The DC Folly Trolley – 02/17/13

Marco, Marco, Wherefore Art Thou Going, Marco.

Sen. Marco Rubio’s SOTU response was frazzled with right wing excuses for the housing bubble and after that time-worn and lame claim that the gubmint made everybody do it, the speech reached its crescendo of unparalleled mediocrity.

RUBIO

Marco Rubio, all bright eyed and bushy tailed during his response to the SOTU address, found a clever way to plug bottled water on TV. Rumors persist that the Republican senator from Florida is seeking the presidency of the Bottled Water Association.

It left me thirsting for reason, rationality and, well, a little common sense. The response lacked all of the above and was meteoric in its vapidity. To Rubio’s good fortune, this close encounter with Republican mendacity bypassed Follyland with little notice other than a gulp and caused no permanent damage to the planet.

The senator, in so many words, said he believes firmly that the foreclosure crisis was precipitated by the Community Reinvestment Act passed in 1977 and inflamed by former government organizations Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. The reference was to right wing mythology that government interference caused the housing crisis and the economic meltdown that began in 2007. In strict compliance with right wing myth, Rubio echoed conservative story-telling that deregulation and the ever precious “free market” ideology were not at fault.

In a report filed by UPW’s Marcy Popindick shortly after the speech, a spokesman reiterated the senator’s position on the foreclosure crisis.

He gave as an example of fraud perpetrated by borrowers, a $300,000 mortgage issued by First NationsPride Home Ownership Bank and Loan Company to a 10-year old boy who claimed to be self-employed operating a lemonade stand.

Executives at the bank claimed government legislation forced them to approve loans of this type and they admitted no wrongdoing.

The mortgage was eventually purchased as part of a bundle by Fannie for cash thus freeing up funds and forcing the bank to originate even more substandard loans.

The boy, in this case, had obviously lied about his age when he signed the loan documents and it was later discovered that he also overstated the income he earned from the lemonade stand he operated as a sole proprietorship.

The 10-year old claimed an income of 80 cents a day. However, that claim was later shown to be grossly inflated because the boy occasionally sold a cup of the pink variety to a banker who charged a nickel fee for the privilege of doing business with the bank  That fee had never been deducted from the income reported by the business on its financial statements.

The mortgage lender instituted foreclosure proceedings against the boy through a robo-signing collection agency. The lemonade stand was also seized by the lender since the boy had used his business as additional collateral against the $300,000 loan.

The spokesman said the boy should have realized he had no chance of ever repaying the amount he borrowed and should not have swindled the mortgage originator into approving the loan.

The originator, again according to the Rubio spokesman, bears no responsibility for issuing the loan since government legislation establishing CRA and Fannie and Freddie policies virtually force mortgage writers to approve such substandard loans.

In addition to the foreclosure action, the boy will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law in order to prevent an epidemic of moral hazard behavior and, depending on the outcome of the trial, he could face up to ten years in prison for defrauding a lender.

***

Pizza Bagel.

Bagels and lox is a Follyland favorite. If it’s fresh, not frozen and thawed, it’s quite a treat.

Did you know there’s such a thing as an Italian bagel?

BAGEL

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pizza_bagels_closeup.JPG

.

An Italian bagel’s quite the thing
Garlic, provolone and sauce just fling
That’s my only helpful clue
The recipe is up to you
Invent your own bada boom, bada bing.

***

Duct Tape Stocks Soar On News Of Revolutionary Use For The Sticky Stuff.

The North Carolina House Judiciary Committee introduced legislation making it a felony to expose “private parts” for the “purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire.” First offense, six months in the pokey.

It occurred to me that there are hundreds of thousands of North Carolina residents who could strip naked and not arouse the slightest sexual desire in anyone. There are laws on the books, though, prohibiting nudity of any kind and for that we should all give a vote of thanks.

However, the new legislation proposed by the committee, referred to as the “nipple law”, prohibits the exposure of female nipples including the areola for the purpose of enticing men or women.

Soooooo, when wearing suggestive garments that might incidentally expose a portion of the offending anatomy, NC GOP representative Tim Moore remarked, “You know what they say, duct tape fixes everything.”

NUDE

Reclining Nude With Duct Tape by Henri Matisse. Matisse painting of a reclining nude.

So ladies, strap ’em, tuck ’em and duct ’em.

***

Bachmann Gets Committee Assignment.

Michelle Bachmann has been reappointed to the House Intelligence Committee. I know, I know, it’s laughable.

But did you know that the Intelligence Committee appointed her to the chairladyship of an ad hoc committee called SLIT, or Search to Locate Intelligence in the Tea Party.

So far, no luck.

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One Comment to “The DC Folly Trolley – 02/17/13”

  1. Fun verse and commentary and photo weirdness. 🙂

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