The Right to Bear Arms

The Second Amendment has been in the news a lot lately and I’ve been thinking about it. You know the part that says “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”. Well, it doesn’t say just handguns and assault rifles. It says arms. That’s everything! So if Bill Gates wanted to buy an aircraft carrier, his right to own one is protected by the Second Amendment. And if he wanted to take his boat out for a cruise, it’s A-OK. One thing for sure, though, he wouldn’t have to worry about Somali pirates attacking during a dinner party.

Suppose you could afford a missile with an atomic warhead on top. Yep. That’s right. Protected by the Second Amendment. Got a loud-mouthed neighbor whose dog dookies on your front lawn, not a problem. Launch a retaliatory strike. That’ll shut him up. No more dog problem either.

Let’s suppose you want to buy a used tank. Still OK. So it might be a little expensive. But if you catch a sale, you know, 0% interest, no money down, 10 years to pay, it would be affordable. Lot’s of people would want to own one.

Think of the stimulus to the economy it would be. Hundreds of used tank lots across the country, thousands of jobs for used tank salesman. It would do more good than “cash for clunkers”. And after the government sells all those tanks it doesn’t use anymore, the deficit would disappear.

Now think about this. You could start a tank club. Call it the Sherman Tank Club or the Patton Tank Club or the Fifty Second Street Gangbangers Tank Club. Even the Napoleon Tank Club. Now everybody knows Napoleon never had a tank. But he did start a lot of wars that killed a lot of people. That should qualify him to get a tank club named in his honor. How about naming one after Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar. How does the Attila the Hun Tank Club sound. The possibilities are unlimited. Just pick your very favorite bloodthirsty warmonger and name your club after him.

Then you could go down to the quarry on Sunday afternoons, launch a few shells into the rock piles, have tailgate parties, get drunk, shoot each other, you know, some good old-fashioned male bonding.

And the really cool thing about it is, it’s all protected by the Second Amendment.

File:HMAS Melbourne (R21) underway aerial 1979.jpg

Bill Gates purchases used aircraft carrier. Claims right to own one protected by 2nd Amendment. (Photo by Nick Thorne).


The Leonardo Da Vinci Tank Club stuck in a mud hole after a sudden warm spell melted two feet of snow in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  (Public domain).File:Persano 1984 parcheggio carri.jpg

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2 Comments to “The Right to Bear Arms”

  1. Sir,
    You left out some of this.

    “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

    In my opinion the current right wing Supreme’s got this wrong for the wrong reasons. This speaks to the collective right of of U.S. citizens to arm Militia’s. Not a personal right to own any type of weapon.

    • Agreed. The real problem though is that there’s too much NRA cash flooding through the halls of Congress for meaningful gun control to ever become a reality.

      Some years ago an inventor came up with the idea of a three round magazine with a lock. Fire the three rounds, remove the clip from the assault rifle, take out a key and unlock the clip, then reload three more rounds.

      I’ve always thought that ammo and magazine control was a better way to achieve real reform. So buy a hundred AK-47s but just three rounds in a single clip with a lock.

      That, of course, will never happen either.

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