Archive for January, 2013

January 26, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/25/13

Speaker Briefly Hospitalized.

House Speaker John Boehner was rushed to Bethesda Naval Medical Center shortly after attending a luncheon honoring President Barack Obama’s second inauguration.

The team of physicians attending Boehner pronounced him to be in perfect physical condition with one exception – that was a bent nose he mysteriously suffered during the celebratory meal given in honor of the president.

BENT NOSE 1

…….

The Eyes Have It.

If there was a Guinness record for the eye roll, Michelle would hold the top spot.

michelle o

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Glowing Speech.

Nice inaugural address by Obama. It contained many liberal elements.. Republicans are aghast; progressives ready to march with the president. Will he be in the parade? That question remains open.

.

Meanwhile, back at the White House, a spokesman announced today that the President is still in a quandary about which side of his mouth to speak from during his second term – the right or the left.

B O MOUTH 1

Given Obama’s indecision regarding the matter, the spokesman said the president will continue to develop his uncanny ability to speak from both sides of his mouth – simultaneously.

…….

Senator Atwitter.

Mitch McConnell maligned Obama’s Inaugural Address as the “return of liberalism.” For a right wing extremist like the Minority Leader, liberalism is spoken of as if it were a fatal disease. Hopefully, the liberal agenda alluded to by the president will ring the death knell for far right radicalism, the political disease which truly afflicts the nation.

.

Right wing extremists complain
Liberals are beginning to gain
McConnell is flipping
After repeatedly stripping
The Senate of anything germane.

…….

Well, the White House really has its problems now. Talk about your phony fiscal crisis, contrived debt ceiling, the GOP blockade of the Senate, Tea Party domination of the House,etc. all you want. Those issues pale into insignificance since former Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz twitted John Boehner in a text message that “he’s done, finished, the country’s over with.”  Lou’s heart has been crushed by the president’s election victory.

Barack Obama has more bent noses to deal with than he can ever possibly handle.

And as for Lou, well, he still has the memory of his long past glory days – a national championship at Notre Dame – and, of course, his yak job on ESPN to cling to. Better hang on to them Louie Boy.

LOU HOLTZ

Sailor Eric Davidson with whatshisname.

…….

Tyrant Retains Control of U.S. Senate

Caesar Augustus McConnell maintained his veto power over all business conducted in the U.S Senate when he wrested an agreement from Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) to continue the 60 vote cloture requirement.

In addition to all Republicans, several Democrats opposed elimination of the super-majority vote needed to bust a filibuster.

Caesar Augustus, as well as any of his tribunes, can continue to deny passage of any piece of legislation they find objectionable regardless of the will of the majority.

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The Senate was created as an undemocratic institution during the founding days of the Republic and it remains so, in the extreme, even today.

In school we are all taught that our founding fathers were the brilliant originators of an agreement they concocted that has since become known as The Connecticut Compromise. We are told that this arrangement became necessary to settle a dispute between the large and small states over representation in the new government the authors of the Constitution were in the process of creating.

And perhaps this is so. However, the men who drafted the Constitution that contained the Senate knowingly created an undemocratic institution. They were single mindedly focused on creating a government regardless of the consequences it might inflict on future generations. Those Americans who represent a majority are all now victims of the framers actions which must be regarded as woefully lacking in vision.

That institution today contains an incredibly lopsided body that gives sparsely populated states an overwhelming advantage over their large populous brothers.

One dramatic example of the disastrous effects of that tragic compromise is the disproportionate representation of states with huge disparities in population such as between California (about 38,000,000) versus Wyoming (about 600,000). Both states, as we all know, have equal votes in the Senate – a situation that makes a mockery of democracy.

On top of that comes the calamitous filibuster rule which affords any senator of any state dictatorial powers over that ignominious body.

The most recent attempt to end a senator’s veto power is a meaningless fake.

It was, however, supported by numerous Democrats. Why? For one thing, the filibuster provides cover to Democrats who oppose legislation but who are grotesquely two faced and fear the political consequences should they openly admit their opposition.

