The DC Folly Trolley

Bill Clinton says companies such as Bain Capital do good work. Yeah, right. They also contribute boatloads of payola to political campaigns.

I suspect it’s not the so-called “good work” the right wing Dems are so thrilled about.  Rather it’s all that payola both in office and when they leave that’s got them so excited.  And let’s not forget companies like Bain are a good way to make a fast buck.

Mr. Fat Cat himself.

Romney made a fortune. Of course, he was born sitting on top of his father’s pile of cash.

But not the little boy from Arkansas.  He started from scratch and look at him now.  Talk about scratch, I’ve read estimates of his wealth that range from $38 to $80 million. Even if the estimates are exaggerated, the guy did right well for himself. All he had to do was sell out the New Deal and he was blessed by those who do the blessing in the world of Follyland DC.

And if Obama loses? He has to be drooling at the prospects of his post-presidency years. He’s gonna get rich beyond his wildest dreams.

So if you aren’t already super rich, the presidency is little more than a stepping stone to untold wealth.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

John Edwards is nothing more than a corrupt politician.

You gotta problem with corrupt politicians?

No one in government does.

Says he wants to do public service. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Jay Townsend, a GOP reactionary, advocated throwing acid into the eyes of Democratic female senators. Stupid remark? Of course, he’s a Republican. What would you expect?

Proves beyond doubt that many Republicans are only recently emerged from the Neander Valley in Germany, the site where the remains of a tribe of Neanderthals, once thought to be extinct, were discovered.

Neandertal (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jay Townsend before shaving in the morning.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Dear Mitt, some are feeling concerned

When you stand with D. Trump and get burned

The Donald’s a huge gambler

Who knows squat of the Nash Rambler

Yet so rich he cannot be spurned

The car that made the Romneys famous, produced while George Romney was CEO.  1959 Rambler American 2-door compact sedan by American Motors Corporation (AMC) — the first generation design. Painted in optional factory two-tone blue. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

***

Sign seen in front of the office of the American Psychiatric Association:

New Patients Accepted

We have a diagnosis just for you.

See your local psychiatrist and get yours today.

Psychiatrists have teamed up with Big Pharma in an all out effort to convince the American people that they really are crazy. According to an article in Dissident Voice the psychiatric group has “reaffirmed its resolve to pathologize healthy people.”

Nice too see this group so willing to help the sanity challenged.

Of course, when you can define sanity challenged, the profession becomes just another way to make a fast buck.

***

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they’ve been fooled. Mark Twain.

***

Scott Walker may be a douche bag, but according to polls, it’s a douche a majority of Wisconsin’s voters can’t wait to get – for a second time around.

***

Sounds like the Bush family is still hoping for a Jeb pick.

Smilin’ Al. Is he still carrying water for the Bushes?

Alberto Gonzalez, Bush’s Attorney General, told CNN’s John King that Marco Rubio (R-FL) is not qualified to be vice president. Sounds like the Bush family is still hoping for a Jeb pick despite the fact that the former Florida governor keeps insisting he doesn’t want the job. In politics, however, no, no, no, too often means please, please, please!!!

If the Bushes want Jeb, and Romney knows what’s good for him, it’ll be Jeb for VP all the way.

The only reason Romney might not want Jeb is that he could be too powerful an influence over White House affairs and might overshadow Mitt’s presidency.

Related articles

• Study: Massive bias toward pharmaceuticals at American Psychiatric Association conferences (namasteconsultinginc.com)
• The Only thing We Really Know About John Edwards Is that He Still Would Have Been Better than Bush (tjwalker.com)
• Bill Clinton plays the Cory Booker card – Stop being mean to Bain Capital (americablog.com)

The DC Folly Trolley

Bill Clinton had a photo op with some porn stars.  Guess you heard.  I was a little disappointed though.  He kept his pants on.

Bill Clinton Porn Star Picture Explained By Brooklyn Lee And Tasha Reign - Read the article at Huffington Post.

Being around women isn’t a problem for the former prez any longer.  Rumor has it that Hilary had all his zippers sewn up – a long time ago.

***

Lack of a draft seems to facilitate the charge into war. Drafting the kids of the rich would lessen the rush.

 Read the Article at HuffingtonPost by Charlie Rangel.

After all, it’s mostly the kids of the poor who do the killing and the dying.

So let’s put the rich kids on the battlefield and in the foxholes and start killing a few of them and let’s see what happens.

Of course, a few escape hatches like the National Guard and exemptions for college would have to be closed.

The message for rich college kids:  Don’t unpack.  The next war will be coming to your campus soon.  Go for it, Charlie.

***

Wanna Double War Spending.  Try These Plans on For Size.

Several goods ways to keep war spending growing at exponential rates:

1. Build anti-missile bases on the border of the Soviet Union.  Ya’ll member dem Soviets.  Dem was da commanists what was goin’ to do us in. We sure showed dem a thang er two.

2. Build naval bases in the Philippines and South Korea and deploy aircraft carrier groups near the Chinese mainland.  If that doesn’t piss them off, we can try bombing North Korea.  That’ll get their attention.

3.  Bomb, bomb, bomb – bomb, bomb Iran.  And don’t give me any of this Israel bullshit acting as a surrogate.  We need to stop pussyfootin’ and grow some balls.  Do the damn thing ourselves.  Then we can justify spending $2 trillion dollars a year on the War Department instead of a paltry three quarters of a trillion.  Besides it’s really fun watching wars on CNN.  Didn’t you enjoy the last one?  Now that’s what I call reality TV.  And this one will be televised in hi-def.  Oh man, I can’t wait.  Good for CNN’s ratings also.  That’s about the only way they can get people to watch them anymore.

And I’m not talkin’ some silly shit Obama drone war either.  I want the real McCoy – with tanks and carpet bombing and cruise missiles and all that deadly release of depleted uranium.  That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.

Besides the more wars we start, sooner or later we’re gonna win one.  I mean, like, it’s just the law of averages.

Yessireeeee, bob.  $2 trillion dollar War Department here we come.

***

Catholic bishops criticized the Girl Scouts for taking positions on issues opposed by the Church.  The bishops accused the girl’s organization of having a partnership with Planned Parenthood and supporting positions on sexuality, birth control and abortion.  A spokesperson for the Scouts denied the charges.

Bishop Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe of the Church of the Holy Book said his congregation was angered by the fact that Girl Scouts selling cookies often interfered with bingo nights.

***

Mitt Romney has been accused of heresy against Republican orthodoxy for stating that budget cuts would cause a recession.

Republicans should not be worried however.  Romney is upside down, inside out and backwards on all issues.  And he can perform this shtick simultaneously.  What a guy!!

What you see beside us Mr. Romney is a jet fighter.  It costs this much.

***

People believe the rich got half of the Bush tax cuts.  Actually, they got all of the Bush tax cuts.  As for the rest of us, our tax cuts were pumped into the gas tank and went from there through the pipeline directly to Wall Street.

Related articles

• Vatican Turns on Girl Scouts (thedailybeast.com)
• Girl Scouts denies ties to Planned Parenthood (wnd.com)
• Bishops To Hold “Official Inquiry” Of Girl Scouts (jonathanturley.org)
• The Story Behind Clinton’s Porn Star Picture (huffingtonpost.com)

The DC Folly Trolley

The JPMorgan Chase fiasco highlights the gullibility of Bill Clinton who swooned over the deregulation scams engineered by the notorious Senator Phil Gramm and supported by his ill-advised appointments of deregulation addicts Robert Rubin and Larry Summers to Treasury.

***

Dimons are the Streets best friend.

The Hope Diamond, a gem worth more than the Jamie (Courtesy of David Bjorgen).

***

Masking tape alert!  Mitt Romney said something to the effect that young people don’t understand the workings of banks.  Not a good thing to say during an election year since a lot of young people vote.  Evidently someone in the Romney campaign forgot the masking tape and Mitt was able to open his mouth – again.

