Archive for May, 2012

May 26, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Bill Clinton had a photo op with some porn stars.  Guess you heard.  I was a little disappointed though.  He kept his pants on.

Bill Clinton Porn Star Picture Explained By Brooklyn Lee And Tasha Reign – Read the article at Huffington Post.

Being around women isn’t a problem for the former prez any longer.  Rumor has it that Hilary had all his zippers sewn up – a long time ago.

***

Lack of a draft seems to facilitate the charge into war. Drafting the kids of the rich would lessen the rush.

 Read the Article at HuffingtonPost by Charlie Rangel.

After all, it’s mostly the kids of the poor who do the killing and the dying.

So let’s put the rich kids on the battlefield and in the foxholes and start killing a few of them and let’s see what happens.

Of course, a few escape hatches like the National Guard and exemptions for college would have to be closed.

The message for rich college kids:  Don’t unpack.  The next war will be coming to your campus soon.  Go for it, Charlie.

***

Wanna Double War Spending.  Try These Plans on For Size.

Several goods ways to keep war spending growing at exponential rates:

  1. Build anti-missile bases on the border of the Soviet Union.  Ya’ll member dem Soviets.  Dem was da commanists what was goin’ to do us in. We sure showed dem a thang er two.

  2. Build naval bases in the Philippines and South Korea and deploy aircraft carrier groups near the Chinese mainland.  If that doesn’t piss them off, we can try bombing North Korea.  That’ll get their attention.

  3.  Bomb, bomb, bomb – bomb, bomb Iran.  And don’t give me any of this Israel bullshit acting as a surrogate.  We need to stop pussyfootin’ and grow some balls.  Do the damn thing ourselves.  Then we can justify spending $2 trillion dollars a year on the War Department instead of a paltry three quarters of a trillion.  Besides it’s really fun watching wars on CNN.  Didn’t you enjoy the last one?  Now that’s what I call reality TV.  And this one will be televised in hi-def.  Oh man, I can’t wait.  Good for CNN’s ratings also.  That’s about the only way they can get people to watch them anymore.

File:Aircraftcarrier.jpg

And I’m not talkin’ some silly shit Obama drone war either.  I want the real McCoy – with tanks and carpet bombing and cruise missiles and all that deadly release of depleted uranium.  That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.

Besides the more wars we start, sooner or later we’re gonna win one.  I mean, like, it’s just the law of averages.

Yessireeeee, bob.  $2 trillion dollar War Department here we come.

***

Catholic bishops criticized the Girl Scouts for taking positions on issues opposed by the Church.  The bishops accused the girl’s organization of having a partnership with Planned Parenthood and supporting positions on sexuality, birth control and abortion.  A spokesperson for the Scouts denied the charges.

Bishop Mangiapasta Bacciagalupe of the Church of the Holy Book said his congregation was angered by the fact that Girl Scouts selling cookies often interfered with bingo nights.

***

Mitt Romney has been accused of heresy against Republican orthodoxy for stating that budget cuts would cause a recession.

Republicans should not be worried however.  Romney is upside down, inside out and backwards on all issues.  And he can perform this shtick simultaneously.  What a guy!!

File:US Navy 050520-N-4549D-002 USS John F. Kennedy (CV 67) Commanding Officer, Capt. Dennis E. Fitzpatrick, gives the Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney a tour of the conventionally powered aircraft carrier's flight deck.jpg

What you see beside us Mr. Romney is a jet fighter.  It costs this much.

***

People believe the rich got half of the Bush tax cuts.  Actually, they got all of the Bush tax cuts.  As for the rest of us, our tax cuts were pumped into the gas tank and went from there through the pipeline directly to Wall Street.

May 21, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

The JPMorgan Chase fiasco highlights the gullibility of Bill Clinton who swooned over the deregulation scams engineered by the notorious Senator Phil Gramm and supported by his ill-advised appointments of deregulation addicts Robert Rubin and Larry Summers to Treasury.

***

Dimons are the Streets best friend.

File:Hope Diamond.jpg

The Hope Diamond, a gem worth more than the Jamie (Courtesy of David Bjorgen).

