Dushe & Bagge, the fourth largest credit rating agency in the United States, became the second agency to lower the US credit rating to AA+.


The tower to the left houses the offices of Dushe & Bagge in Frankfort, Germany.  (Photo by dontworry).

Dushe & Bagge LLC today became the second agency to lower the US Government’s credit rating. At a news conference held at the company’s Wall Street headquarters, a spokesman for Dushe & Bagge gave several reasons for the decision. Among them was the inability of the two parties to govern in a responsible manner.

The agency placed most of the blame for the deadlock on President Barack Obama citing his leftist approach to governing and his unwillingness to compromise with Republicans on deficit spending.

When questioned by Senior Correspondent for UPW news Marcy Popindick about Obama’s so-called “leftist approach”, the spokesman stated that socialism can never work in the United States and until the president abandons his big government and big spending ways, the US economy will never recover.

Popindick challenged the spokesman by stating that the GOP is responsible for $10.5 trillion of the debt while Obama and the Democrats caused only $4.2 trillion. Popindick than asked why Dushe & Bagge would fault Obama when the Bush wars, the Bush tax cuts and the sharp reduction in revenue resulting from the Wall Street induced recession have produced most of the deficit. Obama’s spending, only slightly more than Bush’s and most of it slated for the war budget, actually contributed very little to the overall debt.  

We can’t let facts stand in the way of reality as we see it,” the spokesman replied.  

Ms. Popindick began to ask a followup question when an assistant abruptly ended the news conference.

Popindick then contacted the office of E. Casiwell Mangiabalogna, the company’s Capo di Tutti Capi, regarding the reasons for the downgrade but has not received a response.

She also reported on a sudden turnabout by Dushe & Bagge Senior Capo J. Daniel Voltafaccia who last week denied any intention on the part of the organization to lower the rating. Ms. Popindick contacted Voltafaccia’s office regarding the change of heart but has not received a response.

On further investigation into recent developments at Dushe & Bagge, Popindick reported that Voltafaccia had met secretly with Republican members of Congress on several occasions. Relying on statements of witnesses who spoke under conditions of anonymity, Popindick revealed that Voltafaccia engaged in secret meetings on at least two occasions with a group of Republicans to discuss legislation that would exempt Dushe & Bagge from lawsuits by investors who claimed they were cheated when DBC gave AAA ratings to junk mortgages. In exchange for supporting the legislation the Senior Capo promised that his organization would contribute some heavy scratch to GOP Congressional campaigns.

He is also reported to have told the representatives that the organization’s K Street consiglieri had already taken care of the Big Goombah in the White House and if they played ball on this one there’d be plenty more scarol where that came from.

A spokeswoman for the agency denied that any such meetings took place.

From the UPW Newsroom, surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.


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