Jeez, can’t they just get the guy to read from a teleprompter.

***

JPMorgan Chase just invented a new derivative.  It’s called the Jamie.  You buy and it loses $2 billion dollars.

The Woolworth Building built in the days when high finance could still work for the good of the people. (Photo courtesy of Derek Jensen (Tysto).

***

Speaking of Clinton and swooning, too many Democrats still gush adoringly over this millionaires’ best friend.

William Jefferson Clinton – otherwise known as Wild Willy – was a guest once again at the Peter G. Peterson Foundation’s Fiscal Summit in Follyland.  Clinton, a backstabbing Democrat who has been a right wing extremist on economic policy at least for two decades is, as always, happy to rub elbows with his fellow multimillionaires.

Wild Willy, the man with the fastest zipper ever to occupy the White House, long ago turned his back on his fellow working class Democrats.

Why these middle class workers still pay homage to this brazen turncoat is a mystery of unfathomable proportions.  He is the president who signed off on NAFTA, the disastrous deregulation agreements and, except for his zipper problem, would have made a deal with then Speaker Newt Gingrich that might well have opened the floodgates to the demise of Social Security.  He, in the person of his chief of staff, the aristocrat Erskine Bowles, was open to the idea of cuts to the Democrats’ most revered program and was set to open negotiations with the Speaker.  Then along came Monica who performed a service for which we all owe her a huge debt of gratitude.  She should only know.

And, by the way, Clinton defiantly bragged to his fellow millionaires that he wanted to cut Social Security by 10%.  He was, however, prevented from doing so by a coalition of Democrats and some rational Republicans (I know it’s hard to believe, but there was a time long, long ago when such a thing as a rational Republican actually existed on the planet.  Archaeologists have found fossil evidence to support this theory).

For all of these reasons, the Clinton presidency should be viewed as the miserable failure it was for working Americans.

Clinton points to the strong economic growth that occurred during the years when he occupied the Oval Office as his legacy.  But anyone could have been there and the same growth would have ensued.  Clinton simply got lucky.  The boom in telecommunications and information technology would have happened whether Clinton was in office or whether his pants were up or down.  And the tech bubble, which burst before he left office, also contributed to the false sense of prosperity that occurred when he just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

It’s time for honest Democrats to recognize this quisling for what he has always been – a right wing conservative on economic issues and a millionaire’s best pal.

Where would I place this so-called Democrat among a ranking of Democratic presidents?  Well, I guess somewhere above James Buchanan.  I guess.

***

Earlier in the week, Mitt Romney said the economy should be creating 500,000 jobs a month.  I say it should be creating a million jobs a month.  Neither of us knows what the hell we’re talking about so I guess that makes me a better bullshitter than Romney.  And that’s not an easy thing to do.

***

California is set to win the JPMorgan Chase Challenge for money losers.  That’s gotta be worth something.

Gov. Jerry Brown announced the state’s debt has risen to something in the neighborhood of $16 billion dollars.

So how’s all that job outsourcing working for ya?

The state government has hundreds of departments – all of which provide good jobs for millions of residents.

The jobs created by these departments are probably among the few remaining good paying jobs in the state.

Now here’s a thought.  If the state would just outsource all of the jobs created by the government or just eliminate them outright, the departments could be consolidated into just three:

The California Department to Feed the Hungry

The California Department to Clothe the Naked

The California Department to Shelter the Homeless

That last department wouldn’t be needed in the warmer parts of the state.  People could just live and die in the streets.

The point here is when private enterprise abandons its people out of malicious greed the people then must depend on its government for a livelihood.  And the people’s government must recoup the tax base it so casually gave away to pay for worthwhile services.

Instead, what we are witnessing is government abandoning its people by eliminating jobs and aggravating an already intense depression.

***

Too many North Carolinians hate government because it spends too much money – mostly on better wages and benefits for workers.  The wages and benefits are much better than those received by workers in the private sector, for example.  Yet instead of advocating for better conditions in private industry, great numbers of North Carolinians vote to degrade conditions for government employees – in fact they’re quite satisfied that many are simply getting fired.  Schadenfreude anyone?

***

Scientists have discovered a fungus in the Amazon rainforest that can live on polyurethane.  Apparently it eats, digests and then degrades the product into its basic elements.  I guess that’s a good thing.  Now if they could only find a fungus that degrades Styrofoam; it takes planet Earth a million years to perform that function – give or take a millennium.

***

According to the Wisconsin State Journal, the state is leading the country in the percentage of – say what!!!!! – job losses!!!!!  How can that be?  Gov. Scott Walker gave businesses tens of millions of dollars in tax cuts.  Weren’t the cuts supposed to create jobs?

Guess all those tax cuts aren’t working out so well.  At least not for the average worker.  Guess what Scottie really wanted was two yachts in every rich man’s garage – paid for by cuts in public sector jobs.

But private sector jobs declined as well.  Musta had all those yachts built in foreign countries, right Scottie.

So how’s all that deregulated free enterprise working out for ya?

What’s really astounding, though, is that Walker leads his opponent in the recall race by six points according to some polls.

At least half the state loves those tax cuts for rich people.  As for the rest, well, let them eat rice.  It’s good for ya.

Wisconsin job losses highest in nation for last 12 months, federal report says

***

The F-35 joint strike fighter is turning out to be private enterprise’s biggest taxpayer rip-off in the history of taxpayer rip-offs.  Yes, even bigger than the big bank bailout rip-off.

The entire program is estimated to cost about $1.5 trillion dollars.  But it will probably cost more.  They can’t seem to get the thing to work right.  It keeps killing pilots.  Not to worry though.  A few multi-billion dollar tweaks here and there and the plane should fly – and stop killing pilots.

 

A replica of a World War II Japanese aircraft – a plane that flies.

So who do we blame for this multi-trillion dollar boondoggle:  The government or private enterprise?  Should we blame Lockheed Martin – the manufacturer of this not quite ready to fly trillion dollar death trap?  Or the government that bought into the scam?

If it was up to me, I would tell Lockheed Martin to go fly a kite.  If it didn’t cost a billion dollars to get them to build one, that is.

The F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, the Most Expensive Weapon Ever

Related articles

• Robert Reich: How Odd that Mitt’s Smitten with Clinton (yubanet.com)
• “Leaving Bush Behind Elevator Doors”: Mitt Romney Throws “Air Kiss To Bill Clinton” (mykeystrokes.com)
• Romney wonders if Obama has ‘personal beef’ with the Clintons (thehill.com)

Sex On Campus

Daily Kos has published excerpts from the Liberty University manual that outlines acceptable student behavior.  Things like you can’t get laid on campus even if you’re screwing a member of the opposite sex are forbidden.  Actually, you can’t get laid off campus either.  Students are permitted to hold hands however.  I’m presuming same sex holding hands is prohibited.

A photo of a chapel at a small religious institution.

The dress code forbids female students from wearing skirts whose hemlines reach above the knee.

Now it’s been a long time since I’ve been in college.  But while I was there, I did learn a thing or two.  One of my observations regarded skirts.  What I discovered was that skirts with hemlines above the knee are tighter and usually more difficult to raise while skirts with hemlines below the knee are looser and raise in a jiffy.

Panties slip off quite easily in either case.

Given the strict rules about hemlines at Liberty, I’m assuming the ladies don’t simply undress but have to be coaxed just a little bit – as they did back in the day – before they would allow their beaus that delightful access. So I’m sure the guys at Liberty have discovered this peculiar phenomenon about tight and loose skirts all by themselves.

Actually, if two consenting adults are engaging in safe sex it’s nobody’s business but their own regardless of whomever is wearing the skirt.

Read the article at Daily Kos: Liberty University’s “The Liberty Way” exposed

***

Officials at The Sardo Institute of Higher Learning have been receiving criticism from local residents after portions of The Institute’s Code of Behavior for Students were published in the student newspaper on the campus located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  The Code was published to encourage students from others universities to transfer to the Sardo Institute.

