We’ve all been asked the question “What do you do for a living?” Have you ever wanted to answer “None of your goddam business.” Or you might want to be a little creative and say “I bag cow shit and sell it for cooking fuel.” Or I test animal urine for use in ladies perfume. Or I’m a gonadotologist. And if someone asks “What the fuck it that? You say: I shave hair off of porn stars’ balls. Or I’m a curator in a penis museum. No explanation needed there.




Do you think size mattered to a female brontosaurus?


Doctors, lawyers and accountants all have shingles hanging if front of their offices. Schmucks don’t. There’s a reason for this.


Which brings to mind an age old question: Which is worse a putz or a schmuck?


Why was the gynecologist unemployed? He couldn’t find an opening.

OK. That was an easy one. This next one is a little harder.

Why was the procologist out of work? He was squeezed out.


Why is it whenever you step in dog shit you don’t smell it till you’re halfway across the living room carpet.


Spam is the Internet equivalent of the door to door salesman.


Step right up and buy your ticket to a seat in the Oval Office. Auction starts here today. Starting bid is $35,000. 35, 35, 35 dollar bid, dollar bid, Do I hear 36,36, 36, 36 dollar bid, Would you give me 37, 37 dollar bid, dollar bid do I hear 38.


Some Tea Party Republican extremists are planning an anti-porn movement. A futile exercise of course but a good way to pick up political points particularly among fundie Christians. But as you might imagine, they’re not stopping there. They also want to ban all forms of premarital sex including sex on college campuses. Good luck.

But as you can imagine, they’re not stopping there. They also want to ban some forms of sex between married persons. No one has come forward yet with an idea on how to police such banned behavior. Maybe they’ll rely on the honor system.

To be absolutely sure they get it right the first time, staff members of these erstwhile Congress critters are collecting porn movies, magazines and books with dirty pictures so they’ll be able to know pornography when they see it. Actually, I just made that last part up.


The American people will support a strong president who’s wrong. (Bush)

They won’t support a weak president who’s right. (Carter)

They will reject a weak president who’s wrong. (Obama)

And the guy doesn’t have a clue.

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