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Masking tape alert!  Mitt Romney said something to the effect that young people don’t understand the workings of banks.  Not a good thing to say during an election year since a lot of young people vote.  Evidently someone in the Romney campaign forgot the masking tape and Mitt was able to open his mouth – again.

Jeez, can’t they just get the guy to read from a teleprompter.

***

JPMorgan Chase just invented a new derivative.  It’s called the Jamie.  You buy and it loses $2 billion dollars.

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The Woolworth Building built in the days when high finance could still work for the good of the people. (Photo courtesy of Derek Jensen (Tysto).

***

Speaking of Clinton and swooning, too many Democrats still gush adoringly over this millionaires’ best friend.

William Jefferson Clinton – otherwise known as Wild Willy – was a guest once again at the Peter G. Peterson Foundation’s Fiscal Summit in Follyland.  Clinton, a backstabbing Democrat who has been a right wing extremist on economic policy at least for two decades is, as always, happy to rub elbows with his fellow multimillionaires.

Wild Willy, the man with the fastest zipper ever to occupy the White House, long ago turned his back on his fellow working class Democrats.

File:Bill Clinton 1995 im Parlament in London.jpg

Why these middle class workers still pay homage to this brazen turncoat is a mystery of unfathomable proportions.  He is the president who signed off on NAFTA, the disastrous deregulation agreements and, except for his zipper problem, would have made a deal with then Speaker Newt Gingrich that might well have opened the floodgates to the demise of Social Security.  He, in the person of his chief of staff, the aristocrat Erskine Bowles, was open to the idea of cuts to the Democrats’ most revered program and was set to open negotiations with the Speaker.  Then along came Monica who performed a service for which we all owe her a huge debt of gratitude.  She should only know.

And, by the way, Clinton defiantly bragged to his fellow millionaires that he wanted to cut Social Security by 10%.  He was, however, prevented from doing so by a coalition of Democrats and some rational Republicans (I know it’s hard to believe, but there was a time long, long ago when such a thing as a rational Republican actually existed on the planet.  Archaeologists have found fossil evidence to support this theory).

For all of these reasons, the Clinton presidency should be viewed as the miserable failure it was for working Americans.

Clinton points to the strong economic growth that occurred during the years when he occupied the Oval Office as his legacy.  But anyone could have been there and the same growth would have ensued.  Clinton simply got lucky.  The boom in telecommunications and information technology would have happened whether Clinton was in office or whether his pants were up or down.  And the tech bubble, which burst before he left office, also contributed to the false sense of prosperity that occurred when he just happened to be in the right place at the right time.

It’s time for honest Democrats to recognize this quisling for what he has always been – a right wing conservative on economic issues and a millionaire’s best pal.

Where would I place this so-called Democrat among a ranking of Democratic presidents?  Well, I guess somewhere above James Buchanan.  I guess.

***

Earlier in the week, Mitt Romney said the economy should be creating 500,000 jobs a month.  I say it should be creating a million jobs a month.  Neither of us knows what the hell we’re talking about so I guess that makes me a better bullshitter than Romney.  And that’s not an easy thing to do.

***

California is set to win the JPMorgan Chase Challenge for money losers.  That’s gotta be worth something.

Gov. Jerry Brown announced the state’s debt has risen to something in the neighborhood of $16 billion dollars.

So how’s all that job outsourcing working for ya?

The state government has hundreds of departments – all of which provide good jobs for millions of residents.

The jobs created by these departments are probably among the few remaining good paying jobs in the state.

Now here’s a thought.  If the state would just outsource all of the jobs created by the government or just eliminate them outright, the departments could be consolidated into just three:

The California Department to Feed the Hungry

The California Department to Clothe the Naked

The California Department to Shelter the Homeless

That last department wouldn’t be needed in the warmer parts of the state.  People could just live and die in the streets.

The point here is when private enterprise abandons its people out of malicious greed the people then must depend on its government for a livelihood.  And the people’s government must recoup the tax base it so casually gave away to pay for worthwhile services.

Instead, what we are witnessing is government abandoning its people by eliminating jobs and aggravating an already intense depression.

