The DC Folly Trolley – 11/24/12

In an interview in a noted magazine, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) stated that he doesn’t know how old the Earth is.  He said this despite an abundance of evidence that our planet formed some 4.5 billion year ago – give or take a couple million.

photo

Marco knows it’s never to early to begin running for president. (Courtesy DonkeyHotey).

The statement lends credence to the rumor that Rubio is planning a presidential run in 2016 and his remark is viewed as one way to cater to Christian fundamentalists who believe God created this rapidly overheating sphere 6000 years ago.

Just goes to show ya, you can’t be a Republican without defying irrefutable scientific evidence.

In a similar vein, rumor has it that birther Donald Trump won’t believe the age of the Earth until he sees the birth certificate. Long form, if you please. Then we’ll know for sure.

(Courtesy DonkeyHotey).

***

Because there is no third term for presidents, Bill Maher believes Barack Obama should take a sharp turn to the left and lend support to the liberals without whom the prez could not have been elected in the first place.

And of course that there is no third term is true so his need for corporate payola diminished rapidly.

There is however, a “however” in the mix.

And that is none other than the pharaoh-mimicking monument otherwise known as the presidential library. Obama will need tens of millions of dollars to erect his.

That kind of scratch doesn’t come from “the small people.”

And ten bucks never got anyone a private pow-wow in the Oval Office.

So if he wants his “pyramid”, Obama will have to cater to the 1%.

I just can’t seem to catch a break anywhere.

***

Bulletin – Pasta Fagioli, Italy

Committee Announces Award.

Senior UPW Congressional Reporter Marcy Popindick has just learner that John McCain has been awarded The Schmuckup Prize by the Nobella Prize Committee.

In a UPW exclusive, Ms. Popindick reports that McCain won for his demand that a Senate subcommittee be formed to investigate the killing of four Americans in the consulate attack in Benghazi, Libya. The senator put his own name forward to chair the subcommittee. His colleagues however turned down the request.

President Barack Obama and Senator John McCain...

President Barack Obama and Senator John McCain in a press conference, taking place on March 4, 2009. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

President Obama and Sen. John McCain – a man who distinguished himself in service to his country in time of war – together during a less tendentious moment.

The rejection stopped the former military hero dead in his tracks after he initiated a series of attacks on UN Ambassador Susan Rice for statements she made regarding the assault on the Benghazi consulate.

Rice said her remarks were based on early intelligence reports that later proved to be inaccurate.

McCain however could not be mollified. He petulantly announced that he would oppose a Rice appointment if President Obama nominated her for Secretary of State, the office being vacated by current Secretary Hillary Clinton.

The senator also stated that he would oppose any nomination for Secretary of State until the administration revealed the truth behind the events in Behghazi.

His motives were unclear but appeared to be an attempt to restore a degree of credibility to a rapidly declining career.

In recognition of the senator’s irrational machinations, the Nobella Committe, noting that McCain is a previous recipient of its Most Valuable Putz award, proudly bestowed its Schmuckup Prize on the lamentable legislator.

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To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t just be an ordinary fuck up. There are thousands of those in Washington and not enough prizes to go around.

No, to win this award you have to be a fuck up of truly monumental proportions. John McCain has been nominated on several occasions but failed to capture the prize. This week, he finally broke through the barrier and achieved the status that earned him the esteemed honor.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

***

Don’t know much about this former Komen executive, a businesswoman contemplating a Senate run in Georgia.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

However, it does seem to me that business leaders are uniquely qualified to serve in Congress.

They’ve already learned to lie, cheat and steal. And get away with it.  So what other qualifications to you need to be a Congress critter?

***

Christie Needs Disaster to Aid in 2013 Reelection Bid.

One more disaster and he’s a shoe in for reelection. But it will have to be another really, really big one. A Christie size, at the very least.

***

“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” Jon Stewart.

***

Nice hat ya got there, bubba. Like your cool costume too.

If I dress up like that, can I tell people how to vote?

***

An ode to drone warfare instigated by our glorious leaders.

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Glorious leaders will send us drones

For Christmas and no one bemoans

Their unquestionably gross illegality

So far be it from an angry me

To question the laws our Congress dethrones.

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Petraeus Afghanistanus and our glorious leaders keep putting their heads – among other things – where they don’t belong. Not even an election can pull them out.

So the drones keep coming and murdering innocent men, women and children.

I expect droney to start blowing up striking Walmart workers as soon as our glorious leaders declare them to be terrorists.

We all have our glorious leaders to thank for protecting us from underpaid American workers, I mean terrorists.

You really don’t have to be a terrorist anymore. The Wall Street definition of a “troublemaker” should soon be sufficient for launching a drone attack. Many of us may already be on a list.

I’d like to protect my house with an anti-missile system But the damn things cost too much and they don’t work. Besides my wife has bird feeders all over the place. 

4 Responses to “The DC Folly Trolley – 11/24/12”

  1. Very nice article. I absolutely love this site. Continue the good work!

  2. Always jam packed with info and fun!

  3. Always jam backed with info and fun!

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