated his religious beliefs.

samuel alito

Samuel Alito, author of the most recent of the Supreme Court’s nefarious decisions and part of the vast right wing conspiracy marching in lockstep against the American people.

***

Shortcomings Of the Court.

It’s becoming increasingly clear that certain members of the Court should seek legal advice before rendering an opinion.

john roberts

King of the Court John Roberts.

***

Founding Chicken Hawk.

Ever heard of Thomas Jefferson. No not the TJ who authored the Declaration of Independence.

I’m referring to the other one, the chicken shit Thomas Jefferson, who as governor of Virginia during the Revolutionary War, hopped a horse and skedaddled out of Richmond as fast as his lily livered ass could move.

Why? Well, the British were coming. That’s why. And I don’t mean a one-if-by-land-two-if-by-sea heroic warning kinda ride.

No, this TJ shrank in fear of shedding a drop of his aristocratic blue blood for his country and hightailed it for parts unknown at the first sight of a Redcoat.

thomas jefferson

Thomas Jefferson, a president with a reputation firmly entrenched in US founding mythology.

And that was just the first time. Jefferson, who became president of the fledgling country in 1801, bailed out in a time of crisis.  He was, in fact,  a repeat chicken shit. When a British cavalry unit approached Monticello, Jefferson abandoned his plantation and the 14 year old slave girls he frequently raped, to seek safer confines.

We can all remain sick in the knowledge that TJ’s cowardly legacy has been handed down to his successors in office, both the presidency and vice presidency.

To wit, one Richard Bruce Cheney, warrior extraordinaire, who during the Vietnam War became a five time deferment chicken shit and who later in life heroically launched wars for bogus reasons and gloried in shedding the blood of others on the battlefield.

cheney

And let us also not forget to heap scorn upon George W. Bush, who used family connections to avoid the draft and grab a cushy spot in the Air National Guard where he bravely defended the semi-great state of Texas from Viet Cong aerial assaults.

No one can accuse either of those two chicken hawks of serving in the same manner as fellow Republican Teddy Roosevelt who courageously led a charge up San Juan Hill during yet another bogus US war.

As for the accomplishments of statutory rapist Jefferson, he did purchase the Louisiana Territory from one of history’s bloodiest monsters, the excessively admired Napoleon Bonaparte, and eventually became one of the heroes of American founding mythology.

http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/robert-parry/56740/thomas-jefferson-americas-founding-sociopath

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow who rented a suite
From a gal who was cloyingly sweet
Then made a fast pass
Got a boot in the ass
And hit the concrete on Main Street.
.
A gal who was cloyingly sweet
Sent a titillatingly fiery tweet.
It said “I am ready”
To go hot and steady.”
And I promise I won’t tear the sheet.”
.
A man in a mood for a sweet
Affair with a woman discreet.
Didn’t care ’twas quick
As long as the chick
Didn’t squeal and tell all in a tweet.
 

   

June 22, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 06/22/14

Eric Cantor – Multi-Millionaire.

The guy’s already knee deep in cash.  But who’s counting.

He’s now positioned to become very, very rich indeed, a true 1%-er.

Sure, he lost a primary and has very little chance of running again and winning.  So the Speaker of the House gig is out of the question.  But maybe the Senate someday.

Oh well, who needs that kind of hassle anyway.

cantor1

Virginia exchanges one devil for another.

He’s already racked up so many chits that losing and leaving the House is his highway to riches.

That’s because he will remain in Washington and use his influence as a lobbyist to earn millions. Or maybe become the president of a right wing think (oxymoron warning) tank – either one that currently exists or one that will be created especially for him.

It’s called the revolving door of course and it never breaks down, never fails. Like a battery, it just keeps going and going.

So for the moment Cantor has a little egg on his face. But he’s about to fill his pocket with payola.

And he’ll need every penny of it. He is apparently a steak lover. I mean, like, his campaign spent over $150,000 on meals in steakhouses.

He also sleeps well, judging from the booty spent on luxury hotel suites.

***

McCain Muddies The Water.

Annapolis graduate, naval officer, navy pilot and courageous prisoner of war John McCain long ago left those distinctions behind.

As he muddies the waters over the insurgency in Iraq, he further beclouds his auspicious beginnings.

At the moment, he’s little more than an old pol who needs to be put out to pasture to graze with the other worn out horses. (Bill Clinton comes to mind).

mccain

McCain dishonored himself by criticizing Barack Obama for the Benghazi attack after skipping a security briefing that revealed details of the affair.

He ditched the “no soldier left behind” mantra of the US military after walking out of another briefing and dissed the president to the press about the Bowe Bergdahl prisoner exchange.

Most recently he dashed from an Iraq security meeting to a press conference where he told reporters that the insurgency in that tragic, worn torn nation was “the greatest threat since the Cold War.” Guess Soviet ICBM’s slipped his mind.

A spokesman for McCain hinted that the senator from the semi-great state of Arizona is considering a bid for the 2016 Republican nomination for president.

The spokesman also said that McCain already has a VP candidate in mind and that Michelle Bachmann expressed an interest in the senator’s offer.

***

McCain Honored With Schmuckup Award.

The Nobella Prize committee announced today that Senator John McCain of Arizona is the latest recipient of the Schmuckup Prize.

McCain won due largely for his inane remarks about political affairs in the United States.

The senator recently held brief conferences with reporters in which he criticized President Barack Obama for mishandling the Bergdahl POW exchange and then for what he characterized as the president’s weak response to the Iraq insurgency.

A then, a scant year ago, McCain was whacking the president for his handling of the Benghazi riots that killed four embassy officials including the ambassador.

The comments of course smacked of pure politics having little to do with facts or reality.

Unfortunately for McCain his criticisms vanished in a cloud of political smoke.

The members of the Nobella Committee recognized the senator’s efforts however and expressed an awareness that he is positioning himself for a presidential bid in 2016.

So in recognition of his work as the nation’s preeminent warmonger, the committee bestowed upon Sen. John McCain the highly sought Schmuckup Prize.

.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.”

The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

.

To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say the most recent winner fits that description.

***

Grandsons Commemorate Birth of Nobella Prize Founder.

Aggitato, Sicily.

Don Alfredo Vito Nobella, the originator of the Nobella Prize, was born on this day in 1876. His grandsons noted the date by presenting the small Sicilian town of his birth with a commemorative statute sculpted in white marble. The town square, where the statue was unveiled, was filled with joyous townspeople celebrating the festive occasion. Speakers at the event praised the Don for establishing two awards now known as the Schmuckup Prize and the Putzie.

During the celebration, it was noted that in addition to establishing two of the world’s most respected prizes, Mr. Nobella was also the founder of the largest insurance organization in Sicily.

After the Italian government deregulated the industry in the late nineteenth century, Mr. Nobella, known to friends and close associates as Don Vito, began a program that revolutionized the buying and selling of insurance. Deregulation allowed for the creation of new ways to package insurance and Don Vito led the way in establishing innovative means to sell these ingenious contracts.

One of the Don’s most noteworthy innovations was a whole life policy whereby clients who paid their premiums got to live a little longer.

Another breakthrough credited to the Don was the creation of after-life insurance. Since an after-life contract was effective posthumously and guaranteed the passage into heaven after death, this type of policy was wildly popular among Italian widows who purchased the product for their deceased husbands as well as for themselves.

Don Vito then branched into property insurance – another innovation that rapidly gained in popularity. With such a policy, property was deemed safe from random hazards and it too was guaranteed.

Mr. Nobella’s insurance organization grew rapidly through the early decades of the twentieth century as the company’s unpublicized slogan – you buy or you’re never heard from again – became well known among customers and prospective clients alike. And because premiums were reasonable Mr. Nobella was treated with respect and it was said of Don Vito that he always made you an offer you couldn’t refuse.

In addition to founding an insurance business, Mr. Nobella began life as an importer of seafood. He was heavily invested in the seaport business and sold boat insurance to fisherman throughout Sicily. In place of cash for premium payments, the Don graciously accepted 20 percent of every catch which he then sold under contract to restaurants across the Italian peninsula.

Mr. Nobella was a very good salesman.

don vito

He is pictured near San Sabastion’s Basilica holding a pan containing lobsters prepared using his renowned recipe.

The Basilica of San Sebastian, where the birthday was commemorated with a High Mass, is the church where Don Vito was baptized. A devout Catholic, he often called upon San Sebastian to protect clients who purchased a policy. Known as the protector saint because he was said to have the power to safeguard the faithful against the Black Death, the Don so revered the saint that in the early days he referred to his enterprise as The San Sebastian Insurance Company.  

