TERRORIST SAID TO OWN ITALIAN PIZZA JOINT

Officials from the Pakistanii Intelligence Service denied today that they had any knowledge of the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden before the US raid into the Abbottabad compound.

File:Osama bin Laden hideout.jpg

A view of the Abbottabad compound where the 9/11 perpetrator lived in luxury.


Information gathered from trusted sources, an official from PIS indicated under conditions of strict anonymity, led intelligence (sic) agents to believe bin Laden was living in caves in the mountainous northwest region of the country. The area is inhabited by tribes that live under conditions of self rule. The central government holds little authority over the tribes and it was believed that loyal bin Laden supporters throughout the area were concealing the terrorist’s movements.

Agents paid cooperative tribal members hundreds of thousands of dollars of secret CIA money for information that might lead to the whereabouts of the world’s most sought after criminal.

PIS also conducted numerous interrogations of tribal members and information gathered by various techniques pointed to locations in the mountains where bin Laben was thought to have been hiding.

When questioned about the methods employed during interrogations the official said Pakistani agents did not use torture.

Agents frequently packed picnic lunches on their forays into the cavernous mountains on their searches of thousands of caves in the region in numerous failed attempts to bag bin Laden.

In reality bin Laden was living under conditions of comfort in a million dollar compound in the prosperous suburban city of Abbottabad not far from a Pakistani military installation. It is believed bin Laden may have been receiving dialysis treatments at a medical facility at the base.

PIS agents had received a tip from a pizza delivery boy from Muammar’s New York Style Pizza take out restaurant, a Libyan Italian food franchise. The boy reported a tall man with a long beard who resembled bin Laden, lived in the residence where he frequently delivered pizza. Agents indicated however that the boy vanished suddenly and has never been heard from again. Other delivery boys remained tight lipped.

File:SunrisesatRawalLakeIslamabad.jpg

Sunrise over a park in Islamabad where bin Laden may have gone on picnics with his wives and trusted supporters.


It is now believed that bin Laden was the owner of the Italian restaurant that delivered to his residence and that he dined frequently at the establishment. He was known as a big tipper.

When asked how a well known terrorist could be living under the noses of the Pakistani military and the Intelligence Service the official remarked: “So who knew.”

From UPW News: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide. 

 

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