Schmuckup Nominees Announced

Pasta Fagioli, Italy. UPW. March 4, 2011

From the UPW news wire. The Nobella Prize Committee has just announced the nominations for this year’s Schmuckup Award in economics. The nominees are:

George W. Bush: for not knowing jack shit about economics for the entire eight years of his presidency.

Ronald Reagan: for developing and implementing the Pisson Theory of Economics.

Alan Greenspan: for knowing jack shit about economics and screwing up beyond all reason anyway and who is, according to Matt Taibbi, the biggest Asshole in the Universe.

Bill Clinton: for signing NAFTA, appointing Robert Rubin and Larry Summers as Treasury secretaries and then arrogantly and stupidly signing deregulation legislation.

Barack Obama: for developing the Hopey Changey Theory of Economics that would reinstate FDR’s cherished New Deal and then abandoning the theory as soon as he woke up after the election of 2008, even before he lit up his first cigarette.

File:Themos Anninos.JPG

A photo of the originator of the Nobella Prize Don Alfredo Vito Nobella.

According to a spokesman for the nominating committee The Schmuckup Award is an honor that isn’t given to just anybody. Deserving recipients must exhibit an overpowering inclination to deceive, defraud, corrupt, be corrupted or act in a stupid, arrogant or ignorant manner. That should leave the field wide open according to the spokesman, government, politics, sports, entertainment, the possibilities are unlimited. But remember, the spokesman reminded the group of reporters, it’s not enough for a nominee to be a schmuck up. There are thousands of those in Washington DC alone. A truly deserving winner has to be a dumb schmuck up.

The winner of the award will receive a certificate describing the achievement that earned the distinction along with the honor of having his name engraved in the polished granite monument contributed to the Nobella Committee by the Sardo Institute of Lame Humor. Since citizens across the globe have rejected offering their communities as a site for the location of the monument honoring recipients of The Schmuckup Award in Economics, the Nobella Committee decided to place the granite stones in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, a village buried deep in the Italian Alps and the current site of the committee’s hideout.

The winner will also receive a forged autographed copy of a photograph of Don Alfredo Vito Nobella, the originator of the award.

Prizes are awarded while supplies last.

Stand by for updates from the UPW newsroom.

Unreliable Press Worldwide.

Surpassing the Mainstream Media.


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