Students who would like to transfer can fill out an application and send it along with the $300.00 application fee to:

Admissions:  The Sardo Institute

                          PO Box 555 55 55

                          Pasta Fagioli, Italy

                          Cash only please.

 

A summary of the Code of Behavior follows.

Article I of the Code states that the only acceptable position when engaging in sexual relations is the man on top and the woman beneath him.  The newspaper insisted that this Article represented a 20^th view of man Tarzan, woman Jane attitude.

Officials pointed out however that article XI of the Code permitted role playing and role switching and this rule allowed the woman to assume the Tarzan role and get on top of the male Jane.

Article II states that sex is only permitted between a man and a woman or any combination thereof.

Group sex is strictly limited to weekends.

Sex in motor vehicles of any kind is prohibited.  That’s what dormitories are for.

Sex in the library is forbidden unless performed in a discreet manner so as not to disturb other students who may be engaged in the same activity.

Female students must adhere to a strict dress code.  Skirt hemlines, for example, must reach at least twelve inches above the knee.  Shorter are skirts are permitted; panties are optional and bras are frowned upon.

Single piece bathing suits may not be worn in swimming pool areas.  They are, however, suitable classroom attire.

Article LXVIII forbids oral sex.  The next article permits it provided it is performed with at least one consenting adult partner.

Farting on campus is strictly forbidden, but especially in the library between the bookshelves.  Unless, of course, you’re a dinosaur.  Dinosaurs can fart wherever they want.

Actual FOX News Headline: “Dinosaurs May Have Farted Themselves to Extinction.” Enough Said | BuzzFlash.org

Related articles

• Spring Peek: High/Low Hemlines (fabsugar.com)
• University’s Code of Conduct Warns Against Abortion, Witchcraft, and Female Immodesty [Holy Crap] (jezebel.com)
• Liberty University Student Handbook: Curfews, Preferred Hair Styles And Punishments For Watching R-Rated Movies (mediaite.com)

The DC Folly Trolley

Congress is holding a buy one, get one half off sale this week.  That’s right.  Buy one vote at full price; get half off the second vote.  Better hurry.  Sale ends Saturday.

National Statuary Hall

***

Marriage is the union between a man and woman who have just entered into the first stage of divorce.

I voted against the marriage ban in NC.  Why should gays be any better off than the rest of us?

The real losers of the ban vote were the divorce lawyers.  Gay marriage would be a cash cow for them.

Most of Perdue’s problems resulted from having to deal with a Republican legislature – one which overrode several of her vetoes.  For the first time in a hundred years both houses of the legislatures were GOP dominated.  Of course, the Republicans needed the votes of five backstabbing Democrats to override.

The vote for the ban on gay marriage in NC was so lopsided I think only divorce lawyers voted against.  And me.

I wonder how many divorced people in NC voted to preserve the sanctity of the institution by banning gay marriage.  Probably a slew.

NC is filled with hypocrites who vote social issues while ignoring the economics of politics even if it harms themselves, their children and their grandchildren.  Go figure.

Prediction:  The state returns to the Republican column after Romney proposes an amendment to the Federal Constitution to ban gay marriage .  The amendment will fail of course, but the hypocrites will salivate with uncontrollable joy.  Holy rollers, Batman.

***

Ann Romney buys $990.00 silk tee shirts.  When she’s tired of one she takes it to the Salvation Army Store and gets a receipt she can use as a $980.00 tax deduction.  All is not as it first appears.

***

Here’s a phrase from the Bible that Wall Street lives by:  Strike first the other’s cheek; and when he turns strike again.  Can’t seem to find the chapter and verse it comes from though.

***

Walmart has been accused of bribery in Mexico.  I find that hard to believe.  In America, that’s called politics.

***

On a recent vacation the Romney family packed the SUV so full of $990.00 tee shirts and other stuff, there was no room for the dog – or for Mitt.  So they were both tied to the roof of the car.  Since there was only room enough in the kennel for the dog, they tied Dad directly to the car.  Not to worry though.  They gave Mitt a blanket and lots of sunscreen.

When they arrived at their destination, however, Mitt was so pissed off he began smashing TV cameras.  Apparently, riding on the roof of the car messed up his coif.

***

Palm greasing in the nation’s capital has replaced baseball as the national pastime.

At least the Washington Nationals play by the rules.

As for everybody else in Follyland, there are no rules.

***

Killing bin Laden was an important day in Barack Obama’s presidency.  Can you think of another one?

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Despite his successes, Obama’s failures seem to be rising to the surface.  Three missteps in particular are standouts:  His failure to pursue adequate stimulus, the abandonment of the  public option and settling for weak financial reform.

***

Actress Susan Sarandon, a political activist, believes her phone has been tapped by the government.

An Oscar winning actress and a fine looking woman, Susan Sarandon.

You might want to check the shower head for cameras.  UPW News reports some members of the Department of Homeland Security believe that numerous anti-government plots have been hatched by naked women showering.

***

The sad thing about the Walmart bribery case is that the Mexicans would have taken half; and Walmart would have paid double.

***

Mitt Romney – the uncaped crusader – is taking credit for the success of the auto bailout.  If you think he said what he said he said, that’s not what he said.  He said what he said was the car companies should declare bankruptcy.  And he said that’s exactly what they did and that’s what he said they should do.   What he said, however, left out an important element of what actually occurred; and that is government loans to the tune of billions of dollars were given to the credit starved companies and that is what saved the now profitable US auto industry.

What Romney said and what he said he said were actually two different things, if you can believe Romney would actually do such a thing.  What you think he said is not what he said, he said.  He’s not really sure what he said, but if I think he said what he said I think he said the free market should run its course and the industry should be left to swing in the wind.

But that’s been the basis of the Uncaped Crusader’s whole campaign.  Learn what his base really believes and then join in the chorus; read the morning newspaper and if there’s some good news, make a speech and take credit for it.

Want the naked truth about Romney:  This emperor truly has no clothes (with the possible exception of $990.00 tee shirts).

***

Some gazillionaire wants Obama to make a speech about how really, really nice rich people are.  And why not?  Even a tyrannosaur needs a little loving once in a while.

***

JPMorgan Chase just blew another couple billion dollars on some really shitty investments.  But that could be the tip of the iceberg – or should I say the shit pile.  Billions more could be buried deep in that pile.

Oh well.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Besides, Jamie Dimon, the CEO, is real good friends with Barack Obama.  A chit chat with the pres should rake in enough taxpayer dollars to cover any JP shortfall.

JPMorgan Chase, you see, is too big to fail.  It’s still not too big to fuck up, however.

***

After Pennsylvania residents who live near a fracking zone complained of contaminated water, EPA tests declared the water safe for human consumption.  An EPA spokesman encouraged residents to follow the agency’s guideline:  If you light a match under the kitchen faucet and the water catches fire don’t drink it.

Random Musings

As you’ve heard Paul Ryan had a very bad week.  First, he felt compelled to renounce patron saint Ayn Rand’s Objectivism, the wrong-headed notion that selfishness and greed are mankind’s greatest virtues.

The new Master of Disaster.  Henry Aaron, Inventor Of Paul Ryan’s Medicare Reform Concept, Explains Why It’s Wrong.  At Huff Post.

And then the guy who devised his plan to destroy Medicare said, in so many words, that the whole thing was bullshit.  Of course, most of us already knew that.  Except for the mainstream media who wouldn’t know bullshit in a cow pasture.

***

You may have read about the Rev. Sean Harris, a North Carolina preacher who advocated beating kids who may show homosexual tendencies.

Actually, the pastor of Berean Baptist Church is just being kind to kids.  A little punching around is no big thing compared to what The Bible commands of the fundamentalist.

