Investment Opportunities: Too Good To Be True

Wall Street Venture Capital Rushing Toward Innovative Products. Individuals Encouraged to Invest Retirement Funds for High Immediate Returns.

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Watch as CD changes your 10 year old Chevy into a 2012 Lamborghini. Some assembly may be required. Ground floor opportunity available before IPO. Contact a Wall Street broker today.  

Here are just a few of the new products drawing heavy investment cash:

Fold Up Rocket Propelled Grenade Launcher. Fits neatly into travel bag or briefcase. Huge market potential forecast for Middle Eastern countries. Grenades sold separately.

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Counter Top Water Maker. Makes up to 100 gallons of water a day. Store water in existing tank or add a tank with large storage capacity (sold separately). Never pay another water bill. Simply add hydrogen and oxygen. Includes huge book with hundreds of water recipes. WARNING: Hydrogen gas is an unstable element that can explode if exposed to spark or flame. Always handle with extreme caution.

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Home Electrolysis Unit. Separates hydrogen and oxygen into basic elements for use in Counter Top Water Maker. Just add water.

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Campaign Contribution Software. Never need the services of a lobbyist again. Automatically transfers cash from your account directly to your favorite candidate’s PAC. Delivers the latest in account security. Encodes identities of sender and recipient. Permits use of hundreds of aliases and allows for unlimited donations.

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TV Preacher’s Kit. Own your own Christian TV show. Follow the Five Simple steps to gain the rewards Jesus has set aside especially for you and at the same time spread the gospel of the Lord in Jesus’s very own words. Also included: How to Establish a Christian Mega Church. Invite thousands of faithful to join in your calling and worship in personal fellowship with the Lord. Have adherents flocking to your pulpit and teach how, through faith alone, the Lord will reward the devout with salvation and a new car and a nice big house and a CEO size bonus to pay for it all. Become an ordained minister in the Church of Christian Gifting. Comes with easy to understand instruction booklet. Deluxe kit includes private Learjet.  Investment required. Venture capital available for those who qualify.

Better hurry. Lotsa people waiting to get in on these ground floor opportunities. Call a Wall Street broker today.

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