The DC Folly Trolley – 01/06/13

Government Publications to Aid Elderly With Budgeting.

Since President Obama and now many Democrats are gung ho about cutting Social Security and Medicare, seniors who will suffer even greater economic hardships can benefit from the new government publications offering advice to the elderly on how to economize and even save money on their new austerity budgets.

File:Ralph Todd - Reflections.jpg

An easy target for Congress and the rich to pick on. The elderly are in the crosshairs..

The publications will offer a number of ways for seniors to avoid starvation and survive in America after their Social Security benefits are cut.

The Government Printing Office will issue the first publication in March before the cuts become law affording seniors ample time to learn the techniques developed by government experts.  

The booklet, entitled Shoplifting Tips For Seniors, will offer helpful advice on how to stretch a food budget after the reductions. The first chapter, Shoplifting Is An Art: How to Successfully Steal Food from a Grocery Store, deals with the basics.


The next chapter, Saving for a Rainy Day, advises seniors to go food shopping only when it’s raining.

Wearing an oversize raincoat with large pockets will be inconspicuous on bad weather days and affords seniors an opportunity to stuff the pockets full of steak and other tempting delights..

In the next chapter, The Art Of Shoplifting, seniors are taught the technique of tying shopping bags to the waist and hiding them under a bulky raincoat or, in winter, beneath an overcoat which the elderly can find at Salvation Army or surplus military outlets for peanuts. The bags can be filled with lots of goodies Santa didn’t load into his sleigh.

They are then instructed to proceed to the checkout, hidden bags now full, with a small bag of dry cat food. This maneuver provides a safe way to exit the store without being suspected of stealing.

When paying always use dimes, nickels and pennies, counting each coin and placing it separately on the counter. This simple trick will evoke sympathy from the cashier and allay any suspicions she or he might otherwise have.

When paying with a check, place the check book on the counter and ask the cashier to hold it steady while you’re writing. (Also evokes sympathy).

Don’t worry if the check bounces. We’ll address that situation in a later chapter. Right now you just want to get home with the food to keep from starving to death.

Another method for shoplifting is to fill a cart to the brim and simply walk out of the store. If no one catches you, you own the stuff.

In the chapter entitled Writing Bad Checks For Fun And Profit you’ll learn how to avoid arrest if you happen to get caught leaving the store and are hauled back into the place with a cart full of stolen groceries.

To avoid arrest, always threaten to call your attorney. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have one, the threat will usually suffice. You can also demand to have an attorney appointed to defend you.

If a manager insists that you pay, simply fill out the handy Restatement of Purchase Form you’ll find at the back of the book. (You’ll want to make lots of copies).

The legal theory behind this action is solid and is based on the Restatement of Income Forms that corporate CEOs re-issued after fraudulently overstating earnings on Profit and Loss Statements.

Just like the CEOs, you’ll be free to go without admitting any wrongdoing after you restate your intention to purchase and pay for the groceries.

Bounced A Check? Not A Problem teaches you on how to fill out a check so it looks like some one has stolen one and forged your signature. You’re now off the hook.

And then there’s The Dead Animal Carcass Gambit: Another Ploy to Evoke Sympathy. You’ll find plenty of bodies at the local pound. Go to the grocery store crying loudly and wave the carcass in the air while shouting you “had to eat its food and couldn’t afford to feed it and the other one is dying too.” You’re sure to get plenty of cat food for free when you pull this trick.

Using the devices listed in the publication, seniors should be able to dine on steak with fine wine two or three times a week. Hearty appetite!


Obama Draws Line In Water.

President Barack Obama has drawn yet another line in the water which he has vowed not to cross. The president warned Republicans that he absolutely, positively, cross his heart and hope to die will not negotiate over increasing the debt ceiling.

File:Starr 050517-1552 Schinus terebinthifolius.jpg

One of Obama’s many lines in the water. It’s out there somewhere. Sadly, not even the president can find it.  (Courtesy Forest and Kim Starr).

The president than returned to Hawaii to resume his vacation.

UPW Really Big Super Senior White House Correspondent Marcy Popindick has learned from an anonymous source, however, that the president drew a line in one of the White House facilities and forgot which toilet he drew the line in and as a consequence all advisers must go potty on the back yard lawn lest one inadvertently flushes the toity where Obama drew his line.

