Hearings on Religious Freedom

Committee Chairman Says Hearings Are on Freedom of Religion And Not Birth Control for Women.


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Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) Chairman of the House Oversight Committee.

The House Committee on Oversight held a hearing this week on the mandate in Obama’s Affordable Care Act that employers provide birth control coverage to women free of charge. Testifying before the committee was the Rt. Rev. William E. Lori who protested the mandate, claiming that it violated the First Amendment’s guarantee of freedom of religion.

He likened the requirement to forcing all restaurants that serve food to offer pork on the menu, including Kosher delis.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for Olive Garden, speaking under conditions of anonymity, told UPW reporter Marcy Popindick that, in order to avoid criticism that freedom of religion is violated by the current menu and to accommodate devoutly religious Jews, the restaurant chain would begin serving gefilte fish in all of its establishments. Another menu item under consideration is bagels and lox.
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So that’s what an olive garden looks like.

English: English: Barack Obama signing the Pat...

President Obama signing the Affordable Care Act that requires employers to provide birth control to women free of charge.

The owner of a Jewish delicatessen across the street from an Olive Garden restaurant complained that the chain would now be engaging in unfair competition with small privately owned establishments.

However, the deli owner noted that scientists at the Sardo Institute of Veterinary Medicine and Animal Husbandry have developed a hormone that renders pig meat porkless and that he may begin serving that delicacy in his delicatessen.

The hormone, a synthetic chemical developed at the Institute, genetically modifies the fetus of a pregnant hog so that the newborn produces porkless meat.

Scientists at the Sardo Veterinary School have also invented a sound wave emitting probe which, when inserted into the pregnant pig’s vagina, determines that the genetic modification has actually taken place. The pregnant pig, according to the scientists, will not be forced to view the resulting sonogram.

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Scientists at the Sardo Institute have described these pigs as providing porktless meat.

Observant Jews will be gratified to know that they can now enjoy a BLT or a pepperoni pizza without violating dietary laws. The new porkless pig meat, however, causes stomach cancer in humans.

According to the spokesman for Olive Garden the new menu will begin to appear in the restaurants in the near future.

From the UPW newsroom, surpassing the mainstream media in reporting worthlessly useless news worldwide.

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