The DC Folly Trolley – 06/23/13

Bomb or Gun? Which Would You Choose.

Here’s a question an answer to which we hope we never becomes a reality. Would you rather be killed by a terrorist bomb or a gun?

If the choice were mine, I would choose terrorist bomb. Why? Simple. We as Americans are 30 times more likely to be killed by a gun than by a terrorist attack.

HANDGUN

Smith and Wesson 586-7

Of course, the Second Amendment protects our Constitutional right to be shot to death by a firearm.  But why choose a method more likely to occur than a lesser eventuality.  Either way, the choice isn’t ours to make.

Nevertheless we spend countless billions of dollars every year to save us from the most unlikely peril while we legislate to support the far more likely occurrence of death by gunshot.

Only in America.

***

Lobby Appeals For Month.

The Toilet Paper Manufacturers Association Newly United to Restore Esteem (TOPMANURE) presented a petition to Congress to recognize July as National Toilet Paper Month.

TOPMANURE president, former Rear Admiral Kohler P. Bowles (USN-Ret.), in a prepared statement sent to members of Congress, declared that a month honoring the country’s most under-appreciated convenience, would restore well deserved esteem to the nation’s toilet paper manufacturers.

A national day devoted to toilet paper, currently August 26, simply isn’t enough, Bowles continued in his letter.

He also appealed to Congress to end the manufacture and sale of inferior generic brands of TP. Generics tend to diminish the overall reputation of the product and reduce the value of the service provided by brand name manufacturers.

In addition, the Bowles letter said, generics are produced under questionable conditions and many companies that manufacture a shoddy substitute ignore quality control rules and regulations thus creating a health hazard to the public.

Numerous studies have demonstrated that generics inflict many more irritations to sensitive skin than brand name products.

If pharmaceutical manufacturers demand that Congress forbid physicians from writing prescriptions for generic drugs when a brand name alternative is available, the Bowles letter contended, TOPMANURE should receive and expects the same consideration for its member companies.

.

A toilet paper roll

A toilet paper roll (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ode to Toilet Paper

By John Seats

Pity the poor trees from which it is made.
A hat tip for a price well paid.
Pulp to paper how they must suffer.
Ever willing to be our buffer.
Rejoice! As they keep us prim, comfy and staid.

***

.

The world’s biggest snooper scooper
Has committed a planet wide blooper.
The lips once sealed
Have suddenly squealed.
And revealed a spy super-duper.

.

Whose looking about to cast blame.
Why it’s none other than John S. McCain.
And why can you guess?
‘Cause he’s on Meet the Press.
More face time on TV he’ll gain.

.

Hot And Spicy.

Like your food with a little kick. Here’s a recipe you’re sure to enjoy.

Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo:

1 cup flour

1 cup bacon drippings

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

3 quarts water (bottled in Fukushima)

1 can stewed tomatoes

1 can tomato sauce

1 pound Fukushima tuna, frozen

1 pound Fukushima flounder, frozen

1 pound Fukushima shrimp, frozen

Bring the ingredients a slow boil in large lead lined, hermetically sealed pot and cook for 45 minutes.

.

gumbo

All thumbs when it comes to cooking? Well you won’t have to wait any longer to savor Sardo’s World Famous Fukusima Gumbo. For a limited time only, The Sardo Institute of Culinary Curiosities is offering Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo in one gallon containers delivered frozen directly to your door.

Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo is a zezty treat sure to delight sensitive tastes and please the palate of the most discriminating epicure.

If you like your food hot, your sure to enjoy Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo.

Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo is made with seafood carefully selected by our experts and handpicked directly from the waters near and around the famous Japanese city.

Only the finest tuna, flounder and shrimp are used to make Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo.

Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo is now available, for a limited time only, through this special offer.

For only $19.95 plus $5.95 shipping and handling, a one gallon container of Sardo’s World Famous Fukushima Gumbo will be sent frozen directly to your door.

And if you act right now, we’ll include a second one gallon container of Sardo’s World Famous Fukusima Gumbo absolutely free. You pay only shipping and handling.

Send $19.95 for two gallons plus $5.95 shipping and handling for each container to:

The Sardo Institute of Culinary Curiosities
PO Box 555 5555
Pasta Fagioli, Italy
Cash only please.

Geiger counter not included.

***

.

Phone snooping has come to the fore.
Very soon they’ll come through the door.
The lock it won’t matter.
The windows they’ll shatter.
Snatching info once private galore.

.

Minority Leader To End Filibuster.

Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell threatened to turn the U.S. Senate into a functioning legislative body.

McConnell said if Majority Leader Harry Reid ended the filibustering of President Obama’s nominees, that he would end the filibuster rule entirely if the GOP became the majority.

mitch 3

Nothing to fear from McConnell. If Democrats ever crossed him the way he’s screwing the Dems, he’d end the filibuster in an instant. Thing is, the Dems need and want the filibuster to protect their triangulation tactics.

Democrats cowered before the Minority Leader’s threat.

If McConnell ended the notorious Senate practice, the Dems would no longer be in a position to triangulate on the issues. Currently, they can pretend to support issues that benefit the majority of their constituents confident that the Republican majority will block a vote.

With this devious tactic removed from their triangulating arsenal, Democrats could be forced to show their true colors and to vote in favor of legislation that harms the interests of their voting majority.

So Republicans, who have erected a blockade in the Senate for the entirety of Obama’s tenure, threaten to end their most notorious weapon – the one that blocks all actions taken in the national interest – and the Democrats cower before the ultimatum.

Why? Because they would then have no one but themselves to blame for voting against the interests of those they depend on most for elections to office.

Their deviousness is palpable.

Only in America.

***

Tea Party Crasher.

Don’t look now, but we’ve just witnessed yet another Boehner boner.

House Speaker John Boehner took another one on the chin and this defeat may turn into the knockout punch.

A Tea Party amendment that cut the food stamp program spelled the demise of the trillion dollar farm bill. Republicans blamed Democrats for the failure and Democrats blamed the GOP. And Nancy Pelosi questioned the ability of Speaker Boehner to manage his caucus.

blackeye b

A black eye and a bent nose. Not bad for a week’s work. “I’ll take a shot of bourbon with my tea. Better make that a double“

Against the backdrop of the Speaker’s support for the failed of House immigration reform bill, some Republicans are openly voicing challenges to Boehner’s Speakership and a removal by the GOP caucus could well be in the Ohio rep’s future.

.

John Boehner went down in flames.
And it’s Dems of course who he blames.
He took one for the team
And with eyes now agleam
Just one more Jim Beam he exclaims!
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