SS Shortfall Projected at $250 Gazillion

Social Security faces a massive shortfall over the next 450 years, the Society for Human Replacement by Robots declared in its first annual report.

Robots will not only assume human shape in the very near future allowing them to replace men and women in performing both menial and complex tasks. But as the intelligence of robotic machines evolves it is feared these hominid like creatures will insist on a retirement plan of their own at some point in their existence. Since it is expected that the useful life of a 22nd century robot will be no more than 75 years while the life expectancy of an actual human by that time will exceed 150 years the demands that the two populations will place on the Social Security trust fund will be unsustainable. The burden will become especially acute since humans replaced by robots will no longer receive wages and robots themselves will not be paid a salary so that revenue will fall precipitously. Beginning in the year 2250 the shortfall is projected to be in excess of 250 gazillion dollars.

Actuaries familiar with the problem have suggested a penny tax be levied on each kernel of corn consumed by humans who have been displaced by machines. The tax on an average ear of corn, for example, will add about $10.00 to the cost of an ear and about the same to a 1000 flake box of cereal. The additional cost of a gallon of gasoline with ethanol should be no more than $50.00 according to the report. God only knows what a ten pound bag of cornflour will cost.

However, the actuaries suggested that grits made from corn be exempt from the tax to avoid the threat of rebellion from the southern states that once comprised the Confederacy.

Since only about 5% of the population will be able to afford food at these inflated prices, an added benefit to the tax will be a rapid decline in obesity among the small people. Life expectancy rates will also fall.

Given these adjustments, the shortfall in the Social Security fund should be no more than 175 gazillion dollars over the 200 year projection of the study, an amount, the actuaries estimate, that would be easily acquired by selling corn kernels to wealthy Chinese desperate to avoid starvation.


Success in the Struggle Against Obesity Saves Social Security

File:Hugo Simberg Garden of Death.jpg

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