President suffers big toe blister.

Breaking News! From UPW (Unreliable Press Worldwide.)

File:Obama thinking.jpg

President in obvious distress moments before being rushed to Bethesda Naval Medical Center.

President Barack Obama was rushed to Bethesda Naval Medical Center today for treatment of an inflammation on his big toe, a condition commonly known as a blister.

The president refused treatment at the nearby Walter Reed Army facility because he’s scared of roaches.

In a statement released by the Bethesda hospital a spokesman said doctors attending the president described the eruption as serious and outlined the procedure a team of surgeons prescribed to relieve the condition.

Surgeons will first employ the medically recommended treatment to ease the pressure caused by the subcutaneous accumulation of fluid in the chief executive’s big toe. The surgeon in charge of the team will light a match and apply the flame to a sewing needle in order to sterilize the instrument. Once the instrument is rendered aseptic the team will then attempt a subcutaneous insertion of the needle directly into the affected area. When the pressure is relieved doctors expect the president to make a full recovery.

During the surgery, however, the president will be administered a general anesthesia and will be unable to perform his executive duties for a period lasting approximately two or three minutes. The president advised Congress of the period of incapacity and recommended that Vice President Joe Biden assume the role of Acting President for the duration .

In a statement issued from the White House the president expressed his complete confidence in the vice president’s ability to fulfill the duties of president during the period of incapacity.

Also, from the White House, the press secretary indicated the president was stricken while looking up information about the state of Wisconsin in his Funk and Wagnalls, an encyclopedia the president obtained by paying $2.50 per volume while shopping for groceries at a supermarket that offered the set as a premium. The president is lacking Volume 5, the press secretary continued, and is willing to pay $3.00 for the missing book if Congress will authorize the item in the current budget.

Before undergoing anesthesia the president released a statement regretting that he would not be able to fulfill his campaign promise to march on picket lines with labor union members and expressed particular regret to Wisconsin protesters for his unavoidable absence.

Updates on the president’s condition will be reported from the UPW newsroom as soon as they become available.

Unreliable Press Worldwide.

Surpassing the Mainstream Media.


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