Archive for March 7th, 2011

March 7, 2011

Poor Caused Great Recession!

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Foreclosure victim accused of using threats and torture to force bankers to sign mortgage papers.

According to reports issued by right wing media sources, poor people are to blame for the Great Republican Recession.

A source who wishes to remain anonymous revealed today that poor people threatened bankers and mortgage brokers with torture in order to force them to make billions upon billions of dollars in fees by issuing subprime mortgages.

A sworn statement from a broker who issued thousands of subprime mortgages declared that poor people threatened him with such medieval devices as waterboarding and bone stretching if the broker would not sign the mortgage documents. Another broker testified that poor people actually held loaded guns to his head on numerous occasions compelling him to sign the documents.

In a related development, right wing media personality Tush Limpole declared in a statement from an undisclosed location in the Caribbean that he has the written testimony from hundreds of persons involved in the torture threats that proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that the poor forced rich bankers to earn untold billions in fees by threatening bankers with torture if they did not sign the papers.

Mr. Limpole, who issued his statement from an undisclosed island resort where he is fellowshipping with a half dozen of his favorite female consorts, indicated that he would reveal names as soon as he completed his fellowshipping obligations and returned to the states.

In an interview with a perpetrator accused of threatening the use of weapons of mass destruction to secure a mortgage, the suspect stated that he never used threats or force and the only weapon of mass destruction he ever saw was the cheap pen the broker handed him to sign the papers. And he had to give the pen back.

The accused stated that after he signed the mortgage the broker told him to go pick out a $300,000 house and phone him with the address and he could move in the morning.

Updates will follow from the UPW newsroom as they become available.

Unreliable Press Worldwide – Surpassing the Mainstream Media.

(Photo courtesy of Taremu who denies any association with this post).

March 7, 2011


Hello, Barack. Barack, are you there? Come in, Barack.

Houston, we have a problem. Barack Obama is lost in space.


From UPW: Printing tastelessly useless news from across the planet.



The Secret Service began a frantic search for President Obama this morning without results.

An agent reported the missing president to chief of staff William Daley.

The chief of staff, sitting with his feet propped up on the desk playing Sudoku on his Blackberry, told the agent to call the State Department. This is the day the president sneaks over there to play checkers with Hillary. “And I wouldn’t mention the leadership thing if I were you. It really pisses him off.”

Obama finally located on State Department grounds having fun with Hillary.

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