The Dems sneak around and hide behind the filibuster knowing it provides an excuse that “prevents” them from initiating legislation These deceitful triangulators depend on a GOP patsy to kill the proposals that they would prefer be dead on arrival or not be considered in the first place and thus steadfastly advance the undemocratic nature of that ignominious body.

The message from Harry Reid’s office to all Americans yearning for a greater display of democracy from their government was “tough shit.”

REIDMC

Harry Reid after his battle with the winner and still Emperor of the Senate, Mitch McConnell.

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January 20, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/20/13

Lisa Defiant

Lisa Murkowski (I-AK) defied the order of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) to vote to reject an increase in the debt ceiling.

According to a spokesman, McConnell is now suffering from severe constipation since being confronted by the unexpected defiance.

The GOP leader was also angered by a statement from Susan Collins, the Maine Republican, who insisted that the debt ceiling must be raised. So upset was the Kentucky senator at Collins’ betrayal that he apparently confused his Viagra pill with Flomax and has been observed dashing to restrooms with a bulge in his pants.

SUSAN

The ladies strike back. Susan Collins, senator from Maine.

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Mitch McConnell mixed a Viagra
With his Flomax; now goes like Niagara.
To the restroom he keeps dashing
His swollen pants can’t keep from flashing
A bump like a corn ear from ConAgra.

…….

GOP Offers Debt Limit Increase.

Some members of the House GOP agreed to extend the debt ceiling by three months. However, Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi rejected the offer demanding a clean increase.

In response, according an anonymous source, the House Republican caucus offered to extend the debt limit for three minutes once a month.

Extending the limit by this number would allow the Treasury to pay all of nation’s debts on time. They’d just have to do it very, very fast.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner said he would have to resort to blood doping to move that quickly.

……..

Right Wing Insists On Benefit Cuts To Pass Budget.

Mitch McConnell once again called for drastic spending cuts if Republicans in the Senate are to vote in favor of a new budget.

McConnell’s statement can be summed up in a few words: Cut Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid benefits.

The senator paused for a moment to reach for a handkerchief to wipe the drool spilling over his lips and down his chin.

The cuts to safety net benefits the senator referred to are nothing new and the benefits are those the vast majority of Americans depend on to maintain a modest lifestyle after retirement.

They are also the benefits Republicans and their benefactors want to get their greedy little hands on either through profitization or tax cuts or both.

In a nutshell, it all boils down to class warfare by the rich upon the rest of us.

The senator again wiped the drool from his chin.

…….

Chairman Warns Against Afghan Troop Reductions.

Sen. Carl Levin, the Democrat from Michigan who chairs the Armed Services Committee, appealed to President Obama not to reduce the troops in Afghanistan by one third after 2015.

Levin said a substantial force will be needed to combat al Qaeda well beyond the date set by the president.

LEVIN

The $3 trillion dollars in rare natural resources the country possesses had nothing to do with the senator’s appeal.

But, a little here, a little there couldn’t hurt.

Levin, by the way, is one of the senators whose fancy footwork has all but scuttled filibuster reform.

…….

Sad Times For A Bankster

JPMorgan Chase lost some $6 billion dollars last year due to  risky trading schemes. Because of this trading adventurism El Presidente Jamie Dimon, the leader of the bankster pack, suffered a massive decrease in salary of about one half his previous earnings.

Dimon (perhaps you’ve heard of him in connection with taxpayer bailouts of failed banks that engaged in mortgage fraud practices) whose total compensation package will amount to little more than $11 million dollars this year, is said to be suffering from a malady known to Wall Streeters as Cash Reduction of Annual Pay Syndrome or CRAP.

While few bank CEOs ever contract CRAP, many Street executives live in fear of the syndrome since all are susceptible to the disease when they get caught cheating people out of their investments.