Sadly, Don Vito and many of his relatives were recently excommunicated by Pope Francis.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/21/pope-excommunicates-mafiosi_n_5517932.html

 

  ***

Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow with many a vice
Out of life he took a big slice
He slept with the gals
And made them his pals
And always he went around twice.
.
A fellow with many a vice
Out of life he took a big slice.
He slept with the gals
And made them his pals
They said, “You can only manage it twice?”
.
A guy with many a vice
To his life he added some spice.
He doubled the pill
And with iron for will
He’d manage to go around thrice.
.
A guy with many a vice
Was fast at tossing the dice.
Quick as a dash
He laid down his cash
But always he paid a big price.
.
A fellow was dating two Kays
Every week for at least two days
One had a tat “good show.”
The other “ahoy down below.”
And to each he gave praise with a rollicking raise.
.
A fellow was dating two Kays
And each he would always amaze.
For them he would love
Below and above
But soon found more Kays to graze.
.
A fellow was dating two Kays
But for him it never would faze
When playing hot games
He mixed up their names
Same names now he claims saved the days.
June 8, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 06/08/14.

A debate for the ages.

The nation’s Great Climate Debate
With most it won’t resonate.
So what will it take
To convince it’s not fake.
Since after the flood it’s too late.

 

comic climate

 

clown 1

 

And now a word from the semi-esteemed Senator from Florida. “Come on down folks and enjoy the cool Miami weather.

Don’t you pay no never mind to all those bogus climate change ideas them fancy liberals is spoutin’ ’bout.

Oh, and don’t forget to pack the mittens.”

comic climate 2

clown 1

 

And now for a word from the semi-esteemed governor of Texas. “Ain’t no sech a thang as climate change, folks. It ain’t nothin’ mo’ than a liberal plot to brang commanism to the U S of A.”  

comic climate 3

 

clown 1

 

 

And now for a word from the semi-esteemed senator from the state of Tennessee. “Them greenies is meaning to grab them up some mo’ gubmint cash. That thar climate change is nothin’ but a money grabbin’ commanist plot.”

 

comics climate 4

 

 

clown 1

 

 

 

climate 5

 

clown 1

 

 

climate 6

 

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Limerick Lunacy.

 
A fellow was trying to write
To a gal his heart she did smite.
He copied a poem
He found in a tome.
John Donne never failed to delight.
.
A gal was engaged in a rite
Putting on jeans too tight
She huffed and puffed
And soon had enough.
But was glad they came off last night.
.
A gal was engaged in a rite
Putting on jeans too tight
She was really hot stuff
But would quickly rebuff
All the guys she would smite at first sight.
.
We’re lost. You were s’posed to turn right.”
It’s dark and we’re now out of sight.”
So let’s go to the lake
Just for old times’ sake
And make love like we did our first night.”
.
Her eyes were the color of slate
Her best feature there is no debate.
They dance when she smiles
Enhance all her wiles
As she conquers poor mate after mate.
.
Her eyes were the color of slate
In a mate a lust they’d create.
So she’d lead them along
Then sing a sad song
And leave the poor mate at the gate.
.
Her eyes were the color of slate.
Though their charm invited a fete
T’was her dance in a thong
That thrilled the great throng
As she twerked to a feverish state.
Enhanced by Zemanta
May 19, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 05/18/14

Just Another Shoot ‘Em Up Repub.

A Utah state pol, a Repub of course, called for the return of the firing squad as a means of execution.

A Democrat who spoke under conditions of anonymity said he would support the measure only if calling for execution by firing squad was made a capital offense.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/17/utah-republican-calls-for-the-return-of-executions-by-firing-squad/

***

Liberals” Hate Liberals.

Interviewing Glenn Greenwald, who is promoting his book Nowhere To Hide, Chris Hayes said that a lot of people, mostly liberals, watching his show All In With Chris Hayes, hate the author for his wide ranging criticisms of the Obama administration.

Portrait of Glenn Greenwald -creator of Unclai...

Portrait of Glenn Greenwald -creator of Unclaimed Territory blog and contributing writer at Salon.com (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hayes, however, may be confusing liberals with Democrats.  For liberals, there is much to dislike about the policies of the president, not the least of which is its widespread spying on Americans and the deeply imbedded government secrecy it espouses.

In fact, many liberals are finally coming to grips with the president’s right wing conservatism.

dems burning

Right wing Dems: burning the house that FDR built.

For example, we have been assaulted with,

Obamacare – the obnoxiously complex and unnecessarily expensive health insurance program based on a right wing plan straight out of the Heritage Foundation.

Obamatrade – the soon to be TPP and TTIP trade agreements both of which are staunchly supported by Obama and which are designed to enhance corporate control of a global economy.

Obamabanks – the president became Rescuer in Chief of the banking industry by presiding over the growth of already too big to fail monstrosities and by refusing to prosecute the Wall Street thieves responsible for the economic implosion that began in 2007.

Obamanet – the president appointed a communication’s industry executive to the chairmanship of the FCC whose sole purpose in that position is the destruction of net neutrality.

Obamaed – the most recent nose thumb from the pres is the appointment of school privatizer and CEO of New Schools Venture Fund Ted Mitchell as under secretary of education for higher ed.

.

Yes, there is much for liberals to loathe about Obama’s policies. Not only did the 2008 candidate pull off one of the greatest stings in political history by bamboozling us with his populist message. With unsurpassed hubris, he continues to throw populism in our faces while he acts in the opposite manner.

How can there be any doubt that President Obama is a right wing conservative whose policies run counter to the beliefs of true liberals.

.

Perhaps the only persons who can support the president nowadays are tribalists, that is, Democrats who belong to one of the two political tribes in the US (the other tribe, of course, is the Republican party).

Tribalists support the policies of the leader of the party. In the case of Dems at the moment, the leader is the president.

In order to remain a loyal member of the tribe, a tribesman must stand behind the leader even if his policies run counter to the traditions of the tribe. And that is what Dems are currently doing, including such former liberal stalwarts as Nancy Pelosi.

Just read a few of the words spoken by right winger Bill Clinton, the worst president in the history of the Democratic party, at the ultra-conservative Peter G. Peterson fiscal summit in Washington DC and you’ll get a smattering of how far to the right the Dems have drifted.

Here’s a statement by Clinton about the guardians of the Democratic party’s liberal legacy as he told former Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner that you could slit Lloyd Blankfein’s throat and that would satisfy them (loyal Democrats) for about two days and then the blood lust would rise again.

Also in attendance at the annual Peterson propaganda event were Pelosi and Dem senator Patty Murray.

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2014-05-13/bill-clinton-and-chris-christie-go-back-to-back-with-deficit-speeches

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And here is a statement by Clinton referring to the guardians of the Democratic party’s liberal legacy as he told former Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner:  that you could slit Lloyd Blankfein’s throat and that would satisfy them  for about two days and then the blood lust would rise again.
 

To paraphrase the statement of this worn out war horse:  You could hand them our Social Security on a silver platter and that would satisfy them for about two days.  Then the greed lust would rise again .

bill c

Time to put this tired old troublemaker out to pasture.

http://www.businessinsider.com/bill-clinton-joke-slashing-lloyd-blankfein-throat-2014-5

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/17/chris-hayes-to-glenn-greenwald-you-have-a-talent-for-making-liberals-hate-you/

***

Colonoscopy For Congressman.

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) underwent a colonoscopy last week. According to leaked medical records, doctors found a large number of brain cells located just below the distal portion of the bowel.

dissa

We all knew he had a brain. Now we know where it is.

ass

The path to many a DC brain starts here.

(Darrell Issa, pictured above, is chairman of the Mickey Mouse Benghazi hearings.)

***

Right Wing Gathering A Huge Success.

The right wing inspired Operation American Spring turned out to be a huge success as a few Americans gathered round their TVs to watch a dozen or so people march on Washington.

The march was organized to address the Obama administration with a list of grievances that included Benghazi, Obamacare and the legitimacy of the president’s birth certificate.

Organizers of the affair had difficultly assessing the exact number of people in the throng because two or three of them kept moving around.

cop

Cop ticketing a Tea Party protester during massive right wing event. The other protester was arrested and hauled off in a paddy wagon.

An overnight Nielson survey estimated the TV audience set a record for viewership of persons over seventy years of age in the 3:30 PM time slot.

Numbers for younger age groups were not immediately tabulated.

However, a spokesman for the ratings company said he believed the number of younger people who tuned in may have been impacted by a Bowling For Dollars special being broadcast on a competing station.

http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2014/05/16

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow who’d once been the beau
Of a princess was told to go blow.
He went into a funk
Till his head he would dunk
In a barrel of Remy Cointreau.
 
cointreau
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A gal tied her hair in a bow
That covered her bod head to toe.
It was really quite pleasing
Except when she’s sneezing
It reveals hers charms down below.
.
A gal tied her hair in a bow
That would hurt making love to a beau
One said “It’s annoying”
When my toy I’m deploying.”
It’s better down there when you mow”
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May 11, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 05/11/14

Clipper Clipped.

In an exclusive recorded interview with UPW News, Donald Sterling claimed he was not a racist.

