The DC Folly Trolley – 11/11/12

File:BarackObama2005portrait.jpg

The winner and still President of the United States….

***

According to UPW Super-Senior Reporter Marcy Popindick the Neanderthal demographic voted 100% for Mitt Romney.

Neanderthals, who live in tribes located largely in regions known as Red States, have voted Republican since the days of Ronald Reagan. The former president is said to have appealed to the primitive people’s racist instincts.

Ms. Popindick interviewed the leader of one of the Southern tribes. Chief Ralph Cucamonga told the reporter that Neanderthals hate just about everybody who doesn’t agree with their political, religious and social views and the tribes stand ready to primary any members who seek leadership positions and whose views deviate from mandated ideology.

Neanderthal

Chief Ralph Cucamonga after hearing the news that President Obama had been reelected.

The chief stated that Neanderthals are a deeply religious people who often mix religion with politics.,

He denied the accusation that religious indoctrination of their young begins at an early age and stated the practice is strictly prohibited.

However, in order to remain in good standing, tribal members are required to oppose abortion, voting rights and equality of females. Also, members must support prayer in public places which includes schools, courtrooms and toilets.

According to Ms. Popindick, the tribes are in a state of shock and disbelief at the loss of Mitt Romney and the reelection of the socialist Barack Obama.

The primitives also opposed the president’s reelection because his complexion is somewhat darker than the average Neanderthal’s and because Obama refuses to grow a beard and adopt a straggly coif.

Chief Cucamonga stated his people had no difficulty whatever casting their votes at the polls even though they had no photo ID, weren’t registered and didn’t shave or comb their hair.

***

Paul Ryan said today that his choice of a presidential candidate to run on the Republican ticket with him was a mistake.

His mathematical model of the election indicated that the GOP ticket would win. However, in checking his numbers, he discovered that he forgot to carry the one.

.

No compromise Ryan is blessed

With a press that thinks he’s the best.

In headlines they’re honkin’

The numbers he’s wonkin’.

Yet his math is hard to digest.

***

Well, their you have it folks, The election’s over and it only cost $4.2 billion. It’s an outrage and a disgrace. Candidates are saying they are disappointed. They expected far more payola given the amount of time they squandered selling out to rich people.

***

Gambling magnate Sheldon Adelson made a multi-million dollar bet on the election. His placed his money on the red. Shoulda put it on the black.

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And I thought Barack Obama was an idiot.  (DonkeyHotey).

It was certainly a beautiful color on election night.

***

Some Republicans are blaming the election loss on faulty programming of electronic voting machines. The devices simply did not flip enough votes. Wait till next time though. No more fuck ups, they said.

And even though Republican governors were able to eliminate millions of fraudulent votes, they didn’t have enough time to deny even more people their precious right to cast a ballot.

So just because you’re a governor, you can’t be a fuck up???

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The Republicans game is to cast blame

The excuses so old they are lame

It’s the other guy’s fault

Flip flop, somersault

It’s the fraudulent vote they exclaim.

***

Another Republican just got laid and got caught. Remember Dinesh D’Sousa? Talk about fucking up!

Former General and currently former CIA director David Petraeus got caught screwing around with the woman who helped him write his biography, according to an FBI investigation.

In a report filed by UPW reporter Marcy Popindick, the two participants were working on an updated version of the general’s life and were putting the finishing touches on the final chapter. I wonder if it will include the juicy parts.

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A star goes supernova.  General David Petraeus.

So yet another prominent Republican falls victim to the Sixth Commandment: Yea verily, thou shalt surely not commit adultery when the FBI is snooping around.

Lest we forget, however, Democrats too are vulnerable to the weaknesses of the flesh. Hello, Eliot Spitzer.

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General Petraeus had an affair

With a woman it was so don’t despair

Gays are laughing like hell

Their old enemy just fell

Revenge is sweet and always so fair.

.

Mad Kane tells us that there is a national gin day. Only one? I’m shocked.

I can’t help wondering if this ethyl alcohol based liquor isn’t somehow involved in those shenanigans engaged in with such regularity by our esteemed rulers.

.

There’s a day that celebrates gin.

For all it’s a real win-win.

And I’m not talkin’ Eli’s cotton

That machine is long forgotten

It’s what you pour that let’s the fun begin.

***

Newly reelected President Barack Obama is said to be standing firm on his demand that the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy expire on January 1st.

Speaker of the House John Boehner announced that he would accept no tax increases thereby setting up a stand off with the president.

When Boehner called the White House to tell the president personally of his ultimatum, Obama could not be located.

Sasha, the president’s 11 year old daughter, finally found her father under the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom, shaking uncontrollably.

Daddy, you come out here right this minute,” she said. “If you don’t tell Boehner to go to hell, I will.”

***

They are not even eyeball to eyeball yet and Obama just blinked. He’s open to some form of compromise on the tax cuts for the wealthy.

Seniors beware the “grand bargain.”

***

You may think the Republican party is a relic of the past. But Obama can save it, as he did in 2010.

***

I’ve been called some pretty nasty things before, mostly by kids when I was a kid. But I’ve never been called a “maggot”, even by a kid. Oh well, takes one to know one.

Peter Morrison, Texas GOP Official, Calls For ‘Amicable Divorce’ From ‘Maggots’ Who Voted For Obama

Talk about your genetically defective Republican politician, that seems to be a requirement.

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

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One Comment to “The DC Folly Trolley – 11/11/12”

  1. I enjoyed your fun assortment of items and limericks as always!

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