So for those, like Dimon, who get their greedy little fingers entangled in derivative scams and who fall victim to CRAP, here are a few suggestions for coping from The Sardo Institute’s survival manual entitled Getting By On $11 Million Dollars A Year:

  • Omit Beluga from the menu. Switch to a less expensive caviar such as the roe from salmon. One, of course, does have to acquire a taste for the inferior brand. However, the sturgeon population in the Black and Caspian Seas is diminishing and the fish and its eggs could become extinct at some point thereby forcing a switch to less desirable delicacies in the future.  So be the first in your country club….
  • Switch from Dom Perignon to less expensive champagne such as Andre-Brut which a servant can purchase at the local grocery store for five or six bucks a bottle.
  • Serve Gallo Brothers wines at your next shindig. They’re even cheaper when you buy by the gallon. Have your sommelier decant into Dom Perignon empties you’ve accumlated. Who’ll know?
  • Shop around for a country club with cheaper fees. Negotiate with the committee.
  • Dine out less.
  • Learn to tolerate a Big Mac. You’ll discover the intricacies of the delicately blended special sauce and savor the delights of the sesame seed bun.
  • Reduce the household staff.
  • Sell one of the villas.
  • Dock the yacht for a month or two each year. Put the captain on unpaid furlough.

There are many other ways to stretch a budget. With a little imagination you’ll find you too can survive on $11 million dollars a year.

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The rich are in a pickle
With debt ceiling policy now fickle
Where to put all the dough
When government stops the flow
Of interest on bonds that won’t earn a nickel.

…….

Trillion Dollar Coins Nixed.

President Obama rejected the notion of having the Treasury mint trillion dollar coins as a means of sidestepping the debt ceiling imposed by Congress.

I guess that means my request for two of the coins has been shot down.

The trillion dollar coin has been nixed
So the debt ceiling now can’t be fixed.
Republicans are firm
Making Democrats squirm
But views on the outcome are still mixed.
January 13, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/13/13

Lew to take Penmanship Classes

As a condition to being approved by Republicans, Jack Lew, Obama’s right wing nomination for Treasury Secretary, will be required to take night classes in penmanship.

photo

Photo of Jack Lew by DonkeyHotey 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/donkeyhotey/8255871299/

According to a Senate aide speaking under conditions of anonymity, the Obama chief of staff has such atrocious handwriting that many senators doubt if he ever learned to write.

President Obama is said to be in full agreement with Lew’s decision to go back to school.

According to the White House, the chief of staff will receive financial aid to assist in covering the cost of resuming his education. Textbooks, however, will not be covered by the benefits Lew is slated to receive.

This educational deficiency is now the chief reason for Republicans’ likely veto of the nominee.

The GOP aide said they’ve tried ever other kind of bullshit but have not been able to find a reasonable alibi to reject Lew.

Dreadful handwriting is the only viable reason to turn down Lew’s nomination, according to the spokesman.

In a move that took Republicans completely by surprise, however, the nominee announced that he would go to night school and take courses in penmanship.

The GOP caucus announced it would hold an emergency midnight night meeting to discuss the new development.

The likely course of action now is that Republicans will put a hold on the nomination until they can evaluate the nominee’s night school progress.

…….

Obama to Re-Evaluate 14th Amendment Option.

President Obama announced today that he is re-evaluating his options to pay the Federal debt as authorized by the Fourteen Amendment.

He has retained a new group of lawyers to study the extent of presidential authority under the amendment.

His previous legal advisers stated the fees they charged only included advice regarding the Bill of Rights, the first ten amendments to the Constitution, and as such to count past ten would result in a breech of ethics.

According to a spokesman, however, the president ordered the new legal team to compellingly reject the amendment as a viable option to evade the debt ceiling and finally quash Democratic support to force him to move in that direction.

…….

Obama Sets Up Democratic Party For 2014 Thrashing.

President Obama is said to be fed up with Democrats who are urging him to use the authority granted by the Fourteenth Amendment to ignore the so-called “debt ceiling crisis” contrived by the GOP.

The president simply wants to go in a different direction than the New Deal advocates in his party are advocating and he’s counting on Republicans to “force” him to go there.

That “there” where the president wants to go is cuts to the safety net.

So get ready for weasel words like “strengthening”, “tweaking” and “stabilizing” that mean cut, cut and cut.

Only Harry Reid and a handful of Democrats stand between Obama and his dastardly agenda.

And the president is eager and willing to repeat his 2010 election disaster and oust from office in 2014 any Democrat who will not help him achieve his goal: To begin dismantling the New Deal.

