The DC Folly Trolley – 11/03/13

Resurrecting the GOP.

According to an anonymous White House source, President Obama has agreed to take steps to once against save the Republican Party from self-destructing.

Distorting the politics of the Democratic Party, these three losers have renounced the legacy of one of its greatest presidents, with positions destined to crush the Party in upcoming elections.

The president secretly informed Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker John Boehner that he will continue to push for cuts in Social Security and Medicare while permitting the GOP to campaign during the 2014 election cycle opposing the reductions.

That should get folks voting for Republicans.

The president reasons, according to the source, that as Democrats continue to fight for social safety net cuts while Republicans reject them, the party of Lincoln is sure to pummel their Democratic counterparts in 2014.

These actions by Obama and his Donkey party candidates will go a long way to returning the opposition to respectability.

***

Reaganizing The Democratic Party.

President Obama intends to continue his policy of Reaganizing the party of FDR.

The president will insist on cuts to the social safety net and restore the White House practice of strong-arming reluctant Democrats to support his reactionary policies.

The president has long been an admirer of the Republican Party mascot and will double down on his efforts to forge a new Democratic Party in the image of the iconic former president.

Nancy and Ronald Reagan, together they changed the course of history by setting the middle class of a once great nation on a downward spiral from which it may never recover.

When the president finally completes the remaking of the party he claims to represent, he envisions an Obama-Clinton axis dominating Democratic policy-making for generations to come. The make over will erase once and for all the damage done to the American social fabric by the likes of FDR, Truman, Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson.

If the president can enact the cuts to Social Security and Medicare before the 2014 election, his party should suffer a second crushing defeat under his leadership and open the door to the Reaganization of the party he has sought since his 2008 victory.

***

Bachmann: “I’m a Loser.”

We all know by now that Michelle Bachmann is a little slow on the uptake. But who knew it would take so long for her to realize it.

The representative acknowledged her lowly status after garnering a mere five percent in the Iowa caucuses after winning the straw poll. So according to the authors of Double Down, a recollection of the election of 2012, Bachmann, referrring to dismal polling numbers, admitted “I’m a loser.”

After representing her district since 2007, Bachmann announced she is now dropping out of politics. It’s sad to see her go in a way. It was so much fun making fun of her.

Not to worry though. One thing the Republican Party does to distinction is furnish candidates to make fun of.

You can probably think of a dozen a minute. Ready. Set. Go.

***

Shush. Not A Word To Anyone.

The Obama Administration is trying desperately to keep the wraps on the Trans Pacific Partnership. It’s a secret deeper than NSA spying on Angela Merkel.

Well, the Merkel debacle isn’t a secret anymore thanks to leaks.

But wait. The TPP isn’t a secret anymore either, again thanks to leaks.

What would America do without leaks? They’re getting to be the only path to achieving transparency in government, which by the way was one of the many ditched campaign promises of Barack Obama.

Not leaks; transparency in government.

Our president seems to be getting really pissed off about the leaks. They can ruin his whole day, to say nothing about the legacy of his administration.

In addition to the noxious NSA leaks, there are the leaks pertaining to the toxic TPP, which the Obama Administration is calling a trade agreement but which is really a rigged covenant that guarantees a Fascist-like bond between government and corporations.

No wonder Obama wants to keep it a secret. The TPP grants to corporations the right to overturn the laws of the land, every land, that is, that ensnares itself in this right wing driven flim flam.

And just when you thought you’ve heard the worst, it gets worse.

The rich own 90% of everything and still that isn’t enough. TPP will get them the rest. (Poverty And Wealth – painting by William Powell Frith, 1888).

The TPP is so scam ridden that Obama is attempting to side step the Constitutional authority of Congress by seeking to “fast track” approval. Never mind the two thirds approval of treaties once required by the Senate. That authority has already been dodged by referring to trade agreements as “agreements” rather than treaties as they were once called. Fast Track limits Senate authority to an up or down majority vote without discussion or amendment.

Obama seems driven to prove the Foxy Newsers wrong when they insist he is a socialist or a communist.

If TPP becomes law Obama will show them exactly where he’s coming from. He’s a Fascist – a mirror image of Foxy favorite, George W. Bush.

Pretty sneaky of O, don’t you think.

***

Payola Payback.

The banks have just received from Congress a tidy return on their investment.

Here’s a partial list of the banks’ investments.

John Boehner (R-OH) – $196,000

Jim Hines (D-CT) – $ 66,000

Randy Hultgren (R-IL) – $136,000

Here’s the payback. Banks can continue to issue their junk Collateralized Debt Obligations through branches insured by federal deposit insurance.

The CDOs – accumulations of consumer debt into a single investment vehicle – were the proximate cause of the 2008 economic blowout. As then, the risky gambling vehicles will continue to receive taxpayer support because of an amendment to the Dodd-Frank regulatory legislation repealing the provision forbidding taxpayer funded insurance. Who wrote the repeal, who else, the banks of course and that insures the gambling with government funds.

Does Barney Frank, former representative and chair of the House finance committee approve of the recent change? Yes, he does, said Rep. Carol Maloney (D-NY). No, he doesn’t, said Barney Frank, who issued a statement saying the repeal was a mistake.

The entire affair proves once again that for a small consideration, members of Congress will bend over to do your bidding.

***

Day of Celebration Declared.

The Sardo Institute of Superfluous Holidays has named this day, November 4, 2013 as Don’t Fumble When You’re Trying To Tumble Day.

The day has a long history going back to prehistoric times and every puberty enshrouded young man and woman who has experienced the foibles foisted upon them by the rollicking days of youth can recall those first clumsy attempts at love forever true.

Here are a few limerick paeans to those preposterous pubescent days of yore.

.

There once was a guy who’d struggle

With the clasp of a bra he’d juggle

He struggled to grasp

The ends of the clasp

Till finally he said “let’s just snuggle.”

.

There once was a guy who would tumble

In the sack with a gal but he’d fumble

When her legs she would splay

He went quickly astray

“What a bumbling dumb fool,” she would mumble.

