Bachmann Waning; Hoffa Waxing

In a written statement Michelle Bachmann said today that “if elected premier she would abolish the Department of Edumacations”.

Hey fellas, I’m running a little short of cash. Can you help a girl out?

UPW Senior Analyst Marcy Popindick, now covering the Bachmann campaign, reported earlier that the candidate reiterated her position that “educaton never did her any good and she didn’t see that it was doing much good for any of her supporters so why not just get rid of the damn thing”.

A spokesman for Bachmann, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the candidate was referring to the department in her statement and not education in general which she still somewhat supports. The spokesman continued that Bachmann advocates breaking up the department into 48 classrooms, one for each state.

When Popindick reminded the spokesman that there are 50 states and that two are being left out, he said the campaign would address that issue in a new speech on education and assured the reporter that no state would be left behind.

From the UPW Newsroom – Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.


In other news today, DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz, now in charge of raising campaign boodle for the Democratic party, engaged in a clash of views with Foxy News reader and resident cutie pie Gretchen Carlson over a statement made by Jimmy Hoffa that he had a contract out on the hit men who murdered his papa. (Oh sorry, that information comes from a Patriot Act authorized intercept on individuals deemed to be threats to anyone NSA figures they’re a threat to and is permitted to snoop on for that reason or whatever. And that could mean you, bubba).

Actually Hoffa said a curse word too vile for the ears of right wing hate radio big mouths to endure. The curse word also shocked the sensibilities of Carlson, the Foxy News lady, We won’t repeat the curse here for fear of further offending right wing radio assholes.

And a shock for Democrats was a Democrat with some balls who stood up to Tea Party demagogues by vowing to “take these son of a bitches out”. He then took out a fully automatic AK-47 and fired a thirty round clip into the air.

Well, actually, he didn’t do that. And what he meant was to take them out in a nonviolent manner as in defeat them in the upcoming elections. Anyway, go Jimmy.

So Foxy News cutie got her thongs in a nit and claimed that Hoffa was threatening violence against innocent right wing radio wackos. I guess cutie pie never listened to right wing radio wackos.  Innocent?  Yeah, right.

From the UPW Newsroom – Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over. 


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