The NBA recently zinged it big time to the LA Clippers owner for making racist comments during a recorded phone conversation.

As punishment for the remarks, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver said Sterling can’t go to any more Clipper games.

However, he can still watch them on TV in the comfort of his very own mansion.

In a statement released by Sterling from a recorded conversation, the billionaire protested the NBA’s decision and said he doesn’t have a racist bone in his body. To prove his point, Sterling claimed that some of his best friends are Borneo-Sumatran mountain dwellers.

He spoke with UPW News correspondent Marcy Popindick stating that he has often invited the Asian tribes’ people to Clipper games offering free tickets and a complimentary order of french fries, small size.

The only thing the tribal natives had to do was provide for their own air transportation.

Proclaiming his generosity, the Clippers owner pointed out that he was even willing to pay for accommodations for the tribe which would be provided by Tents Galore along with all necessary camping permits.

The taped conversation ended with Sterling saying, “So there. That proves I’m really not prejudiced after all.

borneo

Borneo-Sumatran tribesmen could not be reached for comment.

Photo from The Pagan Tribes of Borneo by Charles Hose.

***

Paid Political Advertisement.

Did you know that,

  • Obamacare contains secret codes that permit the killing of babies.
  • An increase in the minimum wage will destroy millions of jobs.
  • Low wages induce the mighty men of Wall Street to create jobs.
  • Low taxes on the rich provide an incentive to invest.
  • Free market capitalism will solve all economic problems.
  • Trade agreements are good for the economy and will make Americans rich.
  • School vouchers will reform American education making it the best in the world.
  • Medicare vouchers will solve the health care crisis faced by seniors.
  • Climate change is a myth.
  • Labor unions destroy jobs.
  • Barack Obama ordered the missing Malaysian plane shot down.

Paid for by the little rich kids Committee For The Political Re-Education of America.

President: Charles G. Koch

Vice President: David H. Koch

Treasurer: Richard Mellon Scaife

Lackey: Gov. Scott Walker (WI)

***

Obama Boosts TPP.

President Obama traveled to Asia recently to promote his faltering Trans Pacific Partnership agreement.

Citing several aspects of the pact, Obama said the agreement will boost trade, increase economic growth and employment and assist pharmaceutical giants in the quest to develop a new generation of wonder drugs.

El Presidente remarked that people opposed to the trade alliance are akin to conspiracy theorists. If they read the terms of the pact, the president seemed to believe, the knowledge gained would garner widespread support.

Obama seemed blissfully unaware, however, that the TTP was a deep, dark corporate secret.

English: Barack Obama delivers a speech at the...

Asked if the president knew the terms of the agreement, a spokesman said “No, “cause it’s a secret and besides as chief executive, Obama doesn’t have time to read that kind of bullshit. However, the spokesman continued, the president has complete faith in the corporate benefactors who paid for his billion dollar ticket to the Oval Office and trusts that they will do the right thing just as they have always done.

http://www.commondreams.org/headline

***

Wasp Attack.

White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Brit Hume, who benefited enormously from his WASP background, accused President Barack Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder of exploiting an African-American heritage to benefit their careers.

And Hume, the ultimate WASPy right winger, got away with it.

Only in America.

http://www.bizpacreview.com/2014/04/14/brit-hume-crybaby-holder-has-benefited-politically-enormously-from-being

mother's day

***

Big Oil Assumes Ownership Of Earth’s Oceans.

The US Navy today assigned ownership of the planet’s five oceans to Wall Street’s largest oil companies.

In conjunction with its successful experiment converting carbon dioxide into an unlimited supply of hydrocarbons which can then be used as fuel to replace oil, gas and coal, the Navy granted a lease to Exxon-Mobil to extract CO2 from the Pacific Ocean.

Additional leases were granted to BP to extract from the Atlantic Ocean; Shell Oil accepted the lease to the Indian Ocean. Five additional companies signed leases to share access to the Arctic and Southern Oceans.

carrier

Soon to be powered by a seawater fuel conversion kit.

The process developed by the Navy, which promises to provide an unlimited supply of clean fuel, extracts the major greenhouse gas from seawater and converts it to hydrocarbons that can be used as a non-poluting energy source.

According to climatologists, the oceans act as sponges and absorb CO2. However, the scientists believe that at present the Earth’s water has achieved the saturation point and in the future will be unable to absorb significant atmospheric carbon dioxide, a condition that would result in accelerating global warming.

The experiment promises to restore the oceans’ ability to absorb the gas and since the converted fuel releases very little CO2, the process holds the potential of reversing global warming.

Executives at the major energy companies were delighted with the Navy’s decision to assign the oceans of the Earth to free market development.

Goldman-Sachs, JP Morgan Chase and several other Wall Street firms approached the oil giants with a proposition to buy huge portions of the leases and withhold them from the extraction process. “Warehousing” the oceans for future development would allow the Wall Street to restrict supply and control prices of the fuel which, according to an anonymous source, could reach as high as $7.00 dollars a gallon.

The price of energy stocks soared on Wall Street as investors salivated at the prospect of profits that can be realized from the new technology.

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/04/12/navy-ends-big-oil/

http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/10/tech

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow was taking a break
After swimming in a frozen lake
He swam in the nude
When a woman said “Dude,
You can’t rock ‘n roll when you shake ‘n quake.”
.
A woman at last caught a break
After being many hours awake
She took a quick nap
On a lucky guy’s lap
Who tried to partake till she said “go pound cake.”
.
A woman would frequently pick
Every Tom, Harry and Dick
With the three in the car.
She soon went too far
Saying “this is what makes my life tick.
 
three
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A woman was trying to pick
Among Tom, Harry and Dick.
She went on a tear
And had an affair
With all saying “this is my shtick.”
.
A woman was trying to pick
The guys who make her life tick.
They were all very nice
To her life added spice.
She decided she wouldn’t pick quick.
 .
A woman was trying to pick
Frozen yogurt on a stick to lick.
The flavor she liked
Was thoroughly spiked
With rum that gave a quick kick.
.
A woman was trying to pick
Among guys with whom she could click
She chose a big fellow
Who made her life mellow
But alas was a slippery Dick.

 slippery

 

 

 

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April 27, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 04/24/14

To Love In The Biblical Sense.

Stand aside adherents of a Jesus/Mary Magdalene marriage. He may not have been married at all. At least not to Mary, that much maligned biblical figure.

Quite possibly he was in love with his young disciple John.  Ya know, blond, blue eyes, nine inches.

The Bible explicitly says Jesus while on the cross that he “saw his mother and the disciple he loved standing near” and he said “’Woman behold your son.’ Then said to his disciple, ‘Behold your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.”

Convincing? Well, maybe not.

As for me, I like the Jesus/Mary marriage scenario. It’s much more dramatic and writers can give their plots many more twists employing miracles such as changing water into wine at his very own wedding celebration.

(Wish he would’ve come to my wedding.  Ended up paying through the nose for the cheapest wine I could find.

hoover dam

Water into wine??? What a wonderful world it could be. Where is God when you really need Him? (Hoover Dam on the Colorado River).

***

North Carolina Descending.

Prehistoric lifeforms have come to dominate police departments across the length and breadth of the land from the oceans to the praries. We all heard of or seen videos of rampant police use of excessive force and frequently even brutality.

Here is one from North Carolina where an irate police officer seized the phones of witnesses recording an arrest event.

From this incident and the many others that have occurred, a question surfaces: Are police reverting to previous lifeforms because of a genetic disorder or did they just skip an evolutionary step?

We report; you decide.

***

So, What’s Wrong With Being A Slave.

Cliven Bundy said this week that he believes Sean Hannity is a slave.

Hannity,” he said, “is such a suck up to Roger Ailes and Fox News that the only explanation must be that he has sold his soul and is now in bondage to Ailes and that thar network.”

And the thing of it is,” Bundy continued, “he’s a white man. Now ever’body knows no white man has been a slave since the Eyetalians ran that big whatchamacallit empire way back when.”

Bundy, whose cows have been grazing on government property for years and who now owes the Federales about a million dollars give or take, could soon become a jailbird if he doesn’t wise up. And doing some hard time is no tale of slavery.

After making his anti-Hannity statements, however, Bundy lost the support of the Fox News slave who quickly performed a voltafaccia saying he really didn’t support the cowpoke after all. He just sympathized with him because he was a victim of Government Gone Wild.

hannity

  Sean Hannity does yet another turnabout. Which way is up?

I thought Alan Greenspan was the biggest asshole in the universe,” Hannity was overheard to say. “Then this schmuck comes along.”

Anyways, if events unfold the way liberals hope they wiil, Hannity will be given his freedom by Fox News and be a slave no more.

***

Speaking of Alan Greenspan.

In his book Griftopia, Matt Taibbi referred to Sir Alan of Bubbleshire as THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE IN THE UNIVERSE.

