Archive for March 21st, 2011

March 21, 2011

PUBIC HAIR HANKY PANKY!

Justice Thomas Criticized for Conflict of Interest.

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The current members of the Supreme Court of the United State.

Justice Clarence Thomas has recently received criticism for refusing to recuse himself from cases before the Court where a decision could benefit the income of his wife and thus enhance his own wealth.

The criticism could soon reach an unmanageable level now that calls for his removal from the bench for conflict of interest decisions are being reported from a variety of sources.

Rumors are emanating from the chambers of the Court and spreading rapidly throughout Washington DC that in order to head off any further criticism the justice has vowed to his supporters that he will present them with a pubic hair suitable for framing in exchange for their continued support. The hair, according to whispers circulating throughout the community, would not be accompanied by a Coke can

The rumors recall an incident that occurred during the nominee’s confirmation hearings when a witness testified that Thomas exclaimed that someone had put a pubic hair on a can of Coke he was drinking from.

A reporter for UPW familiar with activities surrounding the Court and its members said that a spokesman for Thomas indicated the justice vehemently denies making any such offer and that the judge also denied any association with the envelopes mailed to Congressional offices containing strange looking strands of what apparently is human hair.

The FBI has been confiscating the envelopes and the hair they contained. The law enforcement agency announced that DNA testing is underway to determine the nature of the hair and possibly the source.

From the UPW newswire: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in bringing tastelessly trashy news worldwide.

March 21, 2011

NEW GAME: DEFICIT LEGERDEMAIN

Kids in MSM Develop New Deficit Game.

Object: Find Ways to Blame Social Security.

Winner Receives Pat on Back From Corporate Masters.

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Aerial view of the Pentagon, command central for the nation’s war kitty.


Kids in the Mainstream Media have developed a new board game.

Apparently, a couple of kids at the Wall Street Journal attempted to engage in what has become known as “an adult conversation,” about the fabricated deficit. In the process, they unwittingly created a new game: Blame the Deficit on the Working Class.

An essential part of the game is the phrase “adult conversation.” In Washington DC babblespeak that translates to “shove the bill up the ass of the middle class.”

The kids at the Journal, Janet Hook and Naftali Ben David, like so many other children in the MSM, are clearly unhappy about our prefab deficit. So the kids decided to play a game among themselves. The object of the game is to see who can find the most ways to shove most of the fake debt onto as many middle and working class people as possible.

The best way to stiff the middle class, according to the kids, is to implement the plan put forth by Barack Obama’s rigged deficit commission. Actually there was no commission plan per say because the recommendations put forth by Barons Erskine von Bowles and Alan von Simpson didn’t garner enough votes from other members of the commission, You see, the deficit commission was a fail.

But not to worry, plan or no, let’s get on with the game because some of the ideas offered by the two noblemen who headed up that pathetic little group turned out to be really good ways to shove the burden of the phony deficit onto working people.

Other kids in the MSM, like those on CNN and FOX and the three other corporate owned news shows, are also trying to find ways to win the game. All however are playing the same blame it on the middle class sport.

It’s a good blame game though. When the rich kids in the MSM win, they get to keep their budget busting Bush tax cuts and those who aren’t rich enough to care about the tax cuts get to keep their jobs by continuously parroting their master’s puffery.

But now it’s time for all good children in the MSM to stop playing their phony little game, take a seat and have a genuine adult conversation about the deficit.

First and foremost it is not caused by Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid or any of the other safety net programs. Second and more importantly it was caused by rich people – greedy, deceitful, warmongering rich people. They received outrageous and wholly unjustifiable tax cuts. They also engaged in and supported wars started by some president’s kid who had a grudge against some dictator somewhere in the Middle East. Then they lied, cheated and stole their way to even more fabulous riches by engaging in some of the most deceitful practices since pirates roamed the seas. They outsourced jobs, fired loyal workers, issued junk mortgages and sliced them into something called collateralized debt obligations and sold them off to unsuspecting investors and in the process damn near tanked the economy of the entire world.

But they weren’t finished. After they crashed their companies, they got their government toadies to declare an emergency and lend them some money to bail them out of the mess they created.

Still not finished. It was then that they got their kids in the MSM, now owned lock, stock and barrel by their corporate compadres to proclaim -yes, I think you really do get it now – a wholly fabricated mythology that a government deficit exists and to shift the burden of cleaning up after them onto the working stiff by blaming their mess on Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and the host of safety net programs whose sole intention is to help the less fortunate survive in a climate of greed, theft and perpetual war.

So kiddies stop playing your phony little game and have that genuine adult conversation about the fabricated deficit and how to melt it away: Raise taxes on the wealthy to the level that existed throughout the 1990s because the tax cuts are a major contributing factor to the fabricated debt; stop the shameful wars; reduce the disgraceful war kitty; pass genuine health insurance reform. Game over. Sorry media kids. I win.


From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in bringing you worthlessly useless news worldwide.

This report is a product of Unreliable Press Worldwide.