***

Too many North Carolinians hate government because it spends too much money – mostly on better wages and benefits for workers.  The wages and benefits are much better than those received by workers in the private sector, for example.  Yet instead of advocating for better conditions in private industry, great numbers of North Carolinians vote to degrade conditions for government employees – in fact they’re quite satisfied that many are simply getting fired.  Schadenfreude anyone?

***

Scientists have discovered a fungus in the Amazon rainforest that can live on polyurethane.  Apparently it eats, digests and then degrades the product into its basic elements.  I guess that’s a good thing.  Now if they could only find a fungus that degrades Styrofoam; it takes planet Earth a million years to perform that function – give or take a millennium.

***

According to the Wisconsin State Journal, the state is leading the country in the percentage of – say what!!!!! – job losses!!!!!  How can that be?  Gov. Scott Walker gave businesses tens of millions of dollars in tax cuts.  Weren’t the cuts supposed to create jobs?

Guess all those tax cuts aren’t working out so well.  At least not for the average worker.  Guess what Scottie really wanted was two yachts in every rich man’s garage – paid for by cuts in public sector jobs.

But private sector jobs declined as well.  Musta had all those yachts built in foreign countries, right Scottie.

So how’s all that deregulated free enterprise working out for ya?

What’s really astounding, though, is that Walker leads his opponent in the recall race by six points according to some polls.

File:Scott Walker 2010.jpg

At least half the state loves those tax cuts for rich people.  As for the rest, well, let them eat rice.  It’s good for ya.

Wisconsin job losses highest in nation for last 12 months, federal report says

***

The F-35 joint strike fighter is turning out to be private enterprise’s biggest taxpayer rip-off in the history of taxpayer rip-offs.  Yes, even bigger than the big bank bailout rip-off.

The entire program is estimated to cost about $1.5 trillion dollars.  But it will probably cost more.  They can’t seem to get the thing to work right.  It keeps killing pilots.  Not to worry though.  A few multi-billion dollar tweaks here and there and the plane should fly – and stop killing pilots.

 File:Aichi Val DF-ST-91-10602.JPEG

A replica of a World War II Japanese aircraft – a plane that flies.

So who do we blame for this multi-trillion dollar boondoggle:  The government or private enterprise?  Should we blame Lockheed Martin – the manufacturer of this not quite ready to fly trillion dollar death trap?  Or the government that bought into the scam?

If it was up to me, I would tell Lockheed Martin to go fly a kite.  If it didn’t cost a billion dollars to get them to build one, that is.

The F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, the Most Expensive Weapon Ever

May 18, 2012

Sex On Campus

Daily Kos has published excerpts from the Liberty University manual that outlines acceptable student behavior.  Things like you can’t get laid on campus even if you’re screwing a member of the opposite sex are forbidden.  Actually, you can’t get laid off campus either.  Students are permitted to hold hands however.  I’m presuming same sex holding hands is prohibited.

File:Bonderson Farm crib barn and cow shed.JPG

A photo of a chapel at a small religious institution.

The dress code forbids female students from wearing skirts whose hemlines reach above the knee.

Now it’s been a long time since I’ve been in college.  But while I was there, I did learn a thing or two.  One of my observations regarded skirts.  What I discovered was that skirts with hemlines above the knee are tighter and usually more difficult to raise while skirts with hemlines below the knee are looser and raise in a jiffy.

Panties slip off quite easily in either case.

Given the strict rules about hemlines at Liberty, I’m assuming the ladies don’t simply undress but have to be coaxed just a little bit – as they did back in the day – before they would allow their beaus that delightful access. So I’m sure the guys at Liberty have discovered this peculiar phenomenon about tight and loose skirts all by themselves.

Actually, if two consenting adults are engaging in safe sex it’s nobody’s business but their own regardless of whomever is wearing the skirt.

Daily Kos

Read the article at Daily Kos: Liberty University’s “The Liberty Way” exposed

***

Officials at The Sardo Institute of Higher Learning have been receiving criticism from local residents after portions of The Institute’s Code of Behavior for Students were published in the student newspaper on the campus located in Pasta Fagioli, Italy.  The Code was published to encourage students from others universities to transfer to the Sardo Institute.

Students who would like to transfer can fill out an application and send it along with the $300.00 application fee to:

Admissions:  The Sardo Institute
                          PO Box 555 55 55
                          Pasta Fagioli, Italy
                          Cash only please.
 

