Random Musings

Stuff like this fascinates me. The universe keeps expanding. Yeah, that’s right. It keeps expanding. In all directions. At the same time. At incredible speeds. And the speed is increasing.

File:Universe expansion.png

The graphic depicts the expansion of the universe from the Big Bang. This work has been released into the public domain by its author, Fredrik at the English Wikipedia project

So the universe is expanding, every which way simultaneously and it’s always going faster and faster.

How is that possible?

Beats the shit outta me.

***

How do you remove bubble gum stuck in pubic hair?

You cut it out, that’s how.

Very carefully of course. If you’re a guy anything sharp that comes that close is a threat. Many of us have already been there. Personally, I didn’t like it.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? How did it get stuck there in the first place?

***

I never quite understood why Native Americans disliked being called Indians. Sure, there was s stigma attached to the word, mostly because of Hollywood cowboy movies. In the 21st century, however, that name should not be considered stigmatic at all.

Better yet, why not be called by the actual tribal name. Why not take pride in the fact that a great grandfather was a Comanche, or a Mescalero Apache. Or Sioux or Potawatomie.

File:Flag of the American Indian Movement.svg

The flag of the American Indian movement. (It has been released into the public domain).


The men of these tribes were strong, brave warrior hunters. They scratched out survival for themselves and their tribes for centuries under the harshest conditions.

Sure, they often measured their manhood in the number of white men’s scalps they took. So what. We should consider ourselves lucky that they didn’t take too many more or things might be different today.

But all of the scalps they took over the centuries probably don’t add up to a fraction of the lives white generals had butchered in a single day at the battle of Antietam or during many other blood soaked encounters during the Civil War – to say nothing of the mass murder of indigenous men, women and children committed by the White Man.

The Battle of Antietam, by Kurz & Allison, dep...

The Battle of Antietam, the bloodiest single day in American history.  Image via Wikipedia

So the Indians took some scalps, no doubt a cruel practice. But they were usually acting in self-defense. Certainly that’s no reason to condemn a whole race of people.

The only real problem the modern Indian has is that the white men write history. What this country needs is more good Indian historians who will write to reverse the cruel stigma associated with the Indian largely through TV and movies.

And what of the women? They displayed extraordinary courage and stamina, delivering and raising babies while living on the edge of starvation and death. Without these brave and loving mothers, the Indian surely would have passed into history unnoticed.

Incidentally, the word “Indian” apparently comes from the log or a letter written by Christopher Columbus who wrote that the men and women he found were people in Dios (in God) – which in Spanish or Italian or pig Latin became the word by which the natives in the newly discovered territories came to be called.

So I say, Indians, take pride in your tribal past. And if you’re a Kiowa, say so. Forget this “Native American” claptrap. After all, everyone born in America is a native American. Or, if you go back far enough, no one is.

If you’re a Cherokee, say so and with pride.

File:Jimmy Carter with "Iron Eyes" Cody, Cherokee Indian - NARA - 179013.tif

President Jimmy Carter with “Iron Eyes” Cody, Cherokee Indian.

How! Me Cherokee. White Man not be afraid. Indian make peace with White Man. Indian no take from White Man’s wagon train. Indian build casinos for that. Sell much firewater. Deal cards. Put little ball on spinning wheel. Indian make much wampum.

Indian go to White Man’s school. Get degree in finance. Indian invest. Make more wampum.

Indian own White Man’s Mercedes. Drive Lamborghini. Build brick teepee. 26 rooms. Heated swimming pool. White Man cook for Indian. Bring food to table.

White Man not be afraid. Indian make peace with White Man.

.

Indian casinos reportedly earn in excess of 25 billion dollars a year in gross revenue. The tribes share up to 40% of the profits. I have no idea how the profits are distributed. But if the tribal chiefs – the 1% – grab the lion’s share, then the Indian has truly learned the White Man’s ways.

***

Ever thought about what heaven would be like if God loves rich people and they get preferential treatment. If so, here’s an imaginary conversation between the Creator of the rich and George W. Bush at the pearly gates.

God, oh God. This is George.”

George? Oh yes, George. What are you doing way back there at the end of the line. You come on up here. Did you bring your ledger with you?”

Why yes, God. Here it is.”

Hmmm. Very nice, George. Why don’t you just step inside. We’ll discuss the particulars later. After I get rid of all these book reading poor people.”

Well, maybe not. But who can tell.

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One Comment to “Random Musings”

  1. Bubble gum?

    Pubic hair?

    You’re scaring me again. 🙂

    Happy New Year! And thanks for all your fun contributions to my 2011 Limerick-Offs!

    Not surprisingly, the one I just posted has a New Year’s theme.

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