Archive for August 7th, 2011

August 7, 2011

PET PEEVES-GREED IS GOOD

Greed is good for American CEOs.

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Jakarta, Indonesia. Home for many American subsidiaries.  (Photo: Kevin Aureil).


Thank you for calling American Corporation. Your call is important to us so please stay on the line. All of our representatives are currently busy helping other customers. Your call will be taken in the order it is received. Your call may be monitored for quality purposes.

The foregoing of course is simply more corporate bullshit. Corporations, in particular, American corporations, don’t care a twit about you (or their employees for that matter). But what they do care about is your willingness to buy whatever it is there selling. To keep you on the hook, they came up with cheap bullshit voice mails.

Here is what those voice mails are really saying to you.

Thank you for calling one of the greediest American corporations in history. We want to be number one on the greedy list so we’ve instituted voice mail service to enhance our CEO’s bonus. Because he’s trying really, really hard to become a billionaire and wants to reach that lofty status as quickly as possible, he was forced to fire worthless switchboard operators and a lot of minimum wage American employees.

Unfortunately, he has to keep a staff of service representatives because assholes like you won’t stop calling the company with complaints or are just to dumb to use the even cheaper online site.

We’ve designed your wait to be long because we’re really hoping you’ll get pissed off and hang up.

Because some idiots insist on staying on the phone and waiting and waiting, we’ve been forced to hire twenty five cents an hour wage slavers in Asia. Hey, quit complaining. We generously allow them to work twelve hours a day or more (no overtime or even benefits here) but that does get them their cup of tea and bowl of rice a day so they don’t die of starvation. And it’s a lot better than working on some smelly old farm. Pretty good of us isn’t it?

Unfortunately for our CEO, service reps still detract from his bonus and the expense unnecessarily prolongs his rush to billionaire status.

We do monitor calls to ensure quality so we can fire any dead ass reps who can’t ditch their local accents and learn to speak with English pronunciation.

Are you still on the phone? Asshole!

August 7, 2011

ODE TO A DIRTY DEED

White House servant Harry Reid

Will do another dirty deed

With Pelosi firm in tow

Supporters und’ the bus he’ll throw.


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The Senate Chambers


To Obama’s great delight

They will end the SS fight.

They will make increases bare

And take the knife to Medicare.

The poor will gather much less aid

When they cut their Medicaid.

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But Obama leads the way

Preparing for election day.

The polls bad news they bear.

They predict a loser’s share.

But to his plan there’s no recourse

He hatched it with no remorse.

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It came upon a midnight dreary

When voters were long since weary.

Then he signed it unabashed

Before the world economy crashed.

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And now he pivots to shrunken jobs

After all that Wall Street robs

In welfare payments with no sobs

It took from taxpayers in greedy gobs.

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As Bernanke rises cranky

And Timmy Geithner waves a hanky

Both with callousness they caved

While citizens in anger raved.

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The wealthy were again victorious

Their smugness revealed inglorious.

No tax increases did they suffer

Obama acted as their buffer.

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He hatched the plan with no regret

And with its terms he’s now beset.

The middle class this plan defiled.

To them it can’t be reconciled.

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So Obama set the stage

For reaction filled with rage.

He cast aside his liberal friends

And can not now make amends.

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Tis’ a businessman’s proud delight

What workers look upon with fright.

Their future holds a heavy plight

Embedded in the dark, dark night.

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Could a bleak depression loom?

And spell the workers’ final doom.

Could the dreaded monster fume

And at last more jobs consume.

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Now the Dow Jones takes a dive

For fear the market can’t revive.

Can a country so survive?

Where a business cannot thrive.

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We looked to Obama us to save.

But he has turned into a knave.

For us he is no God sent maven.

There’s just been too much misbehavin’

With backroom deals he’s been so craven.

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The economy’s in crash and burn.

When will it be our turn

To lose all of what we earn

Because from history we refuse to learn.

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The politicians make no sense

The spending program makes few dents

In a market lean of jobs

As despair turns into sobs

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For people by the millions left

Without hope they are bereft

Of promises they believed

But alas were cruelly deceived.

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Food stamps keep the tables

Full of dietary staples.

It keeps our kids from starving

But there’ll be no turkey carving.

This year and for a while

As prosperity goes out of style.

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We watched the politics of unctuous guile

Delivered to us with flashing smile.

While Obama revealed he’s all set

To gut our social safety net.

He’ll end our national savings plan

And stop retirement for every man

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And woman in this fair land.

He’ll give it to the Wall Street band

Who dealt us all a crooked hand

Against whom we must now take a stand.

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Obama honored promises made

But only those for which money paid.

The memory of the rest now fade

As rich acknowledge he made the grade.

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So the money continues to pour

Like salt into an open sore.

Obama says all is on the table

And surrenders to the Tea Party fable.

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While in the process he betrays

The New Deal, a legacy he slays.

A frightened kitten he portrays

While ardent supporters he dismays.

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How he reached such godly heights

This man who bends at slightest frights.

No fool this man who staunchly fights

For the rich man’s eternal rights.

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Tis a mystery that becomes a puzzle

All his people he seeks to muzzle.

Pelosi, Reid do ugly deeding

In spite of liberals futile pleading.

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Obama stays his stealthy course.

And does so without remorse.

A promise made, a promise kept

Even though he proves inept.

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Twas a decision of his making.

He considered not his taking

From the struggling working class

What little wealth they did amass.

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He placed his faith in campaign cash

And hope he tossed in to the trash.

But pay back is a royal bitch

As soon the voters will start to switch.

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This man will yet his donors abide

To make the promises coincide

With repaid debt now bona fide

He with the rich stands side by side.

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This man who sold his sinful pride

To become the Wall Street money bride.

But from these facts he cannot hide.

To the west horizon he now will ride

The sun will set on his abode

The setting sun to cast foul mode.

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His fate the gods will soon decide.

They’ll toy and laugh and then deride.

But to Obama they’ll not be kind.

His destiny to cruel acts they bind.