Archive for August, 2011

August 27, 2011

The DC Folly Trolley-08/27/11

UPW Senior Reporter Marcy Popindick reports that rumors are swirling around the Rick Perry camp that he got eight sorority sisters pregnant in a single night during a hot frat party.

The Texas governor is claiming it was an accident. Says he put his rubber on backwards and that’s what caused all the fuss. He is reported to have said, “the damn thing didn’t come with directions so how was I supposed to know”.

Popindick is reporting that the governor eventually received instructions from a co-ed.

The UPW Senior Reporter has filed the story but added that while the rumors are unconfirmed they would seem to fit into the governor’s pattern of behavior.

File:Rick Perry photo portrait, August 28, 2004.jpg

He’s here because God put him here. Who said God doesn’t make mistakes.

***

In 2005 President Obama admitted he was a Blue Dog Democrat. According to an article by Matt Bai, such an admission places Obama firmly in the right wing of his party – in Obama’s case the far right wing.

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Newswires are reporting that Republican presidential candidate Gov. Rick Perry of Texas sustained injuries from an accident he suffered while campaigning this week. He ran so far to the right he fell off the spectrum.

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Mitt Romney has criticized Obamacare despite the fact that the president’s plan is similar to Romneycare, the health insurance legislation he signed into law in Massachusetts while governor of that state. Apparently he was for it before he was against it. Must be something in the water.

***

Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is being depicted by the Corporate Media as a centrist. Because Huntsman disagreed with right wing wackos in the GOP on global warming the Media has anointed the former Utah governor with the crown of “moderate”. If Huntsman becomes the Media sweetie pie look for this image to be displayed from now until election day.

Obama of course will continue to be portrayed as a big government, heavy spending lefty socialist who is far out of the mainstream. This portrayal will cause the president to move to the right even further than he already has – perhaps somewhere between Bachmann and Perry.

***

In an inexplicable attempt at political suicide President Obama continues to call for cuts to Social Security and Medicare. The only possible explanation for such ineptitude is that the president’s advisers believe these cuts represent a strong appeal to the great independent center of the political spectrum.

The Republicans of course have tiptoed through this issue like it was a field of landmines. Perhaps someone should whisper into the president’s ear that this is exactly what it is and if he continues on this ill-advised course the GOP will lambast him during the campaign as an SS cut and gut extremist.

David “the Hair” Axelrod is one of Obama’s chief advisers who advocates this hair-brained policy. Axelrod, you will remember, was one of the White House strategists who engineered the 2010 election debacle. It is debatable whether Axelrod could have an idea that is either “hair” or “brained” since his advise since 2008 has been just plain stupid.

Come to think of it someone should whisper in Axelrod’s ear that he needs a hairpiece or a shave on that little round top of his.

Would you buy a political opinion from this man?  Obama does.  

***

Protests against the Republican attack on labor unions have resumed in Wisconsin. And once again President Obama has reneged on his campaign promise to march on the picket lines with union workers.

The White House announced that the president will be unable to participate because he is suffering from a recurrence of Big Toe Blister Syndrome.

The president was incapacitated by the same affliction during the earlier protests. At that time the stricken chief executive was rushed to Bethesda Naval Medical Center for surgery to relieve the painful blister.

There is no cure for BTBS and doctors have stated they will monitor the president’s health closely and decide on a course of treatment should the condition worsen.

***

A White House spokesman said today that President Obama supports efforts to eliminate fraud charges now and forever against banks and their executives who lied during the foreclosure process known as robo-signing. During this process the banks lined up a bunch of people to sign off on foreclosure documents even though the path of mortgage ownership could not be verified.

The White House statement continued that robo-signing was a job creating venture and that even though some lying and cheating may have occurred it was acceptable because the economy needs jobs.

Robo-signing also eliminated inefficient and wasteful jobs such ownership verification of the mortgages that helped make banks even more profitable. Because of this practice the banks became even stronger and as we all know strong financial institutions benefit Main Street.  Oh, yeah, I forgot that.

The president is reported to have said that while some left wing liberal retards have called robo-signing a crime nothing could be further from the truth and what do they know anyway. Just because banks bundled junk mortgages and sold the packages as AAA+ investments to trusting investors, doesn’t mean the banks committed fraud. After all, who knew. And Standard $ Poor and a couple of other schlock rating agencies did give a AAA+ to all the junk – for a little extra scratch of course.

You remember Standard $ Poor, right.  They’re the rating agency that brought you the Enron debacle.  Yep, that’s right.  Rated Enron AAA+.  Again for a little extra scratch.

