Archive for September 14th, 2011

September 14, 2011

Magellan Board Names Replacement

Board of Directors Announces Pussyfoot Replacement.


An artist’s rendition of Mr. Genghis Khan arriving on Wall Street with his entourage. 

The board of directors of the Bank of Magellan has announced the Bank’s new CEO to replace the cashiered P. Percival Pussyfoot. Mr. Pussyfoot was fired unexpectedly several days ago.

The board has named Mr. Genghis Khan to the position and stated that he will step into his new role as chief executive of the largest bank in the galaxy on Monday.

The speed with which the appointment was made led observers to believe the move was under consideration for some time.

Mr. Khan brings with him extensive management experience having led the affairs on one of the largest tribes occupying the central steppes of Asia since the death of his father some two decades age.

The tribe’s investments have increased exponentially under Mr. Khan’s stewardship. He is credited with managing one of the largest portfolios in all of Asia and with adding extensive land holdings to the tribes assets in little more than a decade.

Mr. Khan also reclaimed for his tribe large swaths of land that once belonged to the former Soviet Union. And he has been aggressive in foreclosing on mortgages that were in default throughout the steppes and the recently acquired land.

In addition to these accomplishments, Mr. Khan has been effective in convincing executives of Dushe $ Bagge to make good on the CDSs the Khan tribe held with the insurance division of the firm. Shortly after the policies were redeemed in full Mr. Khan made good on his promise to release the board of directors – from any further obligations, that is.

Mr. Khan is also expected to increase the bank’s visibility with Congress and the White House.

The statement released by the board indicated that it looks forward to the newly aggressive approach Mr. Khan is expected to bring to the bank’s financial and political affairs.