.

There once was a gal named Mable,

Told a story that wasn’t a fable.

As she started to dance

She’d take off her pants

And get laid on the kitchen table.

.

There once was a gal named Jenny,

Who kissed all the guys for a penny.

When her lips they got sore

She would kiss them no more

But never did she know how many.

Related articles

• Michele Bachmann: ‘God, I’m A Loser’ (huffingtonpost.com)
• Unity within the fractured Democratic Party is short-lived (capitolhillblue.com)

The DC Folly Trolley – 08-04/13

Game Or Reality.

There’s been lots of fuss lately about the new banker’s version of Monopoly. The game will eliminate the “get out of jail free” card but will include a “bribe your Congress critters” card so you don’t have to go to jail in the first place.

***

 

The approval rating of Congress has just dipped below that of genital herpes.

***

Holy God!!!

Justice Antonin Scalia agreed with Pope Francis’s announcement that he would not judge gay priests. Scalia’s statement that judging gays only makes things worse places him in a position at the right hand of the pope where he now sitteth. The justice however sadly admitted that his new seat was a demotion since previously, so he claimed,  he sat at the right hand of God.

One of the most activist justices in Supreme Court history lost his position next to the Supreme Being after he displeased the Deity when he made a statement declaring the Holocaust was brought on by judicial activism. We all know the justice’s reasoning is upside down, inside out and backwards yet not necessarily hair-brained. It seems Scalia made the statement after God told him not to. His actions mark the first time the judge disobeyed God’s instructions.

Who is God to tell Scalia what to think anyway?

In his own defense, the judge said he misunderstood the words his Heavenly Father spoke to him.

According to a spokesperson, the justice made a good confession asking forgiveness.

The penitential plea went unheeded, however, because God was out drinking the day before and was unavailable for comment for at least 24 hours.

***

The Bells Are Ringing For….

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) offered today to officiate at the nuptials of Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and John McCain (R-AZ).

According to a spokesperson, the Kentucky senator believes that his two colleagues are getting along so well that they should consider joining together in holy matrimony.

The Matchmaker.

The Senate was expected to pass a resolution today giving its blessing to the union. However, a squabble erupted between the happy couple when they couldn’t come to an agreement about who should assume the role of the bride during the ceremony.

The Republican caucus issued a statement indicating that it would filibuster the ceremony if Sen. McCain was not granted the bride’s part during the nuptials.

The Schumer camp was said to be studying the latest proposal submitted by the Republicans. To date, a solution of the matter has eluded both parties.

A spokesman for McCain said the senator will reach across the aisle in an attempt to achieve a workable compromise. One such offer proposed a two ceremony event with the participants reversing roles during the exchange of vows.

The Democrats are now in caucus and reports from the meeting indicate that Harry Reid has the votes to override a Republican filibuster. He would, however, be forced to resort to the so-called “nuclear option” that requires only a simple majority for a resolution to pass.

The Happy Couple.

Democrats opposed to the nuclear option are delaying a vote which, if a few remaining details can be ironed out, could come as early as tomorrow morning.

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A vote on the McCain/Schumer nuptials could be delayed further as a new dispute unexpectedly arose between the two parties. Republicans insisted that identical wedding gowns be worn by the blessed couple during the two ceremonies..

Sen. McCain chose a striking satin, organza strapless ensemble with a roched bodice, corset back and bustled skirt.

Schumer retorted that a gown of the type the GOP wanted made him look fat. He offered to wear a form fitted satin affair with a trailing lace train.

Representatives of both camps were scheduled to meet in a hastily scheduled conference committee to iron out differences.

However, Democrats were said to be outraged by leaks apparently emanating from Republican staff members. The leaks described in detail the types of gowns selected by the two brides before an agreement was reached. Schumer was depicted as being particularly distressed by the leaks.

The senator from New York raged that nothing is sacred in Washington anymore: “First the Manning leaks, then Snowden and now this tragic offense against national security.”

Word is expected shortly from conference committee members regarding a compromise deal that would allow the weddings to proceed.

A McConnell staffer said the committee was working under deadline pressure since the wedding had to take place as originally scheduled or the Kentucky senator would be forced to back out of his officiating commitment due to schedule conflicts.

If agreement could not be reached by tomorrow afternoon at the latest, the wedding would be delayed indefinitely.

***

God Save The Senate.

Everybody else has given up.

***

A Cake Of A Different Cheese.

Another Cheesecake Day has come and gone. Here’s a paean to those golden, olden days.

.

Carry me back to the days of cheesecake

The gals showed enough, you knew they weren’t fake.

A little thigh here

Some shoulder there.

Carry me back for a short retake.

 

Natalie Wood as Gypsy from the movie of the same name.

.

Recall the movie of Gypsy Rose Lee

I will still watch it occasionally.

She came to town to perform once live.

I couldn’t get in, I was only five.

It was cheesecake for sure, she showed barely a knee.

.

Only the sheriff’s admission was free.

He’d make certain not much you’d see.

No fig leafs over parts of glory.

That’s for another time and story.

They’d cover with raiments from an old silk tree.

.

The scarves about would flow and float.

Showing glimpses of bodies on stages remote.

The drums would beat with a rhythm jive.

But alas I was only five.

I recall her photos in a furry coat.

.

And when I grew cheesecake was lost.

You now see all for a modest cost.

Gone are the days of the simple tease.

When gals would gyrate and pleasantly please.

Those days are lost like old movies tossed.

.

Well, it’s praise for the wrong cheesecake for sure. The day celebrates the edible variety.

Blueberry Cheesecake.

Thanks to MadKane for the alert.

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/category/

limerick-offs/

***

Larry The Blunder Guy.

You have to wonder how men who are brilliant and who ride their brilliance to riches can be so naive and sometimes just plain dumb. Enter Larry “don’t rock the boat” Summers.

Of all of the tragic blunders committed by this economics genius, among the worst is his underestimation of the depth and duration of the Great Recession.

