Archive for October 3rd, 2011

October 3, 2011

The DC Folly Trolley – 10/03/11

A spokesman for Gov. Rick Perry’s campaign said the governor’s poor showing during the recent debate was the result of upset tummy. The upset was so severe it nearly caused the governor to throw up all over himself.

File:RickPerry2006.jpgRick Perry, thy name is loser. (Photo Jonathan Blundell).

Some commentators have remarked that the gov. did in fact throw up all over himself – upset tummy or no.

Perry has come under harsh criticism from the Repub right wing base for granting full tuition at state colleges to the children of illegal immigrants; opposing a fortified fence between the US-Mexican border and his support for mandatory HPV vaccine injections for young girls.

The spokesman said there was no truth to the rumor that the pharmaceutical company that sold millions of dollars worth of vaccine to Texas made heavy contributions to Perry’s campaign and that a former staffer and Perry goombah now working as a lobbyist for the pharma company stood to benefit from the sales.

There is also no truth to the rumor that Perry is practicing some fancy footsteps so in future debates he can tap dance around his controversial statement that Social Security is a Ponzi scheme. The campaign has denied the charge that a Ponzi scheme is what Perry eventually hopes to transform the program into.


Now that Perry’s campaign is nose diving, all kinds of flack is splattering around Follyland that supporters will once again attempt to entice New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to run. Despite his shortcomings – Christie’s popularity in NJ has tanked and he has already admitted that his is too inexperienced for the job of president – the Repubs are getting desperate. Might make an adequate vice presidential candidate for Romney if the base can stomach the latter.


According to our reporter, Marcy Popindick, Christi was unavailable for comment. He was on a state police helicopter flying to one of his son’s sporting events.


Chris Christie at a Town Hall. (Photo by Luigi Novi).

Here’s a run down of the paltry GOP field:

Perry – a definite loser.

Romney – probably the only candidate that can beat Obama but has serious drawbacks: His liberal record as governor of Massachusetts and his religion are two serious turn offs for the right wing fundie base.

Bachmann – can’t beat Obama and already carrying too much baggage. Also she’s a woman and it’s hard too imagine the big money boys supporting her nomination.

Gingrich and Santorum – has beens.

Huntsman – who?

Cain – African-American, a definite turn off for the fundamentalist Southern constituency.


Obama has a serious, perhaps insurmountable, credibility problem.


Social Security is a Ponzi scheme. We’ve heard that nonsense from members of the Repub party repeatedly. Well the entire idea is typical Repub propaganda. In a Ponzi scheme someone is cheated; that’s the point of a Ponzi Scheme. No one is cheated in the Social Security program. That is, until the Repubs succeed in doing so. And make no mistake these right wing extremists have the program in their crosshairs and if they have their someone will be cheated. But then that’s nothing new for Repubs.


Dwight Eisenhower, the great Republican socialist, created millions of jobs and spent billions of dollars constructing the interstate highway system. He gave to America one of its most valuable assets now worth trillions of dollars and probably enough in itself to balance the books versus the deficit.

File:Eisenhower official.jpgDwight D. Eisenhower.

Add to that asset the aircraft carriers and the fleets that protect them, the nuclear tipped ICBMs, the bomber and jet fighter squadrons, stealth and otherwise, the nuclear submarine fleets, the real estate and national parks and wild life preserves and all of the oil and gas rich land and leases owned by the government and the US Government balance sheet is stronger than any corporation or government that has ever existed on the face of the earth.

When you total these assets, and the many more that the government owns, it is easy to understand that the government is asset rich and far, far from broke as so many right wing extremists now insist.

Unlike corporate assets however, government holdings earn no profit. They certainly could. Consider the profits the interstate highway system could provide if tolls were charged. Because the assets are built with tax revenue however, they are provided free of charge to the citizens of the country.


The accomplishments of another not so great Republican socialist to consider are those of Richard Nixon. This socialist president is credited with passing the Environmental Protection Agency, the Clean Air and Water Acts, enhancing many of Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society programs and establishing relations with the largest communist country in the world. He was the first president to visit the People’s Republic of China.

Many of Nixon’s actions increased the value of the nation’s most important asset – the health of its citizens – by providing clean water and air and a far more healthful environment than existed prior to enacting these under-appreciated legislative accomplishments.

Richard Nixon – a socialist!!! By the standards of today’s Repub party a definite yes.

October 3, 2011

Police To Charge Jack and Jill With Water Theft

We’re interrupting our regular news report to bring you this breaking development. Two children have been seriously injured during a fall on Hades Hill. Our reporter Marcy Popindick is standing by on the scene of the tragic incident. Marcy are you, there?”

File:Jack and Jill 2 - WW Denslow - Project Gutenberg etext 18546.jpgPolice charge Jack and Jill with felony water theft, a federal crime.

Yes, Rinaldo, this is Marcy Popindick reporting from the site where two children named Jack and Jill went up the hill you see here behind me. According to eyewitnesses, Jack fell down and broke his crown. Again according to witnesses, Jill, attempting to help Jack, came tumbling after.

Both children have been seriously injured although their condition is not immediately available. We do know that they have been rushed by emergency responders to Lucifer Memorial Hospital.”

Our correspondent Chalkalatta is now on the scene at Lucifer Memorial. Chalkalatta are any details available on the condition of the two children?”

Good evening. This is Chalkalatta Chippie reporting from Lucifer Memorial Hospital. We have just learned that both children who we know only as Jack and Jill have been admitted to Lucifer for evaluation. The condition of both has been listed as critical and surgeons are reportedly rushing to the hospital in an attempt to save the lives of both kids.

Police are withholding the last names of the children until parents are notified. However neighbors have told us that the two have no last names. Yes, that’s right. They have no surnames. They are known only as Jack and Jill.

We have also learned that police are charging the two juveniles with felony criminal trespass and felony theft. According to witnesses this isn’t the first time Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. The kids have apparently done so on numerous occasions.

The wells on the top of the hill as you know are operated by Halliburton and Baker-Hughes corporations who own leases to the regions underground water supplies. The water leases were granted by the Federal Government to corporations some months ago. Several corporations are now owners of the water supply across the entire country.  In order to receive water from the wells residents must purchase coupons from the companies who own the leases. Jack and Jill to anyone’s knowledge did not have coupons and are now suspected by police of felony water theft.

Spokesmen for Halliburton and Baker-Hughes declined to comment on the charges being brought against Jack and Jill.”  

Stand by, Rinaldo. We have just received word from an unreliable source that Chief of Police Buford Barford Bifford has charged the two juveniles with water theft and will read them their rights as soon as they are moved from recovery. That is if they survive their ordeal at all. According to the chief he has eyewitness evidence that the two little thieves have been stealing water from Halliburton and Baker-Hughes for weeks and that the system will not tolerate such criminal behavior and will deal with them to the full extent of the law. 

“This is Chalkalatta Chippie reporting from Lucifer Memorial Hospital. Back to you, Rinaldo.”

This is Rinaldo Rinaldo from the Unreliable Press Worldwide newsroom-surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news across the globe. Details as they become available. We’ll be back after this break.”