Students Rush to New Curriculum

Colleges and universities across the nation are rushing to take advantage of the recent disreputable business practices engineered by Wall Street financial institutions. Business departments are rapidly creating courses that focus on lying, cheating and stealing and how to get away with it.

A course at one prominent university will be entitled Criminal Behavior Without Guilt 101. The course will be a prerequisite for a follow up to be called Cheating and Stealing with Impunity 102. A third course planned for the spring, Applying Cold-Blooded Ruthlessness to Enhance the Bottom Line 103, will teach students the means to employ to achieve these goals and reveals ways to apply the methods to poor people to realize the largest gains in the shortest possible time. This course will focus primarily on methods to cheat and steal from the poor since nobody really cares about them anyway.

The final course currently available in the series is called Banks and Crooks: The Best Way to Rob a Bank Is to Own One. One chapter in the course textbook advises ways and means of achieving ownership of a bank. The easiest way to gain control of a savings institution is to win one in a poker game according to the chapter entitled How to Cheat at Poker and Win Every Time. Another chapter advises students on How to Turn a Three-Five Year Conviction into Six Months With Time Off for Good Behavior.

The curriculum has become so popular with the student body that the university plans to offer it as a major in the fall.  The next step in the advancement of the program will be to grant a degree in the discipline in about two years.

The Office of Student Employment Assistance is also excited about the program. A spokesperson, who agreed to make a statement under conditions of anonymity, says that corporate interest in students enrolled in the program is unprecedented and Wall Street firms have inundated the office with inquiries. He also noted that full scholarship grants from financial institutions have already exceeded the number of grants offered to athletes in the school’s entire athletic program.  In addition, construction plans to expand classroom and dormitory space to accommodate burgeoning enrollment are in the design stages.

File:Students Oxford University.jpg

Students rushing to enroll in new business curriculum Cheating Your Way to Financial Success.

(Photo courtesy of Mike Knell who denies any association with the post).


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