Washington brain disease has reached epidemic proportions, the National Institutes of Health reported today. With a few exceptions, every news organization, every columnist, every news anchor, every pundit is hopelessly infected. There is no cure.
The initial symptoms consist of an overpowering desire to please everyone who has money and that means lots of it. These include but are not limited to CEOs of corporations and Wall Street banks, hedge fund and media moguls and right wing aristocrats of every stripe.
The disease infiltrates the tissues of the brain and causes ad nauseum repetition of ideas and policies that reward the rich with ever greater wealth. As the disease progresses, repetition intensifies and drowns out any opposing message.
The disease is easily diagnosed in the DC media. Its symptoms include but are not limited to uncontrollable urges to promote the following bogus ideas:
- You can’t raise taxes on the rich during a recession.
- Tax cuts create jobs.
- Defense cuts leave the nation vulnerable to terrorist attack.
- Social Security increases the deficit.
- Single payer health insurance is socialized medicine.
- Wars we start protect us from war.
Fox News reportedly blamed the disease on a liberal conspiracy with ghosts which anchors claimed had invaded its studios. The organization then declared an emergency and ordered an evacuation of its offices.
The National Institutes of Health has issued a warning to all Beltway clan members exhibiting the above symptoms to report immediately to the nearest mental heath facility for observation.
Fox News Cites Evidence of Liberal Ghosts.