Party Encourages Viral Infection of Human Population. Spokesman Says Epidemic Would Increase Chances of Defeating Obama in 2012.
A virus viewed under an electron microscope.
A spokesman for the Republican Association to Destroy Barack Obama’s Presidency said today that GOP efforts to reduce funds for the National Institutes of Health’s program to discover ways and means of preventing and curing deadly viral infections in the human population were designed primarily to ensure the defeat of the president in 2012.
The RADBOP spokesman, who agreed to the interview under conditions of anonymity, said the party leadership was anticipating a huge viral outbreak with the expectation that hundreds of thousands, perhaps even millions, of Americans would die during the epidemic. Many millions more would become seriously ill from infection.
Republicans are hoping the outbreak occurs in 2012 – ideally about four or five months before election day. According to the spokesman, RADBOP is already in production with TV ads blaming Obama for the pestilence.
To ensure that the deadly outbreak arrives in time for the election Republicans in Congress have voted to trim the budget for the NIH by hundreds of millions of dollars. The departments affected would be those involved in viral and bacterial research. Republicans are prepared to cut more than a billion dollars in additional funding for the health institutes if necessary to induce an epidemic. Infections and fatalities, they believe, must achieve record levels before election day for the plan to destroy Obama to be successful.
In a related development, a spokeswoman for the GOP has warned local public health authorities to brace for the outbreak but not to expect Federal funding for preparations.
Local officials have been alerted to prepare to collect as rapidly as possible the bodies of humans who fall dead in the streets. The GOP recommends Corpse Collection Units for the purpose and emphasized the dire necessity that such units be established to help prevent infection from spreading among the wealthy and to avoid any inconvenience corpses in the roadways might cause to rich commuters and their chauffeurs during rush hours. The GOP stipulated once again that Federal assistance would not be forthcoming.
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