The DC Folly Trolley – 08/12/12

After Mighty Mitt told Harry Reid “You first”, Republicans and Democrats have finally ironed out a new way to reach agreement as the Mittster and Harry continued to engage in a debate about the former’s tax returns.

Eeny meeny miny mo. That should settle things. Call it the new bipartisanship in Follyland, DC.

You just gotta love politics in Follyland.

File:US Navy 080722-N-2888Q-006 ) Children participating in Healthy Kids Day at the Delaware State Fair play .jpg

No, this is not a picture of Congress critters playing games. To witness that activity you’ll have to go to the U S Capitol in Follyland.

***

Casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson’s gambling organization is undergoing an investigation as a possible drug money laundering operation.

Who does he think he is anyway, a Wall Street banker?

Don’t really care how he made his fortune. Crime is an entrepreneurial enterprise and pays very well in this country – if you wear hundred dollar silk ties and five hundred dollar Ferragamos, that is.

What concerns me more is that my fifty bucks doesn’t stack up well against his hundred million. Which shows once again that in politics you gotta have the geetus.

Under the circumstances, I think I’ll put my fifty to good use and buy a couple of bottles of scotch.

File:Scotch whiskies.jpg

Not only are there some brands I’ve never tasted; there are some I’ve never heard of. Guess I have some catching up to do. (Photo courtesy of Chris huh).

***

Speaking of scotch, I don’t seem to think or type as well after I’ve downed a few.

I know it’s something in the scotch, but I can’t figure out what it could possibly be.

‘Tis a puzzlement. Not to worry though. I’m working on it.

***

Speaking of scotch, I’ve always been told you have to acquire a taste for it. I acquired mine in an unusual way.

When I was in the service and stationed at a remote base, for a couple of months the allotted liquor shipment failed to show. Very quickly all alcoholic beverages were consumed. The only liquor that remained was, you guessed it, scotch.

That’s how I acquired a taste for scotch. And trust me, it didn’t take long.

***

Speaking of scotch, I’ve recently learned a couple of drinks a night helps to prevent heart attacks.

Fuck the typing.

***

Speaking of scotch, I’ve only been drunk twice in my life. This is what it felt like.

 File:Octopus vulgaris Merculiano.jpg

I can’t imagine why I did it the second time.

 

***

The stimulus worked. It was insufficient because of the Republican’s scorched earth policy toward the economy and a country be damned attitude.

As for Mitt Romney, his attitude and the attutude of his class is that the “small people” must pay for the crimes of the 1%.

He again insisted that the Federal Reserve do nothing to stimulate the economy. Any such action by this notorious politically influenced board could hurt the candidates chances in the election.

Very early on, Mighty Mitt an advocate ot the GOP’s scorched earth war on the economy.

Screw a bunch of hurting Americans. If elected, the Mittster will continue to force the “small people” to suffer the consequences and make us all pay through the nose.

***

Christians Against Masturbation, a group formed to prevent teens from abusing themselves, now demands that anti-masturbation courses be taught in public schools?

And why not? I’m against masturbation as well. Like any good Christian, I’d rather get laid. I’m sure there are a lot of kids who feel the same way. Adults too.

File:Urban legends regarding masturbation.png

(Courtesy Abhijay).

Myths about masturbation. Check out the last item on the left. A good way to lose weight and a lot better than dieting.

And Christians don’t have a monopoly on that activity by any means. Checked out the populations of China and India lately??? I suspect they just never learned how to masturbate properly.

Marcy Popindick, religious correspondent for UPW News reported today that a new Christian group supporting masturbation has just been formed. The group’s mission is to advocate for teaching masturbation techniques in public schools Parents must provide toys for the kids, however.

The goal of the organization is to promote abstinence among teenagers. According to the group’s public relations officer, teaching courses in sex education and birth control could be phased out if teens are taught to masturbate correctly and encouraged to do so often.

***


The wisdom of George Carlin:

“This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be free. Am I right? A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? ‘You give us a color, we’ll wipe it out’.”

***

To prove his right wing extremist bona fidoes, barf, barf, Mitt Romney today selected seriously serious Paul Ryan as his vice presidential running mate. Barf, barf.

Romney - Ryan 2012

Birds of a feather. (Image by DonkeyHotey).

Ryan, you’ll recall is the author of one of the most ignorantly ignorant budget proposals, a plan proclaimed seriously serious by seriously serious commentators who issue seriously seriously commentary about the seriously serious Ryan budget in Follyland, DC.