Woefully, he advocated for a tragically anemic stimulus that proved to be inadequate to deal with the prolonged downturn. His blatant mistake, destined to fail and pointed out repeatedly by numerous economists, is largely responsible for the despair his policy inflicted on a once prosperous middle class.

The bad advice he brazenly offered to President Obama and his deregulation mania, an aberration that resulted in the collapse of Enron and eventually a near total destruction of the world’s economy, now qualify him to be Chairman of the Federal Reserve, at least according to the president.

Only in America.

***

Do You Say it Right?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/

common-mispronunciations-video_n_3683218.html

Disirregardless of all pedanticism aside, the word is chawklate and not chockolate. Then there’s vanella, melk, arange, Long Giland, Noo Yawk, Joisey, 5^th Avnya and Terdy Terd Street. And if you ain’t bin ta da Bronx you ain’t bin nowheres, pal.  

.

Related articles

• McConnell: ‘When Are You All Getting Married?’ (huffingtonpost.com)
• Mitch McConnell to McCain and Schumer: ‘When are you all getting married?’ (dailykos.com)
• Antonin Scalia: Holocaust Was Partially Brought About By Judicial Activism (REPORT) (huffingtonpost.com)
• Scalia Offers to Help Pope Judge Gays (readersupportednews.org)

The DC Folly Trolley – 07/07/13

The Evolution of Cunnilingus.

A study published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology revealed that men perform oral sex on their wives to prevent infidelity.

The human tongue from Gray’s Anatomy with tastes buds for bitter marked.

And I always thought it was fun.

The researchers who performed the study interviewed 243 men and referred to oral sex as a mate-retention strategy.

The conclusion, as near as I can tell, is that 243 men on this planet perform oral sex on their wives to keep them from cheating.

Recently, however, some high school kid discovered that the researchers made a spreadsheet error.

Analyzing their conclusions, you might be led to believe only 243 men perform oral sex on their wives and do it only to prevent them from messing around. In fact, billions of us do it because we like it.

Now I can’t help wondering if Neanderthal males performed oral sex on their mates. If so, the act certainly wouldn’t be necessary to prevent infidelity. I’m sure Neanderthals had mate-retention strategies that weren’t nearly so pleasurable.

Did he or didn’t he? Judging from the smile on his face….

(Photo:  Erich Ferdinand).  http://www.flickr.com/photos/erix/143447820/

Then there’s the matter of female scent, caused by vaginal secretions which contain something called pheromones and which the ladies used in prehistoric times to attract a mate. The scent heightened male arousal and who can tell where that led him.

In any case, I sincerely hope the study wasn’t funded by a Federal grant. Now that would be a waste of money.

***

Prize Awarded.

Pasta Fagioli, Italy.

The Nobella Prize Committee announced a few moments ago that Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has won The Schmuckup Prize. Long a runner-up for this prestigious award, the senator finally garnered the required number of votes necessary to bring home the honor.

McConnell won for his contention that the U.S. Constitution is unconstitutional. The Constitution, he said, must be changed to include a balanced budget amendment. “We’ve tried persuasion. We’ve tried negotiations. We’ve tried elections. Nothing has worked.”

The senator proposed an amendment that would radically alter the foundations of the document.  A balanced budget would overturn the will of the people and the will of their representatives in Congress, virtually declaring the document a dead piece of paper.

Just fading away….

And from Think Progress:

It’s worth noting just what McConnell is asking the American people to choke down. Senate Republicans’ so-called “balanced budget amendment” does far more than simply requiring federal spending to equal federal revenues. It makes it functionally impossible to raise taxes by imposing a two-thirds super majority requirement — a provision closely modeled after the California anti-tax amendment that blew up that state’s finances. It would also require spending cuts so steep that it would have made Ronald Reagan’s fiscal policy unconstitutional.

Ezra Klein rightfully labeled this plan the “worst idea in Washington.”

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2011/

07/13/267791/mcconnell-hates-democracy/

And so McConnell becomes that latest winner of The Schmuckup Prize.

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Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

To win The Schmuckup Prize you can’t be an ordinary schmuckup. There are already thousands of those in the nation’s capital. No, you have to be an extraordinarily monumental schmuckup and we are proud to say our most recent winner fits that description.

***

Pillar of America:  The Kickback.

Greedy banker to greedy CEO: Say, how about you pay your workers with my debit cards. I’ll charge them hefty fees and give you a piece of the action.

Greedy CEO to greedy banker: Deal!

Just when you think bankers and businessmen can’t get any greedier, they go ahead and disappoint and do just that. Get greedier, that is.

If there’s anything eternal in this life, it’s greed at the top.

Love of money is the root of all evil. Praise be the Almighty Dollar.

We have payday loan companies that charge mob like interest rates, now the debit card flim flam and, if you haven’t heard, credit cards with interest rates that soar above 300%.

Many of the payday loan boutiques are owned and operated by, you guessed it, greedy bankers. And the credit cards with rocketing interest rates are issued by Native American bosses from Indian reservations not governed by Federal or state laws.

One thing we can all count on, however, There’s always a good way to make a fast buck in America.

By the way, some state governments issued kickback debit cards to unemployed workers. Just to rub a little salt into the wounds.

Daily Kos: Employers Pay Workers with Costly Debit Cards

***

Eight years was awesome and I was famous and I was powerful. George W. Bush.

.

 

***

Oh, I almost forgot. Happy Fourth of July weekend.

***

Related articles

• Men Use Oral Sex to Prevent Infidelity, Study Reports (counselheal.com)
• Lonely Scientists Confused Why Men Perform Oral Sex If Not For Baby Production (thegloss.com)
• The Square Root of 69 is 8-somethin’, Right? (collegesexperts.wordpress.com)

The DC Folly Trolley – 05/19/13

Once Again, Harry.

Harry Reid is really, really mad at Republicans for obstructing the business of the Senate. This time Harry is really, really mad. For real.

It seems Republicans are blocking confirmation of President Obama’s judicial nominees and this makes Harry really, really mad.