“For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death…”  (Leviticus 20:9).  I can’t wait to hear the pastor’s sermon on that verse.

Moses:  The man to whom God handed down the laws we can now read in the Old Testament.

Fortunately for all of us, the law of man supersedes the will of God, at least as it is interpreted and handed down to us by radical fundamentalist Christians.

In the same vein, the kids of Judson Baptist Church in New York City sent “Cards of Hope”, a message of tolerance, to the members of the Fayetteville, NC church.  A nice gesture on their part but it isn’t likely to help.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

The next time a pretty gal asks if I have the time, I think I’ll say “Not at the moment, but maybe in an hour or so.

Now such an answer will probably piss her off royally, in which case I’ll explain that my watch is at the jewelers for repair.  It should be ready in about an hour and then I’ll have the time.

My luck, she’ll wait and want five hundred bucks for her time.

***

Time is a funny thing.  Einstein tells us that we all exist in a space-time continuum.  Now I have no problem with the space part of that theory.  You can look up at the sky and see space day and night.  Also, believe it or not, humans have the ability to create space.  Just go out to the garage, move a few boxes, throw away a few pieces worthless junk you’ve been saving and, viola, you’ve created space.

But you can’t go into a closet, remove a few boxes and create time.  Time just doesn’t work that way.

So I’ve been thinking about ways human beings can create time.  Einstein also tells us that the faster we travel, time slows down, until we reach the speed of light, in which case time stops completely.  Yep.  That’s right, it flat out stops.  No more time.  So in that situation, when you wife asks you to do your chores, you can truthfully say “Sorry, honey.  I don’t have the time.”

Another funny thing about time is that very few human beings actually have the exact time.  If you need the exact time, you have to place a phone call to the United Kingdom to a small town named Greenwich where the exact time is measured at the Royal Greenwich Observatory.  The United States Naval Observatory, as well as several other institutions, also keep the exact time, down to several millionths of a second.  And when all of these time clocks differ due to variances in the force of gravity, an average time is calculated.  So precise are these time measuring devices that, when it becomes necessary, leap seconds are added to a year.  The next leap second will be added on June 30, 2012 on which day there will occur a minute with 61 seconds or, dare I say it, a leap minute.

Aerial view of the U.S. Naval Observatory. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

***

We got tax cuts from Bush and tax cuts from Obama and then pumped them straight into the gas tank.  The next time somebody says the rich got most of the tax cuts the response should be “No, they got all of the tax cuts.”  And if there should be another cut, they’ll get that one too, all of it.

***

Supply side economics – the greatest and most evil Ponzi scheme of all time.  It’s based on the ridiculous idea that if you give rich people enough of the hard earned money of working people, the rich will create even more jobs and pay hard working people even more money.  Such an idea is, of course, unmitigated balderdash.  But unfortunately for most of us, just enough poor people fall for the scam to make life miserable for millions upon millions of Americans.

***

How are all those tax cuts for the “job creators” working out, by the way?  Not so good it would appear, at least judging by the latest anemic jobs report.  And the jobs that are being added are at the lower end of the economic scale.  “Would you like cheese on that burger, sir?”

***

State governments, mostly under the rule of Republican governors and legislatures have fired more than 600,000 hard working employees.  The loss of these government jobs is an offset to stimulus, works against economic growth and contributes greatly to the Great Recession.  Well, they’re Republicans.  What did you expect?

***

Worth repeating.  We here the droll repetition of how the Social Security fund is going broke.  Everyone should know by now that such a statement is beyond propaganda.  It is an open, bald faced lie.  Any columnist, pundit or TV host or commentator or corrupt politician who repeats that statement in any form is lying and he (or she) knows he is lying.

Social Security is not going broke.  In fact, it is resting on a 2.7 trillion dollar trust fund – a fund that consists of the safest investment on the planet and that is US Treasury bonds.

In about 25 years the fund will come up short but will still be able to pay 75 to 80% of all benefits.  And those benefits will be larger than they are today because of increases to offset inflation.

Now here is an even greater lie regurgitated by DC media puppets:  That in 75 years the fund will accrue a 7 trillion dollar debt and that such a debt is unsustainable.  Of course, that is media hogwash.  The debt is easily sustainable and readily fixable.  Raising the salary cap and a small fee on stock transactions would more than offset a 7 trillion dollar debt and by taking these small actions, the fund would pay 100% of its obligation in perpetuity.  And that’s the scary part for the Social Security haters.  The window to destroy the program is closing.  SS must be demolished in the next ten or so years or people will come to realize that it is easily sustainable forever.

***

Now let’s look at something the media marionettes are forbidden to repeat.  In 75 years, the Bush tax cuts will cost the nation 14 trillion dollars – twice the amount of the Social Security shortfall.

Now, want to hear a truly startling figure.  The projected cost of war spending 75 years out is forecast to be in the neighborhood of $90 trillion dollars.

Taken together, the Bush tax cuts and the war spending will cost the nation more than 100 trillion dollars over the next 75 years.  Talk about an unsustainable figure!!!!!

No!  Better not talk about it, at least if you’re a media marionette.  Because someone in the executive suites will cut your strings and you’ll be fired.  And you can bet your sweet little ass on that.

Related articles

• Grand Bargain: They’re Coming For Our Social Security Again (crooksandliars.com)
• Political Omissions of the Trustees for Social Security/Medicare (lsnewsgroup.com)
• Goverment Deficit Really $2.7 TRILLION MORE – Social Security Sound (dewgeneral.wordpress.com)

The DC Folly Trolley

The Bush tax cuts will cost the nation $14 trillion dollars over the next 75 years.  Military spending – if it is not sharply curtailed – will cost nearly $80 trillion dollars and possibly more.

The Bush tax cuts and his wars have created a deficit that may yet destroy the nation’s economy – beyond the damage they have already done.  The tax cuts alone are projected to cost the nation $14 trillion dollars over 75 years.  To put that figure into perspective, the Social Security shortfall is set at only $7 trillion dollars over 75 years and the program is expected to pay 75 to 80 percent of promised benefits despite the shortfall.

Those two figures taken together – tax cuts and war spending –  dwarf the Social Security shortfall of $7 trillion dollars over 75 years.

So what is all the panic about:  The nearly $100 trillion dollars of wasteful spending on war and tax cuts or the $7 trillion dollar easily manageable shortfall in Social Security?

Well, if you believe the hogwash being fed to you by right wing extremists and most of the media (that is, the 1%) about the deficit being caused by Social Security, you are being hornswoggled like never before in the nation’s history.

We all know the answer to the deficit problem.  Cut war spending and end the tax cuts.

According to Robert Naiman posting at Common Dreams, the currently proposed trimming of war spending would alone cover the Social Security shortfall.

And, of course, single payer is a permanent fix to the health insurance dilemma the nation now faces.

If you believe the hogwash spewing forth from the 1%, you are ill-formed or very rich.  And to be fair, many of the very rich don’t believe it for a minute either.

***

Semi-influential Fox News pundit Moncia Crowley tweeted an apology to Sandra Fluke after the Newser inferred that Fluke might be a lesbian.

On Fluke’s engagement Crowley clawed “To a man?”

Here is the apology she tweeted:

“Regret my tweeted question caused a stir. I certainly & unequivocally apologize to Sandra & anyone else I offended. Not my intention,” as published by Huffington Post.

Nice apology.  The comment is revealing nonetheless.

***

Here is a bulletin from the UPW Newsroom:  John McCain is still hanging around Follyland.  He issued a statement accusing President Obama of playing politics with the anniversary of Osama bin Laden’s death.  This nonsense spews from the man who played the prisoner of war card relentlessly.

John, don’t forget to pick up a loaf of bread on the way home.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Obnoxious as ever, House Republicans passed a bill no reasonable person would sign off on.

Republicans will never vote against a measure that helps the 99%.  They will always pass a bill designed to fail, however.  This practice is a common tactic among the GOP and should expose their hypocrisy for all to see.  Unfortunately, too few pay attention and that’s what the Republicans count on.