A summary of the Code of Behavior follows.

Article I of the Code states that the only acceptable position when engaging in sexual relations is the man on top and the woman beneath him.  The newspaper insisted that this Article represented a 20th view of man Tarzan, woman Jane attitude.

Officials pointed out however that article XI of the Code permitted role playing and role switching and this rule allowed the woman to assume the Tarzan role and get on top of the male Jane.

Article II states that sex is only permitted between a man and a woman or any combination thereof.

Group sex is strictly limited to weekends.

Sex in motor vehicles of any kind is prohibited.  That’s what dormitories are for.

Sex in the library is forbidden unless performed in a discreet manner so as not to disturb other students who may be engaged in the same activity.

Female students must adhere to a strict dress code.  Skirt hemlines, for example, must reach at least twelve inches above the knee.  Shorter are skirts are permitted; panties are optional and bras are frowned upon.

Single piece bathing suits may not be worn in swimming pool areas.  They are, however, suitable classroom attire.

Article LXVIII forbids oral sex.  The next article permits it provided it is performed with at least one consenting adult partner.

Farting on campus is strictly forbidden, but especially in the library between the bookshelves.  Unless, of course, you’re a dinosaur.  Dinosaurs can fart wherever they want.

Actual FOX News Headline: “Dinosaurs May Have Farted Themselves to Extinction.” Enough Said | BuzzFlash.org

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May 12, 2012

The DC Folly Trolley

Congress is holding a buy one, get one half off sale this week.  That’s right.  Buy one vote at full price; get half off the second vote.  Better hurry.  Sale ends Saturday.

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National Statuary Hall

***

Marriage is the union between a man and woman who have just entered into the first stage of divorce.

I voted against the marriage ban in NC.  Why should gays be any better off than the rest of us?

The real losers of the ban vote were the divorce lawyers.  Gay marriage would be a cash cow for them.

Most of Perdue’s problems resulted from having to deal with a Republican legislature – one which overrode several of her vetoes.  For the first time in a hundred years both houses of the legislatures were GOP dominated.  Of course, the Republicans needed the votes of five backstabbing Democrats to override.

The vote for the ban on gay marriage in NC was so lopsided I think only divorce lawyers voted against.  And me.

I wonder how many divorced people in NC voted to preserve the sanctity of the institution by banning gay marriage.  Probably a slew.

NC is filled with hypocrites who vote social issues while ignoring the economics of politics even if it harms themselves, their children and their grandchildren.  Go figure.

Prediction:  The state returns to the Republican column after Romney proposes an amendment to the Federal Constitution to ban gay marriage .  The amendment will fail of course, but the hypocrites will salivate with uncontrollable joy.  Holy rollers, Batman.

***

Ann Romney buys $990.00 silk tee shirts.  When she’s tired of one she takes it to the Salvation Army Store and gets a receipt she can use as a $980.00 tax deduction.  All is not as it first appears.

***

Here’s a phrase from the Bible that Wall Street lives by:  Strike first the other’s cheek; and when he turns strike again.  Can’t seem to find the chapter and verse it comes from though.

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Walmart has been accused of bribery in Mexico.  I find that hard to believe.  In America, that’s called politics.

***

On a recent vacation the Romney family packed the SUV so full of $990.00 tee shirts and other stuff, there was no room for the dog – or for Mitt.  So they were both tied to the roof of the car.  Since there was only room enough in the kennel for the dog, they tied Dad directly to the car.  Not to worry though.  They gave Mitt a blanket and lots of sunscreen.

When they arrived at their destination, however, Mitt was so pissed off he began smashing TV cameras.  Apparently, riding on the roof of the car messed up his coif.

***

Palm greasing in the nation’s capital has replaced baseball as the national pastime.

At least the Washington Nationals play by the rules.

As for everybody else in Follyland, there are no rules.

***

Killing bin Laden was an important day in Barack Obama’s presidency.  Can you think of another one?

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

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Despite his successes, Obama’s failures seem to be rising to the surface.  Three missteps in particular are standouts:  His failure to pursue adequate stimulus, the abandonment of the  public option and settling for weak financial reform.

