The DC Folly Trolley – 08-04/13

Game Or Reality.

There’s been lots of fuss lately about the new banker’s version of Monopoly. The game will eliminate the “get out of jail free” card but will include a “bribe your Congress critters” card so you don’t have to go to jail in the first place.

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bulletin 

The approval rating of Congress has just dipped below that of genital herpes.

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Holy God!!!

Justice Antonin Scalia agreed with Pope Francis’s announcement that he would not judge gay priests. Scalia’s statement that judging gays only makes things worse places him in a position at the right hand of the pope where he now sitteth. The justice however sadly admitted that his new seat was a demotion since previously, so he claimed,  he sat at the right hand of God.

One of the most activist justices in Supreme Court history lost his position next to the Supreme Being after he displeased the Deity when he made a statement declaring the Holocaust was brought on by judicial activism. We all know the justice’s reasoning is upside down, inside out and backwards yet not necessarily hair-brained. It seems Scalia made the statement after God told him not to. His actions mark the first time the judge disobeyed God’s instructions.

scalia

Who is God to tell Scalia what to think anyway?

In his own defense, the judge said he misunderstood the words his Heavenly Father spoke to him.

According to a spokesperson, the justice made a good confession asking forgiveness.

The penitential plea went unheeded, however, because God was out drinking the day before and was unavailable for comment for at least 24 hours.

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The Bells Are Ringing For….

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) offered today to officiate at the nuptials of Sens. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and John McCain (R-AZ).

According to a spokesperson, the Kentucky senator believes that his two colleagues are getting along so well that they should consider joining together in holy matrimony.

cupid

The Matchmaker.

The Senate was expected to pass a resolution today giving its blessing to the union. However, a squabble erupted between the happy couple when they couldn’t come to an agreement about who should assume the role of the bride during the ceremony.

The Republican caucus issued a statement indicating that it would filibuster the ceremony if Sen. McCain was not granted the bride’s part during the nuptials.

The Schumer camp was said to be studying the latest proposal submitted by the Republicans. To date, a solution of the matter has eluded both parties.

A spokesman for McCain said the senator will reach across the aisle in an attempt to achieve a workable compromise. One such offer proposed a two ceremony event with the participants reversing roles during the exchange of vows.

The Democrats are now in caucus and reports from the meeting indicate that Harry Reid has the votes to override a Republican filibuster. He would, however, be forced to resort to the so-called “nuclear option” that requires only a simple majority for a resolution to pass.

mcsch

The Happy Couple.

Democrats opposed to the nuclear option are delaying a vote which, if a few remaining details can be ironed out, could come as early as tomorrow morning.

.

breaking news

breaking news

A vote on the McCain/Schumer nuptials could be delayed further as a new dispute unexpectedly arose between the two parties. Republicans insisted that identical wedding gowns be worn by the blessed couple during the two ceremonies..

Sen. McCain chose a striking satin, organza strapless ensemble with a roched bodice, corset back and bustled skirt.

Schumer retorted that a gown of the type the GOP wanted made him look fat. He offered to wear a form fitted satin affair with a trailing lace train.

Representatives of both camps were scheduled to meet in a hastily scheduled conference committee to iron out differences.

However, Democrats were said to be outraged by leaks apparently emanating from Republican staff members. The leaks described in detail the types of gowns selected by the two brides before an agreement was reached. Schumer was depicted as being particularly distressed by the leaks.

The senator from New York raged that nothing is sacred in Washington anymore: “First the Manning leaks, then Snowden and now this tragic offense against national security.”

Word is expected shortly from conference committee members regarding a compromise deal that would allow the weddings to proceed.

A McConnell staffer said the committee was working under deadline pressure since the wedding had to take place as originally scheduled or the Kentucky senator would be forced to back out of his officiating commitment due to schedule conflicts.

If agreement could not be reached by tomorrow afternoon at the latest, the wedding would be delayed indefinitely.

***

God Save The Senate.

Everybody else has given up.

***

A Cake Of A Different Cheese.

Another Cheesecake Day has come and gone. Here’s a paean to those golden, olden days.

.

Carry me back to the days of cheesecake
The gals showed enough, you knew they weren’t fake.
A little thigh here
Some shoulder there.
Carry me back for a short retake.
nat
 

Natalie Wood as Gypsy from the movie of the same name.

.
Recall the movie of Gypsy Rose Lee
I will still watch it occasionally.
She came to town to perform once live.
I couldn’t get in, I was only five.
It was cheesecake for sure, she showed barely a knee.
.
Only the sheriff’s admission was free.
He’d make certain not much you’d see.
No fig leafs over parts of glory.
That’s for another time and story.
They’d cover with raiments from an old silk tree.
.
The scarves about would flow and float.
Showing glimpses of bodies on stages remote.
The drums would beat with a rhythm jive.
But alas I was only five.
I recall her photos in a furry coat.
.
And when I grew cheesecake was lost.
You now see all for a modest cost.
Gone are the days of the simple tease.
When gals would gyrate and pleasantly please.
Those days are lost like old movies tossed.

.

Well, it’s praise for the wrong cheesecake for sure. The day celebrates the edible variety.

cheese

Blueberry Cheesecake.

Thanks to MadKane for the alert.

http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/category/

limerick-offs/

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Larry The Blunder Guy.

You have to wonder how men who are brilliant and who ride their brilliance to riches can be so naive and sometimes just plain dumb. Enter Larry “don’t rock the boat” Summers.

SUMMERS

Of all of the tragic blunders committed by this economics genius, among the worst is his underestimation of the depth and duration of the Great Recession.

Woefully, he advocated for a tragically anemic stimulus that proved to be inadequate to deal with the prolonged downturn. His blatant mistake, destined to fail and pointed out repeatedly by numerous economists, is largely responsible for the despair his policy inflicted on a once prosperous middle class.

The bad advice he brazenly offered to President Obama and his deregulation mania, an aberration that resulted in the collapse of Enron and eventually a near total destruction of the world’s economy, now qualify him to be Chairman of the Federal Reserve, at least according to the president.

Only in America.

***

Do You Say it Right?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/31/

common-mispronunciations-video_n_3683218.html

Disirregardless of all pedanticism aside, the word is chawklate and not chockolate. Then there’s vanella, melk, arange, Long Giland, Noo Yawk, Joisey, 5th Avnya and Terdy Terd Street. And if you ain’t bin ta da Bronx you ain’t bin nowheres, pal.  

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