No argument there. Taibbi was referring to the bubbles, tech and housing, of which Sir Alan, inspired by the dark cult of Randian belief, was the main architect.  Sir Alan, however, has a lot of company in his anal world.

alan

Sir Alan of Bubbleshire mangling the King’s English before the House Financial Services Committee.

Also responsible for the near collapse of the planet’s economy are such dimming lights as former president Bill Clinton, his Treasury secretary Bob Rubin and smirky face former senator Phil Gramm.

These four horseman of the Apocalypse of 2008 played a major and devious role in trashing FDR’s Glass-Steagall Act and the New Deal reforms that separated commercial and investment banking.

Their notorious behavior resulted in the passage of two destructive acts with the Orwellian titles: The Financial Services Modernization Act and The Commodity Futures Modernization Act.

Note the word “modernization.” It’s in the title for a purpose. Mainly, to bamboozle Americans into believing that the existing financial system was old fashioned. And the scam concocted by these charlatans worked. Both pieces of pernicious legislation passed with the support of bipartisan majorities.

The despicable conduct of these four quacks eventually cost millions of homeowners several trillion dollars of lost wealth and thrust the US economy into a long term recession that continues to this day.

Not to worry, though. Each of the frauds got rich – to the tune of tens of millions of dollars apiece and more.

***

Free Speech And “Born Agains” At Uconn.

University of Connecticut officials reaffirmed their commitment to First Amendment rights of free speech in a statement of semi-support for a professor who beseeched students to accept Charles Darwin as their lord and savior.

At the same time, the Uconn statement acknowedged the right to speak freely even when the subject stemmed from profound ignorance as Christian preachers denounced evolution as a lie.

So the professor became irate when the preacher asked him if he believed he he was descended from monkeys. The professor vehemently denied the preachers posit saying, “no” he didn’t come from a line of monkeys’; he was descended from apes, an apparently significant distinction.

ape

Much like our forebears, most of us are still scratching out a living.  (Photo by Aaron Logan source).

Anyways, if that be the case, and apes have souls, then Darwin saves.

And so begins the movement of “born again” Darwinians.

***

A Lesser Political Light.

Conversation between the iPhone senator promoting a revolutionary new campaign method and a constituent who resides on top of Old Smokey.

Hello, Sen. Lamar Alexander calling. Is that you?

Uh, yes, senator. It’s me.

Oh, thank goodness.

I just wanted to remind you that the Republican Party wants to be the iPhone party and we want iPhone government. Our vision is to be like Apple and create wealth for all Americans same as Apple does.

Now you can invest your hard earned money, if you still have any, in Asian companies where all those dirty finger manual labor jobs were outsourced.

Become a client of the big Wall Street banks like Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan and your’re sure to get rich. Remember the banks are protected from losing money by your money, if you still have any.

Just like Apple we want to keep the high tech jobs here in America. That’s why we support the H1B visa program to bring highly educated foreigners who work for peanuts into this country. That’ll make you even more money, if you still have any.

And, by the way, I’ve introduced legislation that will provide government assistance to NASCAR.

alexander

That part “bout NASCAR oughter git ‘em.

So all you Repubs on top of Old Smokey and everywhere else in the Anti-Union State, charge the battery of your iPhone. Here come Lamar and the GOPers.

***

Limerick Lunacy.
 
A woman was dating three guys
She selected the one with blue eyes.
He lived in Sumatra
And just like Sinatra
A wink always won him the prize.
.
A fellow was out with the guys
Chasing gals and the ultimate prize.
He approached a fair maiden
With hopes to get laid in
An hour or two he’d surmise.
night out

Just another night out with the guys.

.
A gal was just one of the guys
With burger she had her french fries.
She downed them with beer
And said with a sneer
Complain and you’ll meet your demise.
 
bar

You’re messin’ with the wrong babe, bub.

 
 
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April 20, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 04/20/14

Rancher Fined.

The Environmental Protection Agency today levied a heavy fine against right wing rancher Cliven Bundy.

The EPA assessed the fine for what it said were uncontrolled toxic emissions.

According to a spokesman for the agency, the Bundy cattle herds grazing illegally on Federal property are emitting large quantities of methane on government owned land.

Methane, a  a highly flammable Greenhouse gas implicated in global warming, is said to be ten times more efficient at trapping atmospheric heat that carbon dioxide.

An attorney for the Bureau of Land Management stated that Bundy is not only guilty of breaking Federal law by refusing to pay the fee for allowing his cattle to graze on government property, but must now pay a fine for poisoning the atmosphere with bovine flatulence. According to the attorney, who spoke under conditions of anonymity, the measured emissions exceeded EPA standards of .015 cubic feet per acre by a factor of three.

cows

Danger.
Beware Of Cows.
Smoking Prohibited
(Photo: Paul Harrop)

In a statement to the media, the millionaire rancher expressed his outrage at the penalty.

How in hell am I supposed to keep a cow from farting,” he said.

***

Worldwide Explosion.

Due to a rapid accumulation of methane in the Earth’s atmosphere a worldwide explosion has occurred.

News organizations from East Asia are reporting a rapidly spreading ball of fire that could engulf the entire planet in a matter of just a few minutes.

According to latest reports, seismologists located the epicenter of the blast at a point in China not far from the Great Wall.

Photographs from a geosynchronous satellite identified the source as a Chinese farmer who lit up a cigarette while standing in the middle of a herd of cows.

The fire ball is now spreading rapidly from that point and is expanding in all directions across the globe.

A statement from UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon is expected shortly.

Predictions are that the atmospheric conflagration will reach UN headquarters in New York City within the next few minutes.

Assistant UN Secretary Kum Boom-soon, who spoke with reporters, said: “Hory shit! Cow fart brow up pranet!

no smoking

According to reports from first responders at the scene of the crisis, the main body of the explosion occurred tens of thousands of feet in the Earth’s atmosphere and damage on the surface is said to be minimal.

The blast, which is dissipating as methane is depleted by fire, did however consume large quantities of oxygen and the elderly and persons with respiratory problems are advised to remain indoors for the next several years.

This story is developing.  Details will be reported as information becomes available.

From the Unreliable Press Worldwide newsroom.  UPW News, surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/farting-cows-blow-barn-build-methane-article-1.1594986

***

Good News For The Kiddies.

Hey kids, here’s some really good news. And spread the word to parents and teachers and adults of every stripe.

It’s okay to lie! Not only that, but lying is approved by none other than President Barack Obama himself.

You see, lying falls under the guidelines of First Amendment speech protections.

Now here’s the skinny. The US Solicitor General, the person who argues Federal government cases before the Supreme Court, and who is now one Donald B. Varilli, Jr,, presented the Feds case before that semi-illustrious body of jurists, stating explicitly that it’s okay for a politician to lie like a son of a bitch when he’s campaigning for office even if the lying son of a bitch happens to be the president himself when seeking reelection.

Well, if it’s okay for the president of the United States to be a lying son of a bitch why shouldn’t it be just honky dory for everybody else to lie and get away with it as well. And that includes all you kids.

So the next time you’re out late getting laid, just tell your parents you were studying over at a friend’s house.

And don’t be shy about it. After all, you’re only exercising your First Amendment right to free speech.

Be cool though. Remember, your dad can still clean the carpet with your lyin’ ass.

carpet

 

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April 12, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 04/12/14

Adjunct Professors Wanted.

The Sardo Institute of Higher Learning has several positions open for experienced adjunct professors in the fields of Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry and the Social Sciences.

Candidates must have a Ph. D. in the relevant field as well as at least three years of teaching experience.

Classes will be assigned to adjuncts on an as needed basis.

Salary commensurate with experience.

Benefits include eligibility for food stamps and government subsidized rent and heating assistance.

Qualified candidates should submit resumes to:

Human Resources
The Sardo Institute
P.O. Box 555
Pasta Fagioli, Italy 55555 5555

http://adjunctsaurus.wordpress.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-fuller/a-moral-dilemma-for-acade_b_4734053.html

***

Only In America.

We are lending money we don’t have to kids who can’t pay it back to train them for jobs that no longer exist. That’s nuts. Mike Rowe.

It is, however, the American way, largely because that sort of craziness results in massive profits for the only people who really matter – the very tiny minority of the ultra rich.

***

Right Wing Shaves Bush.

After reading that perhaps as many as 80% of younger women shave, ya know, down there and hearing that right wing media gangbangers shaved Jeb Bush for his comments regarding immigration, I immediately thought something afoul was afoot.

But, alas, Jeb remains hirsute down there.

jeb bush

Jeb Bush trolling for votes by speaking out of the left side of his mouth, has perhaps forgotten the Nixon Shuffle, that is, when seeking the GOP presidential nomination run hard to the right and when campaigning for that high office turn and rush quickly to the center.

The bangers humped all over Bush for his appeal to the Repub Party to reverse, or at least moderate, their harsh position on immigrant status, which is something akin to “throw them the hell out.”

