Archive for December 24th, 2010

December 24, 2010

The Schmuckup Award

The Nobella Committee will be announcing future awards to the most deserving personalities who roam the treacherous DC savanna.  The award is open to nominees from the fields of politics, the media and entertainment or just about any other endeavor and is by no means limited to the badlands of our nation’s capital.

The awards will be announced periodically by the Nobella Pizza Prize Committee whose hideout is located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, a resort village nestled deep in the Italian Alps.


December 24, 2010

Obama Needs a Job

Barack Obama Exploring Job Opportunities.

The Chirping Shrimp says Barack Obama has been giving a lot of thought lately about what he will do when he is no longer president. 

He’s been thinking about it because he’s pretty sure he will lose the election in 2012 and he only has two years to prepare himself to enter a job market with no jobs.

He doesn’t have a lot of experience so his resume is looking kind of threadbare.  Most of his recent experience has no practical application to real world situations.  Oh, sure he’s been running some country for a while but he botched that job so badly he expects to get crushed in the next election.  So he should probably remove that entry from his resume.  Before that he was just another mediocre senator in a body composed mostly of corrupt, lazy, rich people.  No help there.  And before that, well, that was so long ago nobody really cares.

He could call on the Wall Street banksters he bailed out to the tune of nearly a trillion taxpayer dollars.  But then he went and upset them by passing some lame reform bill.  So scratch that possibility.

He always liked Star Trek so he talked to NASA about a job, ya know the vision thing.  But he hasn’t really been giving them all the money they’ve asked for.  So they told him with the budget so tight they really didn’t have anything to offer.  Oh wait.  There was this one thing.  The agency is looking for a ruler for Mars.  No place is too far away to tuck this guy.  They would call Obama the Mars Czar.  He actually liked the idea of running a whole planet until he realized he couldn’t come home on weekends.  Also, there was no Camp David on Mars.  And not even one single golf course.

Oh well, he could always send Michelle out to work and be a stay at home Dad.

Also in the news, in recent discussions with the Republican leadership, Obama is said to have asked for an extension of unemployment benefits through 2013.
December 24, 2010

The Nobella Pizza Prize

Friday, December 24, 2010

 

The Nobella Pizza Prize

‘Tis the season for awarding prizes.  One of the most renowned was just announced. 

The Nobella Pizza Prize committee released the name of this year’s winner from its offices in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  The award amounted to $1,100,000 and was given to Sabato Parmagiano, head of the Parmagiamo family of Palermo, Sicily.

The award is named after Vito Nobella, former head of the Ricotta family, who died in 1896.  Mr. Nobella said of the prize, “You move a da money around a lilla bita and everybody gets a to be a big a cheese.  Eh.”

Today marks the first time in twenty four years that the prize has been awarded.  During that time the committee’s decisions were contested by two Sicilian families and the Nobella group was forced to withdraw the award.

The disagreement dates back to December 24th, 1986 when the Parmagiano family first brought its complaint before the committee.  That day became known as the Christmas Eve massacre.

The complaint alleged the Gorgonzola family of Salerno, Sicily was given favors by some committee members.  One member in particular, Pasquale Gorgonzola, was singled out for voting consistently in favor of the family from Salerno before he ever tasted the pizza.

Because of the dispute the Nobella Prize Committee was forced to relocate its hideout to its present site at Pasta Fagioli, a village deep in the Italian Alps.

A truce was recently arranged between the two families that will allow the committee to award the pizza prize each year as in the past.  The pact stipulated that capos should not be permitted to serve on the committee and that the two families will each win the prize in alternating years.

“Attsa too nize a,” said committee spokesperson Angelo “Stiletto” Mozzarella.  “No more bloodshed.”

“Luckily,” Mr. Mozzarella continued, “all those who gotta demselves killed during the disagreement gotta to see a priest before they died.”

Homemade Pepperoni Pizza-Sicilian style of course.

File:Pepperoni pizza.jpg