Obama will then have manipulated himself into a stronger position of being “forced” to work with Republicans to accomplish his goal of cutting Social Security and Medicare – if he is unable to achieve his signature ambition sooner.

Read the article at Naked Capitalism0

Eric Zuesse: Understanding President Obama’s Strategy

to Force Cutting Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid � naked capitalism

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How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/

2013/01/

Seen any elephants lately. You’re either in an African savannah or an American zoo. Of course, you could be drunk. If none of these conditions apply, call 9-1-1.

Dumb Blonde Liberick

There once was a blond who could not
 
Save a guy who one day smoked pot
 
The weed it was bad
 
And for him it was sad
 
The number for 9-1-1 she forgot.

 .

Yes, I know I misspelled some words. But one of the conditions in the first paragraph applies here. Can you guess which one? Hint: I’m not in Aftica.

File:Gentlemen Prefer Blondes Movie Trailer Screenshot (14).jpg

Dumb like a fox.  The incomparable Marilyn in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

…….

The Senate is not only an undemocratic institution, it is now a dictatorship of the minority. Any senator can veto any legislation brought before that ignominious institution. The deed is referred to as the filibuster. In reality, it is a veto power.

…….

Petition for Krugman Fails.

Supporters for Nobel Laureate Paul Krugman to be nominated for Treasury Secretary circulated a petition that garnered more than 250,000 signatures.

Yes, Obama could nominate Krugman for the post and then suck his thumb while the fight opposing the nomination raged in Congress and Wall Street.

As we all should know by now, Obama won’t fight for his nominees.

The president would then sit back with his feet on his desk and wait for Krugman to withdraw his name from nomination, meanwhile laughing his ass off at liberals who so desperately want the Nobel winner and spokesman for the 99% to serve in that cabinet post.

And, by the way, Joseph Stiglitz would be an excellent nominee for Fed Chairman when Ben Bernanke bows out.

Won’t happen. He could never get Wall Street’s approval.

…….

Senate Spend Thrift Lectures Americans On Thrift.

Big time spender, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has a message for America: Do as I say, not as I do.

Graham, of course, is one of the biggest big time spenders in the history of the Republic. He voted for the Bush tax cuts, the Bush wars, repeatedly voted for increasing the bloated war budget and, last but not least, he voted in favor of the deregulation of banks that sent the U.S. in an historic downward spiral that is largely responsible for the deficit and the debt.

photo

A warning for all Americans from Lindsay Graham:  Do as I say or else!  (Photo by DonkeyHotey).

The overwhelmingly irresponsible behavior of this poseur has caused irreparable harm to millions of Americans and, incredibly, he has the monumental gall to lecture us on thrift.

The solution to reversing his profligacy is, of course, spending cuts. And which cuts might that be? We all know the answer to that question. Cuts to the Social Security benefits we all depend on and earn by paying for them all of our lives; cuts to Medicare for the elderly sick; and to Medicaid, a program that the elderly rely on for end of life care.

What a guy! Lindsey Graham has long been a candidate for the Most Valuable Putz Award.

………

Democratic version of Look away!

Democratic version of Look away! (Photo credit: Norm Walsh)

Some of the greatest of the great presidents. Remove Clinton. Odds have it that Obama never makes the portrait.

……….

Obama Strives To Become Worst Dem. Pres. Ever.

With his announcement that he is removing the threat of minting coins to pay lawful government debts, Barack Obama has conceded to Republicans their demands for cuts to working class benefits.

At long last, Obama will achieve his own dream of reducing Social Security and Medicare benefits for those who need them most.

Obama will “buckle” immediately after the debt ceiling is reached, if not sooner, and implement the decades long GOP struggle to reduce the safety net.

The president now has his alibi firmly in place: “Those big, bad Republican meanies made me do it.”

Obama is on track to become the worst Democratic president in history.

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January 6, 2013

The DC Folly Trolley – 01/06/13

Government Publications to Aid Elderly With Budgeting.

Since President Obama and now many Democrats are gung ho about cutting Social Security and Medicare, seniors who will suffer even greater economic hardships can benefit from the new government publications offering advice to the elderly on how to economize and even save money on their new austerity budgets.