According to an agreement the White House and the states’ attorneys general are forging the banks will pay a small fee of $20 billion dollars to relieve themselves of all criminal charges. And that’s $20 billion total not per bank. And given the trillions the banks raked in from profit and the taxpayers that amount represents little more than a parking ticket fine. The agreement would also prevent cheated investors from filing lawsuits to recover damages they suffered from Wall Street lying and cheating.

Eric Schneiderman, the attorney general of New York, rejected the agreement and was fired from the panel.

Oh, well. This is America. Shit happens.

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August 24, 2011

Cantor: Earthquake White House Plot

Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) today accused the White House of deliberately causing an earthquake to occur in his Virginia district.

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I been had. This whole earthquake idea is a White House conspiracy. And I don’t care what anybody says, this isn’t a shit eatin’ grin.

Cantor said several districts were under discussion as a possible site for the quake but the White House refused to compromise on a location.

The site originally agreed upon during the extended negotiations encompassed three Democratic districts and one Republican.

Cantor objected to the inclusion of the Republican district and, in an effort to gain Cantor’s approval, the White House agreed to move the epicenter farther north. The majority leader then insisted that the center be moved an even greater distance to avoid any chance that tremors might shake the Republican district. When the White House demurred Cantor threatened to abandon the negotiations. In a further compromise the White House agreed to Cantor’s demands.

Cantor than insisted that a fourth Democratic district be included in the earthquake zone or he could not agree to any additional compromises. The majority leader then left the meeting.

Discussions of a site and the epicenter apparently continued in secret after Cantor walked out of the conference.

The White House issued a statement denying the charge that the quake was deliberately set off in Cantor’s district.

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OK, so shit happens. Cut me some slack already.

According to a spokesman who agreed to speak under conditions of anonymity, the quake occurred at the site in Virginia because Timmy Geithner, the person chosen to locate the epicenter and who often confuses his right from his left, sometimes has difficulty with north and south.

If this guy couldn’t bag campaign scratch from Wall Street, he’d a been gone long ago”, the spokesman said.

August 20, 2011

Sex On Campus

It’s been so long since I’ve been to school that back then “sex on campus” meant fill in the blank with M or F.  I may be old-fashioned but as far as I know those are still the only two choices available.  But who can tell?

File:US Navy 081204-N-8273J-055 Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Gary Roughead cheers with the U.S. Naval Academy cheerleaders during a pep rally at the Pentagon .jpg

Sex on campus has come a long way, baby. The female sex that is. These ladies were not only cheerleaders at Annapolis. They are beautiful and bright and are now serving as officers in the United States Navy. The guy in front is some admiral.  

Times have changed no doubt.  I’ve often warned my son to bring along an umbrella if he thinks it might rain.

I gave him some extra cash so he would stop at a CVS on his way back to school.

Yes. The ladies can take a pill but why trust the gods. They are not only fickle; they love to play tricks.

Not only can the ladies take a pill; so can the professors. Not the same pill of course.

The only difference between sex on campus today and sex on campus back then is that back then a “relationship” usually required a relationship. Everything else was the same.

Everything I know about a woman’s body I first learned from a book. It came in a plain brown wrapper. That’s how you could tell it was a sex book.

You had to be twenty one years old to order it. And you had to sign on a dotted line stating that you were twenty one. I was fifteen.

I worked, earned money and had a savings account. I sent a money order; they sent the book.

The book had sketches of, ya know, those things.

I read the book together with a girl who lived across the street. We lost our innocence that summer.

Tell you a really deep, dark secret. Because I worked in a supermarket and got to know the guy who stocked the drug shelves, I was able to buy umbrellas from him.

Now we weren’t frightened at all about disease back then.  But we were deathly afraid of getting a girl pregnant.  And the girl was even more afraid. For one thing, if it happened you had to get married.  It was the decent thing to do.  Not just for the two individuals involved, but for the baby.

Most people believe the sexual revolution was born in the sixties.  And the barn door certainly opened wide during that decade. For some of us, especially the girls, that was still the time of “if my parents knew they’d kill me”. But the door was blown off in the seventies, the everything goes decade.     

Yet if you’re like me, the time you remember most is the first time. And it wasn’t even on campus.

August 20, 2011

The DC Folly Trolley – 08/20/11

A phrase from the Bible that Washington aristocrats would rather forget: It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.

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Wanted:  Billionaire in the market for a really big needle or a very tiny camel. Anyone know where these items can be found?

Actually, aristocrats never cared one bit about the phrase or the entire Bible for that matter.

But getting a camel through the eye of a needle is not a difficult matter. All you need is a really big needle or a very tiny camel.

There is also an apocryphal story that a small gate existed in the ancient city of Jerusalem called “The Needle’s Eye” through which a camel could fit only by crawling on its knees. The gate could be a possible source of the Biblical expression but there is no textual or archeological evidence that such a place ever existed.

