The Second Amendment has been in the news a lot lately and I’ve been thinking about it. You know the part that says “the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed”. Well, it doesn’t say just handguns and assault rifles. It says arms. That’s everything! So if Bill Gates wanted to buy an aircraft carrier, his right to own one is protected by the Second Amendment. And if he wanted to take his boat out for a cruise, it’s A-OK. One thing for sure, though, he wouldn’t have to worry about Somali pirates attacking during a dinner party.
Suppose you could afford a missile with an atomic warhead on top. Yep. That’s right. Protected by the Second Amendment. Got a loud-mouthed neighbor whose dog dookies on your front lawn, not a problem. Launch a retaliatory strike. That’ll shut him up. No more dog problem either.
Let’s suppose you want to buy a used tank. Still OK. So it might be a little expensive. But if you catch a sale, you know, 0% interest, no money down, 10 years to pay, it would be affordable. Lot’s of people would want to own one.
Think of the stimulus to the economy it would be. Hundreds of used tank lots across the country, thousands of jobs for used tank salesman. It would do more good than “cash for clunkers”. And after the government sells all those tanks it doesn’t use anymore, the deficit would disappear.
Now think about this. You could start a tank club. Call it the Sherman Tank Club or the Patton Tank Club or the Fifty Second Street Gangbangers Tank Club. Even the Napoleon Tank Club. Now everybody knows Napoleon never had a tank. But he did start a lot of wars that killed a lot of people. That should qualify him to get a tank club named in his honor. How about naming one after Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar. How does the Attila the Hun Tank Club sound. The possibilities are unlimited. Just pick your very favorite bloodthirsty warmonger and name your club after him.
Then you could go down to the quarry on Sunday afternoons, launch a few shells into the rock piles, have tailgate parties, get drunk, shoot each other, you know, some good old-fashioned male bonding.
And the really cool thing about it is, it’s all protected by the Second Amendment.
Bill Gates purchases used aircraft carrier. Claims right to own one protected by 2nd Amendment. (Photo by Nick Thorne).