St. Paul-A Real Drag

St. Paul showed up at my house last night.  Appeared outta nowhere.  Yeah, that’s right, St. Paul, the guy from The Bible.  Ya think I’m kidding?  You can’t make this stuff up!

Shows up without an invitation like always.  Not even a letter to tell me he’s coming.

As usual, he’s looking for a handout.  Ya know, meals and a bed for three weeks while he does his preaching thing and writes some letters.

He makes a little off the preaching but the letter thing is going nowhere.

Says he has to see a healer.  Seems he fell off his ass in Syria a few years back and he keeps getting headaches.  I told him he should talk to Jesus.  They’re good buddies.  He says Jesus is busy on Patmos trying to help some guy named John who’s having nightmares.  Keeps calling them revelations.  What a nut case.

So ya think Paul has insurance to pay for his headaches?  Of course not, let somebody else pay.  What does he care?  Had to get some Gnostic spirit charmer up out of bed.  So it’s an emergency visit and I get stuck with the bill.  A hundred sesterses for a sleeping mixture.  God knows what’s in it.  I could give him a skin full of wine for half a shekel.  Not good enough for him.

Listen, Bubba, you may be a saint from heaven but being a saint doesn’t cut it around here anymore.  That won’t get you a vanilla bean frappacino in a Thessalonian coffee shop.  And this guy wants a full breakfast at 5 AM.  He should get on his ass and go to an all night camel stop.

He tells me he’s very upset with the Romans.  Doesn’t approve of their lifestyle. Has to straighten them out.  Wants to write another letter.  Says he’d go there but his ass is getting a little old for that sort of thing.

I told him I was in Rome a while ago.  Nice place.  Good food, good wine and such women you wouldn’t believe.  He gets another headache.  Says he’s gotta write that letter.  Always with the letters.

Forget the letters already.  When in Rome do as the Romans do.

The Conversion of Saul
Artist Michelangelo
Year circa 1542-1545
Type Fresco
Dimensions 625 cm × 661 cm (246 in × 260 in)
Location Cappella PaolinaVatican Palace,

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