So the Repubs don’t want the interest rate on student loans to double.  They just want to pay for the difference by gutting preventive health care programs, many of which provide vital care to women, by another $6 billion dollars.

Boehner doing what he does best. An image of John Boehner at the AT&T National golf tournament, July 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Meanwhile, Speaker John Boehner says on CNN’s infotainment show that the cuts proposed by the GOP bill do not represent another assault in the Republican War On Women.

In fact, the House bill represents not only a War On Women, but now a War On Students.

***

And this from the New Jersey Hippodrome:  Chris Christie sorta, maybe called Democrats in the NJ legislature liars.  Critical of a Dem plan to pass a 20% tax credit, he said “They’re lying to you.  It’s the oldest scam in the book.”

Christie wants 10% tax cut – one that would accrue mostly to the rich – while at the same time increasing property tax rates – a tax that would fall heavily on the middle class.

The gov from NJ has demonstrated once again that he has a one-size-fits-all right wing hippo mouth along the lines of Limbaugh, Beck, Savage et al.

***

Don’t look now, but Paul Ryan, the author of the Republican disaster budget, has disavowed the philosophy of his patron saint Ayn Rand.

Sadly for this lady, we now realize she got it all wrong.  Most of us do anyway.

Apparently, Randian mythology is beginning to fall out of favor.  Once considered a philosophy, Rand’s Objectivism espoused unbridled capitalism and individual greed as foundations of human society.  More and more Rand’s writings are being recognized for what they really are:  The rantings of a disturbed misanthrope.

I guess such ideas have to be pushed into the background when a depraved politician such as Ryan begins sniffing the air for a vice presidential nomination.

***

Related articles

• Social Security and Medicare: Behind the Numbers and the Spin (crooksandliars.com)
• The simple Social Security fix no one wants to talk about (washingtonpolicywatch.org)
• Goverment Deficit Really $2.7 TRILLION MORE – Social Security Sound (dewgeneral.wordpress.com)

Candidate Wins Award

Romney enters his hair as a contestant in the new TV reality show "Styling With The Stars.' Mitt-Romney (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Nobella Prize Committee announced from its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy that US presidential candidate Mitt Romney has won the Nobella MVP award.

Mitt won for his statement that college students shouldn’t take out government loans to pay for college.  They should simply borrow the money from their parents.

And exactly where does Mitt “dog on roof” Romney believe parents are going to come up with the kind of scratch to put a son or a daughter through college?  Much less three kids?  That, of course, assumes that all parents have tens of thousands of dollars in the mattress just waiting for the kids to graduate from high school.

“Dog on roof” also noted that times are really, really hard for college students now graduating.  There are no jobs for about half of them.  And, of course, he said he would change all that, meaning the economic conditions existing in a country with few jobs available – conditions that he and his group of greedy capitalists contributed to.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

UPW Senior National Correspondent Marcy Popindick attempted to contact Romney to get a comment on his comments:

Hello, Mitt.  Mitt, are you there?  Come in, Mitt.  Houston, we have a problem.  Mitt Romney is lost in space.

Yes, “dog on roof” is really out ‘dere.  Waaaaay out ‘dere.

Popindick also wanted to congratulate the candidate for being the winner of the Most Valuable Putz award.

The prize was also given for his pointing that some guy named Jimmy John borrowed twenty grand from his parents to open a sandwich shop.  Good for Jimmy John.  And Romney undoubtedly knows thousands of parents with Swiss bank accounts and millions salted away in the Cayman Islands so they can avoid the taxes they justifiable owe their country.  And they would only lend their son $20,000.00!!!  What a bunch of cheapskates!!!  I guess greed is a family thing that even operates within the family.

Anyway, “dog on roof” Romney wins the MVP.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  Unreliable Press Worldwide:  Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

Related articles

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• Mitt Romney Offers Advice on Parental Loans and How to Succeed (abcnews.go.com)

Random Musings

Oh, no!  Heeee’s baaaaaaack!

Dick Cheney called the Obama presidency a disaster.

And that from the “master of disaster”, the chief architect of the worst administration in US history.

Coming from the designer of unmitigated disasters, the statement is more than a bit ironic.  The Bush-Cheney regime was worst ever bar none.  The Republicans would do well to keep this guy isolated in the mountains of Wyoming, deep in the winter snows and, if they’re really lucky, maybe buried under an avalanche.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

During the presentation portion of the challenge to the Affordable Care Act, Justice Antonin Scalia expressed particular interest in the power of the Federal government to force a citizen to purchase a health insurance policy from private insurance companies.

Scalia reasoned that if the government could force a person to purchase health insurance what would prevent it from forcing its citizens to eat broccoli.

The answer of course is that if broccoli cured a fatal contagious disease, the government would be obligated to force the entire population of the country to eat the vegetable in order to prevent a deadly epidemic. I daresay Scalia would be among the very first to stuff his mouth with the green stuff.

 Come to think of it, that’s not a bad idea.  And, who can tell, a mouth full of broccoli might even improve his appearance.  It would certainly prevent him from asking inane questions during oral arguments.

Moreover, while the spread of a fatal disease is a matter of life and death to many, lack of health insurance presents the same choice for millions who can’t afford expensive and inadequate profit  policies.

***

A man was recounting his woes

But discovered he hadn’t enough toes.

His fingers joined the count

As his woes began to mount

From courting ten women trouble flows.

.

A gal was recounting her woes

She invested in stock that soon froze

It soared with the bubble

Then crumbled to rubble

So that’s how the market wind blows.

.

A guy was recounting his woes

To a barmaid with runs in her hose

She said, honey, I’ve heard all the tales

And listened to so many wails

But still can’t buy clothes for my toes.

***

Unemployment Ahead for Many Doctors

Scientists believe they have discovered a vaccine that will help the immune system detect and destroy many types of cancer cells.

According to Richard Gray of The Telegraph, researchers at Tel Aviv University in conjunction with a company called Vaxil Biotheraputics discovered a molecule called MUC1 which is a component of cells both cancerous and healthy.  Cancer cells contain high levels of the molecules which exist at much lower levels in healthy cells.

A cancer cell.  A protein called MUC1 coats the surfaces of all cells.  It reproduces rapidly in cancer cells.  The new vaccine would “teach” the human immune system to attack the MUC1 protein in malignant tumors.

Scientists believe the new vaccine can “teach” the immune system to attack and destroy the large quantities of the molecule produced by cancerous tumors.

The development looks promising but raises the question of what type of work oncologists will pursue once the vaccine proves effective in treating and curing many cancers.

In response to the employment crisis that may arise among doctors currently practicing oncology, the Sardo Institute of Higher Learning has developed a specialty course designed to teach former doctors how to sell used cars for fun and profit.  As in the medical profession, doctors will be permitted to set their own fees regardless of the ability of buyers to pay for  them.

***

According to an article published in Science Daily, a noted research scientist believes that intelligent life exists on other planets but may well be in the form of dinosaurs.  Dr. Ronald Breslow theorizes that the correct combination of D-amino acids and L-sugars could give rise to intelligent life on any planet suitable for life to exist.

On earth mammalian life came to dominate the landscape only because a huge meteor wiped out the dinosaurs.  Without these voracious predators to determine the survival of the fittest, mammalian life proliferated and soon evolved into the most violent and predacious creature known to man.  Yes, that’s right.  It’s the human being – that rapaciously destructive creature who hubristically refers to himself as homo sapiens sapiens or wise, wise man.  A better moniker might be homo tyranno-simian or man the terrible monkey.

Well, I guess we’re at least wise enough to theorize that on other planets, where mammals became extinct because no meteor impacted the planet, dinosaurs became the dominant life form.  So much for homo sapiens sapiens.

