Archive for March 28th, 2011

March 28, 2011


Governor Page LeGlue ordered a mural praising the efforts of hard working American men and women removed from the rotunda of the state Capitol.

The painting is to be replaced by one honoring the thrift and frugality of the Charles Dickens character Ebenezer Scrooge.

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The new work of art will be unveiled at a ceremony to take place today at the Capitol building.

The mural will depict an angry Ebenezer Scrooge confronting the apparition of his former business partner Jacob Marley and throwing it out of the bedroom window.

Scrooge is then seen berating the Ghost of Christmas Past and telling her to go find someone else’s past before he locks her in a shed and throws away the key. The ghost then heeds the warning and congratulates Scrooge for steadfastly refusing to bend to the woman he loves and instead abandons her in favor of his quest for untold wealth.

Scrooge next kicks the Ghost of Christmas Present smack in the ass and sends him on his way.

The following scene shows a group of thugs hired by Scrooge mugging the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come and then throwing him into a grave while Scrooge is wearing a gleeful  grin and enjoying his victories over the apparitions sent to part him from some of his money. He then appears in the corn exchange gouging even more money from the customers he so shrewdly exploits.

Finally, in the last scene Bob Cratchit’s wife is depicted beating him over the head with her purse and accusing him of being a lazy lout who cannot provide for his family while they take the dying Tiny Tim to a poor house so he can receive care before he passes on.

Gov. LeGlue was present at the unveiling ceremony and dedicated the mural to the businessmen of the country who, like the famed fictional character, spared neither cruelty nor greed to achieve success and in the process helped to make the American economy the greatest the world has ever known.

Also present at the unveiling was right wing radio host Tush Limpole. The popular talk show jockey noted that business leaders across the state contributed to the mural project so taxpayer dollars were not needed to fund the effort.

According to an anonymous source, Limpole congratulated LeGlue profusely and invited the governor to join him on a fellowshiping mission to the Riviera.

From the UPW newsroom – surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting tastelessly useless news worldwide.