File:Ralph Todd - Reflections.jpg

An easy target for Congress and the rich to pick on. The elderly are in the crosshairs..

The publications will offer a number of ways for seniors to avoid starvation and survive in America after their Social Security benefits are cut.

The Government Printing Office will issue the first publication in March before the cuts become law affording seniors ample time to learn the techniques developed by government experts.  

The booklet, entitled Shoplifting Tips For Seniors, will offer helpful advice on how to stretch a food budget after the reductions. The first chapter, Shoplifting Is An Art: How to Successfully Steal Food from a Grocery Store, deals with the basics.

BOOK 2

The next chapter, Saving for a Rainy Day, advises seniors to go food shopping only when it’s raining.

Wearing an oversize raincoat with large pockets will be inconspicuous on bad weather days and affords seniors an opportunity to stuff the pockets full of steak and other tempting delights..

In the next chapter, The Art Of Shoplifting, seniors are taught the technique of tying shopping bags to the waist and hiding them under a bulky raincoat or, in winter, beneath an overcoat which the elderly can find at Salvation Army or surplus military outlets for peanuts. The bags can be filled with lots of goodies Santa didn’t load into his sleigh.

They are then instructed to proceed to the checkout, hidden bags now full, with a small bag of dry cat food. This maneuver provides a safe way to exit the store without being suspected of stealing.

When paying always use dimes, nickels and pennies, counting each coin and placing it separately on the counter. This simple trick will evoke sympathy from the cashier and allay any suspicions she or he might otherwise have.

When paying with a check, place the check book on the counter and ask the cashier to hold it steady while you’re writing. (Also evokes sympathy).

Don’t worry if the check bounces. We’ll address that situation in a later chapter. Right now you just want to get home with the food to keep from starving to death.

Another method for shoplifting is to fill a cart to the brim and simply walk out of the store. If no one catches you, you own the stuff.

In the chapter entitled Writing Bad Checks For Fun And Profit you’ll learn how to avoid arrest if you happen to get caught leaving the store and are hauled back into the place with a cart full of stolen groceries.

To avoid arrest, always threaten to call your attorney. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have one, the threat will usually suffice. You can also demand to have an attorney appointed to defend you.

If a manager insists that you pay, simply fill out the handy Restatement of Purchase Form you’ll find at the back of the book. (You’ll want to make lots of copies).

The legal theory behind this action is solid and is based on the Restatement of Income Forms that corporate CEOs re-issued after fraudulently overstating earnings on Profit and Loss Statements.

Just like the CEOs, you’ll be free to go without admitting any wrongdoing after you restate your intention to purchase and pay for the groceries.

Bounced A Check? Not A Problem teaches you on how to fill out a check so it looks like some one has stolen one and forged your signature. You’re now off the hook.

And then there’s The Dead Animal Carcass Gambit: Another Ploy to Evoke Sympathy. You’ll find plenty of bodies at the local pound. Go to the grocery store crying loudly and wave the carcass in the air while shouting you “had to eat its food and couldn’t afford to feed it and the other one is dying too.” You’re sure to get plenty of cat food for free when you pull this trick.

Using the devices listed in the publication, seniors should be able to dine on steak with fine wine two or three times a week. Hearty appetite!

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Obama Draws Line In Water.

President Barack Obama has drawn yet another line in the water which he has vowed not to cross. The president warned Republicans that he absolutely, positively, cross his heart and hope to die will not negotiate over increasing the debt ceiling.

File:Starr 050517-1552 Schinus terebinthifolius.jpg

One of Obama’s many lines in the water. It’s out there somewhere. Sadly, not even the president can find it.  (Courtesy Forest and Kim Starr).

The president than returned to Hawaii to resume his vacation.

UPW Really Big Super Senior White House Correspondent Marcy Popindick has learned from an anonymous source, however, that the president drew a line in one of the White House facilities and forgot which toilet he drew the line in and as a consequence all advisers must go potty on the back yard lawn lest one inadvertently flushes the toity where Obama drew his line.

He’s drawn so many lines in so many places, who can tell.

