I’ve come up with a solution to the trade deficit. It’s so simple I don’t know why no one else has thought of it. Call it a stuff deficit. Since we have all the stuff, we win.

Ever wonder why people have to fix something in order to eat. I say why not eat first and fix something afterward.

And if people continue to fix something to eat, humanity will soon reach a point when there will be nothing left that’s broken. So if you have nothing to fix, can you still eat?

As for me, I like to old maxim: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Now why would anyone want to fix, say, a chicken. Chances are it’s already been killed and no matter what you do you can’t fix dead.

Would you call a bagel smothered in garlic and toasted a Texas Bagel?


A little pepperoni, some onions and peppers and maybe a little whipped gorgonzola – you couldn’t get better at Coney Island. 

My mother always told me to eat my vegetables. She said they were healthy. They weren’t healthy.  They were dead.

Ever notice how quickly the future comes and then it’s gone. But don’t worry, there’s another one coming. There! Did you see it? 

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