MEXICO DECLARES WAR ON USA

President Receives Approval from Mexican Congress

Invasion of Wall Street Underway

Santa Anna Addresses the Mexican People

File:Tontine coffee house.jpg

Wall Street as it existed some two hundred years prior to the invasion.

President Cajo de Abelardo de Bolivar de Alejandro de Teira del Fuego de Cristobalo Domingo de Santa Anna of Mexico announced to his nation that his government had declared war on the United States of America.

The president recounted the many abuses and insults the Mexican people have suffered and endured over the years at the hands of the United States and that the US must now recognize and indemnify the people of Mexico for more than a century of mistreatment.

The president also announced that the Mexican Navy, some two months prior to the declaration of war, had dispatched a flotilla of heavily armed row boats across the Gulf of Mexico, around Florida, up the East Coast and into the East River where “At this very moment our navy is landing a battalion of our very brave marines directly into the financial capital of the world, Wall Street. Our marines, at this very moment, are in the process of occupying all buildings in the Wall Street area and within a matter of minutes I expect to have an announcement from General Abelardo de Deigo de Jesus de Alejandro de Domingo de Jose de Santa Anna that our brave troops have conquered all of the financial district of New York and that the richest banking center in the world now belongs to Mexico.”

At the White House, after an emergency cabinet meeting, a spokesman announced that President Barack Obama is “deeply disappointed” at the actions taken today by the government of Mexico. According to the spokesman, President Obama has offered to engage in direct negotiations with the Mexican president and invited Santa Anna to have a beer together on the White House lawn.

The president indicated that he might be willing to surrender Texas to Mexico in exchange for the occupied lands in lower Manhattan.

In view of the success of the Mexican armada, Santa Anna responded coolly to Obama’s offer saying Texas has a $28 billion dollar debt while Wall Street banks are sitting on hundreds of billions of dollars of cash. Besides said the Mexican president there are just too many white people in Texas and you know how much trouble they are.

In the meantime, Wall Street executives expressed their elation with Santa Anna’s offer to pay the highest bonuses in history if they would just play soccer on this one.

Executives poured out onto streets throughout the financial district and cheered the contingent of Mexican marines now in full command of Lower Manhattan.

Meanwhile, back at the White House, the president lunched on a cucumber sandwich and lemonade.


Updates will be reported from the UPW newsroom as soon as they become available. UPW: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in bringing worthlessly useless news worldwide.

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