Archive for January 1st, 2011

January 1, 2011

Inuit Culture Doomed

environmental and cultural issues face the inuit

The Inuit culture is in danger of extinction and these people need saving. Are the Inuits Christan?  If not they’re in luck.  Perhaps we could encourage some zealous religious groups to go up there and save them

Oh, sorry, wrong kind of saving.  Besides it’s too cold up there for Jesus types anyways.

And let’s look on the bright side.  So they lose their culture.  It’s not like it hasn’t happened to millions before them.  And now they won’t have to kill whales to eat anymore.  Lucky for them.  Whales will probably be extinct in a few decades.  Won’t have to kill bear to make clothes either. Bears are already on the way out.

Soon the Inuits will be able to join us so they can experience the benefits of modern society and enjoy genetically modified corn, e coli diseased beef, oil contaminated fish from the Gulf and buy all kindsa cheap shit from China.  And they’ll even be forced to purchase worthless health insurance.  You can’t get any luckier than that.

So let us invite our friends to the north to trek south and become citizens of the empire.  And who knows.  Their sons might even join us in our next invasion or two.

January 1, 2011

Apocalyptic Pain in the Ass

Sen. Tom Coburn (Wild Eyed Conservative-Red State America) said that apocalyptic pain will result if spending isn’t brought under control.

What Coburn means of course is that middle and working class Americans and retirees must sacrifice. And how do Coburn and his fellow Republican­s and many Democrats intend to do this – by cheating Americans out of their Social Security and Medicare benefits of course.

Such unmitigate­d gall is the normal attitude among the wealthy tribes who inhabit the Washington badlands and who daily trample on the wreckage that DC politics has become. The hypocrisy is palpable. The beltway clan elites at last have no shame.

After the tax cut powwow and the fiasco that resulted from it however the deficit issue amounts to contrived claptrap, an emperor with no clothes, an apocalyptic pain in the ass.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

January 1, 2011

Foreclosure Fraud for Fun and Profit

Well, I’m sorry but I just don’t understand all the fuss over a few clerical errors and a handful of oversights. It’s not like the banks aren’t trying.

Anyway when Congress speaks of the rule of law, it doesn’t mean banks. And surely Congress never meant the sanctity of contracts to apply to bankers.

Besides, mortgage papers are so confusing why would any court expect bankers to understand them.

OK. So the banks want to cheat the middle and working classes out of hundreds of billions of dollars. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.

So what if your mortgage is up to date and it’s foreclosed. Go rent. Let’s give the banks a break. This mess is so big they’re bound to make a few mistakes.

On the other hand, this could be an issue the Democrats could really capitalize on.

Hello, Democrats? Are you there? This mortgage thing could be a really big issue in the next campaign. Like, ya know, it could be an October surprise or something. After you get finished demolishing the campaigns of liberals running for office, you might want to read up on mortgage fraud. It’s in all the papers. Now’s the time to take the bull by the horns and turn this thing into a winner.  You remember which side of the bull the horns are on, don’t cha?

Oh. I forgot. You don’t have Wall Street’s permission.  And let’s cut bank CEOs some slack already.  After all, who knew.

The house depicted below was foreclosed even though the current residents and their forebears held clear title to the property for three generations.

When a senior bank executive was asked how such a miscarriage of justice could happen, the executive replied “Hey, this is America.  Shit happens.”


January 1, 2011

Tipsy New Year’s Eve for Obama

After two years in office and feeling constrained by the relentless demands of the job President Barack Obama finally got shitfaced.

On condition of remaining anonymous, a source reported from the Hawaii White House that the president had a double vanilla bean frappuccino made from a recipe he stole from an unnamed coffee establishment.

Mrs. Obama added a few extra drops of caffeine to the brew along with a generous helping of Viagra hoping to perk up the president. But Obama got so tipsy that he lost a game of Chinese checkers he was playing with a staff member who was trying in vain to let the president win.

The president was upset that none of his staff remembered to pack his yellow rubber ducky for the trip to Hawaii. The First Lady promised to buy him another one at the earliest opportunity but the president could not be consoled.

“It just wouldn’t be the same,” the president is reported to have said.

The president then threatened to phone the pilot of Air Force One and send him back to Washington to retrieve his rubber ducky.

After a brouhaha with the First Lady, the president relented and agreed to let Joe Biden bring the ducky to Hawaii.

“I can’t even win a negotiation with my own wife,” the president said angrily.

“And tell Biden he better bring the yellow one.”