Seriously.

And only in America.

***

Mitt Romney still refuses to release his tax returns. There’s a reason for this. We just don’t know what it is yet.

Here’s some speculation.

If Romney filed a fraudulent tax return he is guilty of a felony. If Reince Priebus – RNC chair who recently called Harry Reid a liar for accusing Romney of paying no taxes for ten years – is aware of a fraudulent act and refuses to reveal the perpatrator, he is an accessory to the crime and hence himself a felon.

In any event, the cover up is on.

It is now up to Romney to release his tax returns or release his delegates and open the Republican convention to a more worthy candidate – if there is such a thing.

***

What does John McCain know and when did he know it???

Romney released 23 years of returns to the McCain campaign. So they know something is very wrong here.

And so Sen. Graham, best buds with McCain: What do you know and when did you know it?

No doubt about it. The cover up is on.

***

Wage Slaver Threatens to Raise Pizza Prices.

Wage slaver John Schnatter, multimillionaire owner of a mediocre pizza delivery chain, threatened to raise prices on his sub-par pizzas 11 to 14 cents per pie in order to pay for health insurance for the chain’s many employees.

File:PapaJohnsCardinalStadiumSat.png

Papa Johns Cardinal Stadium, University of Louisville. Looks like Papa’s done pretty well for himself. Himself, that is.

That means that for an extra few pennies per pie, this wage slaver could have offered health insurance to all of his workers from day one. For an extra quarter per pie he could have provided a dynamite insurance plan to his underpaid help. (Oh, sorry. He doesn’t need help. He does it all by his greedy self). Instead of waiting for Obamacare to force him to man up, he could have acted like a member of human species and provided health care from day one.

Actually he wouldn’t have to raise prices at all. Just leave off of each pie a slice of peperoni or two and everybody gets insurance.

So simple it’s really hard to believe. This right wing wacko must prefer to have his employees go without insurance. After all, like so many aristocrats, he no doubt believes that “the small people” don’t deserve medical care.

As we might expect, he’s no doubt cheating on the peperoni already and stuffing his own pockets with the extra quarter. Why should the small people receive a benefit they don’t earn and bilk Prince John out of the money from the business he built all by himself.

All by himself!!! Yeah, right.

Now, you’d think such outrageous behavior is about as skanky as it can get.

Well, if you do, you’re wrong. It gets skankier. This wage slaver is today cheating his drivers out of the money they earn when they deliver this run of the mill pizza. In a lawsuit filed in Missouri, the drivers claimed the chain is skimming wages in violation of federal and state minimum wage laws.

Gratefully, I’ve forgotten the name of the pizza house that John built We should all forget it. However, if you want to know more about Prince John and his chain, you can look it up in the trade mag Pizza Marketplace.

***

Here is a bulletin from Unreliable Press Worldwide.

The Nobella Prize Committe announced from its hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the winner of the Schmuckup Award.

Pizza prince, John Schnatter, takes home the prize for making it known to the entire English speaking world that if Obamacare forces him to offer health insurance to his employees, he will raise the cost of a pie anywhere from 11 to 14 cents a unit.

The award goes to the Prince John because for a measly 14 cents a pie he could have been giving his employees a good health insurance plan and access to excellent medical care.

The prince refused to do so, however, and because of his tireless efforts to keep workers as poor as he possibly can they would qualify for Medicaid.

So for not giving two shits about his workers health, the prize goes to Prince John.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The world renowned Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over..

***

Gaffe a minute Mitt is still trying to figure things out. Be patient. He’s catching on.

But he really needs your help. After all, he didn’t do it all by himself. Or did he?

Psssst. Ryan is the vice presidential candidate. Got it now, Mitt.

Oh, poopy”, vice presidential candidate Romney is reported to have said: “Where did I leave that damn duct tape”.

Or is he the presidential candidate? I don’t know. I keep getting the two confused as well.

***

John Schnatter, owner of Papa John’s and a bona fide wage slaver, has created a new pie. It will cost 14 cents more than a traditional pie and will be named the Mittsaroni.

Proceeds from the new pizza will be donated to a fund created to help presidential candidate Romney pay for the car elevator in his new multimillion dollar diggs.

What toppings would you like on your Mittsaroni, sir”. 

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5 Responses to “The DC Folly Trolley – 08/12/12”

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