***

The right wing often argues that Social Security is broke because the funds are not kept in a lockbox.

That is true. But there are no lockboxes anywhere. Need proof? The next time you’re in the bank where you have your savings account, ask the banker to show you the lockbox where he keeps your deposits. Or your broker to show you the lockbox where he keeps your investment dollars. That should raise a good chuckle out of them.

The fact is you don’t want savings, investment dollars or Social Security savings kept in a lockbox. The purpose of that money is to earn interest and increase the value of the savings and the investments.

So your Social Security savings are invested in the safest investment in the world – U S Treasuries – where they earn interest and increase in value. And, if you don’t already know this, you’re SS savings are guaranteed by the full faith and credit of the U S government.

The only way anyone can ever cheat you out of your savings is to call into question the full faith and credit of the U S government.

Get my drift.

The reason the right wing brought up the issue that because there was no lockbox Social Security was broke was to convince gullible Americans that the funds had vanished and the government could rightly welch on the U S Treasury bonds owned by the fund. In reality, the fund has a nearly three trillion dollar investment that is growing everyday.

***

Where is Barack Obama?

Oh, Barack.  Are you there, Barack?  Can you hear me? Come in, Barack.

Houston, we have a problem. Barack Obama is lost in space.

You mean he’s not lost anymore!!! He’s been found? Oh, really? He went a bus tour? Of states in the Midwest whose people are suffering from high unemployment and unprecedented foreclosure rates? He made a speech on jobs? That’s interesting.

And now he’s on vacation?

Well, I’m glad he’s not lost anymore.

***

Have you heard the latest DC rumors? We’re staying in Afghanistan until 2024. Got to build us a police force there and it’s taking longer than expected.

A police force!!!!! It’s going to take us some twenty five years to build a police force????? Well, that’s what are military Einstein’s are telling us.

I wonder if the region’s vast natural resources could have anything to do with that decision.

Or the fact that Afghanistan’s geographical position makes it a natural location for a pipeline to transport gas and oil from former Soviet republics.

Just asking. 

August 16, 2011

Well, duh!

Obama had a “well duh” moment the other day. He seems to have discovered the country lacks jobs. So he’s put together whatcha call your “jobs tour”. Rented a whole bus. With a driver. Even brought along his teleprompter. Although according to an anonymous source some asshole in the White House forgot to pack the extension cord. Probably Biden.

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You wouldn’t happen to have an extension cord I could borrow, would ya, fella?  (Photo IowaPolitics.com)

Obama got so confused without his TP he said Social Security is not an entitlement. He actually said it was a savings plan paid for by payroll deductions and it didn’t contribute to the deficit.

When Bill Daley heard the comment he got on the hot phone to the pres and warned him any more horseshit statements like that and Wall Street would kick his ass clear up to Yankee Stadium.

John Kerry was so pissed off he had to go count his campaign cash to calm down.

Patty Murray was in a panic thinking she might actually have to recommend defense cuts to reach the trillion plus goal of the Catfood Commission. And after she just got Boeing to start writing checks. Oh, well, she knew raising campaign scratch wouldn’t be easy.

And Max Baucus needed an emergency double Jack and soda to keep from passing out.

Not to worry though. The White House sent out critical calls to CEOs and bankers advising them not to pay too much attention to what the president said. After all, he’s just campaigning among the small people.  And goddam Biden forgot to pack the extension cord to the teleprompter.

August 13, 2011

THE DC FOLLY TROLLEY – 08/14/11

Corporations are adhering to an economic principle that it is more economical to pay a slave wage than to pay to support a slave. Wage slavery is more profitable than actual slavery. Is the wage slave the fate of the majority of Americans???

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Mitt Romney: Coming out of the shadows and into the drink?

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Obama is not to blame for the Great Republican Recession. He is however at fault for refusing to address the problems it caused.

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Now that Obama’s rich Wall Street goombahs are starting to feel some pain, maybe he’ll wake up and begin to address the real problems caused by the recession – even though he certainly lacks credibility on the issue. Two jobs for every house.

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Religion is a business. Particularly the fundamentalist TV preachy type religion. These TV religions, most of them Christian, collect vast sums of money for the preacher in the pulpit, very often earning the preacher millions of dollars. On which he pays no taxes because religion is a tax exempt business. As the song goes “nice work if you can get it”.

Holy revelation, Batman! I missed my calling. I coulda bin a TV preacher multimillionaire with a private jet and a runway in my backyard!

***

Mitt Romney made one of the lamest statements any politician has made so far this election season. Romney, a corporation’s best friend, really does think corporations are people. Furthermore, judging by the statement, he believes corporations were created to serve the people.

