The DC Folly Trolley – 09/26/12

Committee Awards Prize.

From it’s hideout in Pasta Fagioli, Italy, the Nobella Prize Committe announced the recipient of its most coveted award. Scott Brown, Republican Senator from Massachusetts, is the most recent winner of the Schmuckup Prize.

Brown won for his staff’s ridiculing the Cherokee heritage of Senate opponent Elizabeth Warren. The staff shouted war hoops and used the tomahawk chop in its demonstration against the Democratic candidate.

The Nobella Committee also learned that Brown and his staff prepared a celebration later in the day and invited the GOP Senate and House leadership to participate in the festivities.

A war dance was scheduled with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell playing the tom-tom.  Speaker John Boehner was expected to bring feather headdresses and tomahawks. The celebration had to be canceled, however, when McConnell suffered a bullshit stroke.  He realized the GOP message just isn’t working anymore.

Despite the cancellation, the Committee felt Brown was entitled to the prize and offered its hearty congratulations to the senator for his win.

File:BedfordMuseumTomTomDrum.JPG

A ceremonial tom tom.

Winners of The Schmuckup Prize receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize.

In addition, winners are given the coveted statuette called The Little Schmucky engraved with the words “Schmucked up beyond all reason.” The Little Schmucky is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard. All prizes are awarded while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winner supplies just ran out.

***

Here is a bulletin from the UPW newsroom!!!

BREAKING! BREAKING! BREAKING!

News outlets reported again that Fox News told the truth. At this point, UPW has no confirmation of the reports. But correspondents from UPW are following up and checking sources.

More on this story as details become available.

***

After consulting with several fact checking organizations, UPW cannot confirm that the Republican Party propaganda organ, sometimes referred to as Fox News, did in fact tell the truth.

***

Fashion designers have implemented a new feel-good size range for full-bodied women. The sizes are very tiny, tiny and small. OK, so they fudged a little. But you gotta admit it makes you feel good.

***

The so-called Red States lead the nation in food stamp subsidies. Guess they’re sick and tired of people going hungry – and that includes themselves and their children.

So they accept the food stamps, eat and watch a NASCAR race, then vote to have their food stamps taken away. Just hard to figure some people out.

File:NASCAR practice.jpg

NASCAR: Watching cars go in circles really, really fast.  Then praying for a violent crash and hoping nobody gets killed.   

***

Hey, what’s wrong with a little starvation when it’s within your power to deny a woman her right to have an abortion or access to birth control? Ask most any media preacher. He’ll tell you. Starving’s OK when you’re doing the Lord’s work.

And be sure to keep those donations coming. After all, those TV preachers – almost entirely right wing conservatives –  are doing the Lord’s work too, don’t ya know.  Besides private jets and backyard runways cost a lot of money these days. And country club fees just keep going up.  

Donations don’t grow on trees, ya know.

***

A Republican senator blocked a bill in the Senate Veteran Affairs Committee that would grant a cost of living allowance for vets’ disability benefits.

This little piece of stupidity falls under the “you’ve got to be kidding me” category. Of course, we are talking Repubs here and no doubt they powwowed together, drew straws and picked the unlucky guy who’d screw the vets.

But it’s a secret so no harm done. Under one of the most ignorant legislative rules in the history of the body, a single senator can block a measure because of a unanimous consent requirement. And he doesn’t even have to reveal his name. That little piece of stupidity falls under the “you’ve got to be kidding me” category.

However, and only after heavy criticism and the fact that Repubs remembered that this is an election year, Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC) announced that the issue had been resolved and the bill would be released from committee.

The statement coming from Burr’s office raised suspicions that it was the cowardly senator from NC who blocked the bill in committee.

Republicans should not be discouraged however. They will now have an opportunity to vote against the legislation on the Senate floor. Their names will be recorded though so they will probably try to delay a floor vote until after the election when they can kill the bill with impunity.

Hypocrisy unbounded from the “support the troops” gang. People actually vote for these creatures.

Only in America.

***

That former wrestling mogul Linda McMahon is running for the Senate in Connecticut again. Some people you just can’t get rid of.

Well, she’s in the news because she proposed a sunset for Social Security. That is, you set a date and vote whether to continue or kill it. No doubt how McMahon would vote. Kill it for sure.

She also wants to raise the retirement age and means test to eliminate wealthy people like her who already detest the program and want desperately to destroy it. Means testing just gives the rich another excuse to get rid of it. Not that they really need an excuse.

***

According to Clare McCaskill (D-MO), her opponent in the Senate election Todd Akin is so wacko right wing he makes Michele Bachmann look like a hippie.

File:Multiple piercings and tattoos.jpg

You can pierce and tat just about anything anywhere.  (Wiros from Barcelona, Spain).  

A report from UPW News Senior Political Analyst Marcy Popindick indicates that Bachmann may have once been a hippie. There are persistent rumors that Bachmann has a tattoo and a piercing. The tattoo is on her ass. No word about the location of the piercing. Ouch!

***

The polls are going from bad to worse for Mitt Romney. But let’s not judge the guy too harshly. Just because he dissed 47% of the population of the entire nation is no reason not to vote for him – at least according to some unidentified woman known only as Ann.

Besides, nobody believes polls anyways. Right Ann???

***

According to polls, voters gave higher approval ratings to George W. Bush than they are giving to Mitt Romney.  

That factotum gives rise to speculation that stupid can only get just so stupid and then it stops. Hope really does spring eternal, Even stupidity has its limits.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t count on it. Better to go vote.

On the other hand, if you’re still wondering who to vote for, stay home. 

.

***

Too soon to light up the stogie

Remember the wisdom of Yogi

It ain’t over till it’s over

There is no four leaf clover

Don’t vote and you’ll score a bogey.

***

So you still think the Republican deficit issue isn’t a hypocritical lie???  Check the chart.  The really, really big time spenders are – drum roll please – the Republicans.




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5 Comments to “The DC Folly Trolley – 09/26/12”

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