Harry’s so mad that he’s threatened the “nuclear option.” That means Harry will end Republican filibusters and bring nominees up for a vote requiring only a simple majority.

If Harry does end GOP abuse of the filibuster, it will make Republicans really, really mad. And since Harry, and most other Democrats are afraid to make Republicans really, really mad, chances are Harry will bluster about a bit, maybe get one judicial nominee to pass with a 60-40 vote and return to his old ways of scratching his balding head and wondering why the Senate is in such a mess.

Mitch McConnell sporting a new coiffure and the shit-eatingest grin in the Senate. Oh, he did mention something about Harry Reid pissing his pants once again.

According to a highly placed Senate source, Harry has decided to give Republicans just one more chance to stop exploiting the filibuster rule. Harry made Mitch McConnell say “cross my heart and hope to die” and then did a pinky shake with the Minority Leader.

Harry said he looked deep into McConnell’s eyes and saw warmth and honesty flowing from his heart.

The source also said that while McConnell crossed his heart with his right hand he placed his left behind his back and flipped Harry a bird.

According to Senate rules, that gesture freed the GOP Senate leader from any promises he might have made to Reid’s face.

The source also said that McConnell doesn’t believe a damn thing Harry ever says anyways.

So while Senate Dems are just wild about Harry, no way is the Majority Leader going to make the GOP really, really mad by invoking the nuclear option. If he does so, after all, the Republicans might just abuse the filibuster.

***

NC GOP: Replacing Success With Failure.

The North Carolina GOP is planning to turn the state’s Medicaid over to the free market.

This usually means that private profit making companies will be free to cut services, free to hire cheap help and free to gouge as much profit from needy patients as owners and shareholders demand.

To accomplish all of the above the state government pledges to deliver a tidy stipend of taxpayer boodle to ensure that the businesses make a handsome profit.

Pat McCrory, GOP governor of North Carolina, in conjunction with a Republican legislature, intends to turn public affairs in the state on its head. As in other states with Republican control, the hollowing out of government will receive priority. Businesses, of course, will prosper. But only at great expense to the taxpayer. (Photo, Hal Goodtree).

The GOP gambit promises to deliver the same services as a similar plan in Kentucky. Patients in the Blue Grass State soon discovered that small providers (once called doctors) have been so squeezed by profit gouging companies that many have been forced to borrow money to keep providing care to needy patients. What happens when the credit runs out? Oh, well!

And auditors in the state are still trying to discover what happened to some $300 million in taxpayer funds.

Personally, I’d check Wall Street.

Now Tar Heel taxpayers should prepare themselves for the profit gouging. Big bucks for shareholders; diminished health care for the needy.

I really have to wonder if the citizens of the once great state of North Carolina realized what they were getting when they cast their votes for Republicans on Election Day. Did they really mean to deprive the needy of health care?

Probably did. After all, NC voters aren’t stupid and who cares about a bunch of poor people anyway. Right, NC? Right.

http://www.starnewsonline.com/
article/20130414/ARTICLES
/130419816/0/opinion?p=2&tc=pg

***

Impeachment On Table.

According to an unimpeachable White House leaker, Barack Obama has put his impeachment on the table in return for Republican willingness to negotiate a “grand bargain” with the president.

Barack Obama, confident of his superior negotiating skills, has agreed to put his impeachment on the table in exchange for a “grand bargain” with Republicans.

The leaked information gives strong indication that Obama would grant full White House assistance to the House Judiciary Committee should it decide to bring Articles of Impeachment before the full House.

Obama is said to be willing to negotiate the articles in return for cuts to Social Security and Medicare and some concessions on tax reform, with the latter items to be announced at a later date.

The House leadership is apparently eager to proceed to the negotiating table. However, Senate GOP leaders have demurred. They are demanding that Obama enter a guilty plea to the Articles of Impeachment to avoid a Senate trial. GOP senators believe they could not convict Obama in a trial in the Democratic controlled Senate and are insisting that the president agree to a plea of guilty to avoid a trial.

Given the president’s exceptionally strong negotiating skills, the White House is said to be considering the proposal.

.

Meanwhile a group of Democrats is garnering support for the impeachment proceedings. According to this group, Obama helped the party defeat one of the worst GOP candidates in history and the president has now outlived his usefulness to Democrats. They believe it’s time to give Vice President Joe Biden a chance to bring some semblance of governance to Follyland.

***

Santilli Lace With An Ugly Face.

Is there a rational conservative (oxymoron alert) who would condone this sick mental dwarf”s disgusting rant?

Yet another one emerges from under the rock.

Here’s the headline quoted from Forward Progressives:

Crazed Radio Host Pete Santilli’s Rant About “Shooting Hillary in the Vagina” Has Done Two Things.

Sick bastard. No other term is suitable under the circumstances.  Read the article if you can stomach it..

http://www.forwardprogressives.com/pete-santilli/

 

Related articles

• Harry Reid Focuses On July For The ‘Nuclear Option’ (huffingtonpost.com)
• Filibuster Reform in July? (motherjones.com)
• Senate filibuster showdown brewing (dailykos.com)

The DC Folly Trolley – 03/24/13

Congressional Staffers Starving.

Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz says the sequester cuts are bringing staffers to the brink of starvation.

Is my new hairstyle too much?

 Staffers only earn between $60,000 and $160,000 a year and can’t afford to eat a good meal at restaurants located in the House of Representative.

Ain’t that a shame.

Apparently, Wasserman Schultz has never heard of dry generic cat food. Ya, know, the stuff President Obama thinks elderly American citizens can eat in place of the more expensive canned cat food as a means of reducing inflation.

Mixed with a little water once or twice a day and soon the dry stuff will become quite tasty; add a dash of oregano for an zesty Italian feast.

Well fed staffers can then arrive at work all bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for another day at the office sucking up to payola packing lobbyists.

For Sunday dinner a can of Fancy Feast Tuna and Mackerel would be a real treat. Perhaps a loyal staffer could invite the congresswoman to share a morsel or two.