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Actress Susan Sarandon, a political activist, believes her phone has been tapped by the government.

An Oscar winning actress and a fine looking woman, Susan Sarandon.

You might want to check the shower head for cameras.  UPW News reports some members of the Department of Homeland Security believe that numerous anti-government plots have been hatched by naked women showering.

***

The sad thing about the Walmart bribery case is that the Mexicans would have taken half; and Walmart would have paid double.

***

Mitt Romney – the uncaped crusader – is taking credit for the success of the auto bailout.  If you think he said what he said he said, that’s not what he said.  He said what he said was the car companies should declare bankruptcy.  And he said that’s exactly what they did and that’s what he said they should do.   What he said, however, left out an important element of what actually occurred; and that is government loans to the tune of billions of dollars were given to the credit starved companies and that is what saved the now profitable US auto industry.

What Romney said and what he said he said were actually two different things, if you can believe Romney would actually do such a thing.  What you think he said is not what he said, he said.  He’s not really sure what he said, but if I think he said what he said I think he said the free market should run its course and the industry should be left to swing in the wind.

But that’s been the basis of the Uncaped Crusader’s whole campaign.  Learn what his base really believes and then join in the chorus; read the morning newspaper and if there’s some good news, make a speech and take credit for it.

Want the naked truth about Romney:  This emperor truly has no clothes (with the possible exception of $990.00 tee shirts).

***

Some gazillionaire wants Obama to make a speech about how really, really nice rich people are.  And why not?  Even a tyrannosaur needs a little loving once in a while.

***

JPMorgan Chase just blew another couple billion dollars on some really shitty investments.  But that could be the tip of the iceberg – or should I say the shit pile.  Billions more could be buried deep in that pile.

Oh well.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Besides, Jamie Dimon, the CEO, is real good friends with Barack Obama.  A chit chat with the pres should rake in enough taxpayer dollars to cover any JP shortfall.

JPMorgan Chase, you see, is too big to fail.  It’s still not too big to fuck up, however.

***

After Pennsylvania residents who live near a fracking zone complained of contaminated water, EPA tests declared the water safe for human consumption.  An EPA spokesman encouraged residents to follow the agency’s guideline:  If you light a match under the kitchen faucet and the water catches fire don’t drink it.

May 6, 2012

Random Musings

As you’ve heard Paul Ryan had a very bad week.  First, he felt compelled to renounce patron saint Ayn Rand’s Objectivism, the wrong-headed notion that selfishness and greed are mankind’s greatest virtues.

Medicare

The new Master of Disaster.  Henry Aaron, Inventor Of Paul Ryan’s Medicare Reform Concept, Explains Why It’s Wrong.  At Huff Post.

And then the guy who devised his plan to destroy Medicare said, in so many words, that the whole thing was bullshit.  Of course, most of us already knew that.  Except for the mainstream media who wouldn’t know bullshit in a cow pasture.

***

You may have read about the Rev. Sean Harris, a North Carolina preacher who advocated beating kids who may show homosexual tendencies.

Actually, the pastor of Berean Baptist Church is just being kind to kids.  A little punching around is no big thing compared to what The Bible commands of the fundamentalist.

“For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death…”  (Leviticus 20:9).  I can’t wait to hear the pastor’s sermon on that verse.

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Moses:  The man to whom God handed down the laws we can now read in the Old Testament.

Fortunately for all of us, the law of man supersedes the will of God, at least as it is interpreted and handed down to us by radical fundamentalist Christians.

In the same vein, the kids of Judson Baptist Church in New York City sent “Cards of Hope”, a message of tolerance, to the members of the Fayetteville, NC church.  A nice gesture on their part but it isn’t likely to help.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

The next time a pretty gal asks if I have the time, I think I’ll say “Not at the moment, but maybe in an hour or so.

Now such an answer will probably piss her off royally, in which case I’ll explain that my watch is at the jewelers for repair.  It should be ready in about an hour and then I’ll have the time.

My luck, she’ll wait and want five hundred bucks for her time.

***

Time is a funny thing.  Einstein tells us that we all exist in a space-time continuum.  Now I have no problem with the space part of that theory.  You can look up at the sky and see space day and night.  Also, believe it or not, humans have the ability to create space.  Just go out to the garage, move a few boxes, throw away a few pieces worthless junk you’ve been saving and, viola, you’ve created space.