The former Florida governor expressed the view that the Party’s view just won’t cut it any more. This is, like, the 21st century. We don’t round people up and send them back to their masters countries in Dred Scott* fashion.

He was actually sympathetic about immigrants’ situations.

After all, when you’re hungry and your wife and kids are hungry and you have no money to buy food to feed them, you become desperate. So you come to America.

And now a days, you have to be pretty desperate to do that. But everybody’s gotta eat sometime.

So Bush said let’s give them a helping hand and let them stay.

And that’s when the bangers shaved him.

However, according to a leak from the Bush team, Jeb burned the circuits of his cell phone calling the Party’s payola masters and media propagandists to tell them to pay no attention to his words when he speaks. It’s all a campaign lie to hustler Hispanics into voting for him when he runs for president.

Once he’s in the Oval Office, he’ll screw a bunch of immigrants just like he’ll screw everybody else.

*Dred Scott v Sanford was the notorious Supreme Court case in which the Court ruled that slaves were not citizens and could not sue in Federal Court. Scott, the slave who resided in the slave free Wisconsin territory, sued his owner, John Sanford, for his freedom. Chief Justice Roger B. Taney’s name ever since has been infamously tied to the Court’s decision.

***

Wise Words.

If you can convince the lowliest white man that he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on and he’ll even empty his pockets for you. President Lyndon B. Johnson.

***

Ryan Running.

Paul Ryan is running for president. He hasn’t declared, but he might as well.

Taking a card from the marked deck of former President Richard Nixon, the Wisconsin pol is dashing hard to the right.

His plan is a right wing wet dream. It cuts trillions in aid for the hungry, the sick, health care for kids and college assistance for those who can least afford it.

It is a budget intended to impress right wing rich extremists who dole out campaign payola like drips of water falling off Niagara.

RYAN VULCAN

This media darling is still out ‘dere.

Now a budget that extreme, you would think, would sew up the cash no questions asked.

But wait. Not so fast. There are Republicans so far off the right wing deep end that they are claiming the Ryan budget doesn’t gut enough from the hungry, the sick and little kids.

So Ryan may now be left in limbo, with no suitable budget to impress rich donors.

Now this right wing Wisconsin extremist will have no choice but to go back to the drawing board and serve up yet another Path to Prosperity for Rich People. As if they need another path.

***

Krugman Praises Obamacare. Not So Fast.

Paul Krugman, Nobel laureate and New York Times columnist, has been praising the benefits of the Affordable Care Act for some time now.

But opinions such as Krugman’s, who is a tireless fighter for the underclasses, must be put into perspective.

The best anyone can say about Obamacare is that it’s better than what went before. But ii is a far cry from what could have and should have been: some form of a public option that eventually morphed into Medicare-for-all.

And for those Obamaphiles who believe the president took the easy way out because of GOP opposition, that’s just plain wrong.

The fact is Obama betrayed his supporters when he bailed on the campaign promise of a public option precisely when the Senate and the House were controlled by Democrats. Reconciliation, the process whereby budget legislation can pass in the Senate by a 51 vote majority, was well within the president’s grasp.

Instead, he sided with the 1%, a decision that crushed Democrats in the 2010 election, cost Nancy Pelosi her Speakership and made John Boehner and the Tea Party dominated House the bane of the American people.

***

No President Is As Powerful As the Institution He Governs.

There’s a plot in this country to enslave every man, woman and child. Before I leave this high and noble office, I intend to expose this plot. President John F. Kennedy, seven days before his assassination.

***

Campaign Cash Okay.

A spokesman for Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told a high school group of sutdents from the Senator’s home state of Kentucky to “get lost.” The Senator was busy phoning donors to raise payola to finance his reelection campaign.

You see,” said the spokesman who was sipping on a tall glass of Senate lemonade, “one of the most important jobs the Senator has is to make sure he’s reelected so he can continue to serve the rubes from his states. And that means bugging the shit out of donors to send him some more cash.”

You see,” said the spokesman still sipping on a tall glass of Senate lemonade, “the Supreme Court, bless their little hearts, decided that payola isn’t corruption and the Senator isn’t a crook when he stuffs all that money into his pockets.”

john roberts

There have probably been bigger screw ups who sat on the Supreme Court as Chief Justice. Roger B. Taney of Dred Scott infamy and the all but forgotten Melville Fuller who gave the stamp of approval to “separate but equal” in Plessy v Ferguson, but Roberts is in the running for worst ever with his Court’s statements that campaign payola equals free speech.

But sometimes you just have to bug the shit out of rich people to get them to part with their cash. So the Senator calls them several times a week and promises, cross his heart, to vote on legislation exactly the way they tell him if only they’ll just send him some more money.”

Hell, the Senator will even let them write the damn legislation.”

You see, that’s the way the Senate works,” the spokesman continued.

Damn, this is one fine glass of lemonade. It’s the Senator’s favorite, don’t cha know”

.

Though the wealthy will publicly cheer
Very few will break out the beer.
They’ll stow the champagne
‘Cause every campaign
Will for sure want more cash so they fear.
.
The Supremies just said it’s okay.
To take cash and stuff it away.
It’s all just a game
And no one’s to blame.
So take the cash to help costs defray.
 
***
 
Limerick Lunacy.
.
A fellow got into a scrap
With a gal who gave him a slap.
She hit his shocked face
Then sprayed him with mace.
When he graced her backside tap, tap, tap.
.
A woman decided to scrap
A guy she couldn’t entrap
She grabbed up her rings
Among other things
While the guy took an afternoon nap.
.
When the gal decided to scrap
The guy who was taking a nap.
She packed up her things
And then took to wings
And thought, “Finally I’m out of the trap.”
 
***

The Case Of The Absent-Minded Surgeon.

No he didn’t leave a tool inside the patient; he forgot to take something out.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/oddnews/man-sues-hospital-and-doctor-after-they-allegedly-forgot-to-remove-his-appendix-during-his-appendectomy-205103325.html

 

So what’s wrong with fooling around.
It can help you to get unwound.
But this doc went too far
With a nurse in OR
And what happened next would astound.
absent minded 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The appendix this doc couldn’t find.
It appears the nurse blew his mind.
So he pulled up his britches
And sewed up the stitches
And left the appendage behind.

Article thanks to Mad Kane whose limericks can be found at her website.

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March 30, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/30/14.

Known Knowns From Chimpland.

Donald Rumsfeld, the unknown unknown from the Bush regime, believes a trained ape could perform better at executing foreign policy vis a vis Russia’s Vladimir Putin than the Obama Administration. And Rummy knows whereof he speaks. The Bush Administration, of which Rumsfeld was Secretary of Defense, appointed trained monkeys to vital leadership positions.

Funny thing. Those chimps proved a dismal failure, so much so that their policies and decisions are adversely impacting life in the United States and around the world five years after the failed administration past into the twilight of history.

rumsfeld

And so it is clear, Rumsfeld doesn’t know the difference between success and failure-or chimps and apes for that matter.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/25/

***

ACA Foils GOP Attempts To Deflate It.

The Affordable Care Act provides coverage for penis pumps. Yes, really.  It does.  As the saying goes, any port in a storm, even if its just the inside of a pump.  And now it’s insured.  

Well, that’s a relief.  Especially for men who can’t take Viagra for health reasons. 

The science behind the device is seemingly foolproof, such being that by creating a vacuum blood will rush to the vessels of the limp organ and inflate it to the point where it will penetrate a, ya know, a woman’s thing.  

Sorta the opposite of a blow job.

Not covered by the way, 

penis pump

They’ve been around for a while. Now they’re covered by insurance.

http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/statements/2014/mar/24/

***

Prize Surprise.

Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

March 30, 2014

In a surprise news release a short time ago, The Nobella Prize Committee announced the winner of its most recent MVP award.

State Sen. Richard Ross (R-MA) is the latest Republican to receive the prestigious prize. Ross won for his proposal to require women undergoing a divorce procedure to have a note from a judge before engaging in sexual relations.

The woman in question must present the note to her partner or partners before taking off her clothes as proof that she could be lawfully screwed any time day or night.

A note from her mommy was not required by the proposed legislation.

And so for his dimmed vision and blurred foresight in attempting to curtail a woman’s sexual freedom, the committee bestowed its Most Valuable Putz Award on the hapless state senator from Massachusetts.

In the presentation ceremony, the spokesman for the committee also praised Ross for capturing the Asshole Of The Day Award granted by the website assholeoftheday.us.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

http://assholeoftheday.us/post/80394817314/

***

Limerick Lunacy.

While shopping for fantasy wear
Claire’s mind was caught in a snare.
Costly clothes were all lewd
She looked good in the nude.
So the guys better like her bare pair.

breast

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
.
She would never buy ready to wear.
In hot embrace they’d easily tear.
Though nude might be crude
She didn’t need mood
And Claire’s dude was ready for bear.
bear
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My wife disappeared-don’t know where
She went shopping to buy sexy wear
She got lost in a mall
A cavernous sprawl.
Missing Persons gave up in despair.
 
