OBAMA BUYS RANCH

Sources revealed today that President Barack Obama has purchased a ranch in Crawford, Texas. By making this move the president hopes to change his image with down home country folks who may think he is an elitist.

A southern view of Obama’s new ranch

The chief executive has renamed the ranch The Ponderosa.

Obama also purchased a pair of cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. He did so online so as not to create a fuss in the press about the purchases and to keep his attempt to newly mint himself as secret as possible. In that vein, the president insisted that the goods be delivered in a plain brown wrapper.

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The family dining room in the northside ranch house. The house is one of five on the grounds.

Also scheduled for delivery to the Crawford ranch is a new four door pick up truck fully loaded with the latest electronic gadgetry including a black box with a button the chief executive can press in the event nuclear war is declared. Delivery of the truck has been delayed to give aides a chance to scruff it up so it looks as though it has been in use for several months. Aides are pasting NASCAR stickers on the bumpers as well.

It is also rumored Obama is taking chain saw lessons from a certified lumberjack. Reports are filtering in to the UPW news room that the president is having trouble starting the thing and is becoming frustrated.  Of particular annoyance to Obama is the little red button on the side of the handle that must be pressed before attempting to pull start the saw. He keeps forgetting and had to be rushed to Bethesda Naval Medical Center with a strained muscle

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Accomodations reserved for the press at the ranch.

The president is reportedly reading a book entitled NASCAR For Idiots. A former race car driver has been placed at the president’s disposal in the event he needs help with the book.

Obama will begin taking horseback riding lessons next week.  His first attempt will be on a plastic model with springs attached from a base to the four limbs of the horse.  The chief executive is expected to quickly master the rocking motion and proceed rapidly to the next level.

The president will be ready to strut out his new personality in September and will invite reporters to the Texas White House while he is clearing brush specifically planted for the occasion.

Aides are hoping these changes will give the leader of the free world an authentic country look and garner votes in the election he might otherwise not have gotten

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Additional press facilities at the Ponderosa.

From the UPW Newsroom: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.


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One Comment to “OBAMA BUYS RANCH”

  1. LOL! Funny, though there’s no reason to take horse back riding lessons — GWB couldn’t ride either. 🙂

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