Random Musings

Everything you always wanted to know about your favorite TV show but were afraid to ask:

Did Beaver masturbate?

Did Little House On The Prairie have indoor plumbing?

What form of birth control did Kitty use during her twenty year affair with Marshall Dillon?

Did Edith and Archie have premarital sex?

With emotions suppressed how did Vulcans get laid? Did they want to?

***

Wall Street investment firms make money the old-fashioned way: They steal it.

***

George W. Bush has been much maligned for avoiding the draft during the Vietnam War. Instead he finagled a cushy job in the Texas Air National Guard. We should keep in mind however that during Bush’s service in that air defense unit not a single Viet Cong aircraft got past Houston.

Chalk up another “Mission Accomplished” for our “brave” former leader.

File:F-4C Arkansas ANG 1985.jpeg

The Arkansas Air National Guard with real pilots.

***

Here’s a sure fire business investment: Mama Corleone’s Bar and Urgent Care Center – We serve shots and treat them too. Open late. Walk-ins accepted.

***

Ever wonder what happens to all the animal body parts after it’s been slaughtered and the prime meat is separated. We know what they do with goat’s gonads. There’s even a name for them. But what about the assholes?

How do you like your burger, Charlie?”

“Big Mac, anyone?”

***

Here’s a long muse but there’s some really good sex at the end. Don’t give it away.

Ever thought about pi. Well, you probably haven’t since arithmetic class in grade school and there’s really no reason why you should have. But pi is quite a remarkable number. It was discovered here on earth by a man named Euclid, a Greek mathematician who is credited with developing Euclidean geometry.

The number itself – 3.1419264…to infinity – is the relationship of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.

What does that mean? For one thing, if you measure a diameter of twenty feet and multiply that number by pi you can calculate the circumference and know that it must be 62.84 feet.

Still not of much use in everyday life. But think of this. Someone on another planet in a place far, far away has discovered the very same relationship of circumference to diameter. To communicate with that creature in some meaningful way it would be necessary only to draw a circle with a diameter and write the number for pi. The creature would understand the meaning immediately. He would then transpose his numbering system over ours and be able to calculate mathematical formulas using our Arabic numerals

That brings us to another simple mathematical device known as the Pythagorean theorem which as we all know describes the relationship of two sides of a right triangle to the hypotenuse (actually the sum of the area of the squares formed by sides a and b equals the area of a square formed by the sides of c). The relationship is expressed mathematically as a2 + b2 = c2. Again by using a simple drawing with dimensions, this time of squares adjacent to the sides of a right triangle, an intelligent creature on a far away planet would learn our numbering system.

File:Cupcake aliens.jpg

A truly frightening photo of an alien life form from Planet X. (Courtesy of Tama Leaver).


Math gives us a fascinating and useful way to communicate with an alien creature, something we here on earth have been eager to do for decades. The underlying assumption is that this creature – and it seems as though one must surely exist somewhere – is peace loving. Or if not it matters little since the distances of the universe are so vast that he could not reach us to do harm in any case.

An assumption indeed. For if he is not peace loving and can land on this planet – well, I wouldn’t sweat a terrorist attack.

***

Oh, about that sex I promised you. You just got screwed.

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2 Responses to “Random Musings”

  1. Fun post. Glad I stumbled onto your site!

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