The DC Folly Trolley – 10/13/12

You gotta love Mitt Romney’s health care plan. He said nobody has to die in their apartment. You just go to the emergency room. Voila! The nation’s health care problem has just been solved. Why didn’t I think of that?

Healthcare Is A Human Right!

From DonkeyHotey

 

Mitt Romney says nobody dies

So enjoy a Big Mac and french fries

And if you get sick

You can take a trip quick

To an ER and avoid your demise.

***

Charlie Fuqua, a legislative candidate from Arkansas, called for the execution of disobedient children and sighted The Bible as justification for his belief.

Well, as you might expect, Charlie’s advocacy of a death sentence for bad kids does indeed receive support from The Bible. Yes, it’s right there in Leviticus 20:9.

“Anyone who curses his father or mother shall surely be put to death….”

Now there are lots of ways that sentence can be inflicted. Crucifixion would be a slow and excruciatingly painful way to teach the little bastards a lesson and I’m sure Charlie would approve. After all, that method is mentioned somewhere in The Bible as well, right. And with the right wing makeup of the Supreme Court, there wouldn’t be any Eighth Amendment hangups about “cruel and unusual punishment.” I mean, like, it is in The Bible, ya know.

The Romans favorite method of execution for rebellious slaves was crucifixion. It was a slow and excruciatingly painful way to die. Death resulted from asphyxiation and could take days The painting is by Russian artist Fedor Andreevich Bronnikov.

I have a better and slower and even crueler way to get rid of a bunch of little brats, one the Romans never thought of.  Now don’t get mad at me.  Killing them off is in The Bible, ya know.

How about forcing them to eat lunch in the school cafeteria.

A couple of meals there should do the trick. I had one once on a Dad’s Day. Damn near killed me. My son brought a sandwich from home. He learned the lesson the hard way. Fortunately, we both survived school lunches and are still alive today.

Oh, I almost forgot. These guys get nuttier all the time. Fuqua types, that is.

Oh, I almost forgot. The Bible also says:

“If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, both the man and the woman shall be put to death.”

If put into practice, that verse should quell any and all adultery epidemics now and in the future. Or reduce the surplus population considerably.

Read the article about Fuqua at Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

***

Have you heard? There was a debate this week. Yes, that’s right. It was between Smilin’ Joe Biden and Wonkie Paul Ryan. The rep. trom Wisconsin again reiterated the Republican sneak attack on the middle class. He of course called it the Romney tax plan. Biden riposted that the plan doesn’t make any sense. He should have said it can only work if the middle class deductions are decimated but Ryan refused to specify which deductions would hit the chopping block. Hence, the accusation that the plan is a sneak attack on the middle class is justified.

Joe Biden - Caricature 

Now come on, Joe, let’s see that famous smile.

***

Romney Campaign Aborts Abortion Turnabout.

The Romney campaign reversed Romney’s reversal on abortion proving once again it’s still possible to abort an abortion.

Uh, excuse me Mr. Lehrer, can I take that reversal back?”

.

Romney once supported abortion rights. Then he opposed them. Then he said he opposed them but he wouldn’t pass legislation that would prevent a woman from getting an abortion. Does that mean he supports abortion? Nooooooo. It means he would promote legislation to protect life and therefore opposes abortion.

I think he said he wants to reverse his reversal but I can’t tell anymore which reversal he’s reversing.

Way to go, Mitt. That should keep ’em guessing.

Not to worry. Whatever reversal he reversed, I’m sure he’ll reverse it again tomorrow.

***

Romney’s erratic behavior has introduced a new word into the English lexicon: rereversal. The definition of rereversal is you can say anything you want, anytime you want and then contradict yourself and nobody in the mainstream media really gives a shit.

***

Romney has reversed his statement about 47% of the people being government parasites. He now says he will be the president of 100% of the people – even if they’re whatcha call your takers.

A leaked memo to UPW News clarifies the Romney reversal.

He will work for 100% of the people but only 1% of the time. As for the other 99% of the time, he’ll devote that to the 1%.

***

There are makers and there are takers. There are producers and there are parasites. Mary Maitlin.

The problem with Republican ideology as expressed by Maitlin is that everyone who is not a producer is a parasite.

***

We have a bulletin from UPW News.

From Pasta Fagiola, Italy. October 13, 2012.

The Nobella Committee has announced the winners of its Most Valuable Putz award. The prize is shared by three Republicans who recently emerged from the cave.

Rep. Roger Rivard wins for his statement that “some girls rape easy.” He tried to explain what he meant to say. But no matter how you cut it, his remarks sound like “no” really means “yes.”

Also among the winners was Rep. Jon Hubbard of Arkansas for his claim that slavery was “a blessing in disguise” for African Americans. According to Aviva Shen of ThinkProgress, Hubbard stated that “If slavery were so God-awful , why didn’t Jesus or Paul condemn it, why was it in the Constitution and why wasn’t there a war before 1861.”

Hubbard is an example of another white GOP male using The Bible to justify a perverse belief. Now I can’t speak for Jesus or Paul, but I do know that for thousands of years before their brief appearance on this meager planet, numerous white males were routinely enslaved. As for wars, there was this guy named Spartacus who gave the Roman Empire fits in a war to free white men and women from enslavement. And while the US Constitution considered three-fifths of a slave for the purpose of representation in the House of Representatives, had the authors not done so, there might well have been a war before 1861.

In any case, Hubbard is a deserving winner of the Putzie.

And last but not least is the above mentioned Charlie Fuqua who supports a death sentence for bad kids.

So our hearty congratulations go out to these three winners who share the Nobella Committee’s Most Valuable Putz award.

.

Winners of The Most Valuable Putz Award receive a certificate acknowledging the award as well as a forged autographed copy of a photo of Don Alberto Vito Nobella, the originator of the prize. .

These exceptional individuals also receive a statuette named the Pubar which is engraved with the words “Putzed up beyond all reason.” Known as the Putzie, the coveted statuette is sculpted of rusted metal stolen from an auto junk yard.

The Putzie is given while supplies last and unfortunately for the current winners supplies just ran out.

From the UPW Newsroom reporting from Pasta Fagioli, Italy. Unreliable Press Worldwide: Surpassing the Mainstream Media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

***

I wouldn’t be surprised if someday some enterprising scientist discovers a gene specific to the Republican DNA matrix that causes these unfortunate individuals to sputter stupid remarks.

There has to be a reason. I mean, nobody can be that stupid without an underlying cause. Can they?

 ***

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3 Comments to “The DC Folly Trolley – 10/13/12”

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  3. Good job, as always, including your limerick. I don’t know how you pack so much in!

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