Such an eventually, however, gives rise to certain questions, for example, do tyrannosaurs on a planet far, far away worship a god?  Is it the same God we worship?  Does the God have a chosen group of dinosaurs?  Was there a T-Rex named Abraham?  Who had a son named Issac?  Did the chosen dinosaurs escape from bondage?  Did they have a promised land?  And a messiah?  Was the messiah crucified?  How do you crucify a T-Rex?

This could go on forever.  But you get my drift.

***

Scientists at the Sardo Institute of Higher Learning have discovered exactly what it was that Eve ate in the Garden of Eden to piss off God so much that He expelled her and Adam from paradise.

The plants at the base of the tree are believed to be hemp.  Scientists found traces of tetrahydrocannabinol, an ingredient of the plant, in an olive jar at the dig site.

It was not a fruit at all but a plant called hemp that grew at the base of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

Archeologists at the dig in the delta where the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers join discovered a Zippo lighter in the area believed to be the location of the Garden.  The lighter has been carbon dated to approximately 5000 BCE, the time when Adam and Eve lived in the area.

According to a text discovered in another olive oil jar uncovered at the site and written by an ancient monk named Rasaphram, the story of the temptation by a serpent is now considered to be historical fact.  A member of a Middle Eastern tribe called the Rasaphrites, Rasaphram writes that Satan, a snake, who at the time walked on two feet, appeared to Eve and said to her that the hemp growing beneath the tree would make her a goddess.  Before the snake could stop her, Eve put a handful of the hemp in her mouth and began to chew it.  She soon spit it out because the plant had an extremely bitter taste even for a weed.

Rasaphram next writes that Satan said to Eve:  “You don’t eat it, asshole, you roll it up and smoke it.”

The snake then flicked his Zippo.

Since it was some really good stuff, she gave Adam a couple of puffs.  Soon, while Eve was scooping up after all of the dinosaurs (yes ladies, there was housework in the Garden of Eden and Eve did it all), Adam was riding around on his T-Rex all day smoking hemp.

When God discovered that the two creatures he had recently made from dust had stolen his best stuff, he became enraged and expelled the thieves from the Garden.

And now every time they had sex, Adam had to use a condom or Eve would get pregnant, throw up and have all kinds of pain whenever she delivered a baby.

And that, boys and girls, is the true story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Just one more thing.  Adam stole some of God’s plants and was able to grow his own stuff.

Related articles

• It’s official – Adam and Eve, er, weren’t. (wellthisiswhatithink.wordpress.com)

Committee Declares Winner

From its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the Nobella Prize Committee awarded its prestigious MVP prize to Virginia Foxx (R-NC).  Representing North Carolina’s 5^th Congressional district, the congresswoman said this week that she has no sympathy for college students who are now amassing huge debts to earn an undergraduate degree.

The woman with no sympathy for students amassing huge college debts, but who graciously votes to give government handouts to profit colleges regardless of amounts, quality or standards of any sort.  That’s the American way.

The congresswoman stated that she worked her way through school and that it took her seven years just to get through third grade.  Nonetheless, she said that if students worked they wouldn’t need to accumulate the thirty, forty, fifty thousand dollars and more to graduate from college.

Apparently, this foxxy fox never borrowed a dime to pay for her degree from UNC Chapel Hill.  However, according to Edward Murray posting at The Huffington Post, the cost of a year of tuition in 1968, the year Foxx attended UNC, was $1245.00 dollars.  That’s about the cost of a year of textbooks today – textbooks that publishers and sit-on-their-ass professors are cashing in on.  (Just to be clear, scuttlebutt has it that some professors actually teach classes).

Edwards also notes that the minimum wage was 38% higher in today’s dollars.  If the minimum wage had kept pace with inflation over the last fifty years or so, it would be about $11.00 an hour.  A minimum wage at that level might give students a fighting chance but that’s a program her party has been trying to destroy ever since its inception in 1938.

As an added incentive to award the Most Valuable Putz to Ms. Foxx, the Committee noted that the congresswoman sits on the Higher Education and Workforce Training Subommittee where she regularly gets her palms greased by lobbyists for profit- making universities that charge exorbitant fees, offer little in the way of education, hire commissioned salesmen to snatch students and then separate them from their government loan money.

(By the way, The Sardo Institute of Higher Learning located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, accepts a student’s government loan money in payment of tuition even though the Institute offers no degrees, holds no classes and makes no guarantee that a student will ever find a job.  Hey, at least, we’re not faking it like some profit colleges).

So we congratulate Ms. Foxx for winning the award.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

Correction:  Actually, Ms. Foxx didn’t take seven years to complete third grade. It took her that long to finish college.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  Unreliable Press Worldwide:  Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

Related articles

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The DC Folly Trolley

Congressman Poe and Governor Mitt Romney (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Two of Mitt Romney’s greatest political assets are his hair stylist and his dentist.

***

A Republican judge on the 5^th Circuit Court of Appeals sent an ultimatum to the US Department of Justice demanding a clarification within three days of President Obama’s statement that if the Supreme Court overturns the Affordable Care Act, the decision would represent an extraordinary step of judicial activism.

This guy, some judge named Jerry Smith (isn’t he a comedian;  or am I thinking of the circus clown) sent a letter demanding an explanation within three days of the president’s statement and whether Attorney General Eric Holder believes Federal courts can declare laws unconstitutional.

Frightened as they have always been of the slightest criticism from Fox News and Republican growling in general, the AG responded to the ultimatum presumably with a three page, single spaced letter by noon Thursday as the judge stipulated.

According to UPW News White House Senior Correspondent Marcy Popindick, the letter to this right wing judge began with the words “bafangool, asshole, it’s none of your goddamn business what the president thinks about anything.”

Later in the day Ms. Popindick withdrew her earlier report when she learned that the letter represented the usual White House suck up to Republican demands.

The reality here is that the judge himself violated the Constitution by encroaching on the document’s “separation of powers” imperative.

Moreover, the fact is that no Federal court has the Constitutional authority to overturn any law whatsoever.  That power is at best extra-Constitutional, if not itself unconstitutional.

The power of judicial review devolves from a decision of the Court headed by Chief Justice John Marshall, who declared an act of Congress unconstitutional in the now famous case of Marbury v. Madison.  At best, that power is based on precedent and tradition.  Given the penchant of right wing justices toward judicial activism and their rush to overturn precedent, there is no legal reason an activist president could not reject the Court’s activist decision since the Court has no Constitutional authority to interfere with the powers and obligations a president derives from the Constitution nor to undue the powers of Congress to pass legislation by declaring acts unconstitutional.

William Marbury (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

William Marbury (Photo credit: Wikipedia). This is a painting of the famous Marbury whose case before John Marshall’s Supreme Court gave to the Court the enormous and extra-constitutional power to declare acts of Congress unconstitutional.

Moreover, the men who drew up the Constitution were well of aware of the concept of judicial review.  Several state legislatures included that power in their documents.  It can be inferred then that the men, knowing the power existed, deliberately omitted it from the Federal Constitution.

***

Numerous religious groups have wanted Christian prayer restored in public schools for decades.  Now they insisting that The Bible be read in the classroom.

The goal of course has always been to force Christian beliefs on persons who prefer not to partake of the ideas and myths of Christianity.

Can Christians pray in public schools?  Yes, absolutely.  A student can simply bow his head and pray privately at the beginning of every class if he so desires.

Christian students can pray on a school bus in the same manner.

If they are driven to school by parents, they can pray continuously during the drive.

By rising an hour earlier, Christians can go to church and pray every day.  Get up an hour earlier to go pray!!!!!  Are you shittin’ me!!!

By the way, Christians can go to any courtroom in the land and pray.  They can simply take a seat on a bench in the back of the court and bow their heads in prayer.  How many Christians avail themselves of that practice?  I would venture to say none.

The reason of course is that the purpose of the Christian is to stand in front of a group and to force people to pray in the way the Christian commands them to.  Nothing less will suffice.

