Archive for February 25th, 2012

February 25, 2012

Random Musings

I know women resent being called a bitch, so I will refrain from referring to Brewer as one.  The photo depicts Gov. Jan Brewer of AZ dressing down the President of the United States.

 

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

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Here is my definition of a newt: a fart that comes with an unexpected load.

Can’t take complete credit for that definition. The idea comes from the Jack Nicholson movie The Bucket List. He delivered the line as only Jack can do saying about aging that when you get older “never trust a fart.”

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Losing a loved one is difficult. But when you take your baby son or daughter or grandson or granddaughter in your arms and realize that your death makes their lives possible – well, I’d choose death over immortality every time. And I believe most of us would choose the former as well.

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My muse has always been a disagreeable critter. I dropped mine on the floor a couple years ago and still haven’t found it. It’s around here somewhere though. Little bastard.

Kinda like dropping an aspirin on the floor. Ever notice it seems to vanish before it ever hits the ground.

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An individual seeking a Plan B contraceptive may well be exercising freedom of religion since her religion grants her the right to use that contraceptive method as well as others that may prevent the implantation of a zygote.

If your religion doesn’t prohibit the use of the contraceptive, whose to say you can’t use it – some bishop.

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The Roman Empire. (Map courtesy of Jani Niemenmaa, 2004. As always, click the photo for the link).

American exceptionalism expresses similar sentiments about the way Americans feel toward their country as the Romans felt about their city, their empire and themselves – the best thing to happen to the world since olive oil.

Of course, the Roman thing lasted about seven hundred years. You gotta wonder if this American imperial experience lasts even three hundred years. The Romans, after all, only conquered the Western world. We’re out after the whole damn planet.

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The American Empire, as least as the neocons see it.

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I hear tell of a Wall Street T-Rex who earns $18,700.00 in one hour. That’s about ten times more than an average worker earns in an entire lifetime working for 45 years.

And there are tyrannosaurs on the Street who make even more money than that. They complain about taxes!!!!! Oh my, poor babies – or should we say “billionaires.” To have such a bill would be a pleasure.

And Mitt Romney is now vowing to profitize Social Security and Medicare so the tyrannosaurs can make even more money.

Bet they figure out a way to avoid paying taxes on that scarol altogether.

(Scarol – Mafia word for geetus, moolah, cabbage, the green stuff).

February 25, 2012

Santorum Declines Probe

Scientists at the Sardo Institute of Proctology have developed a transcolon ultrasound probe that can detect penile penetration in the anus of men. Before being sworn in, all male members of the Virginia legislature will be required to undergo a transcolon probe.

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The Sardo Institute of Proctology conveniently located near an abandoned railroad.

All new male members of Congress will be required to undergo the procedure as well.

Actually, it’s not a bad idea. Good way to come out of the closet.

When asked to volunteer for trials of the new device, Rick Santorum declined saying it was an invasion of his privacy.

A spokesman for Santorum said what he does with his asshole is nobody’s business but his own.

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Wife Drives Two Caddys

Mitch Romney claimed today that his wife drives two Cadillacs. The dog sits on the roof.

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Two Caddys in every garage.

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 Gov. Bob McDonnell of Virginia today underwent a transcranial ultrasound probe. The test revealed nothing.

When commenting on the legislation requiring pregnant women to undergo a transvaginal untrasound probe, the governor said “what’s a vagina anyway? Oh, that’s a vagina.”

The governor also stated that in the future he will insist that advisers read legislation and explain it to him before he issues any comments.

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So who does this belong to anyway: Republicans, the Church or the woman who owns it.