The DC Folly Trolley – 05/05/13

It’s The Jobs, Stupid.

The recent jobs report sent Wall Street stocks soaring to a new record.

Yes, 165,000 thousands jobs were created by the economy in April. But that number is only part of the good news.

The real joy that the report created among Wall Streeters was that more than 60,000 of those jobs were logged by the low wage, no benefit retail, hospitality, home health care and temporary employment sectors.

File:Volunteers of America Soup Kitchen WDC.gif

The American soup kitchen. Austerity at its worst.

A Wall Street analyst, who insisted on anonymity, said expectations are high that wages will continue to fall and benefits vanish. These steps are necessary, he continued, if American workers ever hope to compete with Asian wage slave teeny boppers. Making the middle class competitive with the rest of the world is really the Street’s goal and Americans are terribly ungrateful to their betters for the concern shown by the wealthy.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with earning a bowl of rice a day. After all, rice is nourishing and has healthful benefits. For example, a bowl-a-day rice diet would quickly eliminate the scourge of obesity now plaguing the nation.

Americans simply do not appreciate the fact that Wall Street really is concerned about their welfare.

Ingrates.

***

Scandal Erupts.

Well, I declare there’s a scandal brewing over the heads of Carmen Reinhart and Kenneth Rogoff, last weeks winners of The Schmuckup Prize. No, they’re not sleeping around or together for that matter.

carmen2

Carmen Reinhart getting bent outta shape over a busybody grad student who just didn’t know how to mind his own damned business.

The real scandal is that they are both associated with The Peterson Institute, that nefarious organization that funds extreme right wing causes such as the destruction of Social Security and Medicare.

The she part of the Reinhart-Rogoff doofy duo is a Senior Fellow at that sleazy foundation; and she is married to an economist at the right wing American Enterprise Institute.

The he part of the tag team is a member of the Advisory Board of that same Peterson anti-deficit propaganda outfit.

These memberships should help explain their devotion to anti-deficit “scholarship.” They’re getting paid to manipulate the data they report and they cooperate with their rich benefactors by “making mistakes” so the statistics conform to the campaign to pump up deficit hysteria – whose goal, after all, is to slash and burn the social safety net.

Check out Thom Hartmann’s take on the scam at the Smirking Chimp (http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/thom-hartmann/49307/the-dirty-secret-behind-right-wing-austerity)

The motivation behind the worldwide con of austerity has been discovered. And, the source is none other than Pete Peterson – the debt obsessed billionaire who stands to make billions off the privatization of our social safety net. Just days ago we told you how a 28-year old grad student debunked the Reinhart-Rogoff study used to push austerity throughout the world . Well, now we know why Republican “fuzzy math” was used in the first place. Pete Peterson’s organizations bankrolled that study.

Hey, if the data doesn’t support the agenda, fake it!

And by all means take the cash.

Holy corruption, Batman.  You mean I can turn crooked and get big bucks for doing it.

***

Austerity Beauty Queen Selected.

Breaking News! Breaking News! Breaking News!

Pasta Fagiola, Italy. Dateline 05-04-13.

From the UPW newswires.  Unreliable Press Worldwide, surpassing the corporate media in reporting worthlessly useless news the world over.

The Ms. World Austerity Beauty Queen Committee has named this year’s austerity queen. Announced just moments ago, the new queen is German Chancellor Angela Merkle.

A spokesman for Ms. Merkle said the chancellor is delighted with her new title of Austerity Beauty Queen and will endeavor to do everything in her power to live up to the honor bestowed upon her by the esteemed committee members.

Ms. Merkle won the title competing in this year’s overflowing field of three contestants.

However, within moments of her selection, the other contestants filed a protest accusing Ms. Merkle of using a substitute during some of the more physically demanding stages of the contest.

Ms. Merkle denied the accusations.

Below is a photo of the new queen taken shortly after completing of one of the more demanding phases of the competition.

angela 3

Christine LeGarde, head of the IMF, managed to finish second in the voting, even though the judges were beginning to doubt her commitment to austerity.  The IMF chief remained tight lipped after her defeat although an anonymous source revealed Ms. LeGarde, in a jealous rage, started the rumor that Chancellor Merkle cheated.

Carmen Reinhart barely managed a third place finish in a field of three largely due to recent revelations of sloppy scholarship.

cl

Christine LeGarde putting on a happy face after her crushing defeat in the Ms. World Austerity Beauty Queen Contest.

***

Do You Know Where You Live?

No, I don’t mean your street address. Most of us know that.

I mean where you really live. Like in the middle of a black hole, maybe.

Yes, it’s true. You could very well be living in a black hole. And if you are, that means all of the rest of us are as well.

Now black holes are supposed to be regions of very dense matter. So dense in fact that any object that wanders into its event horizon cannot escape the enormous gravitational pull it exerts. And all matter that enters the lethal zone is crushed to atoms and becomes a part of that mysteriously dense object.

BLACK HOLE

An illustration of a black hole. The halo surrounding the violent center is known as the event horizon. When matter or light are captured in that zone’s deadly grip, there is no escape.

So how can anything possibly survive in such an inhospitable environment? Some physicists theorize that not only can life exist within a black hole, but an entire universe may occupy its center.

How can that be in an area of almost infinite density? Well, if the force within that’s pushing out equals the external crushing force, the two offset and a space of a sort can exist inside the black hole.

That space by the way is our space, aka the universe. That rapidly expanding field of junk we call stars and planets and solar systems and galaxies is spreading out with a force so powerful that it actually prevents the crushing gravity of a black hole from squishing us like insects hit with a blacksmith’s hammer.

And where does that black hole in which we are so benevolently contained exist? In another universe of course, a universe made of a the same junk as our own, that is, stars and planets and solar systems and galaxies. This universe, however, is exponentially larger than ours.

This idea exists at all because scientists are desperately seeking a grand unified theory of physics, one that merges quantum mechanics – the field that deals with the tiny particles that make up the atom – and metaphysics, the branch that explores the vast stretches of our universe, where ever it happens to be.

One of the mysteries still unexplained is the force that’s causing our universe to expand at a continuously accelerating rate. For want of a better term, that unknown force is called “dark energy.” Perhaps, just perhaps, that energy is provided by a black hole consuming unimaginably large quantities of matter and converting it into power sufficient to sustain the expansion.

Interesting theory, no doubt.  But you still have to pay your bills this month and that’s called reality which is as inescapable as the event horizon of a black hole.  

At least you know where you live now.

***

Pharaoh’s Envy.

Guess you’ve heard by now. George W. Bush got hisself a new liberry. And it has books. At least, according to the rumors.

A quarter billion dollars oughter getcha a couple books, don’t ya think..

Land sakes, I do declare, tickets are actually on sale for visits to the GWB museum. And prices have been sharply reduced for the grand opening. From $10, to $5 to fifty cents. Better hurry, these prices won’t last and supplies are limited.

A spokesman for the former president said he was overwhelmed and gratified by the huge turnout for the event.

Bush gave a dime for tickets to each of the three kids who showed up.

bush library

Nice building though. It would turn a pharaoh pea green with envy.

(Photo by J.P. Faberback).

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