So, given the power of the pulpit, we might all just as well put on our prayer shoes and learn the Christian way of praying.

As a matter of fact, you might want to purchase a rosary for yourself and every member of your family since projections indicate that a majority of Christians will soon be adherents of Catholicism.

Ancient Catholic rosary beads.

***

Alan We-est has a brain

EE eye ee eye oh

And from that brain escaped a thought

EE eye ee eye oh

‘Bout a commie commie here

And a commie commie there

Here a commie there a commie

Everywhere a commie commie

Alan We-est had a brain

EE eye ee eye oh.

Now the foregoing may be pretty simpleminded.  But it’s a better idea than West ever had.

***

Baboons have reading skills.  So says Jonathan Grainger, the scientist in charge of the research project.  The animals can distinguish actual words from random letter forms.

According to UPW Senior Science Reporter Chocolotta Chippie, the baboons don’t like Shakespeare or poetry.  They also vote Republican.  In fact, GOP operatives have a massive campaign underway to register baboons before the November elections.

Related articles

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Sex Laws of Holy Book Church

UPW News Senior Reporter Marcy Popindick interviewed Dr. Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe, a resident scholar at the Sardo Institute of Religious Studies, Anthropology, Genealogy, Sociology, Archeology, Gynecology, Eschatology, Proctology and Cake Baking and Decorating.

Dr. Bacciagalupe is also a bishop in the Church of the Holy Book in Pasta Fagioli, Italy. The Church is an adjunct of the Sardo Institute and Dr. Bacciagalupe is Eminent Confessor at the Church. He is the author of the New York Times best-selling nonfiction book Osservare in Camera Da Letto or To Look in the Bedroom.

The Church of the Holy Book located on the campus of The Sardo Institute in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  (Photo courtesy of Rick Cooper.)

In his book, Dr. Bacciagalupe contends that it is the duty of the apostles of the Church of the Holy Book to observe the activities of married couples in their bedrooms to ensure that the faithful are obeying sexual mandates and avoiding prohibitions outlined in the Church’s commandments.

Ms. Popindick: Dr. Bacciagalupe you contend in your book that it is not enough for the Church to trust that the faithful are adhering to the sexual practices permitted by the laws of the Church; that the Church must place hidden cameras in the bedrooms of the faithful so apostles can observe the activities and declare the faithful to be living in accordance with the laws of the Church. Is that a fair characterization of your views?

Dr. Bacciagalupe: Of a course. You can a never trust a da dese people. They take off a da clothes and dey go crazy. Do all kinds a crazy tings a ya know. You gotta watch a dese people.

Popindick: Doctor can you outline for our readers some the sexual laws of the Church that the faithful are required to follow.

Bacciagalupe: Why sure, it’s a very simple. The woman, you know, gotta lay on her back. She can a do that as much as she wants. But she gotta make a da babies. Dere’s a no other way.

Warning:  For adults only.  The following photo depicts a male and a female engaging in sexual relations.  As you can plainly see, the two are violating the precept of the Holy Book Church that the female lay on her back.  

P: So your church, like the Catholic church, forbids the use of birth control.

B: Yes. Sex is a for making da babies. No babies; no sex.

P: Can you tell us how many adherents are obeying the laws of the church?

B: So far, nobody. But we can a change a dat.

P: You were born and raised in Sicily. How did you get the name Mangiapasta?

B: Well, for a long time, I thought my name was a Jesus Christ. I was a very skinny as a young boy. And momma, God rest her soul, always say “Jesus Christ, mangia you pasta already.” Momma, God rest her soul, always call a me Jesus Christ. So I didn’t know my real name until I was a fifteen years old. But den I getta da nickame Mangie boy. Atsa what a my friends call a me.

P: Can you tell our readers what city in Sicily you were born in?

B: It’s a no city really. It’s a Bacciagalupe Mountain. I come from a big a family. And all a da kids, dey help with a da family business on a top of da mountain.

P: Tell us something about the business.

B: Why sure a? We make a da spaghetti. All a da kids, we pitch in. Momma, God rest her soul, she always had a da big a belly, so she no can a help. Poppa, God rest his soul, no help a too much either. He always busy with momma. So one of the kids mix a da flour, another make a da dough, then you put a through da machine and spaghetti comes out the other end. You put in a box, lick a both ends and you take a to market.

P: I understand the family was also in the olive oil business.

B: Yes. We have a da olive garden. We pick a da olives, crush them to make a da oil. Then we collect old Coke a bottles, rinse them out, put in a da olive oil, then a cork, stick on a label and you sell. Sometimes we add a lilla sugar, a lilla caffeine and some bubbles. We call it an energy drink and we sell to Americans. Dey so stupid dey buy any ting from anybody anywhere. All a dey can a do is start a da wars dey can a never win.

P: A TV show was made about your family life on the mountain some years ago. Can you tell us about that?

B: Yes. They call it The Bacciagalupes. We make a some money off a dat deal, let me tell you. No more collecting old Coke a bottles.

P: I’ve heard you vacation frequently on an island in the Caribbean. Is that true?

B: I go dere only to pray for those a poor people. Only to pray. It’s a very sad. You know you can a get any ting you want over dere. Lilla boys, lilla girls. Every ting.

P: You were apprehended by Customs officials for possession of a large quantity of Viagra without a prescription. Can you explain that?

B: Oh, no. Not a true. Not a me. You confuse a me with somebody else. You know, Viagra it’s a every where. You can a get on da street. Very cheap. It’s a like Congress. You grease a few palms and you getta whatever you want.

P: The Sardo Institute of Veterinary Medicine and Animal Husbandry has developed a porkless pig meat. Tell us how that was done.

B: Oh, ats a big a secret. All I can a tell is we modify a the DNA of a the fetus. Then we take a transvaginal ultrasound and take a sample of a da lilla piglet’s tissue to make a sure the meat is porkless. But, and dis is a very important, we no make a da momma pig look at da pictures. Ats a too cruel.

P: Why is it so important to have porkless pig meat?

B: Well, as you know, when you commit a sin you get a punished by God. So many, many years ago, God sends a da Assyrians to conquer Israel. Den he sends a da Babylonians. Next comes da Greeks and den a da Romans. Everybody conquers Israel just a because one day someone ate a pepperoni pizza. Ats a fact. So God no like what happens and he punishes the whole a country. But now everybody can enjoy a pepperoni pizza and you no have to worry about a da Babylonians anymore.

P: That concludes our interview, Bishop Bacciagalupe. Thank you, Your Excellency.

B: So what a you think now. How about a you come up to may place and we have a cup a coffee. I show you my etchings.

P: Why, I’d like that very much.

The Bacciagalupe family in a photo taken while on vacation in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  Atsa Momma, atsa Poppa and atsa me.

From Unreliable Press Worldwide: UPW, surpassing the mainstream media in bringing you worthlessly useless news the world over.

 

 

The American Way

A spokesman for the Romney campaign said today that as soon as the candidate wins the nomination he will begin reversing his positions on the following issues:

This picture was taken at the "Ask Mitt Anything" townhall at the NHIOP (Saint Anselm College) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mitt Romney seems to have a family predisposition for flip flopping.  It’s worth noting once again his father’s famous turnabout during the presidential campaign of 1968 when as a supporter of the Vietnam War he said after a visit to the country that he had been “brainwashed” by the generals. Eugene McCarthy, also a candidate, retorted “I think a light rinse would have been sufficient. “  

Abortion

Romney will support all abortions for all women.

Birth Control. He will support the free distribution of all birth control methods and devices by Planned Parenthood and require all employers to provide access to birth control to employees free of charge.

Margaret Sanger (1879-1966), founder of Planned Parenthood, coined the term "birth control.". (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Minimum Wage: After reversing his position that the minimum wage should be tied to the Consumer Price Index he will again reverse himself and yet again support tying the minimum wage to the CPI.