But you can’t go into a closet, remove a few boxes and create time.  Time just doesn’t work that way.

So I’ve been thinking about ways human beings can create time.  Einstein also tells us that the faster we travel, time slows down, until we reach the speed of light, in which case time stops completely.  Yep.  That’s right, it flat out stops.  No more time.  So in that situation, when you wife asks you to do your chores, you can truthfully say “Sorry, honey.  I don’t have the time.”

Another funny thing about time is that very few human beings actually have the exact time.  If you need the exact time, you have to place a phone call to the United Kingdom to a small town named Greenwich where the exact time is measured at the Royal Greenwich Observatory.  The United States Naval Observatory, as well as several other institutions, also keep the exact time, down to several millionths of a second.  And when all of these time clocks differ due to variances in the force of gravity, an average time is calculated.  So precise are these time measuring devices that, when it becomes necessary, leap seconds are added to a year.  The next leap second will be added on June 30, 2012 on which day there will occur a minute with 61 seconds or, dare I say it, a leap minute.

Aerial view of the U.S. Naval Observatory.

Aerial view of the U.S. Naval Observatory. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

***

We got tax cuts from Bush and tax cuts from Obama and then pumped them straight into the gas tank.  The next time somebody says the rich got most of the tax cuts the response should be “No, they got all of the tax cuts.”  And if there should be another cut, they’ll get that one too, all of it.

***

Supply side economics – the greatest and most evil Ponzi scheme of all time.  It’s based on the ridiculous idea that if you give rich people enough of the hard earned money of working people, the rich will create even more jobs and pay hard working people even more money.  Such an idea is, of course, unmitigated balderdash.  But unfortunately for most of us, just enough poor people fall for the scam to make life miserable for millions upon millions of Americans.

***

How are all those tax cuts for the “job creators” working out, by the way?  Not so good it would appear, at least judging by the latest anemic jobs report.  And the jobs that are being added are at the lower end of the economic scale.  “Would you like cheese on that burger, sir?”

***

State governments, mostly under the rule of Republican governors and legislatures have fired more than 600,000 hard working employees.  The loss of these government jobs is an offset to stimulus, works against economic growth and contributes greatly to the Great Recession.  Well, they’re Republicans.  What did you expect?

***

Worth repeating.  We here the droll repetition of how the Social Security fund is going broke.  Everyone should know by now that such a statement is beyond propaganda.  It is an open, bald faced lie.  Any columnist, pundit or TV host or commentator or corrupt politician who repeats that statement in any form is lying and he (or she) knows he is lying.

Social Security is not going broke.  In fact, it is resting on a 2.7 trillion dollar trust fund – a fund that consists of the safest investment on the planet and that is US Treasury bonds.

In about 25 years the fund will come up short but will still be able to pay 75 to 80% of all benefits.  And those benefits will be larger than they are today because of increases to offset inflation.

Now here is an even greater lie regurgitated by DC media puppets:  That in 75 years the fund will accrue a 7 trillion dollar debt and that such a debt is unsustainable.  Of course, that is media hogwash.  The debt is easily sustainable and readily fixable.  Raising the salary cap and a small fee on stock transactions would more than offset a 7 trillion dollar debt and by taking these small actions, the fund would pay 100% of its obligation in perpetuity.  And that’s the scary part for the Social Security haters.  The window to destroy the program is closing.  SS must be demolished in the next ten or so years or people will come to realize that it is easily sustainable forever.

***

Now let’s look at something the media marionettes are forbidden to repeat.  In 75 years, the Bush tax cuts will cost the nation 14 trillion dollars – twice the amount of the Social Security shortfall.

Now, want to hear a truly startling figure.  The projected cost of war spending 75 years out is forecast to be in the neighborhood of $90 trillion dollars.

Taken together, the Bush tax cuts and the war spending will cost the nation more than 100 trillion dollars over the next 75 years.  Talk about an unsustainable figure!!!!!

No!  Better not talk about it, at least if you’re a media marionette.  Because someone in the executive suites will cut your strings and you’ll be fired.  And you can bet your sweet little ass on that.