Archive for April 9th, 2011

April 9, 2011


Nobella Committee Establishes New Prize.

The Nobella Pizza Prize Committee has instituted a new award. For those persons who do not qualify for the Schmuckup Prize the committee will now confer on deserving nominees the Most Valuable Putz Award.

In order for a person to win the Schmuckup Prize, for example, he has to be more than just a schmuckup. There are thousands of those in Washington DC alone. He has to be a dumb schmuckup. That qualification limits the prize chiefly to Republicans, conservatives (who can be Democrats) and to right wing extremists (most Republicans but especially Tea Partiers).

The Committee stated its belief that the Most Valuable Putz Award will have a much broader field of candidates. To win an MVP all you really have to be is an ignorant person who engages in foolish or nonsensical behavior. Hundreds of people should come to mind immediately because that would include just about everybody in Washington including pundits, TV news readers and all Fox Newsers, Republicans, right wing extremists and just about everybody else who putzes around in DC. Unfortunately it also includes many Democrats.

This first MVP goes to the right wing extremists or Tea Party schmuckups who tried desperately to shut down the entire US government to make a silly point and get some press coverage.

So congratulations Tea Party. You are this week’s winner of the Most Valuable Putz Award.

The second Most Valuable Putz Award (the first one was won about two minutes ago by Tea Partiers who tried to shut down the entire US government) goes to Republicans and right wing extremists (excuse the redundancy) who are trying to let their corporate masters pirate the Internet for even more ill gotten gains.

Congratulations House Republicans on winning the Most Valuable Putz Award.  You are truly the MVPs of the nation.

April 9, 2011


The Supreme Court today handed down a victoryto right wing radio personality Tush Limpole.


A yacht similar to the one owned by right wing radio host Tush Limpole. (Photo courtesy of Cetallinfo).

The Supreme Court today handed down its decision in Tush Limpole vs. The Food Pantry for Starving Americans and gave the right wing radio host and multimillionaire a resounding victory.

In the 5-4 decision, the majority sided with Limpole’s contention that he had been denied his constitutional right to buy groceries when the Food Pantry charged his maid regular retail prices when she purchased food at a local Pantry instead of the greatly reduced prices offered to starving people.

Lawyers for Limpole argued that Pantry volunteers repeatedly denied maids, butlers and Limpole’s chauffeur the right to buy groceries at prices sometimes reduced by as much as half and ofter even more simply because the right wing’s servants arrived in a chauffeur driven limousine and that Limpole was not entitled to the goods because his economic status disqualified him under Pantry rules.

The majority stated in its decision that by refusing to allow Limpole to obtain the groceries at the nominal prices charged to starving people, the Pantry had denied the defendant “due process” or unequal treatment under the law.

It is un-American and unconstitutional to deny a fundamental human right based solely on an individual’s economic status,” the majority stated in its opinion.

Food Pantry volunteers immediately began reporting long lines of limousines queuing up at Pantry locations across the country as the wealthy seek to take advantage of the bargains offered by the organization that serves the starving.

Limpole received news of the Supreme Court decision on his yacht where he was fellowshipping with several female adherents.

He is reported to have ordered a pound of beluga caviar delivered by helicopter to the landing pad on the vessel. The copter was seen circling in preparation for the landing. In addition to the caviar, the pilot had on board cases of canned vegetables for maids to restock the yacht’s seven pantries.

Tush announced to his listeners from radio equipment aboard the yacht that he was delighted with the decision and it was high time that the wealthy of the country were treated with the dignity and equality they were entitled to.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting tastelessly useless news worldwide.