.
.  
 
A woman appeared unaware
Of a guy who sat in a chair
He sat down beside her
She thought woe betide her
And agreed to a secret affair.
 
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March 20, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/23/14

Anything For A Buck. Or Billion.

Moscow 20 Mar 2014.

A report from the Kremlin today claims that Vladimir Putin offered to cede Crimea to ExxonMobil in exchange for a five year appointment as CEO of the giant global oil and gas conglomerate.

A spokesperson for the Soviet premier, as Putin prefers to be addressed in private, said if the Russian president can swing this deal, he would be set for life.

putin

Russian President Vlad Putin is all smiles, really liking what he’s hearing.(attribution http://www.kremlin.ru.)

Being president of the former Soviet republic pays peanuts, according to the statement.

In a related report, ousted Ukrainian President Victor Yanokovich purportedly said he would support the pact if Putin proferred a piece of the pie.

A Kremlin staff member, who spoke under conditions of strict anonymity, said that the former Ukrainian president offered to kick in a portion of eastern Ukraine if Putin would sweeten the deal a little.

Observers believe Putin would have to offer a significant piece of the action if he hoped to gain the support of Yanokovich.

Staff members of the two leaders have arranged an urgent meeting in an attempt to hammer out an agreement that would satisfy both parties.

***

The Geniuses Fumble.

NSA Headquarters, Fort Meade, Md. 20 March 2014.

UPW press is reporting that a young girl, who would identify herself only as Alice, claims to know the whereabouts of the missing Malaysian Flight 390.

Analysts from the NTSB referred the claim to the FAA which immediately turned it over to the NSA whose agents are said to be gathering with CIA operatives in a hastily called meeting to evaluate the girl’s assertion.

However, a spokesman for the NSA revealed that the location of the lost Boeing 777, given by the girl as Wonderland, does not appear on any of the agency’s GPS devices.

The spokesman continued that NSA scientists would not rule out the possibility that the plane might have landed at a heretofore undiscovered region of the globe, one that is not programmed into GPS satellites. NSA experts are at this very moment in a meeting with CIA agents who are analyzing personal data hastily collected about the girl known only as Alice.

NSA scientists are cooperating with military authorities who are redirecting satellite emissions to the area where Wonderland is believed to be located.

Authorities admit however that they are still stumped about the whereabouts of the missing plane.

nsa

NSA headquarters. Think they’re not serious about their stuff.

***

A Slave Is A Slave.  Even in AZ.

Some guy named Jim Brown, whose a candidate for Congress from Arizona, said slavery wasn’t so bad.

In fact, he even likes it.

Brown is a slave to payola from guys who are richer than he is and as long as the candidate continues to suck up to rich folks he stands a chance to win the primary election and maybe go to Congress where he can suck up some more.

And get some more money.

And all he has to do is vote the way he’s told to and his owners will take good care of him.

See, being a slave ain’t so bad.

According to reports from the Brown camp, being an asshole ain’t bad either. And the candidate likes that even better. ‘Cause if you’re a Republican, that’s about the only way you can win an election these days.

Look for Brown to nose his way into Congress come November.

brown

Not to worry. He’s already apologized. Now that everybody knows where he stands. (Jim Brown Facebook via The Root).

_republican_compares_government_spending_to_slavery.html

***

Cruelest Sanctions Imposed.

In keeping with President Barack Obama’s imposition of sanctions on Russia, Secretary of State John Kerry announced today that the US has halted all shipments of M&Ms to the former Soviet bloc nation.

In a top secret meeting, CIA agents revealed to Obama that M&Ms are the Russian presidents favorite candy.

The agents reported that Putin’s craving for the coated chocolate confection that melts in your mouth and not in your hands has reached addiction levels.

According to reports emanating from the Kremlin, Putin raged to his staff for hours over the cruel imposition of the candy ban.

An anonymous White House source revealed the details of an emergency phone conversation between Putin and Obama during which the Russian chief of state threatened “serious consequences” if Obama persisted in his banning of the Mars product.

The Russian chief also stated that negotiations would be ruled out under the conditions imposed by the US and that only by removing the candy ban can talks ever take place.

Obama seemed to relent by offering to permit the chocolate coated peanut variety to slip through the sanctions but Putin could not be mollified.

According to NSA intercepts of conversations between Putin and his wife, he hates the peanut kind because they stick in his teeth.

putin

Vladimir Putin suffering from a painful peanut particle stuck in his gums. (attribution http://www.kremlin.ru.)

As of late this afternoon, the two sides have failed to reach an accord.

***

More Trouble For Christie.

As NJ Gov. Chris Christie becomes more deeply imbroiled in the trafficgate affair, staff members are concocting stories in hopes of finding just the right one that voters can believe in.

Here are some of the suggestions from Christie’s staff.

The governor:

never heard of the GWB.

thought Fort Lee was an army installation located on the US-Canadian border.

thought George W. Bush got stuck in a traffic jam and laughed his ass off.

believed Fort Lee was an French colonial base attacked by the Mohicans in 1753.

sea monsters

At last report, the governor is considering all suggestions.

***

Border Changes In 1000 Years.  See Animation.

http://loiter.co/v/watch-as-1000years-of-european-boarders-change/

.

 

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March 16, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/16/14

One For The Ages.

Talk about a flaming hypocrite….

Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) revealed that the CIA is spying on her. And she’s mad. Yes. Really, really mad.

dianne

Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) is all smiles after the announcement that she is a finalist in the running for the Hypocrite of the Year Award.

The agency locked on to unspecified communications of the Chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee and its members in violation of the committee’s oversight role and maybe even the Constitution, like in the separation of powers convention provided in that document.

The matter involved something called the Panetta Review, a report by the former CIA director concerning the torture of prisoners conducted by the agency’s agents.

Oh, how the lady doth take umbrage.

She took to the Senate floor and huffed and puffed her way to the award of Hypocrite of the Year.

Feinstein, you’ll recall, was a strident defender of the NSA’s right to spy on you. After all, how could your government’s Department of Homeland Security know what you were up to if if didn’t intercept your private communications.

As Jon Stewart said of Feinstein’s outrageous rant “our stuff is shit, but her shit is stuff.”

Let’s hope there’s some really hot stuff yet to be revealed. Wouldn’t that be fun.

And then there’s Lindsey Graham, (R-SC) sticking his nose in everywhere he possibly can ’cause he’s up for reelection this year and really needs the media coverage.

So Lindsay says “This is Richard Nixon stuff.”

graham

Lindsay Graham (R-SC), is a reelection shoe-in but still seeks all the media face time he can get.

Can’t argue with that assessment.

The only advice for Lindsey is that it was always Richard Nixon stuff. Even way back, when you were defending the right of the NSA to spy on us.

./cia-spying-congress_n_4945584.html

 .

Feinstein says don’t spy on me
So goes the lady’s perverse decree.
It’s only okay to spy on you.
Need to know what you’re up to.
But spying on me, that’s a felony.

***

Simple Simon Says….

President Obama said that inequality is hurting the middle class.

President Obama said the minimum wage is too low.

President Obama said that insurance for the long term unemployed should be extended.

Ho-hum. So what else is new?

Let’s come clean here. For him it’s just a game. It’s an election year and the voter says “do this.”

But don’t actually do it. Heaven forbid.

No. It’s just time to dust off the old hope and change thingy. More words, more speeches. Think nothing of it.

barryreverse

You gotta admit, though, no politico in Follyland can say it better.

But now it’s back to business as usual.

The guy is all “hopey” with no “changey.”

.

Below is a short film, som five minutes, about faith betrayed – the faith so many of us placed in the betrayer-in-chief.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIMnIh10po0

.

Obama’s a son of a gun
Preaching hope in the president’s run.
He told many lies
Now to no one’s surprise
The hope was a tall tale he’d spun.

***

From Socialism To Profit.

If you think you’re included in the profit portion of the rush to privatize everything under the sun, you are badly mistaken.

The move to profitize public school systems across the land has absolutely nothing to do with improving the quality of education or including you in the scam to cheat taxpayers out of even more of our hard earned dollars.

Just look at whose leading the movement to profitize and you’ll understand the sneaky motive behind the scam to run off with the cash. It’s the millionaires and billionaires. And they are going to make a killing destroying one of the great accomplishment of Western civilization.

And why shouldn’t they?

Now that Democrats have betrayed the legacy of their party, nothing can stop the movement to profitize everything – including a great success story:  the schools we all went to.

Yes. You read that right. The American system of education is the most successful program ever.

Let’s take a brief look at what it’s accomplished.

It has won more Nobel Prizes than any on Earth.

It is responsible for the greatest technological advances in history.

It put a man on the moon.

It established the greatest public university system in all the world, bar none.

It graduated more men and women from it’s public universities than any nation before or since.

It is responsible for creating the largest and greatest middle class in history.