Wasserman Schultz, if you don’t already know, was assigned to the chairmanship of the Democratic National Committee by Obama because of her talent at raising campaign cash.

And like the good little Obama girl that she is, she voted against the Progressive Congressional Caucus “Back to Work” budget – the only realistic budget presented by history’s longest running do-nothing Congress, and she did so while the real unemployment rate hovers around 23% according to statistician John Williams.

In addition to other right wing House Democrats such as pom-pom girl Nancy Pelosi, Wasserman Schultz has indicated she is prepared to “consider” (read vote for) cuts to Social Security pushed by Obama through the Chained CPI inflation index.

As for Congressional staffers, well, maybe they could share the cost of a quart of milk and add some extra nutrition once a week to their dry cat food.

***

Clinton Still On High Horse.

No, not that Clinton, the other one, you know the one who forgets to pull his zipper up. And one of the worst Democratic presidents in history (NAFTA and deregulation for Dems with short memories).

He doesn’t want Ashley Judd, a brilliant woman and promising candidate, to run against Mitch McConnell in 2014 for Kentucky’s Senate seat.

Clinton and the rest of Kentucky’s good ole boys prefer to pair Allison Grimes against McConnell in the race.

Why ditch a possible winner and put in her place a sure loser?

Grimes, you see, is a party regular, already being measured up for her cheerleading outfit. And as for Judd, she represents a threat to party regulars. She could be a real Democrat who might not play ball with the pseudo variety – sorta like Clinton himself.

The fear about Judd is that she won’t join the girls’ pom-pom wing of the Democratic party and become an Obama cheerleader ala Wasserman Schultz and Pelosi.

So to show corporations how much they appreciate their payola, the right wing Democrats are more than willing to run a loser against McConnell.

Besides, Mitch carries a lot of water for triangulating Dems who oppose a real Democratic agenda – sorta like Clinton.

***

Krugman Accuses Republican Of Using Non-Facts.

I just think it’s so unfair for Paul Krugman, a Nobel laureate, to pick on a simple minded Republican like Rob Portman just because Portman didn’t use facts in a TV discussion.

It’s not like any Republican ever uses facts in any discussion anywhere at anytime. They’re trained not to. The senator from Wisconsin did exactly what he was supposed to do. Avoid the facts at all cost. So quit picking on him.

Rob Portman, Senator from Wisconsin, a typical Republican, one eye on corporate payola, the other closed.

***

Hillary For President.

Why not! The bandwagon’s already rolling and loaded with supporters. And, since there’s little chance we’ll ever get a real Democrat elected after the Clintonistas hijacked the party, why not.

Hillary,s sure to chase corporate cash just the way hubby did. She’ll even get a healthy helping from Rupert Murdoch, just as she did during her Senate campaigns.

However, on the issues that count, the money issues, she’ll occupy a spot on the spectrum far to the right of traditional Democratic presidents; and even some Republicans (Eisenhower, for example).

She’ll lie to keep the base in the fold the way Obama did and succeed – the way Obama. And then thumb her nose at those who voted for her – the way Obama did.

Just goes to show ya, you can fool all of the people all of the time, if they’re Democrats.

***

Credit Wild Willy Never Earned.

While we’re on the subject of Clintons, let’s consider Bill once again.

The FOBs (Friends of Bill if you’ve forgotten is just about everybody with a lot boodle) praise the former president for his record on the economy. They point to a booming nation with very low unemployment.

The problem here is they give Clinton credit for the boom which he does not deserve. The former prez just got lucky.

Fact is, the Easter Bunny could have occupied the Oval Office and the economy would have boomed. Fact is, a communications (cell phones) and IT (PCs) juggernaut fueled the economy to its greatest height in history.

The Easter Bunny out with his kids for a Sunday stroll. Many Democrats credit Bill Clinton with bringing prosperity to the nation during the 90s. Others believe it was the Easter Bunny. ( The insert is an example of pysanky, the Ukrainian art of Easter egg decorating). 

In addition, a dot.com bubble added fuel to the fire. It, of course, burst before Clinton left office and it’s full impact was left for George W. Bush to deal with.

So forget Bill Clinton. Praise the Easter Bunny instead.

The Easter Bunny comes in many forms but none so lovely as the one pictured above. 

***

A Bit Of Nonsense Up With Which No One Should Ever Have To Put.

A zafty soda-squirt was quite a snoutfair. Though subject to pussyvans, he often went lunting with his wonder-wench to help control his outbursts.

A spermologer at heart, he was really rather beef-witted.

He had few interests and was rather a dull boy. But his wonder-wench had little choice but to remain with him since she was with squirrel.

One of his favorite pastimes was jumping into cold water though the curglaff that resulted often lasted for hours and he shivered to the point that he jirbled constantly.

His wonder-wench, a bookright at heart, finally tired of his endless pussyvans and left him to become a California widow.

His addiction to tyromancy, acquired through a belief resistentialism, was an outgrowth of his pussyvans.

Sad to say, our lunting snoutfair, as fine a soda-squirt as ever there was, came to an unhappy end having to resort to groaking and then, in the end, he became a queerplunger until one day no one rescued him and he was left to drown.

The moral of the story: There’s nothing that isn’t Englishable.

Suggested by the link below where you can look up the definitions of the obsolete words used above:

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/195348/18-obsolete-words-which-should-have-never-gone-out-of-style/

Via Madelleine Begun Kane.

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The DC Folly Trolley – 01/20/13

Lisa Defiant

Lisa Murkowski (I-AK) defied the order of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) to vote to reject an increase in the debt ceiling.

According to a spokesman, McConnell is now suffering from severe constipation since being confronted by the unexpected defiance.

The GOP leader was also angered by a statement from Susan Collins, the Maine Republican, who insisted that the debt ceiling must be raised. So upset was the Kentucky senator at Collins’ betrayal that he apparently confused his Viagra pill with Flomax and has been observed dashing to restrooms with a bulge in his pants.

