PRIZE IN GEOGRAPHY TO PALIN

Nobella Prize Committee Awards Prize in Geography to Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

File:Sarah Palin handshake.JPG

Palin shown welcoming home the troops.

The Nobella Prize Committee today awarded the Schmuckup Prize in Geography to Former Alaska Governor, one-time beauty contestant and current entertainment personality Sarah Palin.

The Committee based its decision on Palin’s extensive knowledge of the subject that includes knowing the location of the former Soviet Union. When asked, the former governor’s profound answer – that it lay either to the right or the left of Alaska depending on which direction your facing but mostly it’s to the west of Alaska at least on most of the maps that she’s seen – weighed heavily on the Committee’s decision. It also took note of the fact of her ability to see that vast country from the front porch of her house.

Also entering into the committee’s decision was Palin’s claim to be able to see Cairo, Egypt from the roof of her house while wearing high heels and standing atop a CIA intercept antenna placed there to help the candidate increase her knowledge of both geography and foreign affairs.

Palin also exhibited substantial knowledge of the subject of the award by correcting her mistake in calling Africa a country. Of course she knew Africa was continent, according to a statement from a spokesperson, she just didn’t know where it was located. The committee overlooked this shortcoming by acknowledging that half the damn country doesn’t know where Africa is located and the other half doesn’t really give a shit where it is.

In its award citation the Committee took exception to Palin’s referring to North Korea as a US ally. Ignoring the foreign affairs faux pas, however, the members recognized that Palin clearly knew that North Korea lay to the north of South Korea which was a firm indication of her ability to distinguish north from south, an indispensable qualification for any winner of the prize.

Several other factors entered into the decision to award the prize to Palin. Not the least among them is that she clearly knows the location of Canada and that most of Alaska lays to the west of that huge country – knowledge she gained from her frequent trips across the border to buy drugs. The committee assumed Ms. Palin was referring to the prescription variety.

The members of the Committee offered their heartfelt congratulations to Ms. Palin and presented the award to a stand in who refused to identify himself. The award consists of a forged autographed reproduction of a photograph of the founder of the prize, Don Alfredo Vito Nobella, and a statuette known as the Schmuckbar which is engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The statuette is made of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

From the UPW newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

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