Tipsy New Year’s Eve for Obama

After two years in office and feeling constrained by the relentless demands of the job President Barack Obama finally got shitfaced.

On condition of remaining anonymous, a source reported from the Hawaii White House that the president had a double vanilla bean frappuccino made from a recipe he stole from an unnamed coffee establishment.

Mrs. Obama added a few extra drops of caffeine to the brew along with a generous helping of Viagra hoping to perk up the president. But Obama got so tipsy that he lost a game of Chinese checkers he was playing with a staff member who was trying in vain to let the president win.

The president was upset that none of his staff remembered to pack his yellow rubber ducky for the trip to Hawaii. The First Lady promised to buy him another one at the earliest opportunity but the president could not be consoled.

“It just wouldn’t be the same,” the president is reported to have said.

The president then threatened to phone the pilot of Air Force One and send him back to Washington to retrieve his rubber ducky.

After a brouhaha with the First Lady, the president relented and agreed to let Joe Biden bring the ducky to Hawaii.

“I can’t even win a negotiation with my own wife,” the president said angrily.

“And tell Biden he better bring the yellow one.”

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