The ladies strike back. Susan Collins, senator from Maine.

.

Mitch McConnell mixed a Viagra

With his Flomax; now goes like Niagara.

To the restroom he keeps dashing

His swollen pants can’t keep from flashing

A bump like a corn ear from ConAgra.

……….

GOP Offers Debt Limit Increase.

Some members of the House GOP agreed to extend the debt ceiling by three months. However, Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi rejected the offer demanding a clean increase.

In response, according an anonymous source, the House Republican caucus offered to extend the debt limit for three minutes once a month.

Extending the limit by this number would allow the Treasury to pay all of nation’s debts on time. They’d just have to do it very, very fast.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner said he would have to resort to blood doping to move that quickly.

……..

Right Wing Insists On Benefit Cuts To Pass Budget.

Mitch McConnell once again called for drastic spending cuts if Republicans in the Senate are to vote in favor of a new budget.

McConnell’s statement can be summed up in a few words: Cut Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid benefits.

The senator paused for a moment to reach for a handkerchief to wipe the drool spilling over his lips and down his chin.

The cuts to safety net benefits the senator referred to are nothing new and the benefits are those the vast majority of Americans depend on to maintain a modest lifestyle after retirement.

They are also the benefits Republicans and their benefactors want to get their greedy little hands on either through profitization or tax cuts or both.

In a nutshell, it all boils down to class warfare by the rich upon the rest of us.

The senator again wiped the drool from his chin.

……….

Chairman Warns Against Afghan Troop Reductions.

Sen. Carl Levin, the Democrat from Michigan who chairs the Armed Services Committee, appealed to President Obama not to reduce the troops in Afghanistan by one third after 2015.

Levin said a substantial force will be needed to combat al Qaeda well beyond the date set by the president.

The $3 trillion dollars in rare natural resources the country possesses had nothing to do with the senator’s appeal.

But, a little here, a little there couldn’t hurt.

Levin, by the way, is one of the senators whose fancy footwork has all but scuttled filibuster reform.

……….

Sad Times For A Bankster

JPMorgan Chase lost some $6 billion dollars last year due to  risky trading schemes. Because of this trading adventurism El Presidente Jamie Dimon, the leader of the bankster pack, suffered a massive decrease in salary of about one half his previous earnings.

Dimon (perhaps you’ve heard of him in connection with taxpayer bailouts of failed banks that engaged in mortgage fraud practices) whose total compensation package will amount to little more than $11 million dollars this year, is said to be suffering from a malady known to Wall Streeters as Cash Reduction of Annual Pay Syndrome or CRAP.

While few bank CEOs ever contract CRAP, many Street executives live in fear of the syndrome since all are susceptible to the disease when they get caught cheating people out of their investments.

So for those, like Dimon, who get their greedy little fingers entangled in derivative scams and who fall victim to CRAP, here are a few suggestions for coping from The Sardo Institute’s survival manual entitled Getting By On $11 Million Dollars A Year:

• Omit Beluga from the menu. Switch to a less expensive caviar such as the roe from salmon. One, of course, does have to acquire a taste for the inferior brand. However, the sturgeon population in the Black and Caspian Seas is diminishing and the fish and its eggs could become extinct at some point thereby forcing a switch to less desirable delicacies in the future.  So be the first in your country club….
• Switch from Dom Perignon to less expensive champagne such as Andre-Brut which a servant can purchase at the local grocery store for five or six bucks a bottle.
• Serve Gallo Brothers wines at your next shindig. They’re even cheaper when you buy by the gallon. Have your sommelier decant into Dom Perignon empties you’ve accumlated. Who’ll know?
• Shop around for a country club with cheaper fees. Negotiate with the committee.
• Dine out less.
• Learn to tolerate a Big Mac. You’ll discover the intricacies of the delicately blended special sauce and savor the delights of the sesame seed bun.
• Reduce the household staff.
• Sell one of the villas.
• Dock the yacht for a month or two each year. Put the captain on unpaid furlough.

There are many other ways to stretch a budget. With a little imagination you’ll find you too can survive on $11 million dollars a year.

.

The rich are in a pickle

With debt ceiling policy now fickle

Where to put all the dough

When government stops the flow

Of interest on bonds that won’t earn a nickel.

……….

Trillion Dollar Coins Nixed.

President Obama rejected the notion of having the Treasury mint trillion dollar coins as a means of sidestepping the debt ceiling imposed by Congress.

I guess that means my request for two of the coins has been shot down.

. 

The trillion dollar coin has been nixed

So the debt ceiling now can’t be fixed.

Republicans are firm

Making Democrats squirm

But views on the outcome are still mixed.

Related articles

• Mitch McConnell is so addicted to the filibuster that he just filibustered his own bill (freakoutnation.com)
• McConnell: Obama Wins The Tax Fight — Now On To The Debt Limit (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)

The DC Folly Trolley – 12/16/12

Pasta Fagioli, Italy

December 14, 2012

Committee Grants Award

The Nobella Committee today announced the winner of the Schmuckup Prize.

The latest honor went to none other than Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky.

The senator introduced legislation that would allow the president to increase the debt ceiling with the approval of Congress. McConnell apparently expected the Democrats to reject the proposal thereby giving the Minority Leader the ammunition to accuse the Dems of voting against an opportunity to increase the debt limit.

However, Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) accepted the offer thereby forcing McConnell to filibuster a bill he himself had introduced.

Wow. What a schmuckup that was.

McConnell, affectionately known as “turtle” to the American people, was also voted the least liked senator in the nation. Yes, the Kentucky senator is recognized as a really, really big GOP meanie.

.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

Debt Ceiling Bluff Called By Harry Reid, Leaving Mitch McConnell To Filibuster Himself

***

Some constitutional scholars contend that the president has the Fourteenth Amendment at his disposal in the fight against Republicans who are holding the “debt ceiling” hostage by refusing to raise the level.

Here is the relevant section of the amendment:

Section 4. The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned.