The statement was in response to a question about Social Security and Mitt answered that corporations are persons and what they earn goes into people’s pockets, my friend – the “my friend” part being an assumption.

Hmmm. Some people’s pockets. My friend. Actually, damn few peoples pockets. My friend.

Mitt Romney is the consummate corporation man who needs to be disabused of his opinions about corporations. Or at least muzzled by his handlers for making such anti-people statements. If he keeps this up his candidacy might not make it to the Iowa caucuses.

Mitt? Oh Mitt? Are you there? Come in, Mitt!

Houston, we have a problem. Mitt Romney is lost in space.

Well, if Mitt doesn’t understand this, perhaps one of his more politically astute advisers can explain why corporations are not persons despite the plutocratic Supreme Court’s recent decisions.

You see, Mitt, people pay their fair share of taxes; corporations do not. Moreover corporations hire gangs of lawyers to help them weasel out of the taxes they should be paying. My friend.

What corporations earn does indeed go into the pockets of people. Most of it into the pockets of 2% of the people. A good portion of the rest goes into excessive bonuses for CEOs and senior executives. My friend.

Corporations earn profits by outsourcing jobs and exploiting workers in Asian countries by paying slave wage salaries. My friend.

Si capisce.

***

There are reasons not to vote for Barack Obama in 2012 that have only a little to do with his policies. For one, the economy is in desperate straits and not likely to improve in the next five years. And Republican policies will only make things worse. Far better to have a Republican in the Oval Office – even if it is Bachmann – under these circumstances than a Democrat. Why? Because the party of the president will almost certainly be blamed for the bad economy and will likely become an outcast for twenty years as happened after the Great Depression.

Also, it is better to look to 2016 and hope that the country has within its soul another FDR who will repair the damage done to it by the GOP and reclaim the New Deal legacy. It’s clear by now Obama is not that man.

It’s possible that Democrats in Congress will stiffen their spines (or what remains of them) and resist the attacks on the social safety net that a Republican will surely make. Should Obama continue to pursue his assault on Social Security and Medicare it is unlikely the Dems would resist.

***

Democrats are still blaming Ralph Nader for Al Gore’s loss in 2000. Here’s the real deal. Nader was not at fault. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Al Gore lost his home state of Tennessee in 2000 – a Gore preserve for decades. That loss was the result of utter incompetence on the part of Gore and his campaign advisers.

Gore’s legal team in Florida was outwitted repeatedly by the Bush team. Again due to incompetence. There were legal avenues available to his lawyers that they either overlooked or decided not to explore for reasons still a mystery to this day.

Blaming Nader was a Gore cop out. 

August 13, 2011

SCRATCH PANEL CHAIR APPOINTED

Reid appoints DNCC chair to Catfood Commission II.

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Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA), DNCC rainmaker and war industry goombah views some ground combat vehicle with Maj. Gen. Galen Jackman.

Did you catch the Barack Obama-Leon Paneta vaudeville act the other day? Paneta, the war secretary rookie, said the department budget cannot be touched. Obama agreed. Obama is of course the choreographer and puppeteer who pulls Penata’s strings. It will be interesting to see how this little dance plays out in the Senate Cut and Gut Committee which is supposed to be considering reductions in war stuff.

And this show debuted just days before another member of the White House servants pool, Harry Reid, appointed two war industry goombahs to the Obama’s Second Catfood Commission. The president’s first Cut And Gut Commission, you will recall, failed miserably so this time he wants to try one in the Senate. He made this one as fail-safe as he possibly could.

Reid appointed White House loyalist and Democratic National Campaign Committee rainmaker Sen. Patty Murray of Washington and the ever switchable John Kerry of Massachusetts (I voted for it before I voted against it).

Both senators tie in beautifully with the Obama-Paneta Act. Both are war industry goombahs who collect vast sums of scratch from war corporations and their K Street consiglieri and they are unlikely to vote for significant cuts to the war budget – another reason to be fearful that Obama and the Dems are out to get Social Security and Medicare.  

The moral of the story is you don’t have to be Italian to be a corporate crony.   

August 12, 2011

DUSHE & BAGGE LOWERS US RATING

Dushe & Bagge, the fourth largest credit rating agency in the United States, became the second agency to lower the US credit rating to AA+.

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The tower to the left houses the offices of Dushe & Bagge in Frankfort, Germany.  (Photo by dontworry).

Dushe & Bagge LLC today became the second agency to lower the US Government’s credit rating. At a news conference held at the company’s Wall Street headquarters, a spokesman for Dushe & Bagge gave several reasons for the decision. Among them was the inability of the two parties to govern in a responsible manner.