In virtually every endeavor, the American system of education can boast unparalleled success. The accomplishments in science, technology and the arts are truly astonishing.

So why change something that isn’t broken?

Money, that’s why. Greed, that’s why. Maximum profit for the 1%, that’s why.

And who supports this caper to destroy one of the greatest accomplishments in world history?

Barack Hussein Obama. That’s who.

An apostle of the worst president in American history – that being Ronald Reagan – Obama and the cohorts he appointed are leading the drive to profitize.

One of Obama’s chief profitizing enablers is Arne Duncan, the Secretary of Education. The Ed. Department head has been an advocate of profit charter schools since his early days as CEO of Chicaco Public Schools.

Duncan is also an avid pusher of standardized testing as a means to determine the success of public schools. His Race To The Top and Common Core programs are designed to judge accomplishment by test.

Critics of the Common Core and the Bush era No Child Left Behind claim that the tests are rigged to ensure under-achievement and promote the profit charter school agenda.

Another of Obama’s profit at any cost enablers is Rahm Emanuel, now the chief profitizer of Chicago. Emanuel is closing public schools and attacking teachers and their unions in a brazen move to upend public education and gift it to charter school businessmen.

Are the achievements of public education in America an accomplishment of socialism?

Of course they are. Schools in the United States have always been a function of local and state governments with an assist at the Federal level. And as we’ve noted the story is one of unmatched success.

pub ed

Public education – still on top, still soaring-despite every effort by profit mad money to kill it off.

Are there problems in the system?

Of course. There are indeed pockets of failure.

But can anyone name any area of human endeavor where there are not problems?

***

Where There’s A Buck To Be Made…

you will always find a Republican.

Would you like some profit with that cup of tea?

Well, join the Tea Party.

Here’s a comment by a Tea Party money grubber concerning socialism and public schools via from The Raw Story.

So how do we approve our education system….The only long-run solution is to move to a more privatized system.”

He meant “profitized” of course.

Now there’s an ambitious pol if ever there was one. You gotta give him credit though. He knows exactly who to suck up to. If he wants his political career to take off he needs to bend over for the big money.

capitol

The Capitol of the United States. There’s a government in there somewhere. A crooked one, to be sure.

But, then, who in politics doesn’t.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/03/14/ohio-republican

***

Criminal Accuses Others.

Not a criminal only because he got away with criminal behavior, but his past doesn’t prevent him from trying to pin such behavior on others.

The guy is still harping on dead horses desperately trying to resurrect them perhaps in some perverse need to erase his past by accusing others of his own behavior pattern.

The dead horses Issa keeps in his stable are Benghaze and the bogus from the start IRS “scandel.”

This week Issa once again revealed his crude, boorish self by angrily cutting off the microphone of a fellow congressman.

The person whose voice the rude “gangsta” slashed was a Democrat. Naturally.

The victim, Elijah Cummings of Maryland swiftly rallied fellow Dems to his side and, astonishingly, they reacted.

Insisting on a formal reprimand as punishment for Issa’s crass treatment of the Maryland representative, the Dems called for condemnation for breaking the House code of conduct.

And just why is that reaction astonishing?

Because Dems are noted for sitting around with their thumbs up their asses whenever a member of the opposing party insults one of their own.

http://aattp.org/amazing-watch-house-democrats-collectively-

.

And here’s a summary of Issa’s bad ass days.

http://crooksandliars.com/karoli/martin-bashir-reminds-viewers-darrell-issas

***

It’s A Joke.

http://soleraessays.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-brothel.html

***

Some More Limerick Lunacy.

A fellow announced “we are done”
Playing games in the hay isn’t fun.
No need to be wed
Let’s jump into bed
But I’ll read you no poem by John Donne.”
.
A woman was feeling undone
When her beau said “you’re no longer fun.
We’re not in grade school
Let’s strip in the pool
And make love ‘neath the midnight sun.
 
pool1
.
A woman was feeling undone
When she stripped in the pool to have fun.
There was a cold breeze
So she started to sneeze
Saying “make it a really quick one.”
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March 9, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/09/14

NSA Bugs White House.

breaking

Documents leaked early yesterday reveal that the National Security Agency is intercepting White House communications.

Included in the leaked file was a transcript of a top secret conversation between President Barack Obama and Russian President Vladimir Putin.

According to the transcript the two heads of state had a personnel conversation that revealed the frustrations of each regarding recent developments.

Here is the leaked transcript in full.

Obie: Dobrie ootro my man, what’s happnin’ bro.

Pooty: Ну у меня было два красивых молодых женщин на на квартире прошлой ночью, и сказать вам правду я чувствую себя немного изношены.

Obie: What’s up with that roosky shit, man. You know I don’t dig that jive.

Pooty: Подождите, пока вы слышите это, мой человек. Эти две телки приехать и я просто получаю из душа, и они начинают сушки меня.

Вы все еще не понимаю по-русски?

Obie: I been practicin’. I been practicin’ But you guys got some funny shit alphabet over there. Now c’mon Pooty. Tell me about those two women you say your wit. You gotta be jivein’ me, man. Two, at the same time. C’mon’, my man.

Pooty: Нет, может человек. Это не джайв. Это правда. Два из них.

Блондин, голубые глаза, С чашки.

Obie: Blond, blue eyes, C-cup!!! Two of ‘em. Aw, c’mon, bro. Now I know you’re jiving me.

Pooty: Нет, мой мужчина. Сначала я думал, что они были ЦРУ, но я попросил им nationaliy Екатерины Великой и когда они сказали, немецкий, я знал, что они были русскими. Выключите видеомагнитофон и слушать это.

Я дважды дозируется на Viagra.

Obie: Two. At the same time. No wonder you’re tired. Hey, have they got any sisters?

Pooty: Я спрошу. Не волнуйтесь. В следующий раз вы находитесь в городе я починю вас.

Obie: Oh, damn. In that case, I’ll send Biden. Pooty, listen up. Have I got a deal for you. I’ll give you Ukraine for two Afghanistans and an Iraq. You give me Libya and I’ll throw in Syria.

Pooty? Pooty? That’s all of Ukraine now. Not just Crimea, ya know. How’s that sound.

Hello, Pooty? Pooty,? Are you there?

Pooty? What’s goin’ on, my man? What’s happenin’, bro….

Pooty?

Must be a bad connection.

putin say cheese

Nyet, nyet. Cheese, Vlad, cheese. You know vat means cheese?  

(Phote:  Russian Presidential Press and Information Office).

 

 

***

Minority Leader Gives Rousing Speech.

Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell tried to give a speech at the Conservative Political Action Committee. And he almost succeeded. As he read his words from a piece of paper the crowd burst into silence.

It could have been better. But, fortunately for McConnell, one of his aids thought of a warm up caper. To rile up the gun nuts among the right wingers, the corpse-faced senator first he had to get the gun nuts riled up.

Soooooo to get the gun nuts riled up, the Minority Leader carried a bogus rifle on stage after his introduction. The crowd went ballistic. Unfortunately for Mitch it was the last time the audience showed any emotion at all.

The rest of the performance fell flatter than a Denny’s pancake.

Here’s an example. Mitch said the president “treated the Constitution worse than a Denny’s placemat.” That is supposed to be an applause line. And a funny remark.

To be fair, a smattering of polite laughter did rise up from the floor to, well, somewhere below the rafters. Far below the rafters.

His next laugh line came after he accused the Democrats of being the party of too big to fail Wall Street banks as he accused the media of a Benghazi coverup for the benefit of Hillary Clinton uncampaign for the presidency.

Yes, again there was some embarrassed laughter for the hapless speaker.

Never however was there a threat that McConnell would bring down the house, even in super friendly CPAC territory.

mitch1

Still has that same ole shit eatin’ grin.

Oh, I almost forgot. The crowd applauded when the senator left the stage. Not a moment too soon.

Next year, aides vowed, McConnell would pack some real heat and fire live rounds into the crowd.

That should liven things up.

http://www.salon.com/2014/03/06/how_to_win_over_

conservatives_mitch_mcconnells_desperate_gun_gambit/

***

Alien Life Form Discovered In Canada.

Scientists have discovered evidence of the existence of an alien life form that lived millions of years ago on the surface of the Earth.

Fossils still being unearthed at a dig site on an island in the northern Canadian province of Nunavut include samples of frozen DNA and skeletal structures of nearly whole spinal cords and skulls.

The creatures, according to reports, possessed a type of DNA with a distinctly different pattern from any previously known varieties. The strands, called the double helix, contain unidentified chromosomes and a heretofore unknown nucleotide which has yet to be named.

Scientists are speculating that the alien life form may have come to Earth during the Cambrian explosion and, during that period, evolved into numerous related species, some of which assumed a bipedal or human-like configuration.

Carbon dating showed that the earliest forms unearthed to date lived in the Jurassic jungles as a fungus. They migrated north assuming an abundance of adapting shapes while surviving several mass extinctions during the migratory phases.