It appears that the president is indeed authorized to take what ever measure are necessary to meet the existing obligations of the government including those in the existing budget without regard for the ceiling. Debt not yet authorized, however, is excluded.

So why doesn’t Obama take this obvious pathway and simply authorized the Treasury to pay the debt through the sale of bonds?

One explanation is that the president simply does not want to use this “out.”

Been there, done that.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

From day one, Obama has been determined to cut the safety net and the conventional wisdom in Washington is that only a Democratic president can bring about the cuts.

Once the reductions are agreed upon, Obama then has the “excuse” he needs to blame the obstructionist GOP for “forcing” him to take action against the overwhelming opposition of his progressive base.

***

Being a politician in our nation’s capitol can be fun. Here in limerick form is an abbreviated biography of one Enos Throckmorton Periwinkle and his misadventures in Washington DC.

.

A rep by name of amorous Enos

Had a truly enormous penis

“God help us that thing’s prodigious.”

Gals always said something religious.

“Pray let him come stiffly between us.”

.

Now Enos was glad that size didn’t matter.

His asset could fill a turkey platter.

The gals of course could not resist

And Enos so blessed would not desist.

‘Round the town his seed he’d scatter.

.

A tool of truly Biblical proportions

Often requires gymnastic contortions.

But Enos was a man quite clever

And disappoint a gal he’d never.

His body he’d twist in amazing distortions.

 

The host with the most. Enough to make a T-rex (or congress critter) jealous. Mercury – well-endowed to say the least. 

.

He had to invent a new position.

So blessed he was with ammunition.

To please the gals in every way

From a chandelier he’d often sway

And leave the gals in burned out condition.

.

Five at a time he could not endure

So Enos returned to his usual four.

The gals would shriek with joyous thrill

So completely did he eagerly fulfill.

Alas not Enos but his penis did the gals adore.

.

Enos of course was a politician

Whose job in DC was submission

Of all women compliant

Till he met one defiant

Who revealed his sins of commission.

.

Enos of course was sent packing

His work in the House sorely lacking

The voters rebelled

From his seat they expelled

Poor Enos as the whip they were cracking.

***

Another Reagan myth busted. There are so many who can keep up. This latest is that as president he achieved $3.00 in spending cuts for every $1.00 of tax increases. See the myth-busting article from the Washington Post if anything at all about Reagan still interests you.

My own personal very favorite fable is the one about the “welfare queen.” Of course, there was never such a thing – not even one. No one has found one to this day. It was simply a delusion that existed in Reagan’s aging mind.

Another doozy was the one about the family farms being foreclosed due to inheritance taxes. Again, not a single one was ever found. Yes, small farms were shut down but largely due to unpaid debt accumulated because of the inability of the family farmer to compete with huge corporate agricultural conglomerates. Many farmers simply sold off the land for the same reason.

The most egregious is the myth that Reagan was a “great” president. From the perspective of the 1% perhaps. And it is worshipers from among this group who are hyping the “greatness” thing.

For many of the rest of us, Reagan’s policies did nothing but great harm. If there is any greatness to this former president in lies in that harm. For the beginning of middle and working class decline originated in Reagan’s administrations.

***

Some limericks posted to http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/category/limerick-offs/

A woman who always wore blue

Gave the guys a colorful view.

She donned a new thong

And turned on a throng

Of Frenchmen who gasped “O mon Dieu.”

.

A fellow who always wore blue

Till it grew to a hue he would rue.

Never ever a prude

He pranced around nude

Saying blue never got me a screw.

***

TCBY – The Country’s Best Yogurt – is going down the tubes. It has closed 1,372 stores after a 2008 bankruptcy with only 405 remaining. Guess that’s why you don’t see so many. They used to be everywhere.

But what can you expect with competition from the likes of Sweet Frog, a rapidly growing yogurt chain.

***

Newport, CT.

A tragic day. It’s our fault too. We’re sorry.

Related articles

• The hostage McConnell sees as ‘worth ransoming’ (maddowblog.msnbc.com)
• McConnell Filibusters His Own Bill To Lift Debt Ceiling (tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com)
• Mitch McConnell: The most unpopular man in the Senate (tv.msnbc.com)
• Mitch McConnell Makes Congressional History: He Filibusters Himself (No Joke) (themoderatevoice.com)

The DC Folly Trolley – 06/17/12

A man sworn to destroy the other’s presidency.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell whined the other day about efforts by a number of Democrats to force PAC donors to reveal their identity. As always, he had the president’s remarks in his sights.

McConnell has done more to harm the middle class than anyone since Newt Gingrich. And, like all conservatives, he’s proud of it.

Payola got him where he is and it will keep him there and his message to the American people is they have no right to know where the cash is coming from.

Sadly for Obama and the Democrats, in a time of crisis, raising payola is their greatest challenge.

***

Well, guess what? Some Republicans are starting to brag about the unemployment rate during the Bush regime’s tenure.

That rate, it is true, hovered between five and six per cent and Republicans are beginning to puff out their chests and bluster.   

The figure issued by the BLS, however, has been a rigged number for years, mostly because it doesn’t count everyone whose unemployed. Go figure.

And, as we should all know by now, the Bush years get an “F” in job creation for the dubious distinction of creating the least number of jobs since the Great Depression. And of those created, many were of the minimum wage variety.

The only saving grace for Bush was that employment remained high in the construction and real estate industries – propped up mainly by the housing bubble which burst with horrible consequences during his second term.

Republicans have nothing to cheer about as far as employment is concerned during the Bush years. Except for the bubble, it remained stagnant throughout.

***

Jeb’s got himself in a pickle.  He made a heretical statement about taxes and compromise and he could be banished from the party.  

Not to worry though.  He was never on the short list for the VP nod because he might overshadow Romney and the Republican nominee would never allow that to happen.

The Bush family, hoping 2016 is Jeb’s year.

My guess is that the Bushes are hoping for a Romney defeat. A loss for Mitt would open the door to a Jeb nomination and run in 2016.