The agency placed most of the blame for the deadlock on President Barack Obama citing his leftist approach to governing and his unwillingness to compromise with Republicans on deficit spending.

When questioned by Senior Correspondent for UPW news Marcy Popindick about Obama’s so-called “leftist approach”, the spokesman stated that socialism can never work in the United States and until the president abandons his big government and big spending ways, the US economy will never recover.

Popindick challenged the spokesman by stating that the GOP is responsible for $10.5 trillion of the debt while Obama and the Democrats caused only $4.2 trillion. Popindick than asked why Dushe & Bagge would fault Obama when the Bush wars, the Bush tax cuts and the sharp reduction in revenue resulting from the Wall Street induced recession have produced most of the deficit. Obama’s spending, only slightly more than Bush’s and most of it slated for the war budget, actually contributed very little to the overall debt.  

We can’t let facts stand in the way of reality as we see it,” the spokesman replied.  

Ms. Popindick began to ask a followup question when an assistant abruptly ended the news conference.

Popindick then contacted the office of E. Casiwell Mangiabalogna, the company’s Capo di Tutti Capi, regarding the reasons for the downgrade but has not received a response.

She also reported on a sudden turnabout by Dushe & Bagge Senior Capo J. Daniel Voltafaccia who last week denied any intention on the part of the organization to lower the rating. Ms. Popindick contacted Voltafaccia’s office regarding the change of heart but has not received a response.

On further investigation into recent developments at Dushe & Bagge, Popindick reported that Voltafaccia had met secretly with Republican members of Congress on several occasions. Relying on statements of witnesses who spoke under conditions of anonymity, Popindick revealed that Voltafaccia engaged in secret meetings on at least two occasions with a group of Republicans to discuss legislation that would exempt Dushe & Bagge from lawsuits by investors who claimed they were cheated when DBC gave AAA ratings to junk mortgages. In exchange for supporting the legislation the Senior Capo promised that his organization would contribute some heavy scratch to GOP Congressional campaigns.

He is also reported to have told the representatives that the organization’s K Street consiglieri had already taken care of the Big Goombah in the White House and if they played ball on this one there’d be plenty more scarol where that came from.

A spokeswoman for the agency denied that any such meetings took place.

From the UPW Newsroom, surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

August 9, 2011

THE DC FOLLY TROLLEY-08/09/11

I’m a recovered Obama nut job.

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Nuts to Obama from a former Obama nut job. (Photo by Kitorisi).

***

At the moment I’m considering abstaining in 2012, leaving the presidential field blank. I see no point in voting for a candidate whose views I don’t agree with. I will vote but for liberals only.

It’s often more important to vote in primaries where liberals may be running than in general elections where decisions as to who will be the candidates have already been made.

***

While grubbing campaign cash from his rich pals, Obama actually appealed to them to support his attack on Social Security and Medicare, our National Savings Plan.

***

Obama has his crosshairs focused squarely on the social safety net. He is lusting to cut the programs that amount to a National Savings Account for the American people. By voting against Obama in 2012 liberals can reestablish Social Security as the third rail of American politics.

It must be made clear that Obama’s base has deserted him because of his inimical views toward our National Savings Account, our social safety net. The president has even appealed to his rich goombahs to make him cut the sacred programs. However, Obama has touched the third rail and he must be made to pay the price.

And why should liberals remain loyal to a president who has openly and repeatedly betrayed his progressive base. Nothing could be more telling than the egregious lies the candidate repeated endlessly during the campaign.

***

Another good reason to defeat Obama is the dreadful condition of the economy he has done so little to improve. These conditions will persist well into the years of the next presidency. In fact the next president of the United States could very well become the Herbert Hoover of the 21st century.

Republicans will offer nothing but tax cuts as a solution and should Democrats accede to their demands, the economy could be sent into a steep spiral.

What party more than the GOP deserves the blame for the harsh economic conditions that exist and for an economy that will certainly continue to decline.

If Obama wins, the Democratic Party suffers the consequences and will be a pariah for a generation. To save the party, Obama must go down to defeat.

***

Mitt Romney said the US can not afford to repay the money it owes to America’s National Savings Plan.

Romney is suggesting that the US Government continue to take the money from the National Savings Plan such as Social Security and then refuse to pay it back. He is a typical Republican welsher who will steal from the middle and working classes and redistribute the stolen money to his wealthy friends.

***

Nearly half of all Medicaid funds are used for grandma and grandpa as they transition from this life to the next. And unless you die suddenly your future and fate will likely reside in a nursing home while you await the final curtain.

***

The power of the presidency – this time Obama’s presidency – once again stands behind cuts for Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.