However, many samples unearthed at upper layers of the dig site indicated that the growth, while morphing, developed endoskeletons during the early Cenozoic era.

Bio-archaeologists suspect that creatures with nearly identical DNA to the earliest types discovered to date continue to roam the planet and appear in numerous shapes.

Comparing the find with DNA samples submitted by laboratories from around the world, the researchers concluded that the fungus is still among us.

Studying fossils from the dig, morphologists have been able to sketch a likeness of the alien life form’s facial features.

The most prominent characteristics are sharp angular details of the ears, nose and chin.

Archaeologists have determined from the study of the fossil record that the creature was ill-tempered and possessed an aggressive personality. Scarred and disfigured bone fragments reveal its tempestuous nature.

Here are some examples of what the fungus-like creature might look like:

COULTER

 RYAN VULCAN

***

From Rick Cooley’s Blog.

Good reads on important matters.

http://rcooley123.wordpress.com/2014/03/09/

more-of-the-same/

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March 2, 2014

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/02/14

Committee Presents Awards.

The Nobella Prize Committee announced its long-awaited list of whacked out nominees for the Most Valuable Putz award. The prize, symbolized by a statuette called The Putzie, is given to political or media wackos in categories for Best Republican Wactor in a Leading Role and Best Republican Wactress in a Leading Role.

putsie 1

The coveted statuette known throughout the world as The Putzie.

For Best Republican Wactor in a Leading Role the nominees are

Mitch McConnell for his role in Denying Veterans - about voting against an increase in benefits which includes a vote against a jobs program in 2012.

Dick Cheney for his role in Accusing the President – concerning a former vice president who criticizes President Obama for preferring to feed the hungry while reducing military troop levels. The plot involves a VP who said he would rather the president shoot the hungry and increase the number of troops.

Ted Cruz for his role in Shutting Down - about a scheme by a senator to shut down government and then blame his unscrupulous actions on President Obama.

Ted Nugent for his role in Smearing the President – about a washed up singer making outrageously racist remarks and with a penchant for hooking up with young girls.

Greg Abbott, current GOP candidate for governor of the semi-great state of Texas, for Wallowing - in the support from pedophile racist Ted Nugent.

Candidates who received honorable mention were John Boehner, Eric Cantor, Rick Perry, Darrell Issa, Bill Kristol. Sean Hannity, Rush Limboo, Jon Kyl, John McCain, Bob Corker Lindsey Graham , Orrin Hatch. Louie Gohmert, Lawrence Lockman, Steve Martin, Chris Christie, Paul Lepage, Bobby Jindal, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, etc., etc., etc.

For Best Republican Wactress in a Leading Role the nominees are,

Sarah Palin for her role in Sucking Up – about a washed up former VP candidate praising an extremist Ted Nugent and her support for Texas gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott (Abbott was also nominated for Best Supporting Wactor in Sucking Up).

Ann Coulter for her eponymous role as Ann Coulter.

Michelle Bachmann for her role in Anti-Gay in Arizona – about a washed up politician encouraging Gov. Jan Brewer to sign anti-gay legislation in the Grand Canyon State.

Nimrata Nikki Randhawa Haley who stars as the governor of South Carolina in Unions Aren’t Welcome Here – about a Southern governor dissing labor unions and gay unions and all other unions not approved by the Union of Fundamentalist Christian Churches.

Jan Brewer for Sticking Her Finger - in the face of the President of the United States.

The names of the winners are kept in a waterproof lockbox located in a sunken pirate ship 150 feet below the surface of the Gulf of Mexico 10 miles east of the Yucatan Peninsula guarded by a detachment of the last remaining veterans of the invasion of Iwo Jima.

The winners of the Most Valuable Putz Award will be announced Sunday, March 3rd or 4th which ever comes first.

***

Help Wanted.

The Korean Free Trade Agreement (better known as 한국어 자유 무역 협정) has created a need for an experienced Orange Juice Salesman (오렌지 주스 세일즈맨).

Company exporting breakfast beverages to Asia is experiencing an increase in demand.

Qualified person must be familiar with pulp and non-pulp varieties and concentrated and pure squeezed juices. Thorough knowledge of water diluted products required.

Must be willing to travel.  (여행을 기꺼이해야합니다).

Fluency in Korean is essential.  (한국어 실력이 필수적이다).

Company offers Obamacare voucher.  (회사는 Obamacare의 쿠폰을 제공합니다).

Selected individual must own or buy a recent model Hyundai or Kia.  (선정 된 개인이 소유하거나 최근 모델 현대 나 기아 자동차를 구입해야합니다).

To be considered for this once in a lifetime opportunity send resume with salary requirement to:

오렌지 주스 수출 부문
플로리다 OJ 음료 주식 회사
우편 사서함 666
서울 한국 555 55 55

***

Institute Offers Language Training Program.

The Sardo Institue of Foreign Language Training is offering a speed course in learning to speak, read and write the Korean Language.

The Sardo Institute of Foreign Language Training uses the world famous the Think Method” of learning a foreign language.

Developed by language professors at the Sardo Institute and experts in the science of Thinkology, the Think Method is guaranteed to have you speaking the Korean language in two short weeks.

Yes, in just two short weeks you can be speaking Korean as fluently as a citizen of that rapidly developing Asian country.

Persons who speak Korean are in high demand in today’s tight job market. So anyone who speaks this remarkably easy to learn language using the Think Method developed by The Sardo Institute is guaranteed to find long term employment.

And if you enroll in The Sardo Institute’s Think Method of Learning a Foreign Language right now you will receive a certificate toward learning a second foreign language absolutely free.

Yes, that’s right. Two languages for the price of one.

Better hurry though! This offer won’t last long.

Simply note the languages of choice on your order and send $299.99 plus $5.95 shipping and handling to:

The Sardo Institute of Foreign Language Training
P.O. 666
Pasta Fagioli, Italy 555 5555
Cash only please.

***

Tony Dinks Deng.

Talk about a drop shot heard ’round the world, former British Prime Minister Tony Blair is rumored to have had an affair with social gadfly Wendi Deng.

And exactly who is Wendi Deng?

She is the former wife of media mogul Rupert Murdoch and she fell head over butt for those blue British eyes.  While she was married.  To Rupert Murdoch.

The two are now amicably divorced.

No word on how “amicable” her affair de Blair remains.

BLAIR

The devil is in Tony Blair’s ole blue eyes.

.

Wendi went head over butt
For a guy with a famed British strut.
He was Minister Prime
Who had a great time
Taking Deng from a rut, so tut tut.
.
It was all lovey dovey for sure
For Wendi the Brit had the cure.
They rolled in the hay
On many a day
With allure she gave Tony the tour.
.
Her body of such fine design
Gave the Brit a jolly old time.
He was great in the bed
So she took him and said
I’ll unwed for a time so sublime.
.
With Murdoch she could not endure
A life so starkly obscure.
To Tony she went
Told Rupert get bent
I’m having a marriage detour.
 
https://www.tytnetwork.com/2014/03/02/tony-blair-banged-rupert-murdochs-wife/
 
***
Winners Revealed.
 
breaking
 
We go now to Pasta Fagioli, Italy where a spokesperson for the Nobella Prize Committee is about to announce the winners of the Most Valuable Putz Award.
 
Here is Professor Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe with the winners:
 
“May I have the dumbbell, please”
 
(Professor Bacciagalupe is now unscrewing the top of the dumbbell containing the name of the first winner).
 
And the winner of the Putzie for Best Republican Wactor in a Leading Role is,

Dick Cheney for his part in Accusing the President.”

“The former vice president was unable to attend today’s ceremonies due to the fact that he doesn’t give two shits about anything anymore except maybe starting another war somewhere.”

cheney 2

.

“And now for the next award….May I have the dumbbell please.”

“The winner of the Putzie for the Best Republican Wactress in a Leading Role is

Ann Coulter for her role in Ann Coulter.”

“Ms. Coulter was unable to attend today’s ceremonies due to a previous contractual commitment to make an outrageous statement on Fox News.”

COULTER

.

Losers and honorable mentions receive the Nobella Committee’s Sorta Good Citizen Prize.

the finger

The Sorta Good Citizen Prize.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winners supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

***

Limerick Lunacy.

A woman worked hard to design
A plan for a guy she’d entwine
In matrimonial bliss
So she gave him a kiss
Then soon on a bed she’d recline.
.
A man who taught graphic design 
Once took a smart student to dine. 
He showed her his work
She thought “such a jerk”
But she had a good time on Rhine wine.
.
Stayed up till three playing cards
Had far fewer wins than discards
Enjoyed a good drink
While I stayed in the pink
So late in the morn’ here’s regards.
.
The drink you’ve guessed was not punch
After a few came the crunch
You may think it was Hell
But I slept real well 
Now I’m ready for breakfast and lunch.
 
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