The younger Bush is already pushing a more moderate GOP agenda, what you might call “compassionate conservatism”. Woe betide the country, for sure.

***

We have to add Bill Clinton – a president I voted for twice – to the long list of culprits who played a large role in the economic demise of so many Americans. His signature on deregulation legislation led directly to the current depression.

***

The chart below compares overhead costs for the largest health insurers.

Health Insurance Company Overhead Costs

Aetna	22.1%
Humana	18.3%
Wellpoint	17.9%
United Healthcare	18.6%
Cigna	22.7%
Medicare	1.3%

Physicians for a National Health Program www.pnhp.org

Looks like a no-brainer to me. The best company for your investment dollars is Wellpoint.

Medicare of course is a non-profit, government managed program that’s been screwing up the marketplace with unparalleled efficiency for over forty years now. How did we ever allow that to happen. Guess we’ll never learn.

The faster we get that program converted to a profit voucher system the sooner we end all the fuss about affordable healthcare. And it will be converted – to the benefit of Wall Street of course – regardless of who the next president is.

***

Bev Perdue, the Democratic governor of North Carolina, has battled a Republican legislature for her entire term in office. The GOP has overridden several of her vetoes. Of course, the Republicans needed the help of five backstabbing Democrats to do so.

Bev Perdue, a much maligned lady in a state turning sharply to the right.

Perdue’s record would have been commendable had she had the support of a Democratic legislature.

The blame for any mismanagement of affairs rests with this assemblage of right wing politicians. It is this body that rules NC.

***

The vagina challenged, Republican controlled Virginia legislature showing “concern” for women’s safety reaches a level of hypocrisy not realized by the GOP since, well, since last week when Mitt Romney tiptoed around an element of the immigration controversy by saying the “status of young people who come here through no fault of their own is an important matter” and we need to figure out a way to help these kids.

Actually, the Vagina legislature’s attempt to force abortion clinics to place drinking fountains in waiting rooms isn’t such a bad idea. I’ve been in waiting rooms where you could die of thirst waiting.

There, ya see ladies, the GOP is looking out for your safety after all.

***

Mitt Romney, the expositor of the “self-deport” proposal, needs to figure out a way to keep his foot out of his mouth and figure out a position on immigration.

Well, go figure, Mitt. You’re running for president fer chrissakes.

On the other hand, maybe he should keep putting his foot in his mouth. It’s becoming his modus operandi, that is, making contravening statements simultaneously. People come to expect it. Soon nobody cares anymore.

Mighty Mitt strikes again.  Where will the next blow fall?  Not even the Mittster knows the answer to that question.

His methods may well become the new way to win elective office in America. Say something, flip flop with impunity and you’re on the record as supporting both sides of the same issue.

Mighty Mitt, of course, is reluctant to discuss the immigration issue. If he supports a lenient policy, he loses a lot of white votes. If he favors deportation the Latino vote becomes hopelessly lost.

***

A former Obama law school professor declared that he no longer supports the president and the chief executive must be defeated in November.

The professor has a point when he expresses dismay at Obama’s record in office and makes a cogent argument for the president’s defeat. One in particular stands out: Obama’s empty appeal to tax justice. I would add empty headed appeal since fewer and fewer of his supporters believe or trust the words the president mouths. His rhetoric is as empty as his appeals and his so-called attempt to triangulate yet another issue has fooled no one.

So if Obama goes down in November, so be it. Despite a long record of small accomplishments, the president has not earned a second term.

Sure, Romney will be worse. But can anyone say with certainty that another four years for Obama will be better than the failure of the first four. Can the country afford a second meek performance? Would reelection simply reinforce the president’s determination to continue on his ill-fated course?

A liberal and loyal Democrat (those who still revere FDR’s New Deal) cannot in good conscience vote for the likes of Romney. The man is as unscrupulous and unprincipled a politician to receive a party’s nomination since, well, since George W. Bush. But a similar case can be made against Obama. (See The Mendacity of Hope by Roger D. Hodge for a brutally honest evaluation of the policies of the Obama administration).

The real question is how did a great nation come to such a disastrous fork in the road? The words quandary and dilemma come to mind. Is a puzzlement.

Yul Brynner and Gertrude Lawrence in a photo from the Broadway play The King and I. In the play and later the movie, the king expressed his dismay and confusion about the politics of the time in the solo Is A Puzzlement.

***

No doubt the Republicans have done everything in their power to sabotage Obama’s presidency, including prolonging the suffering of those Americans most impacted by the Great Recession.

My complaint about Obama is that he did not go to bat for the people who gave him their wholehearted support. He abandoned millions when they needed him most and left them to their own devices.

If he had put up a fight and lost, I could give him credit for willingness to do battle with an intransigent GOP and lend him my support him. But his effort has been lukewarm at best and now so is my support his reelection.

For the first time in my voting life, I’m seriously considering leaving the presidential field on the ballot blank.

Recall Rahm Emanuel’s snide remark about liberals, to wit “where else can they go”. The answer of course is “nowhere at all”. If you cannot agree with the policies of a candidate and are repelled by some of his views, it makes no sense to vote for him.

Now when I’m stabbed in the back, it will be through no fault of my own. “Fool me once….”

***

It looks like Obama is hanging on to Simpson/Bowles for dear life. I guess the campaign cash flows through that nefarious plan.

In a nutshell, Simpson/Bowles advocates sharp cuts in social safety net programs and tax reform which reads increases for the middle class and cuts for the wealthy. The increases remain unspecified but the mortgage interest deduction appears to be on the chopping block.

Wall Street Patsy (also Secretary of the Treasury) Tim Geithner stated that the president is still considering an austerity plan along the lines of Simpson/Bowles.

***

It appears as though the White House strong armed Nancy Pelosi into supporting Simpson/Bowles by threatening to have the former Speaker removed from her leadership position. That would leave Obama water boy and right wing Democrat Steny Hoyer in line for the Speakership should the Dems win the House in November.

Related articles

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• GOP stars air sharp critiques (politico.com)
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