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Ii should be crystal clear to anyone who is paying attention that Obama is not a progressive. This president has led the attack on our National Savings Plan, that is, Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.

***

If the people appointed by Reid and Pelosi are not liberals who will stand firm against the “cut and gut” Republicans, we will know the committee is rigged once again by Obama who has shown from the beginning of his administration a willingness to take the knife to the National Savings Plan, that is, Social Security and Medicare.

***

In the wake of Standard & Poor’s downgrading of the US credit rating, President Obama called upon members of Congress to seek solutions to the current economic downturn through compromise.

Compromise????? Is he daft??? Could he not be aware of Einstein’s definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

The Republicans have rejected compromise over and over again for the simple reason that they don’t want solutions to current economic conditions. They’re perfectly OK with a slow economy and high unemployment. Let’s face it, it suits their agenda. All of their actions since Obama came into office have been designed to defeat Obama in 2012. They’ve openly admitted it.

So they approved a stimulus designed to fail, engage in obnoxious debt ceiling negotiations and threaten to send the nation into default. Suits the agenda to a tee. For now they can blame Obama for the results: A stagnant economy and high unemployment.

Under such circumstances the only compromise Obama could squeeze out of these saboteurs would be more tax cuts for rich people. And as soon as the GOP calls tax cuts a compromise, Obama, no doubt, goes for it.

August 7, 2011

PET PEEVES-GREED IS GOOD

Greed is good for American CEOs.

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Jakarta, Indonesia. Home for many American subsidiaries.  (Photo: Kevin Aureil).


Thank you for calling American Corporation. Your call is important to us so please stay on the line. All of our representatives are currently busy helping other customers. Your call will be taken in the order it is received. Your call may be monitored for quality purposes.

The foregoing of course is simply more corporate bullshit. Corporations, in particular, American corporations, don’t care a twit about you (or their employees for that matter). But what they do care about is your willingness to buy whatever it is there selling. To keep you on the hook, they came up with cheap bullshit voice mails.

Here is what those voice mails are really saying to you.

Thank you for calling one of the greediest American corporations in history. We want to be number one on the greedy list so we’ve instituted voice mail service to enhance our CEO’s bonus. Because he’s trying really, really hard to become a billionaire and wants to reach that lofty status as quickly as possible, he was forced to fire worthless switchboard operators and a lot of minimum wage American employees.

Unfortunately, he has to keep a staff of service representatives because assholes like you won’t stop calling the company with complaints or are just to dumb to use the even cheaper online site.

We’ve designed your wait to be long because we’re really hoping you’ll get pissed off and hang up.

Because some idiots insist on staying on the phone and waiting and waiting, we’ve been forced to hire twenty five cents an hour wage slavers in Asia. Hey, quit complaining. We generously allow them to work twelve hours a day or more (no overtime or even benefits here) but that does get them their cup of tea and bowl of rice a day so they don’t die of starvation. And it’s a lot better than working on some smelly old farm. Pretty good of us isn’t it?

Unfortunately for our CEO, service reps still detract from his bonus and the expense unnecessarily prolongs his rush to billionaire status.

We do monitor calls to ensure quality so we can fire any dead ass reps who can’t ditch their local accents and learn to speak with English pronunciation.

Are you still on the phone? Asshole!

August 7, 2011

ODE TO A DIRTY DEED

White House servant Harry Reid

Will do another dirty deed

With Pelosi firm in tow

Supporters und’ the bus he’ll throw.


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The Senate Chambers


To Obama’s great delight

They will end the SS fight.

They will make increases bare

And take the knife to Medicare.

The poor will gather much less aid

When they cut their Medicaid.

.

But Obama leads the way

Preparing for election day.

The polls bad news they bear.

They predict a loser’s share.

But to his plan there’s no recourse

He hatched it with no remorse.

.

It came upon a midnight dreary

When voters were long since weary.

Then he signed it unabashed

Before the world economy crashed.

.

And now he pivots to shrunken jobs

After all that Wall Street robs

In welfare payments with no sobs

It took from taxpayers in greedy gobs.

.

As Bernanke rises cranky

And Timmy Geithner waves a hanky

Both with callousness they caved

While citizens in anger raved.

.

The wealthy were again victorious

Their smugness revealed inglorious.

No tax increases did they suffer

Obama acted as their buffer.

.

He hatched the plan with no regret

And with its terms he’s now beset.

The middle class this plan defiled.

To them it can’t be reconciled.

.

So Obama set the stage

For reaction filled with rage.

He cast aside his liberal friends

And can not now make amends.

.

Tis’ a businessman’s proud delight

What workers look upon with fright.

Their future holds a heavy plight

Embedded in the dark, dark night.

.

Could a bleak depression loom?

And spell the workers’ final doom.