He’s drawn so many lines in so many places, who can tell.

One of the president’s top advisers commented off the record: “Brrrrrrrrr, it’s cold.


Delay Sentenced – Finally.

Tom DeLay, the former Republican majority leader who famously said that nothing could be more important than lowering taxes during time of war, was recently sentenced to three years in prison.

In a statement from the bench, the judge reminded the court that he was being extremely lenient on Delay who should have received a more severe sentence. Citing the former representative’s felonious performance on Dancing With The Stars, a court spokesman said DeLay deserved ten years in jail for all of his fancy footwork, but the judge relented. Other reasons for the imprisonment included money laundering and conspiracy to influence elections in Texas.


Republican Debt Ceiling Gambit.

With their debt ceiling gambit, Republicans are leading Obama to exactly where he wants to go: Drastic cuts to Social Security.

Ida May Fuller, the first recipient

Ida May Fuller, the first recipient (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Fourteenth Amendment Option.

President Obama rejected the Fourteenth Amendment as a means of honoring the debt of the United States Government, a debt authorized by Congress.

Section 4 of the Amendment reads: “The validity of the public debt of the United States, as authorized by law…shall not be questioned.”

Those words give the president all the authority he needs to meet the debt by whatever means are available to him. To do otherwise would place the president in violation of his oath of office, subject to a charge of dereliction of duty and in jeopardy of impeachment.

Obama dismissed the requirement of the Fourteenth Amendment out of hand, his press secretary putting an emphatic “period” to the dismissal.

Why did the president reject the option? I suspect because it leads him where he does not want to go.

Obama is hell bent to cut Social Security. However, he must be “forced” to do so by the Republican meanies. The only way he can be “forced” is for the meanies to hold him, and not incidentally the entire nation, hostage by refusing to raise the debt ceiling.

So when he agrees to cuts in Social Security he can claim as in the past, “the meanies made me do it.” The Fourteenth Amendment blocks this feeble alibi and so to justify the excuse the amendment must be rejected as a means to sidestep the “debt ceiling crisis.”

Oh, those bid, bad Republican meanies. They make the president so mad.


The Trillion Dollar Coin.

Unfortunately for the president, there’s another method he could employ to prevent the Republicans from taking the nation hostage with a “debt ceiling crisis.”

The president has the authority, derived from an act of Congress, to mint coins in unlimited denominations. Obama could lawfully order the Treasury Department to mint numerous trillion dollar coins, sell them to the Federal Reserve for cash and pay all debts on time and forever.

Just in case your still reading this stuff, the pertinent legislation is 31 U.S.C. 5112(k). This statute gives the Treasury unlimited authority to issue platinum bullion coins in any amount or quantity. Trillion dollar coins anyone?

You’ll want to get your request in early for one of the coins. Heavy demand is expected. I’ve asked for two myself.


Read the article at Huffington Post. White House Petition Pushes For Trillion-Dollar Platinum Coin

Meanwhile, back at the White House, the trillion dollar coin gambit presents Obama with a unique and not easily avoidable dilemma. He can now tell Republican hostage takers in Congress to fuck off. In doing so, however, he will eliminate his alibi for cutting safety net programs.

Alas, the travails of being president.


GOP Steps In It Again.

Is it more appropriate to Republican fools made assholes of themselves once again; or Republican assholes made fools of themselves once again. Perhaps Gallup would be interested in polling the issue.

Republican cads accused Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton of feigning illness to avoid testifying before a Congressional committee on the contrived Benghazi affair.

Turns out the Secretary was indeed ill. She was recently hospitalized and diagnosed with a blood clot behind the ear after suffering a concussion she received from a fall related to dehydration from a stomach virus.

Did any of the Republicans recant the accusations and offer apologies and well wishes. Of course not. The GOPers are not only fools and assholes. They’re cads as well.

The haters are out to get Hill
But she’s a tough gal who still
Can fight a good battle
Against those who prattle
And feed lies to the rumor mill.
Republicans have chosen to hide
After making remarks quite snide
They attacked with complaint
Showed no reasoned restraint
Even the press joined in to deride.

One Comment to “The DC Folly Trolley – 01/06/13”

  1. I do believe you’ve outdone yourself today. Wonderful post!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: