World’s Largest Credit Rating Agency Thumbs Nose at Obama and Taxpayers.

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Douche & Bagge is one of the largest commercial real estate holding companies in the United States.

The world’s largest credit rating agency today issued a cautionary note about investment in US Treasuries. The report by agents of Douche & Bagge Credit expressed strong doubts about the ability of the parties involved to negotiate a budget plan and reach an agreement to raise the debt ceiling before the budget deadline arrives. Failure to reach an agreement could have far reaching effects on the ability of the US Government to meet its debt obligations.

The warning by DBC sparked turmoil in financial capitals throughout the world. The report also stated that DBC agents are studying the possibility of lowering the credit rating of US bonds to AAB, a move that could have a devastating effect of the ability of the government to borrow additional funds.

DBC CEO Martin F. Anderson, known affectionately among company employees as MFA, warned that his agency is losing patience with Democrats who refuse to take the bold step to destroy Social Security and Medicare as a means of saving the US Government from bankruptcy.

In a secret memo to employees, obtained by UPW from an anonymous source, MFA required executives to contribute to the Republican Party campaign election fund and recommended they join the GOP at the first opportunity. Executives were given one month to change party registration if necessary.  The Republican Party was viewed as the only means by which the nation could be saved from financial default and moral depravity.

In addition to being a credit rating agency, Douche & Bagge also operates a mortgage insurance company, three multi billion dollar hedge funds and the sixth largest banking institution in the country with branches across the nation.

Douche & Bagge was the recipient of $180 billion dollars in TARP funds from the Obama Administration which it refuses to pay back. Mr. Anderson stated that his institution is a valuable resource to the nation that earned the bailout funds due to its presence in numerous markets throughout the country and, in view of the many services it provides to the economy, to return the funds would not only place an undue burden upon the company and its stockholders but would be an insult to both.

For his persistence in opposing the return of bailout funds, Mr. Anderson received an extra $5,000,000 bonus in addition to his original compensation package totaling $18,000,000.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

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