Could the dreaded monster fume

And at last more jobs consume.

.

Now the Dow Jones takes a dive

For fear the market can’t revive.

Can a country so survive?

Where a business cannot thrive.

.

We looked to Obama us to save.

But he has turned into a knave.

For us he is no God sent maven.

There’s just been too much misbehavin’

With backroom deals he’s been so craven.

.

The economy’s in crash and burn.

When will it be our turn

To lose all of what we earn

Because from history we refuse to learn.

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The politicians make no sense

The spending program makes few dents

In a market lean of jobs

As despair turns into sobs

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For people by the millions left

Without hope they are bereft

Of promises they believed

But alas were cruelly deceived.

.

Food stamps keep the tables

Full of dietary staples.

It keeps our kids from starving

But there’ll be no turkey carving.

This year and for a while

As prosperity goes out of style.

.

We watched the politics of unctuous guile

Delivered to us with flashing smile.

While Obama revealed he’s all set

To gut our social safety net.

He’ll end our national savings plan

And stop retirement for every man

.

And woman in this fair land.

He’ll give it to the Wall Street band

Who dealt us all a crooked hand

Against whom we must now take a stand.

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Obama honored promises made

But only those for which money paid.

The memory of the rest now fade

As rich acknowledge he made the grade.

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So the money continues to pour

Like salt into an open sore.

Obama says all is on the table

And surrenders to the Tea Party fable.

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While in the process he betrays

The New Deal, a legacy he slays.

A frightened kitten he portrays

While ardent supporters he dismays.

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How he reached such godly heights

This man who bends at slightest frights.

No fool this man who staunchly fights

For the rich man’s eternal rights.

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Tis a mystery that becomes a puzzle

All his people he seeks to muzzle.

Pelosi, Reid do ugly deeding

In spite of liberals futile pleading.

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Obama stays his stealthy course.

And does so without remorse.

A promise made, a promise kept

Even though he proves inept.

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Twas a decision of his making.

He considered not his taking

From the struggling working class

What little wealth they did amass.

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He placed his faith in campaign cash

And hope he tossed in to the trash.

But pay back is a royal bitch

As soon the voters will start to switch.

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This man will yet his donors abide

To make the promises coincide

With repaid debt now bona fide

He with the rich stands side by side.

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This man who sold his sinful pride

To become the Wall Street money bride.

But from these facts he cannot hide.

To the west horizon he now will ride

The sun will set on his abode

The setting sun to cast foul mode.

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His fate the gods will soon decide.

They’ll toy and laugh and then deride.

But to Obama they’ll not be kind.

His destiny to cruel acts they bind.

August 6, 2011

WHAT’S GOING ON???

The IMF puts Greece’s debt/GDP ratio at 130/100, approaching the red zone, yes, but a country should not be on life support with this kind of ratio.  In the past, ratios of 120/100 were considered a mere warning and not a serious threat to default. Nevertheless, Greece is being squeezed, interest rates on its bonds are soaring and the country is on the verge of bankruptcy.  (All figures are for 2010).

File:Fronton-zeus2.jpg

Sculptures from the Temple of Zeus. Priceless. Would really look great in a billionaire’s collection.


Italy’s debt to GDP is 118/100 – definitely not in the red zone of default by past yardsticks.

Spain, Portugal and the United States have debt ratios below 100%. Yet the economies of these countries are considered to be on the verge of crisis.

Japan’s ratio is 226/100 – currently the highest in the world. While Japan’s economy is stagnant like all others, investors consider the yen a safe investment and are still buying. And Japan’s bonds are selling at record low interest rates.

So what’s going on?

File:ColosseumAtEvening.jpg

Who will own the Colosseum in the future? (Courtesy of Andreas Tille. Click photo for link).

August 5, 2011

RANDOM MUSINGS 3

We’ve all been asked the question “What do you do for a living?” Have you ever wanted to answer “None of your goddam business.” Or you might want to be a little creative and say “I bag cow shit and sell it for cooking fuel.” Or I test animal urine for use in ladies perfume. Or I’m a gonadotologist. And if someone asks “What the fuck it that? You say: I shave hair off of porn stars’ balls. Or I’m a curator in a penis museum. No explanation needed there.

***

File:Pasta-Brontosaurus.jpg

***

Do you think size mattered to a female brontosaurus?

***

Doctors, lawyers and accountants all have shingles hanging if front of their offices. Schmucks don’t. There’s a reason for this.

***

Which brings to mind an age old question: Which is worse a putz or a schmuck?

***

Why was the gynecologist unemployed? He couldn’t find an opening.

OK. That was an easy one. This next one is a little harder.

Why was the procologist out of work? He was squeezed out.