Affordable Care Act: He will support the administration’s health insurance plan and insist that it be called Robamneycare.

Wall Street Fraud: He will present legislation to strictly regulate the financial industry and reinstate Glass-Steagall.

The Economy: Romney will send to Congress a trillion dollar package to stimulate the economy and help states that are struggling with budget deficits.

Unemployment: He will extend and increase unemployment benefits for those unfortunate people who lost their jobs due largely due to Wall Street chicanery.

Foreclosures: He will force banks to renegotiate mortgages with home owners whose homes lost half their value because of lender fraud.

None of the foregoing remarks are intended to be factual statements. Actually, taking a cue from candidate Romney, I told a bunch of bald faced lies.  We make up; you decide.

Oh well. Such is politics. I guess you could call it the American way.

***

Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta went to Afghanistan this week in an effort to whitewash the murder of seventeen innocent men, women and children by a stressed out American soldier. The man was obviously suffering from severe stress syndrome after serving four tours in war zones.

U.S. Defense Secretary Leon E. Panetta walks with U.S. Ambassador Karl W. Eikenberry, left, and Afghan Defense Minister Gen. Abdul Rahim Wardak as he arrives at the presidential palace in Kabul, Afghanistan, July 9, 2011. DOD photo by U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Jacob N. Bailey (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In addition to some yada, yada, yada, Panetta said, “This is not the first…” time that this kind of bullshit will happen “and it probably won’t be the last.”

So, according to our esteemed Secretary of Defense, we can look forward to the murder of many more innocent civilians, including women and children, in this and future American wars.

I guess we finally have to admit to ourselves, it’s the American way.

***

Acknowledging Panetta’s forthrightness and unmitigated stupidity, the Nobella Prize Committee announced from its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy that it has awarded the MVP prize to the secretary.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie the statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

***

President Obama said this week that he is committed to completing “the mission responsibility” in Afghanistan. Presumably he will continue the mission even if it means driving soldiers so close to the edge of insanity that they will murder innocent men, women and children. The president’s determination seems to reveal itself only in matters of war. Something we can all be very proud of. After all, it’s the American way.

***

American forces have been in Afghanistan for more than ten years now. Ten years and our esteemed generals still have not trained a police force capable of providing law and order in that war torn country. We’ve spent $6 billion dollars on that effort alone and can’t put enough cops on the beat to protect law abiding citizens.

In view of this rank incompetence, veterans of foreign wars should take it upon themselves to demand that the Defense Department create a new ribbon – you know, those things that generals wear on the uniforms of their puffed out chests. A good name for the ribbon, of course, would be the Rank Incompetence Medal and would be awarded to the rank of one star and above. It would recognize the ability of generals who start wars they always seem to lose.

***

We interrupt this report for a bulletin from the UPW Newsroom.

The Nobella Prize Committee announced just moments ago that it is awarding The Schmuckup Prize to American generals who start wars they never win. The Committee recognized that the generals have involved their nation in a war that has lasted more than ten years, have wasted more than $60 billion dollars a year on the effort and have yet to train a police for adequate enough to protect the country.

So, at the Pentagon at least, starting wars they can’t win is becoming the American way.

War unfortunately is a human condition and the nation cannot make do without its generals despite their foibles and failures. Some of the great ones are pictured. Generals Dwight D. Eisenhower and Omar Bradley talk with a young member of the French resistance in the American sector during the liberation of Lower Normandy in the summer of 1944. ID: p013328 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winners supplies just ran out.

***

You may have read in WaPO’s The Plum Line by Greg Sargent that Karl Rove said that killing bin Laden “was not a biggie.”

To make his point, Rove told a teensie, weensie bald face lie. He misquoted Bill Clinton when he wrote that the former president said “that’s a call he would have made.” What Clinton actually said was “I hope that’s a call I would have made.”

Rove’s op-ed, of course, was an attempt to paper over George Bush’s categorical failure to capture or kill bin Laden by allowing him to escape through a military ambush. The terrorist then went on to live a life of luxury in Pakistan.

King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia with George W. Bush at the Prairie Chapel Ranch. Who Is the World’s Worst Dictator? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Just wondering. Isn’t the Bush family good friends with many Saudis including the bin Laden family? Didn’t Bush permit the Saudis who were in the US during 9/11 to exit the country the next day despite the fly ban? Bush is known to have extended more than one favor to his friends. Did he allow bin Laden to slip through a crack in the ambush?

“Oh, Georgie, couldn’t you do us just this one little favor?”

We make up; you decide.

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The DC Folly Trolley

Rick Santorum is apparently enamored of the practices of the devout Catholic organization known as Opus Dei or Work of God. Many members of this religious group devote their lives to emulating the suffering of Christ. Some adherents place spiked chains between their thighs to induce pain and so to demonstrate devotion to their crucified Savior.

Why, I even heard that some devotees employ whips, chains, constraints and other pain inducing devices to demonstrate their love.

Of course, I could be mistaking Opus Dei with other organizations I hear about from time to time. Then again, maybe not.

Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum (right) lost a friendly football bet to Massachusetts Sen. Ted Kennedy. Here Santorum wears a Patriots hat and presents Kennedy and his staff with Philly cheesesteaks. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

OH MY GOD!!!  He’s a gambler!  Wave goodbye to the Bible Belt, Rick.

***

Well, kids get rid of your hoodies and loosey jeans and buy you some suspenders.

I’m not African-American. I’m Italian. But a coupla days in the sun and I could get shot if I happen to be taking a walk in Florida.

And thanks for the tip, Geraldo. But don’t you think your comment will be bad for the hoodie business.

Great for suspender sales, but what about the hoodie business. Better start divesting.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

And here’s a tip from me. Next time you plan to go to Florida, practice your fast draw for a few days. I mean, who can tell, someone could mistake you for a drug dealer and you’ll be pushing up daisies in an orange grove. And it will all be your fault.

***

The scuttlebutt around the Street is Jon Corzine mislaid a couple billion dollars. Hey! A billion here, a billion there. Who can keep track?

Oh, shit. Where did I put that damn billion anyway?. Jon Corzine, Governor and former Senator from New Jersey. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

By the way, Jon, could you see your way to lending me a fast mil.  I gotta fill up my SUV this weekend.

OK if I keep the change?

***

Rick Santorum’s wife said this week that God is calling him to be president.

UPW’s Senior National News Correspondent Marcy Popindick intercepted a voice mail message from God to Santorum. (She did it in the United Kingdom so it’s OK; at least according to the policeman she bribed).

A transcript of the tape revealed the following recording:

“Hello? Hello, Rick? God here. Answer the damn phone. I wish you’d keep your cell turned on. It’s a real pain in the ass trying to reach you. I’m not into all this texting bullshit, ya know. And it can be real distracting when you’re flying through all these clouds we’ve got up here.

I just want you to know you’ve got my vote, guy. Now don’t screw this thing up. The Empire needs you. You get elected, appoint a couple more Catholics to the Supreme Court and there’s a pope waiting in the wings who can run the whole planet. I gotta plan you haven’t seen since the popes fucked up the Crusades. This time it’ll work. And I’m talkin’ the whole planet here not just the Holy Land.

And keep you cell phone turned on. I hate this goddam voice mail . I can’t get a hold of anyone anymore. Not even the pope. Such bullshit you never heard:

‘Pax vobiscum. This is Pope Benedict the XVI. I’m either on the phone or taking another piss. Leave a message and I’ll call back as soon as I’m finished.’

You believe that shit. And I’m God for chrissakes.”

Yes, there is a popemobile. With his money, he couldn’t do a little better?

Related articles

• “Rick Santorum Is Not A Catholic, But A Papist”, Supports Opus Dei, Regnum Christi (dekerivers.wordpress.com)
• Rick Santorum Listed Opus Dei Trip in 2002 As Official Senate Duties (dekerivers.wordpress.com)