EX PRES WINS SCHMUCKUP AWARD

From its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the Nobella Pizza Prize Committee has just announced the winner of The Schmuckup Award. Former president William Jefferson Clinton, also known as Wild Willy, has been honored with the prize.

File:Clinton.jpg

The official portrait of the third worst president in recent history now hangs in the East Room of the White House.


In its award letter, the Committee noted the president’s numerous accomplishments while in office. Of particular note was Clinton’s signing of NAFTA which brought untold profits to American global corporations and enhanced earnings and bonuses for Wall Street investment banks and CEOs.

The Committee noted that the president proceeded boldly often disregarding advice from supporters who warned that the agreement would cost jobs in both the US and Mexico. As high wage jobs gushed to the cheap labor regions south of the border causing high unemployment among middle class workers, corporations increased earnings astronomically. At the same time agricultural conglomerates flooded Mexican markets with farm products that drove millions of farmers off the land and forced hungry immigrants to illegally cross the border to the north in a race for survival. Under no circumstances could this brave president be persuaded that NAFTA would cause huge disruptions in both economies as he courageously charged ahead.

Clinton also earned high praise for his appointments to the Treasury Department. Wall Street was elated when Goldman Sachs CEO Robert Rubin was named secretary and Larry Summers his assistant. Both men were avid deregulationists and pushed for passage of the Gramm-Bliley-Leach Act which destroyed the separation of investment and commercial banking by overturning the New Deal’s Glass-Steagall law.

Again the president proceeded boldly against warnings that his actions were irresponsible and could unleash an upheaval in the banking and housing industries. The Great Recession that began in 2007 resulted directly from his actions but Clinton has maintained steadfastly that deregulation was not a cause of the recession that resulted in millions of foreclosures, the loss of millions of jobs and a costly government bailout of reckless Wall Street banks.

The economic dislocations caused by the president’s two Treasury appointments continue to the present day and observers have branded Rubin and Summers as the worst Treasury secretaries since Warren Harding tapped Andrew Mellon to serve in that post. Clinton however continues to praise his two former advisers.

The president was also eager to destroy Social Security as it is now structured. He instructed his chief of staff, the aristocrat Erskine Bowles, to negotiate with then Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, an overhaul of the most successful social program in the history of the United States.

Except for a global scandal brought on by a dalliance with a White House intern and the impeachment proceedings that followed, Clinton might well have initiated the demise of the popular safety net program.

And so to the third worst president in recent US history – right behind George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan – the Committee grants the prestigious Schmuckup Award.

Winners of The Schmuckup Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

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One Comment to “EX PRES WINS SCHMUCKUP AWARD”

  1. I have found misery here, and am in love with y’all!

    -Cryn

    Cryn Johannsen
    Founder & Exec. Dir.
    All Education Matters

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