One of the president’s top advisers commented off the record: “Brrrrrrrrr, it’s cold.

………

Delay Sentenced – Finally.

Tom DeLay, the former Republican majority leader who famously said that nothing could be more important than lowering taxes during time of war, was recently sentenced to three years in prison.

In a statement from the bench, the judge reminded the court that he was being extremely lenient on Delay who should have received a more severe sentence. Citing the former representative’s felonious performance on Dancing With The Stars, a court spokesman said DeLay deserved ten years in jail for all of his fancy footwork, but the judge relented. Other reasons for the imprisonment included money laundering and conspiracy to influence elections in Texas.

……….

Republican Debt Ceiling Gambit.

With their debt ceiling gambit, Republicans are leading Obama to exactly where he wants to go: Drastic cuts to Social Security.

Ida May Fuller, the first recipient

Ida May Fuller, the first recipient (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

………

Fourteenth Amendment Option.

President Obama rejected the Fourteenth Amendment as a means of honoring the debt of the United States Government, a debt authorized by Congress.

Section 4 of the Amendment reads: “The validity of the public debt of the United States, as authorized by law…shall not be questioned.”

Those words give the president all the authority he needs to meet the debt by whatever means are available to him. To do otherwise would place the president in violation of his oath of office, subject to a charge of dereliction of duty and in jeopardy of impeachment.

Obama dismissed the requirement of the Fourteenth Amendment out of hand, his press secretary putting an emphatic “period” to the dismissal.

Why did the president reject the option? I suspect because it leads him where he does not want to go.

Obama is hell bent to cut Social Security. However, he must be “forced” to do so by the Republican meanies. The only way he can be “forced” is for the meanies to hold him, and not incidentally the entire nation, hostage by refusing to raise the debt ceiling.

So when he agrees to cuts in Social Security he can claim as in the past, “the meanies made me do it.” The Fourteenth Amendment blocks this feeble alibi and so to justify the excuse the amendment must be rejected as a means to sidestep the “debt ceiling crisis.”

Oh, those bid, bad Republican meanies. They make the president so mad.

……….

The Trillion Dollar Coin.

Unfortunately for the president, there’s another method he could employ to prevent the Republicans from taking the nation hostage with a “debt ceiling crisis.”

The president has the authority, derived from an act of Congress, to mint coins in unlimited denominations. Obama could lawfully order the Treasury Department to mint numerous trillion dollar coins, sell them to the Federal Reserve for cash and pay all debts on time and forever.

Just in case your still reading this stuff, the pertinent legislation is 31 U.S.C. 5112(k). This statute gives the Treasury unlimited authority to issue platinum bullion coins in any amount or quantity. Trillion dollar coins anyone?

You’ll want to get your request in early for one of the coins. Heavy demand is expected. I’ve asked for two myself.

TRILLION COIN

Read the article at Huffington Post. White House Petition Pushes For Trillion-Dollar Platinum Coin

Meanwhile, back at the White House, the trillion dollar coin gambit presents Obama with a unique and not easily avoidable dilemma. He can now tell Republican hostage takers in Congress to fuck off. In doing so, however, he will eliminate his alibi for cutting safety net programs.

Alas, the travails of being president.

……….

GOP Steps In It Again.

Is it more appropriate to Republican fools made assholes of themselves once again; or Republican assholes made fools of themselves once again. Perhaps Gallup would be interested in polling the issue.

Republican cads accused Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton of feigning illness to avoid testifying before a Congressional committee on the contrived Benghazi affair.

Turns out the Secretary was indeed ill. She was recently hospitalized and diagnosed with a blood clot behind the ear after suffering a concussion she received from a fall related to dehydration from a stomach virus.

Did any of the Republicans recant the accusations and offer apologies and well wishes. Of course not. The GOPers are not only fools and assholes. They’re cads as well.

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The haters are out to get Hill
But she’s a tough gal who still
Can fight a good battle
Against those who prattle
And feed lies to the rumor mill.
.
Republicans have chosen to hide
After making remarks quite snide
They attacked with complaint
Showed no reasoned restraint
Even the press joined in to deride.