Committee Declares Winner

From its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the Nobella Prize Committee awarded its prestigious MVP prize to Virginia Foxx (R-NC).  Representing North Carolina’s 5th Congressional district, the congresswoman said this week that she has no sympathy for college students who are now amassing huge debts to earn an undergraduate degree.

File:Virginia Foxx.jpg

The woman with no sympathy for students amassing huge college debts, but who graciously votes to give government handouts to profit colleges regardless of amounts, quality or standards of any sort.  That’s the American way.

The congresswoman stated that she worked her way through school and that it took her seven years just to get through third grade.  Nonetheless, she said that if students worked they wouldn’t need to accumulate the thirty, forty, fifty thousand dollars and more to graduate from college.

Apparently, this foxxy fox never borrowed a dime to pay for her degree from UNC Chapel Hill.  However, according to Edward Murray posting at The Huffington Post, the cost of a year of tuition in 1968, the year Foxx attended UNC, was $1245.00 dollars.  That’s about the cost of a year of textbooks today – textbooks that publishers and sit-on-their-ass professors are cashing in on.  (Just to be clear, scuttlebutt has it that some professors actually teach classes).

Edwards also notes that the minimum wage was 38% higher in today’s dollars.  If the minimum wage had kept pace with inflation over the last fifty years or so, it would be about $11.00 an hour.  A minimum wage at that level might give students a fighting chance but that’s a program her party has been trying to destroy ever since its inception in 1938.

As an added incentive to award the Most Valuable Putz to Ms. Foxx, the Committee noted that the congresswoman sits on the Higher Education and Workforce Training Subommittee where she regularly gets her palms greased by lobbyists for profit- making universities that charge exorbitant fees, offer little in the way of education, hire commissioned salesmen to snatch students and then separate them from their government loan money.

(By the way, The Sardo Institute of Higher Learning located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, accepts a student’s government loan money in payment of tuition even though the Institute offers no degrees, holds no classes and makes no guarantee that a student will ever find a job.  Hey, at least, we’re not faking it like some profit colleges).

So we congratulate Ms. Foxx for winning the award.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

Correction:  Actually, Ms. Foxx didn’t take seven years to complete third grade. It took her that long to finish college.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  Unreliable Press Worldwide:  Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

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