***

Why is it whenever you step in dog shit you don’t smell it till you’re halfway across the living room carpet.

***

Spam is the Internet equivalent of the door to door salesman.

***

Step right up and buy your ticket to a seat in the Oval Office. Auction starts here today. Starting bid is $35,000. 35, 35, 35 dollar bid, dollar bid, Do I hear 36,36, 36, 36 dollar bid, Would you give me 37, 37 dollar bid, dollar bid do I hear 38.

***

Some Tea Party Republican extremists are planning an anti-porn movement. A futile exercise of course but a good way to pick up political points particularly among fundie Christians. But as you might imagine, they’re not stopping there. They also want to ban all forms of premarital sex including sex on college campuses. Good luck.

But as you can imagine, they’re not stopping there. They also want to ban some forms of sex between married persons. No one has come forward yet with an idea on how to police such banned behavior. Maybe they’ll rely on the honor system.

To be absolutely sure they get it right the first time, staff members of these erstwhile Congress critters are collecting porn movies, magazines and books with dirty pictures so they’ll be able to know pornography when they see it. Actually, I just made that last part up.

***

The American people will support a strong president who’s wrong. (Bush)

They won’t support a weak president who’s right. (Carter)

They will reject a weak president who’s wrong. (Obama)

And the guy doesn’t have a clue.

August 4, 2011

A GLOSSARY FOR LIBERALS

A GLOSSARY FOR LIBERALS

GLOSSARY 

Real world words liberals should be using – instead of euphemisms – to expose the vast right wing conspiracy that exists in the United States today.  Contributions are welcome.

File:Books-aj.svg aj ashton 01.svg

Aristocracy

The wealthy ruling class in America. They rule by controlling government through gifts of payoff money to elected officials.

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Aristocracy Tax

A tax on wealthy estates often referred to by right wing extremists as the “death tax”. In actually it is a tax placed on the wealthiest to prevent the rise of an aristocratic class in the United States as first proposed by Theodore Roosevelt.

Friedmanism

Voodoo economics, also known as supply side. A deeply flawed theory of economics developed by Milton Friedman of the Chicago School of Economics. It’s ideas are intended to benefit a small portion of the population of a country and always the rich

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Geetus

Campaign contribution. As in To win in politics you gotta have the geetus. Also known as boodle, scratch and scarol.

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National Savings Plan  

A term to use in place of “entitlements” for Social Security and Medicare.

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Payoff Money

Campaign contribution, a euphemism for payoff money, which is money grubbed by elected officials in exchange for votes. Politicians chase payoff money like flies swarm fill in the blank.

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Ponzi Scheme

What Republicans are determined to turn Social Security into by breaking the compact between the generations and finally destroying the program.

Social Security Poster: old man

This is all of us someday and we need Social Security and Medicare more than ever. Fight for it. Vote for it. Image via Wikipedia

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Profitizing

Word to substitute for privatizing, as in profitizing Social Security. Profitizing associates the right wing plot to destroy Social Security with Wall Street greed.

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Protection money

Money given by Wall Street banks to their goombahs in Congress and the White House to prevent prosecution for the crimes they committed.  Sometimes referred to as a campaign contribution.

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Rigged market

A trade agreement such as NAFTA; debunks “free” market mythology such as that spouted by Ayn Rand; the market in which petroleum is bought and sold. OPEC is a monopoly, the very opposite of a free market. We can speak of a rigged market in gasoline since supply is rigidly controlled by an oligopoly of super sized corporations. It is then awarded to the highest bidder in a bidding war on a commodity exchange.

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Right wing extremist

Members of the Republican party and of the Clintonista pseudo-Democratic movement.  A term to be used in place of euphemisms “centrist” and “moderate” for right wing Democrats who support conservative economic issues.

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Sabotage

The Republican party’s agenda for the U.S. economy and the American middle class. It is a political movement among right wing extremists whose goal is to gain a fascist-like control of government by banishing political opposition.

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Sabotuer

A member of the Republican party

Scratch

Campaign cash.  Also known as boodle, geetus and scarol.

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Scratch Committe

DNC, RNC and all Congressional committees tasked with raising scratch (also known as the campaign contributions) for elections. 

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Vendetta

A life long grudge held by the ruling class in America against the social safety net since its inception.

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Wage slavers – What Republicans refer to as job creators.

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War Department

In place of Defense Department.

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War Entitlements

War spending for the war industry.

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War Spending

In place of Defense Spending.

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Welfare Queen

Wall Street millionaire CEOs who accepted taxpayer welfare to bail them and their banks out of worthless investments.

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URL: http://www.openclipart.org/cgi-bin/navigate/education/books

The clip art sketch is in the public domain.