The DC Folly Trolley-08/27/11

UPW Senior Reporter Marcy Popindick reports that rumors are swirling around the Rick Perry camp that he got eight sorority sisters pregnant in a single night during a hot frat party.

The Texas governor is claiming it was an accident. Says he put his rubber on backwards and that’s what caused all the fuss. He is reported to have said, “the damn thing didn’t come with directions so how was I supposed to know”.

Popindick is reporting that the governor eventually received instructions from a co-ed.

The UPW Senior Reporter has filed the story but added that while the rumors are unconfirmed they would seem to fit into the governor’s pattern of behavior.

File:Rick Perry photo portrait, August 28, 2004.jpg

He’s here because God put him here. Who said God doesn’t make mistakes.

***

In 2005 President Obama admitted he was a Blue Dog Democrat. According to an article by Matt Bai, such an admission places Obama firmly in the right wing of his party – in Obama’s case the far right wing.

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Newswires are reporting that Republican presidential candidate Gov. Rick Perry of Texas sustained injuries from an accident he suffered while campaigning this week. He ran so far to the right he fell off the spectrum.

***

Mitt Romney has criticized Obamacare despite the fact that the president’s plan is similar to Romneycare, the health insurance legislation he signed into law in Massachusetts while governor of that state. Apparently he was for it before he was against it. Must be something in the water.

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Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is being depicted by the Corporate Media as a centrist. Because Huntsman disagreed with right wing wackos in the GOP on global warming the Media has anointed the former Utah governor with the crown of “moderate”. If Huntsman becomes the Media sweetie pie look for this image to be displayed from now until election day.

Obama of course will continue to be portrayed as a big government, heavy spending lefty socialist who is far out of the mainstream. This portrayal will cause the president to move to the right even further than he already has – perhaps somewhere between Bachmann and Perry.

***

In an inexplicable attempt at political suicide President Obama continues to call for cuts to Social Security and Medicare. The only possible explanation for such ineptitude is that the president’s advisers believe these cuts represent a strong appeal to the great independent center of the political spectrum.

The Republicans of course have tiptoed through this issue like it was a field of landmines. Perhaps someone should whisper into the president’s ear that this is exactly what it is and if he continues on this ill-advised course the GOP will lambast him during the campaign as an SS cut and gut extremist.

David “the Hair” Axelrod is one of Obama’s chief advisers who advocates this hair-brained policy. Axelrod, you will remember, was one of the White House strategists who engineered the 2010 election debacle. It is debatable whether Axelrod could have an idea that is either “hair” or “brained” since his advise since 2008 has been just plain stupid.

Come to think of it someone should whisper in Axelrod’s ear that he needs a hairpiece or a shave on that little round top of his.

Would you buy a political opinion from this man?  Obama does.  

***

Protests against the Republican attack on labor unions have resumed in Wisconsin. And once again President Obama has reneged on his campaign promise to march on the picket lines with union workers.

The White House announced that the president will be unable to participate because he is suffering from a recurrence of Big Toe Blister Syndrome.

The president was incapacitated by the same affliction during the earlier protests. At that time the stricken chief executive was rushed to Bethesda Naval Medical Center for surgery to relieve the painful blister.

There is no cure for BTBS and doctors have stated they will monitor the president’s health closely and decide on a course of treatment should the condition worsen.

***

A White House spokesman said today that President Obama supports efforts to eliminate fraud charges now and forever against banks and their executives who lied during the foreclosure process known as robo-signing. During this process the banks lined up a bunch of people to sign off on foreclosure documents even though the path of mortgage ownership could not be verified.

The White House statement continued that robo-signing was a job creating venture and that even though some lying and cheating may have occurred it was acceptable because the economy needs jobs.

Robo-signing also eliminated inefficient and wasteful jobs such ownership verification of the mortgages that helped make banks even more profitable. Because of this practice the banks became even stronger and as we all know strong financial institutions benefit Main Street.  Oh, yeah, I forgot that.

The president is reported to have said that while some left wing liberal retards have called robo-signing a crime nothing could be further from the truth and what do they know anyway. Just because banks bundled junk mortgages and sold the packages as AAA+ investments to trusting investors, doesn’t mean the banks committed fraud. After all, who knew. And Standard $ Poor and a couple of other schlock rating agencies did give a AAA+ to all the junk – for a little extra scratch of course.

You remember Standard $ Poor, right.  They’re the rating agency that brought you the Enron debacle.  Yep, that’s right.  Rated Enron AAA+.  Again for a little extra scratch.

According to an agreement the White House and the states’ attorneys general are forging the banks will pay a small fee of $20 billion dollars to relieve themselves of all criminal charges. And that’s $20 billion total not per bank. And given the trillions the banks raked in from profit and the taxpayers that amount represents little more than a parking ticket fine. The agreement would also prevent cheated investors from filing lawsuits to recover damages they suffered from Wall Street lying and cheating.

Eric Schneiderman, the attorney general of New York, rejected the agreement and was fired from the panel.

Oh, well. This is America. Shit happens.

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